[Suzziexo]

I am going to narrate this poem and create a short visual video of it for my editing course. Would love to get some feedback before recording it and how to make it better. To be honest I'm not even sure if it's good to began with...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CDz1vXKhtC0B2bP6VCMQE15Rq3QVyKWQj2Q5EEKN9LQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Penny]

hi. the only thing about his poem that was unclear was the part where it goes "did she lose the way"? i find this confusing if it said "did she lose her way" i think it might make more sense to me? and i think you are missing a "she" in "how felt alone" otherwise i think it is a very nice poem. i do think another line at the end making a definitive statement would help make it better. Like maybe adding something like "Alone, she listened."

 

[8jaaroud]

I didn't understand a single word of that. Could you explain?

 

[Mister Bimbo]

The quotation marks of "Alone, she listened." where not intended, weren't they?
Well, I actually liked the poem. I really like the overall topic but I think there is always something that can be improved.

 

[The red spirit]

It sounds like a good anime intro song for main character. As poem, I dunno.

 

[gracie1030]

I am going to narrate this poem and create a short visual video of it for my editing course. Would love to get some feedback before recording it and how to make it better. To be honest I'm not even sure if it's good to began with...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CDz1vXKhtC0B2bP6VCMQE15Rq3QVyKWQj2Q5EEKN9LQ/edit?usp=sharing

It reminds me of this concept I used to believe years ago called "Starseed". Sounds like something I would write. It is pretty good. The stardust analogy can be cliche, but other than that I like it.