[NYEnglishRose]

I am an INFP who pleads guilty to being sensitive to rejection. If I am interested in a man, I ironically act more distant and reserved because I fear I have more to lose with him than with a fellow who is just a great friend, like my cool ISTJ buddy. :happy: With Mr, ISTJ, it's just a relaxed, un-self-conscious camaraderie, honest conversation, and mutual joking.
I had a crush on a fellow in my philosophy class (type unknown,) but I didn't believe I had a chance with him. Being vulnerable can be very scary. When I have a crush on a man, I will be polite and talk a little, but keep him at arm's length. It's like I reflexively try to protect myself. If I think he's interested in someone else, I totally back away and shut him out. I don't chase men (old-fashioned beliefs).
Is there anyone for whom this rings true? Anyone who hides his or her heart behind a wall of reserve?

 

[CrabbyPaws]

I do strongly relate to this. I don't chase men (quite old-fashioned at heart too) and because of the type of person I am, I find it extremely unnatural to initiate something. And if I see they are interested in someone else, I get deeply hurt and shut them out. But if I am good friends with them and I end up fancying them, I don't keep them at a distant at all, I think that is more likely to happen with me after we have already established a relationship for a while because I begin to think he's getting bored, he might find someone better etc.. but not in the beginning. Don't worry, you're not a freak or anything. People of all types and all backgrounds do this.

 

[Blackbird]

I chase men AND act like that. I'm anything but old-fashioned, but afraid of rejection (and making people uncomfortable)? Ho yeah.

Often I'm trying not to become too attached, too. It's like I think, "If I give this guy the impression I don't care whether or not he lives or dies, maybe my own brain will change its mind to match!" I'm always pretty uncomfortable when I have feelings for someone, it feels like they have "the power."

I should mention too, that no matter how well I think I'm hiding it, apparently it's always "obvious." Argh!

 

[JigglyJello]

I'm kind of like this I guess. I have confessed to people before and made myself more socially available. Yet at the same time I'll make sure to put up emotional walls inside of myself so that if anything did happen I won't be too devastated. It's logically a smart move to me, but I'm slowly starting to accept that there will be pain with life and I've gotta deal with the good and bad head on.

If I believe that someone is really worth it then I take it upon myself to be a little more brave and actually try. I don't want to regret not trying.

 

[dejavu]

Being vulnerable can be very scary.

Yeah, it can be. This is what guys feel when they are the ones expected to make all the moves and do all the pursuing. They put themselves out there and in doing so, make themselves vulnerable in case you reject them. It's hard.

If you want guys to pursue you and don't want to do the reverse, that's cool. You'll probably need to learn to give them encouragement though, so they did not put themselves out there for nothing (assuming you like them.) If you suspect that the guy you like likes you as well, maybe try some subtle flirting to see if he likes you, rather than waiting for him to show interest in someone else. Just some advice.

I'm sensitive to rejection as well. It's something I've been working on.