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Discussion Starter #1
Imagine you have a good friend of many years, and obvsly there's disagreements sometimes cause that's normal human stuff. But then there comes a point when it's no longer mere disagreements; you feel that your values have been crossed and you crucify this person in your mind, and you feel so much resentment you can't stand it, it's so painful.
The friend is willing to talk things out and get on good terms again, but since it got to the point of affecting the values, you now have a mental image of who this person is and you've crucified them, the friendship seems hopeless and pointless, cause you can't forgive that they are this person you now think they are.

Has this happened to you?
Would you give your friend another chance?
Or are you now convinced that you've seen "the truth of who they are" and you've closed the door cause you're sure you know you can't reconcile?
Is there something they can say or do to reverse this crossing of values so you can forgive?
 

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If the friend is willing to work on it I'll give them a chance.

But if those efforts are B.S. and don't address the issue I'll eventually doorslam them. If the efforts are not enough to make up for the pain caused, it's also time to end it as you're expending too much energy - the exception being if there's a chance that in the long run you'll work it out.

So the questions are, will I ever in my entire life regret it if I doorslam them. What can they in their dumbass state do to make up for the pain caused (make sure you don't have unreasonable expectations)? Am I blowing things out of proportion?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Kay, so what I'm understanding is:

But if those efforts are B.S. and don't address the issue I'll eventually doorslam them.
This implies that you've forgiven prior transgressions. But you're never satisfied with the results. So you decide that you're incompatible as people.
(?)

If the efforts are not enough to make up for the pain caused
"Pain" is not a measurable thing. Feelings are not measurable.
So do you have a way to measure X amount of pain requires X amount of Z to balance it ..?
Like do you have a clear picture of what you need from them, and do you vocalize it? Or do you let them perform freely and observe what they come up with, like "show me what u got, and then I'll see if it's good enough"?
Or do you have zero clear idea, and it's something abstract, an "I'll know it's the right thing once I see it" ?

(sorry if this sounds too abstract or confusing)

Same above questions, INFPs feel free to respond.
Do you tell the transgressors what you want, or do you just let them perform "show me what u got" and then judge whether it's good enough ? (*)

Do you even know what you need in these cases?

Do you prefer space, or that they grovel? xD or something else..

(*)From this I smell that INFPs don't like to tell people what to do, so we'd be inclined to be like "show me what u got, and then I'll see if I like it", but hey correct me if you disagree.
 

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This has never happened to me so I have a hard time deciding. I can think of times that I had clashes with friends about such things, for example with my ESFP friend and talking politics, we agree on some important things but we can't talk on more theoretical/big picture levels because she can't do it and she'll latch on an experience she's had and form a conclusion from that until she has a different experience that might change her opinion. This has made me sour with her at times, but can't say it's been a wedge between us, I've just decided to not talk with her much about these things, because we can't communicate well.

Other than that, checking people's values as I get to know them is in the process of befriending to begin with, so unless they radically change opinions without ever talking to me about it during the process, I find it hard to picture how I could have such a friend. I tend to stir away from people I disagree with before it gets to the point of becoming heartbreaking.

Now, if such a thing did happen and my friend was open to talking then I would definitely try that out.
 

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Imagine you have a good friend of many years, and obvsly there's disagreements sometimes cause that's normal human stuff.
:D

But then there comes a point when it's no longer mere disagreements; you feel that your values have been crossed and you crucify this person in your mind, and you feel so much resentment you can't stand it, it's so painful.
Crucify :shocked: dat passion for values. :kitteh:

The friend is willing to talk things out and get on good terms again, but since it got to the point of affecting the values, you now have a mental image of who this person is and you've crucified them, the friendship seems hopeless and pointless, cause you can't forgive that they are this person you now think they are.
Has this happened to you?
I have to dig far, maybe 10+ years. Back in my teens I was much more leading with my Fi and having no developed Te. I was very stuck in my ways and my convictions. If there would be a mismatch with friends, or they may have done things or act in ways that I did not get to know them by, but were going right against my values, then yes, things would get heated. I would question and interrogate, give them my condemning judgements maybe. Although I can't really recall feelings of crucifixion. I remember myself as sounding absolute, but not actually being it. Meaning doors always remain open. A crucifixion must be a funeral+doorslam for the one you use to interact with.

