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Im an ENTP, if that is at all relevant.

I have anxiety and depression issues, and sometimes, shit really hits the fan for me, on a mental/emotional level. This has been like this for as long as I can remember. Im 21.

I am also constantly discovering new music. Most of the time, the music acts a "savings deposit" for whatever emotions I experience at the time. Conditioned stimuli.

now, the absolutely fucking weird thing is that during the time I am anxious as fuck, life falling apart nonsense, I connect my current musical tastes with that mental experience.

once the ants get outta my pants, and I chill out, I can't listen to that music anymore because it psychosomatically makes me sick and very anxious.

however...

after about six months passes, I hear that music again, and instead of fear and anxiety coming up, I feel every positive emotion that that certain time had to offer. Its like during that time, there was some really positive shit that I coulnt see because of the mental strain. the negativity connected to the song seems to change into a very positive memory, even though that past experience was hell.

so, why do I get positive emotions when I remember shitty times from long ago?
 

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Omg are you me?

I have anxiety and have had anxiety for a longggg time. When shitty things happen to me, I'm quick to drown it out. For example, I had a nasty break up not too long ago last year. By the time the relationship was over, I really didn't care. I was indifferent and my feelings were gone. When I thought about happy times during the relationship, I really didn't feel anything. Even now, months later, I don't feel anything. In fact, I think I romanticized the relationship and made happy moments where there weren't any. Now, for me, the difference is I don't feel the happy or sad moments. It's like... Nothing happened.

With my music, I'm like you. I have some songs on my ipod I need to skip through because even hearing the opening chords will make me feel so rotten inside. Especially if I uploaded a song with someone in mind, that song is ruined for me. It brings me back to a bad place that was probably a good place, but it stopped feeling good. After some time, I'll know I'm healing when the song only reminds me of good things, like "Oh, I can't believe how much has changed!" or "Yeah I miss that time."
 

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A similar thing happens to me, Boy Wonder. After about six months, listening to certain songs brings up beautiful feelings from that time when I first heard them, even though those periods were more filled with negativity.

This is a defense mechanism of your memory... We inherently like positieve memories. You should embrace it!
 
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