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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know I can't. That doesn't mean I reconcile with the offending party, but I don't stay mad at them for very long. Now my grandmother, that lady can hold a grudge! She hasn't spoken to her sister in almost 30 years and if you ask her why she remembers like it was yesterday. That seems so tiring to me...it takes energy to be resentful.

Can you hold a grudge?
 

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If I get backstabbed the person dies for me on the spot. It's an obligatory grudge I keep up causing me to lose all interest in the person so we part ways eventually. I may not be angry anymore soon after it happens but suck it up and move on instead, however I'll certainly not bestow the person in question with any of my interest, other than finding out how it feels to have a mind twisted enough exploiting people, as that's an intriguing topic for me. They typically get offended by being abused as guinea pig though :tongue:

For generic incidents, not at all. I hardly ever get angry over anything to begin with, unless I'm being specifically annoyed. Also, sleep functions as a complete mind reset for me, worst or best mood ever pre sleep, back to mellow when I get up.
 

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If a person breaks my trust, I usually will have nothing more to do with them. I had this art teacher who I confided in during a rough period in my life, and she betrayed that confidence. I never trusted her again, and I refused to take any class with her again. Luckily, art was an elective, and I could exercise that choice. If she said hi, I would say hi, but I would not initiate a conversation with her. She would send my classmates to try to "persuade" me to take art classes with her, and I told my classmates that they could tell her where to stick it, and if she really wanted me to take the class, she should come ask me to my face. She never did. No skin off my back. My friends and classmates didn't understand at the time why I wanted nothing to do with her, but they found out about her true nature the hard way.

A grudge? Maybe...if so, that's the only one. I think it's just the typical ISTP MO when there is a breach of trust.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
When I'm no longer interested in a person they usually stop existing to me. I'm not mad or anything like that, they just don't matter anymore. Also, I will never give a person that I'm through with any indication that I am up for reconciliation. I will be polite, but no more than that. If pressed, I will just flat out tell them that our relationship/friendship is done and there isn't much that can change it. If you break my trust it's really a wrap. I may reconcile with a person who has broken my trust but it's a very cool friendship and not very important to me.

Have you ever be around someone that you know doesn't like you but is as nice as pie in your face? I cannot stand that! I know for myself that if I do not like a person it's pretty evident and usually you'll know the reason why. I don't understand why people act like they like you when they really don't.
 

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I'll delete people from my life, but if they're clever they'll realize I don't stay mad at them, and they'll try to force their way back in with sweet talking. So I have to just stick to my guns and tell them to gtfo.
 

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Same as everyone else. I don't hold grudges, but I don't invite unpleasantness back into my life. I'm not cruel about it, or even obvious. It would be a giant waste of energy to stay mad at someone who, in effect, no longer exists.
 

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"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me" is indicative of how I view things. I don't hold grudges. Once I'm over it. It's done. I'll forgive you. Hell, I'll buy you a beer. We can laugh, cry and play together but rest assured that you will not be in the same position for any slight to occur again.
 

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Sometimes people mess with me, but I realise that I sometimes mess with others, so I tend to not hold grudges. :bored:

There are only two people in the world who, if they knocked on my door, I would tell them to gtfo: one was/is your run of the mill dickhead, so whatever.

The other I don't want to meet, because if I ever do, it will be very hard to resist physically harming him.
 
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Like DJ, I mostly just remove people from my life. However, a few people have screwed me over badly enough that I do hold grudges against them and there isn't anything they can do to reconcile that.
 

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It's very hard to hold a grudge, If you don't actually remember, what was week, month, year ago. From my personal experience - what matters, is here and now.
Additionally: harm me yesterday; if I don't care about you, tomorrow you don't exist to me. I'm going to just ignore you. And in a month time find some reasons, why you are not black (like in black and white world) person, just gray, like every one of us. And start to treat you neutral. If I like you, tomorrow I can have a beer with you, like nothing ever happened. Because I know you enough to know, you're not black (and white) person, from the beginning.
 

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Yes and no.

I usually forget stuff in half an hour. However, if someone offends me badly, I remember it a while (depending of the offence it might be a week or ten years). If I am given a chance to easily retaliate, I will do it. However this will be without feelings.. so in a way it doesn't really matter whether I can retaliate or not. I will also be able to talk politely with the person, though I won't seek contact with him or her.

Once one guy borrowed some money off me and then said he won't pay it back because i was so impolite that I had asked him to do it, thus proving that I didn't trust him. A while later I noticed his car been broken into, along some others in an area that had no real surveillance. I couldn't help making sure that the reparation of the car cost more than what he owed me.
 