Nowadays my values have shifted and watered down. Also I can't care much to spend my energy on sort of imposing/protecting my values based on the actions of someone else. I may give my opinion and disapprove, would do so kindly from a neutral position. If a person would keep on declaring things or showing actions I disagree with, then I would tell them not to discuss that specific thing with me anymore or not do specific actions in my company. I have this one friend that knows ways to shoplift in the supermarket, and I know he does it because he knows he can and just likes to mess with the system. However I told him I would never think it is worth it to risk a ''Proces Verbaal'' (police report) over stealing a pack of ham or a few beers. In terms of ethics I wouldn't care in this case, seeing how said supermarket still owes me money and some dignity anyway. So I tell my friend the realities of his actions and that he has to decide for himself what he does, but i'm not going into the supermarket with him nor am I a friend or acquaintance of him in a 100m radius of said supermarket. It are not my dealings.

Would you give your friend another chance?

Or are you now convinced that you've seen "the truth of who they are" and you've closed the door cause you're sure you know you can't reconcile?

Is there something they can say or do to reverse this crossing of values so you can forgive?


For this I always have to think of my ex, as that would be the ultimate forgiveness in terms of my values being spit on and stomped in the dirt. I think I usually choose to ''forget'' rather than to ''forgive'', as it just makes life easy and conserve my energy. I give new chances but the person can gain my trust by their actions. So I might just be nice and casual with them, but it's not like they never did what they did, whether I forgive them or not, that doesn't really change anything. It is kind of pointless, so it's better for them to show that they changed and choose differently now. This is also why I don't understand the concept of a door-slam, that's just ultimate self-protection because you are afraid of getting hurt or getting disappointed and frustrated again. That is okay, I may not contact people because of this, but if they would contact me I would respond.
I don't know ... everyone fucks up every now and then, I care more for patterns, and for patterns to exist and to change it takes longevity. A door-slam is like a life-sentence where new perspectives are never born again. I like perspectives, so I don't crucify, funeral or door-slam people.

In other ways: I think it is kind of self-regulatory as I feel like I hold a lot of control and influence in my relationships. It is a natural thing that I do, not by choice. This inherently means that in my relationships I am usually the one that puts in most time and effort, the one that usually approaches the other and the one that invites myself over to their place instead of them to me.
This way, if I start to dislike them, I just withdraw and minimise my efforts. Things run it's course and relationships die a slow dormant death (but can be resurrected). So ... if they wronged me, but care for me and want me around ... it all depends on their own efforts and their eagerness to show me they want to put in efforts. It's quite simple for me this way to control my potential loss (because they are jerks) of energy, patience, frustration, disappointment ....

So basically I am not going to put effort to forgive someone, they have to come and show me. I don't care much for words, I mean I can be easily flattered and easy to discard any ill thoughts of others, but if they think that's enough then they clearly have a wrong idea about me and I have to come out and give a few hard Te-spankings, to which point I am even going to enjoy it. You may wrong me but you may not fool me. If you think you may fool me, even over my goodwill ..., well then I will think that I may slap you, for justice, protection and entertainment.

Don't worry i'm supernice :kitteh: just don't lie, pretend, exploit, throw me under the bus, etc.
 

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It would depend on the person and the values.

Immediate family I would just make a mental note to avoid certain areas of conversation and try to continue otherwise as before.

Friends who did not share my deepest values would just sort of drift away. I normally don’t need a dramatic door slam because I can just sort of put up barriers that keep them more distant but still in the orbit somewhere.

