Joined
·
5,008 Posts
Can you folks go back to being friends with someone after having a romantic relationship with them? Also, how easily can you go back to being just friends with someone after having sex with someone in general?
Can you go back to being just friends with someone after having a relationship?
1 - 20 of 64 Posts
My best friend and I went out for 5 years. Our friendship has only grown and strengthened since we "broke up". I also live with his current girlfriend, and even introduced them myself. His previous ex is dating my other roommate. Everyone is happy and life is awesome.
And yes, I've remained friends with the other people I have slept with.
Edit: I think the root cause of this issue is that some people fail to establish a close friendship with their partners to begin with. I personally value friendship and intellectual connection before sex and romantic connection.
And yes, I've remained friends with the other people I have slept with.
Edit: I think the root cause of this issue is that some people fail to establish a close friendship with their partners to begin with. I personally value friendship and intellectual connection before sex and romantic connection.
Joined
·
5,008 Posts
It's hot or cold for me. I'm not with that in-between shit.
Joined
·
8,120 Posts
My grandpa and grandma were much better friends once they got a divorce. He'd always come over to visit. So yes.
Joined
·
2,175 Posts
I think yes, it is possible. It depends on a lot of factors though. I've only ever remained friends with one ex, and he was really my only other serious partner either than my current one. I ended the relationship and we stayed friends for about 3 years, but there was always a bit of tension and cracking and in the end we drifted apart awkwardly and stopped talking. I don't know if I could really maintain a healthy relationship with someone I've been really serious about.
But I do know many folks who have good relationships with ex's for a variety of reasons.
But I do know many folks who have good relationships with ex's for a variety of reasons.
Joined
·
3,262 Posts
It really depends on so many things. I don't hold grudges against exes, and have learnt which exes are toxic. If they aren't toxic and won't cause awkwardness I don't see why they can't maintain at least acquaintance level familiarity. Sure my ex isn't lining up to be my best friend; but my platonic friends are irreplaceable anyway.
As a caveat though, I do give it time. Immediately after a break up, I don't want to have familiarity. Reflection time is a must for me after a break up.
As a caveat though, I do give it time. Immediately after a break up, I don't want to have familiarity. Reflection time is a must for me after a break up.
Joined
·
1,911 Posts
If things are completely over and both people have moved on, yes.
If one of the party still has an emotional attachment, no.
My 2 sense/cents/cense/sence/zents/zentz/cenz/senz - I don't know which one to pick, so pick the correct one
If one of the party still has an emotional attachment, no.
My 2 sense/cents/cense/sence/zents/zentz/cenz/senz - I don't know which one to pick, so pick the correct one
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
I think it's possible, but it partly depends on why we broke up. If it involved a betrayal (not necessarily cheating- I don't consider it important presently), then even after break up I wouldn't want to have a person like that around. But if it's something about a misunderstanding, or circumstances, then certainly.
Joined
·
2,276 Posts
Depends on the nature of the breakup. If it's amicable, then yes. I just had lunch with an ex-girlfriend a couple of days ago. A relationship didn't work out between us, but we're still friends. We said at the beginning that whatever happened as far as the relationship, we would still be friends regardless. Some people you're better as friends than in a relationship. It happens. I'm a mature adult, she is also an adult, we explored being more than friends, it didn't work out, so now we're back to being friends and neither one of us has to ever wonder what could have happened between us.
However, if the breakup was due to cheating, which is an automatic dealbreaker, then no. I don't respect people who cheat, so if you've cheated on me instead of being honest and saying it wasn't working out for you, we can't be friends because you no longer have my respect, and I don't choose to associate with people who are dishonest with me. If you've proven yourself untrustworthy, then you're not someone I care to have in my life. So the circumstances behind why we're no longer in a relationship determines whether or not we can still be friends afterwords.
Of course, this is only from my side, as some women can't remain friends with exs. If a woman feels this way, then it is out of my hands if they do not wish to be friends after we are no longer in a relationship.
However, if the breakup was due to cheating, which is an automatic dealbreaker, then no. I don't respect people who cheat, so if you've cheated on me instead of being honest and saying it wasn't working out for you, we can't be friends because you no longer have my respect, and I don't choose to associate with people who are dishonest with me. If you've proven yourself untrustworthy, then you're not someone I care to have in my life. So the circumstances behind why we're no longer in a relationship determines whether or not we can still be friends afterwords.
Of course, this is only from my side, as some women can't remain friends with exs. If a woman feels this way, then it is out of my hands if they do not wish to be friends after we are no longer in a relationship.
Honestly, I think you need to give each other some space to heal (unless it's a mutually ambivalent breakup with no hurt feelings or lingering connections on either side). >.> The feel-good brain chemicals that bubble up when you see that "special someone" need a chance to detox so you don't have the weirdness of still being attracted and/or feeding off of the intimacy of a relationship without any of the work. 