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Once one guy borrowed some money off me and then said he won't pay it back because i was so impolite that I had asked him to do it, thus proving that I didn't trust him. A while later I noticed his car been broken into, along some others in an area that had no real surveillance. I couldn't help making sure that the reparation of the car cost more than what he owed me.
You didn't... did you?

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Actually, this thread makes me remember a lot of situations where I've let people back into my life (arm's length, merely for the entertainment factor or free booze, see) - and other friends have chastised me for my "naivety".

I don't know - I feel that knowledge is power. If you're an interesting person and I enjoy being around you (it's a rare thing in the first place), once I know what you're capable of - I have the upper hand. I can choose how close to get to you, what situations I will and won't be in with you, frequency of communication, etc.

So, now that I really reflect on the question - while I have cut people out of my life, it's usually because they are no longer of any use to me. That sounds more sinister than I mean it, but if they're only around to be entertained and don't reciprocate anything, they're useless and gone. I don't have a lot of friends in the first place, and only one in recent memory actually "betrayed" me, and she was cut out, killed in my mind. Others who have done things that I find reprehensible, I take a break from... but eventually, I'm open to being cordial, going out for drinks, having them as an acquaintance. I know they're capable of shitty behavior, so I don't have to get tangled up in them again to enjoy their company.

As SPs, we're pretty in the moment, and I think this is probably a "symptom" of that - I don't hold a grudge, because at the moment I may desire someone's unique form of entertainment or company, despite shitty things they've done in the past. My brain knows not to trust them as far as I can throw them, but if they're still good for a laugh or a free beer, I'm down. I've always found it interesting that some of my friends will re-live the past forever, becoming even physically ill if they're forced to be in the company of someone they feel hurt them previously. That's an awful lot of time and energy wasted on someone who shouldn't matter that much anyhow. I used to see that as a sign of weakness, but now I guess they just can't help themselves.

Oh, and I don't hold a grudge against the woman that "betrayed" me. She's a sociopath. OK, not confirmed, I don't have access to her mental health records - but I stand by my layman's diagnosis. I don't despise her for what she did to me, but I will never, ever even consider speaking to her again.
 

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So what if a person really cares about you and fuck up? Like.. they know they did wrong and are trying to show you they are sorry.. is there anything that person can do to gain your trust again? Or are you done with them for good?

As an ENFJ, its hard for me to just cut people out of my life, especially after just one infraction, even if its a big one. I'm not judging, just trying to understand how you all work.
 

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Depends on what it was and how the ISTP took it. You can say sorry and hope it's being accepted and things move on, or it gets declined and things move on as well, just in a different direction. That said, don't annoy and ISTP with your sorries, nor jump on the self pity train.

Backstabbing is probably the worst thing you could do though, period.
 

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So what if a person really cares about you and fuck up? Like.. they know they did wrong and are trying to show you they are sorry.. is there anything that person can do to gain your trust again? Or are you done with them for good?

As an ENFJ, its hard for me to just cut people out of my life, especially after just one infraction, even if its a big one. I'm not judging, just trying to understand how you all work.
If we think the problem can be fixed, we'll do whatever we can to fix it. If we think its hopeless... gone. I think we're pretty reasonable when it comes to giving second chances. If an ISTP just leaves you and never really let you understand why, they probably need to grow up a little.
 

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When I'm no longer interested in a person they usually stop existing to me. I'm not mad or anything like that, they just don't matter anymore. Also, I will never give a person that I'm through with any indication that I am up for reconciliation. I will be polite, but no more than that. If pressed, I will just flat out tell them that our relationship/friendship is done and there isn't much that can change it. If you break my trust it's really a wrap. I may reconcile with a person who has broken my trust but it's a very cool friendship and not very important to me.
Ditto.
Sounds about right for me, the way I am too.
 

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I'm generally a forgetful and easy going person...forgiving. But when someone crosses me, I never forget that, ever...

And depending on who it is and what they did, I slowly start to cut that person off. I never put myself in a position to need anyone...so I wish them the best if they ever really need me for something in the future, because I won't be there for them.

Cold, but I think this is the rational, least confrontational position to hold.
 

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I dont hold grudges... i forget the reason why i was even mad at the person and even people who i dislike end up being just random faces. If they keep on annoying me then i cut em out altogether. If not physically then psychologically. Im a very easy going guy. It is very very rare that i get mad at someone that i never ever want to see him/her again.

The only one time when i did hold a grudge was when my second in command (and oldest friend) in WoW backstabbed me hard. Took me a long long time to forget he even existed because the thing he did literally destroyed my "life". If i ever do see him again, i however wont be mad at him.

As for reconciling... depends on the severity of the insult/situation. If it is looked as an unredeemable transgression then you are SoL and theres nothing much you can do to reconcile. If it was just a small thing, it might not even register for longer than a week or maybe a month.
 
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