The only person I’d work hard to try to find common ground with would be my husband, since clearly the above solutions would not work there.

If I believe a person is just misinformed I might try to sway them. But I don’t expect people to fundamentally change who they are. Nor would I trust them if it seemed they did so easily.
 

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Has this happened to you?
Would you give your friend another chance?
Or are you now convinced that you've seen "the truth of who they are" and you've closed the door cause you're sure you know you can't reconcile?
Is there something they can say or do to reverse this crossing of values so you can forgive?
1. Kinda.
2. Sure if they appear to be remorseful, but if you've given them several then idk this up to you.
3. Sure if it seems that way.
4. If they don't want to change their own values for yours what can you do honestly? You can have discussions on the differences in your opinions but tbh you can't change peoples' minds like that. What I'm concerned here is that you're asking if someone can forgive someone else for having a different mindset.

Like ???

If they've offended you you first gotta think "was this deliberate, are they just aggressive when communicating, or could it be they're not aware of how they come off?" You also gotta think "am I being too pushy?" But then again this all depends on what you mean by values. Like is it simple (e.g. lying, cussing, smoking, the death penalty) or more complex (politics, views on others, religion, Android vs. Apple).

But idk. I was raised Christian so forgiving is a must for me. ANd that comes from the belief that you can't forgive people only after when they appease you but you must even when they have no intention of changing. ;/ So idk why you've put up with this person for so long but if this is a chronic thing where they kept pushing your buttons then it should be the obvious choice you gotta just bow out bc they're not gonna reverse.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
lol people seem to think that I am personally going thru this situation. It's theoretical you guys, calm down xD
 

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Yes its happened. Another chance for what? I'll accept and carry on with life. If life keeps bringing me back to this person then so be it, i'll be open to what i can learn from this connection. Closing doors in not my style. When i feel someone is not compatible my curiosities and attention divert and distance is a natural result, depending on where we are both going in life. Nothing can be done to reverse the crossing of values, although they are still welcome to be close to me but i will not bend over for them, they must seek me. The reason they are still welcome is because some things are not meant to be, and some people do not get the memo because they are fighting an insecurity. Its a pleasure to be present for these people so they can put themselves back together, because one day i will be that person and would not forget the person who showed me The Way.
 

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My best friend in elementary school was a jerk, though I never thought that at the time. I kind of did my own thing, but her influence drove other people I wanted to befriend away from us, like the various social outcasts that I could easily get along with. Maybe she didn't want to be seen as a social outcast because of me occasionally eating lunch with them and playing with them. I wasn't a social outcast—I could hang out with any person I wanted to, and I don't think anyone had anything disagreeable to say about me. (Maybe that was why she kept me around! Give me some time at recess with a couple of new people, and they'd be my friends by the end of it!) I had enough "approved" friends that the lack of "unapproved" friends wasn't on the forefront of my mind.

Anyway, I kind of put up with it throughout elementary school. I didn't exactly obey her because I still tried to be on good terms with everybody, but she manipulated me enough to where I still played her "games" of running away from certain people on the playground. When I got to middle school, that was where I finally got annoyed with her. She wanted me to hang out with her social, talkie friends, but they weren't interested in actually talking about anything. Since we now didn't have many classes together, I got to befriend anyone I wanted to, and no one could do anything about it!! Every day in 6th grade geography, I busted up laughing with this one girl! She probably had some social issues and special needs, but we would laugh so hard that I'm surprised I didn't have to go to detention! And I flirted in English class with a boy who I go way back with(and today he looks like a Greek god—he looks like a hero!! Too bad he moved away!), and my other friends would watch this going on and be like commentators! I finally made some good best friends that year, like 4!!

