Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I can't help being pretty strongly attracted to ENFPs. They are so wonderful. Usually the only problem is there's no chance that it's reciprocated. Now there is one where there might be some chance he's interested, I'm not sure... it's hard to tell since ENFPs can be so emotionally generous and... flirtatious... with everyone. There are a lot of reasons my brain knows it's a bad match... I think we have fairly opposed beliefs about the world (my political beliefs affect how I live my life from day to day, so this is more than just an impractical consideration). I'm 99% sure it would be a train wreck once we got to know each other better.

As long as he doesn't make it explicitly clear he's interested, if he is, I'm happy enjoying his friendship. If he does cross the line and let me know if he's interested, I'll have a hard time saying no. Any advice?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,194 Posts
Just my opinion, but in these circumstances I find some train wrecks are worth finding out for yourself. You never really know, and there could also be a lot you could learn from him the fact that his beliefs are so much different than your own. It is obviously a two way street, so he would need to show you the same respect that you so well deserve.

Most, if not all of my relationships I disagreed politically with my partners, but I respected their beliefs and tried not to control their opinions. ENFP's inherently do not desire to control and manipulate others and will respect you for who you really are. If you can not respect his value system than it may not be a good match since similar to the dislike of controlling others, they abhor being controlled themselves.
 

·
Registered
ENFP-A
Joined
·
2,227 Posts
Just my opinion, but in these circumstances I find some train wrecks are worth finding out for yourself. You never really know
Absolutely I agree. We ARE the "idealist" NFs after all..."Better to have love and lost then not loved at all" Was that Shakespeare? Regardless, dropping a question like you did in this forum will lead to such (blissfully) biased answers I think.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,289 Posts
i think it's supposed to be an INFJ "thing" where they always can predict exactly how relationships will pan out- although as i am not an INFJ i would say see what happens.

if you feel like he is sending a different vibe your way than to everyone else, i'd say trust your instincts because you'll rack your brains out trying to tell based on anything else.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
148 Posts
when i was a kid, my dad would occasionally spank me for leaving a mess in my room. it hurt. i often visualized spikes protruding from his hand right as he spanked me, and then quickly disappearing when i turned to look.

i never stopped messing up my room, though. it was never ever quite clean enough to call it "clean." i knew the spanking was a-coming. but i just kept it that way. and readied my sore rear end for another hand-to-rump beatdown from the old man.

i guess the moral of this absolutely retarded and irrelevant story is, i can't help being me. don't know why i like doing the things i do, or being attracted to the things i like, but hell, you can spank me all you want, i'm just gonna keep on being me. yea, i'm gonna cry about it afterwards, but honestly, i don't think it's gonna change what i like and am attracted to in the long run.

(you can spank me too, if you'd like.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
587 Posts
So you're attracted to an ENFP but you think it will be a train-wreck...not the best mind-frame to start a relationship.

I'd suggest, don't psych yourself out before anything has begun at all. Try a run a bit of interference with the ENFP of your desires and see how the vibe is.

I'm not sure what other advice to give but go for it...you miss 100% of the shots you never take!
 
  • Like
Reactions: myst

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,627 Posts
Sounds like me and INTJs. Except ENFPs are nicer so you're ahead a little, at least. :wink:

Honestly, attraction is human nature and you can't do anything to stop it. Sure, I wish there was a button you could press when you didn't want to be attracted to someone anymore and just shut it off... but that's impossible. I would just come to terms with the feelings you have and explore them carefully. That's healthier.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
I can see our point and I love ENFP's too. I have a male friend and can see so many wonderful things about us it makes it almost impossible to pass up, but being who we are we see all the things no one else does. I can see that he's all wrapped up in me now but all about the new 'whatever" he's got going on in the future and will I be forgotten or pushed aside? I can see the part of him that may be too smothering and turn me off instantly. I can see spontaneity of not getting anything done. Anyway, these aren't all bad just differences for us to both understand are our tendencies and dedicate to working on them. Now if it is something like religion or politics if it's both a passion for you it may not work out. However if you are willing to let disagreements go and not try to change the other, it may work. Hope this helps! : )
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
147 Posts
Aw :( I feel like you're trying to talk yourself out of it! If you feel it, and then if they make a move that indicates that they feel it too, why not give it a shot? :) It sounds like you're just trying to rationalize not liking the ENFP/attempting to distance yourself mentally and not get your hopes up... but there's really no reason to not give it a try :)

Haha, that basically just reiterated everything everyone else said...sorry.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
748 Posts
Just give it a try, if you want it! I definitely think there's hope for a ENFP/INFJ match, be it a stormy road.
Have you seen the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind? Watch it if not.
Joel is probably INFJ, Clementine ENFP. Train wreck, yes, maybe, but not one many people would want to miss.

If you're not going to try it, don't let it be because of this supposed mismatch of personalities.

My brother is an INFJ and he's one of my favourite people in the world. It's difficult to communicate with him sometimes. I need lots of positive social feedback and he usually doesn't give any feedback.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,097 Posts
A enfps beliefs are strong but they can easily change if you stay around them long enough.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
299 Posts
You can't stop the initial feelings of attraction but you can control if you persue it any further. If you know it probably won't work out based on your two different polital affliations, than it's not worth persueing a relationship any further. Theres way to many people out there for you that would end up being a better match, than to persue a relationship with someone where you know it may end up being hazardous because of differing value/belief systems. These are just shorterm feelings of chemistry.

These crushy feelings play mind games with you and a lot of times can give you the illusion that things may some how workout itself out if you just "try" these feelings out; Even though, all the logistics of the situation based on your relationship standards tell you it won't workout long-term.

You'll have to decide of this crush is worth the risk of potentially going through a messy relationship. Which, anything based on just "Feelings" aren't worth hard ship or heartbreak. Politics is usually atleast one aspect of relationship
"compatibility" where the two persons have to agree on. It can get pretty messy in a hurry if you disagree majorly. A lot of arguements are going to be coming your way. Belief values that concern and govern lifestyle is a good thing to be united on.

Just remind yourself of all the reasons why the relationship won't workout.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top