I can remain friends with previous girlfriends but I still feel sexual tension like 75% of the time. As for friends I have sex with; I think its a beautiful thing when two friends that are attractive can have sex and remain just friends. I have an attractive friend that I have slept with for 7 years on and off. For me one of the best parts of our relationship is when we can both be lustful towards each other.
Joined
·
2,853 Posts
It's definitely possible to have healthy relationships with former partners of virtually any degree of closeness. It simply depends on the people involved. Perhaps the majority of people would have problems with doing it, but that doesn't mean it's really that uncommon. I maintain regular contact with a serious ex. "Friends" is a very general box to pigeon-hole the interplay into, and I don't quite think it adequately describes us. We're distant but familiar allies. We meet up and do things together... let's say twice a year or so.
We're both Te-doms, and we both see benefits to including each other in our networks. We're both quite successful at what we do and both have high aspirations. There is a mutual respect, and it's not easy to earn. We actually had a pretty explosive breakup, and we've both gotten over it. IMO, the reasons for our breakup are really irrelevant. Maybe this is my inferior Fi not talking, but there are more important things to consider than irrational grudges or labels.
As for sexual tension, I can feel it occasionally. I recognize it, but I have a very capable poker face. For her it's a matter of pride, so she tries to ignore it and largely succeeds. I find it amusing.
We're both Te-doms, and we both see benefits to including each other in our networks. We're both quite successful at what we do and both have high aspirations. There is a mutual respect, and it's not easy to earn. We actually had a pretty explosive breakup, and we've both gotten over it. IMO, the reasons for our breakup are really irrelevant. Maybe this is my inferior Fi not talking, but there are more important things to consider than irrational grudges or labels.
As for sexual tension, I can feel it occasionally. I recognize it, but I have a very capable poker face. For her it's a matter of pride, so she tries to ignore it and largely succeeds. I find it amusing.
I think it depends on the relationship and how it ended. For example I have 2 ex girlfriends so far, one we ended on shaky terms but that was because it was the end of my first relationship but now her and I are REALLY close and good friends. The other one thought it'd be fun to play spin the bottle a lot while I was home with severe depression so needless to say her and I don't talk.
Joined
·
1,136 Posts
I think it depends on the person. I can be amicable with one of my ex's but I don't take it too far or he is going to want to take it too far. I keep a distance...if we didn't have kids together I probably would not have a relationship much. Plus Im remarried. That throws another dimension into it. But for my daughter's sake I keep it amicable. We include one another in big decisions. I keep him informed of what is going on
My first ex husband, we have two kids together. He didn't talk to me when he was married to me so I can't expect him to talk openly with me now. I am just fine with out talking to him but the times where I have had to talk to him it is difficult because he doesn't relate very well. It is mostly me agreeing with him to keep it simple. He isn't capable of seeing another point of view so I keep mine to myself and just listen. I don't inform him of anything. He wants to know he can ask me which means he never asks.
Edit: and my current husband doesn't talk to his ex wife because she isn't logical. He has to implement the "very little contact rule" because she goes way over board and doesn't understand boundaries, she manipulates and creates drama. She blows his work phone up and a billion texts and emails, etc. I feel bad for him because he can't have a normal conversation regarding his children without her being illogical. For instance if he doesn't do something she wants it turns into "you are a horrible father, and I should have got them a new father a long time ago" or "you are an ___hole" or "i hate you" or "I know you hate me and always did". It just gets too emotional and illogical. Then the next day she might bake him cookies. Who knows with her. She called me tonight and asked me to bring her some sweet tea? I would never call any of my husband's current wives and ask them to bring me something. She makes no sense. I knew I shouldn't have answered the phone.
My first ex husband, we have two kids together. He didn't talk to me when he was married to me so I can't expect him to talk openly with me now. I am just fine with out talking to him but the times where I have had to talk to him it is difficult because he doesn't relate very well. It is mostly me agreeing with him to keep it simple. He isn't capable of seeing another point of view so I keep mine to myself and just listen. I don't inform him of anything. He wants to know he can ask me which means he never asks.
Edit: and my current husband doesn't talk to his ex wife because she isn't logical. He has to implement the "very little contact rule" because she goes way over board and doesn't understand boundaries, she manipulates and creates drama. She blows his work phone up and a billion texts and emails, etc. I feel bad for him because he can't have a normal conversation regarding his children without her being illogical. For instance if he doesn't do something she wants it turns into "you are a horrible father, and I should have got them a new father a long time ago" or "you are an ___hole" or "i hate you" or "I know you hate me and always did". It just gets too emotional and illogical. Then the next day she might bake him cookies. Who knows with her. She called me tonight and asked me to bring her some sweet tea? I would never call any of my husband's current wives and ask them to bring me something. She makes no sense. I knew I shouldn't have answered the phone.
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
i can, im not so sure about him though.
Joined
·
980 Posts
I fervently wish this can be so but I am afraid...
1 - 20 of 64 Posts
Join the discussion