7th grade, my former best friend was a jerk... I had realized it! And she was a different kind of puberty weird than I was. She was the kind of weird where she was obsessed with boys, and carved someone's initial into her wrist, and snuck out at night. I, however, was in this group fantasy with people that included lots of storytelling and artwork and band class because heck yeah!! She didn't have much control of me, but one time she was picking at me during math class, and my mood swing told me that I had had enough. I spun around and clawed her(because I clipped my fingernails into sharp claws because of puberty), and it was the last time we ever interacted!!! She still sat behind me in that class—maybe she was hoping I would apologize! I didn't though. I completely forgot about her, and I made even more best friends. (I met a BFF in that math class who died last year because of a drunk driver. It's so weird that her timeline and life are alive in my head, but she isn't here now!! I guess when you love somebody, they still live forever with you.)

-------

With that former best friend, she definitely was not in line with my values. It's not that she crushed my values—she was a total outlier! Because of my desire to get along with everyone in general, I didn't want to upset her, but she didn't hold that value herself. She didn't mind stepping on people, and I was the cleanup crew. Fortunately, we officially joined different social circles, and that made it really easy to leave her.

What was there to reconcile with her? What chances could I have possibly given that I didn't already give? To be friends with her, I lived a life where the fulfillment of my desires was hindered, ignored, and muted. Then when I wasn't friends with her, I got to live the way I wanted with new friends who encouraged me to be who I was by not trying to control me. They were true best friends to me.

Me and my former friend were completely incompatible, really. I feel that going our separate ways was our forgiveness and our acceptance of each other. It's been years, and neither of us has tried to reach out. It was a clean break, and we've both found fulfillment on our own. And we had the least dramatic friend breakup of any two preteen girls ever.... Maybe she griped to some people she knew, but nothing stuck. I remember some people asking about our friendship, I guess, but there wasn't much to tell. I guess we all knew it was the end!

Nowadays I don't keep mean people in my close circle, so I don't really see a risk of this happening again. It would only happen again if someone was intent on trying to ruin me, which would be really dumb of them, and they wouldn't get far! I'm very slippery, and I'm good at shrugging situations, memories, and entire people off my shoulders and walking the other way. There's always a clear path somewhere, and it's easier for me to pick up new friends than cling to old ones. I don't mourn too much. I can forgive people in terms of not holding anything against them, but they can run out of chances to be around me and influence me. Sometimes letting people go is the most logical option if the goal is to be a peaceful and free person, which is my goal. And I don't want to hurt people by keeping toxic company.
 

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Forgiveness itself is a difficult process to go through.
The Psychology of Anger and Anger Management : Insult, Revenge, and Forgiveness
Therefore, the FOURTH STEP in learning a healthy response to feelings of hurt and insult is forgiveness.

To forgive someone means that you consciously make the decision to set aside any desire to see a person hurt because of the hurt he or she caused you, and instead you wish that the person will recognize his or her hurtful behavior, feel sorrow for it, and learn to be a more considerate person.

This, too, like the first step, is not as easy as it sounds.

For the truth of the matter is that you cannot forgive someone until you have fully felt the pain he or she has caused you.

Pushing the pain into your unconscious, as described earlier, only makes forgiveness impossible because, as unconscious anger, the dark wish to harm those who hurt you remains alive but out of sight.

And, with your animosity kept out of sight, it’s all too easy to present yourself as a “nice” person when, deep inside, you really remain an angry “victim.”[4]

Those who know true love act with confidence, straightforwardness, and honesty, whereas those who present themselves as nice are often merely hiding the depths of their anger behind a show of smiling appeasement.
What I wonder is that you forgive someone but having experienced that hurt still changes your concept of the person, it's not as if the issue that caused you to be hurt didn't happen and that you should pretend it didn't happen.
But I suppose part of forgiveness also tends towards some sort of reconciliation where they are changed partially by realizing how they've hurt you. If they don't, perhaps it is you let go of the pain and forgiven them for it, leaving no resentment for being hurt by them, but you still minimize contact/the relationship because you aren't disregarding the risk of their repeated behavior.
So in the end, letting someone go from your life or not making as much of an effort to keep them in your life because you simply dismiss them for hurting you might look the same as having forgiven them.
I guess the forgiveness also comes about in terms of how at peace you are with the thing. Which is sometimes easier with distance, rather than being closely embedded in someones life who repeatedly hurts you.
You feel sympathy for them but you aren't careless to your own well being and are aware that you do yourself wrong by pretending that they don't continue to behave poorly. That sounds more like the above quotes idea of niceness than forgiveness, continuing on pretending that you weren't hurt, not acknowledging it and confronting the source of it.
 

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Isfp here. Fi really only rules myself these days. Maybe this comes from looping (Fi-Ni) I'm not really sure. But I don't see an Fi-violation as the totality of anyone, any longer. I don't expect others to value and prioritize what I do. They are different people, they've lived different lives, they hold very different values and perspectives, and they are working through different issues that they've developed different psychological approaches to deal with. Most of the time they are doing the best they can, with what they've been shown and given. So, I never get the 'now I see you clearly for who you are' because it's now always in motion, for me (no longer Se 'what is' but Ni 'what will be'. To take a snapshot of them and forever hold that in my mind as them actually feels inauthentic. It feels like something I do to validate my hurts, to alleviate cognitive dissonance, or provide some closure I want or really even need. So in a way, I guess my Fi comes out as someone needing to follow their own path, as greatly as it may deviate from my own. IF they are being 'true' to themselves, is all that matters, and they can never be anything but. Maybe I don't understand the context you refer to, but no one can crush my Fi values but me.
 

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Imagine you have a good friend of many years, and obvsly there's disagreements sometimes cause that's normal human stuff. But then there comes a point when it's no longer mere disagreements; you feel that your values have been crossed and you crucify this person in your mind, and you feel so much resentment you can't stand it, it's so painful.
The friend is willing to talk things out and get on good terms again, but since it got to the point of affecting the values, you now have a mental image of who this person is and you've crucified them, the friendship seems hopeless and pointless, cause you can't forgive that they are this person you now think they are.

Has this happened to you?
Would you give your friend another chance?
Or are you now convinced that you've seen "the truth of who they are" and you've closed the door cause you're sure you know you can't reconcile?
Is there something they can say or do to reverse this crossing of values so you can forgive?
It's happened to me, we weren't friends for many years, but eventually it got to a point where I realized there just weren't enough benefits to warrant withstanding the abuse under the guise of jokes and nonchalance.

Forgiveness is not giving someone another chance, to me [saying this because your title says forgive]. Forgiveness is, I'm not actively going to think about this incident/these incidents, nor will I continue this dialogue with you again.

That doesn't mean jack in regards to letting them into my life again. It takes a lot to bring me to that point of no return, but once it's crossed, that's it. There's seven billion people on this planet...if others believe I think so lowly of myself to let them back, they've got the wrong one.
 
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@entheos

Nice seeing you posting a thread after a long time. Always a pleasure to read your posts.

What are other people really? It’s a very or has been a very black and white thing for me. Either you are a piece of my heart or you are something walking on this earth who I am not concerned about. But then if I look more closely, another person is really a figment of my own imagination for the sake of my own needs. And I might be the same for him/her. So, if we imagine each other and then cherish that about each other and know that the other cherish imagining me in a way that pleases me, and the other way around, this friendship is really what heaven would be like. It hasn’t been realised in my life so far.

Then there are disagreements on how we are. I see you a certain way, you see me a certain way. We are not truly comfortable with the way we see each other, but for some reasons we tolerate because life. Ideals are not in sight; we make do with what we have. Maybe one or two relationships reach out towards a state of idealism. Rest of them are a kind of uneasy tradeoff.

Now, amongst these kind of relationships, some bother us more than the rest. I think that is what you are talking about. If there is a thorn that is hurting, pierced into the flesh, infps tend to grow attached and sympathetic towards the thorn in the flesh. There is also that belief in tragic reality that life is not fair and believing that, infps sometimes end up entertaining toxic people much longer than they should have. Realisation comes too late and one feels helplessly stuck in a relationship that is more draining than rewarding.

i would call a spade a spade here and say one needs to get rid of this constant drainage of energy. The negative vibe from the infp must be getting recognised by the other as well. Infps can be oblivious to this. One might have a value conflict within the heart, human values or loyalty, which would trump? An infp would avoid answering the question, loyalty to what end. Yes, promises were made. But they might have gone obsolete. What were the grounds of the friendship when you started? How did the grounds of friendship grow and then how did they shrink? Is there space still for you in the friendship to stand? If there is, fight every inch for it. If there isn’t, it’s time to quit.
 

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I dont let people get to the point where they crush my values, except for my family members.
And then I cant escape them, so I just try to reason it out and look at things from their perspective, which gets me into trouble. I have gone on philosophical journeys trying to find the truth of why people can be so stupid.

but with friends, Im VERY selective, and I get a good feel for people that are safe to talk to and that wont violate my values.

I guess the biggest thing that has happened with friends is they have talked about each other behind each others backs or they refused to be friends with a friend of mine, but really in instances like that I just go with the flow, and if I have a nervous breakdown, I have a nervous breakdown. [and I have had one before.. sometimes you dont know what your values are until after theyve been crossed.]

I forgot to add that I stay quiet around people that dont share my beliefs. I dont reveal information for them to try to tear down. but I have seen those people as friends regardless. Im VERY patient and tolerant of peoples bad behaviors as long as they dont cross certain lines and I dont give them the ability to try to tear my values down in the first place.
 

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@entheos

Nice seeing you posting a thread after a long time. Always a pleasure to read your posts.

What are other people really? It’s a very or has been a very black and white thing for me. Either you are a piece of my heart or you are something walking on this earth who I am not concerned about. But then if I look more closely, another person is really a figment of my own imagination for the sake of my own needs. And I might be the same for him/her. So, if we imagine each other and then cherish that about each other and know that the other cherish imagining me in a way that pleases me, and the other way around, this friendship is really what heaven would be like. It hasn’t been realised in my life so far.

Then there are disagreements on how we are. I see you a certain way, you see me a certain way. We are not truly comfortable with the way we see each other, but for some reasons we tolerate because life. Ideals are not in sight; we make do with what we have. Maybe one or two relationships reach out towards a state of idealism. Rest of them are a kind of uneasy tradeoff.

Now, amongst these kind of relationships, some bother us more than the rest. I think that is what you are talking about. If there is a thorn that is hurting, pierced into the flesh, infps tend to grow attached and sympathetic towards the thorn in the flesh. There is also that belief in tragic reality that life is not fair and believing that, infps sometimes end up entertaining toxic people much longer than they should have. Realisation comes too late and one feels helplessly stuck in a relationship that is more draining than rewarding.

i would call a spade a spade here and say one needs to get rid of this constant drainage of energy. The negative vibe from the infp must be getting recognised by the other as well. Infps can be oblivious to this. One might have a value conflict within the heart, human values or loyalty, which would trump? An infp would avoid answering the question, loyalty to what end. Yes, promises were made. But they might have gone obsolete. What were the grounds of the friendship when you started? How did the grounds of friendship grow and then how did they shrink? Is there space still for you in the friendship to stand? If there is, fight every inch for it. If there isn’t, it’s time to quit.
Are you by any chance a believer of Solipsism?
I have rode that train of thought before. Its scary to me.
If you feel like you lack total control over your life I can see how it would be a useful philosophy to have, but otherwise its very lonely.
I think I broke out of it because my intuition could be wrong, and that things can go in ways I am not happy with, which must mean I am not really in control, because I know I would never do that to myself in a million years. Free will is a thing from my perspective.
The idea of the subconscious being me is a whole different ballgame, though.

I do still entertain the idea that this is all one big dream, and theres a consciousness higher than all of the humans on earth that is dreaming countless dreams at once.. and Im just one of those many dreams. Maybe Gaia herself.. =P
 

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This can be a hardness one for me. I am a very forgiving person by nature, But I do find there is a line, and once u cross it there is no return.
I have a firm set of values which I don’t feel are u just. For example, u shouldn’t outright lie to ur partner, I have real trouble trusting anyone who does this.
And I truly have no idea how to go back to the state of mind before I know. It’s like a light being turned on.
I have struggled with this in my own personal life.
 

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Are you by any chance a believer of Solipsism?
I have rode that train of thought before. Its scary to me.
If you feel like you lack total control over your life I can see how it would be a useful philosophy to have, but otherwise its very lonely.
I think I broke out of it because my intuition could be wrong, and that things can go in ways I am not happy with, which must mean I am not really in control, because I know I would never do that to myself in a million years. Free will is a thing from my perspective.
The idea of the subconscious being me is a whole different ballgame, though.

I do still entertain the idea that this is all one big dream, and theres a consciousness higher than all of the humans on earth that is dreaming countless dreams at once.. and Im just one of those many dreams. Maybe Gaia herself.. =P
No, I don’t believe in solipsism. Although I know somebody who does. Without relationships, one ends up becoming highly solipsistic. Even then creative pursuits CAN break through solipsism. The idea of a consciousness higher than all of us is okay. Erm... but it does not lead anywhere. I believe more in creative pursuits and efforts. One becomes the higher consciousness for the works he/she creates. I believe in the creator within but I also think that the lazy bastard has to be cajoled into getting to the desk. :laughing::laughing:
 

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This is an EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT question - thank you for bring it up. :tongue:
I have sort of come into contact with this sort of thing today - don't mind me - it's been a LONG DAY today.
There are some values that I have come to hold over the last few years, that have become quite important to me. I find that people I know relatively well - I can forgive them a lot easier than I can 'strangers'.
Let me first define 'strangers' and then I'll carry on with today's story: People that I come into contact with on an occasional basis, due to me having to be around them for work purposes. People that I talk to, but that I have a more 'professional' relationship with rather than the sort of relationship where I'd consider them a friend. Probably more on the acquiescence level. These are the sort of people that if they cross a line in my value system, it will make it extremely hard to trust that person, or anything that they say. I'm still polite and civil to people like this - I just don't trust them, and if there was ever an occasion where I have to open up or be vulnerable around them - in no way will I EVER trust them enough to do something like that; essentially, these are the sort of people that I close myself off emotionally to.

Anyways, today's situation is one that I've seen happen before - and strangely enough - with the same person. It's the way they go about some things that make me (silently) angry. It's the way that they choose to handle a fragile situation that makes me angry - as if they can't quite empathize with the situation that they're trying to sort out. Here's the thing that bugs me - they give the impression of empathizing with someone/something/a situation - but in reality - when they end up providing feedback, they give the opposite impression that they actually don't care about what's happening with said person or the situation.

In my experience, it's people like this that leave me with a not-so-great taste in my mouth; and a reason why I'm not a huge fan of big corporate businesses - because of the way people get treated in places like this - as if people are machines. As if people are just expected to work beyond normal human capacity. And yes - I do understand that there are things that need to get done in a business; but at what cost? One thing I have really come to dislike - is people who CLAIM to care - but in reality actually don't.

And then on the topic of forgiveness - I've come across situations where people claim to have forgiven a certain transgression - but then when a certain situation comes up; it turns out that apparently forgiveness hasn't happened - because they end up dragging a person 'though the mud' - and this usually ends up happening on social media - in front of an audience. Another thing that I've come to dislike - is 'calling out' on social media.

Anyways - don't mind me; rant over - it's been a long day.
 
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