thanks for the responses. When I do nothing at work its because I can't bring myself to do it (therefore procrastinate BIG TIME) rather than just downtime. Then I get into a mad panic because i have to do three days worth of work in a few hours, Amazingly I have always been able to pull it off.
Of course in all interviews I act like an ESTJ or ENTJ - so I look 'the part' and what they have hired is nothing like the image I portray and I do have moments of brilliance that seem to make up for all my laziness.
My colleague (who is ENTJ) is totally frustrated with me as she is super organised and totally ambitious. Our company has made us do our MBTI types. Now she knows I am an INFP, she keeps saying.. why are you here in audit, you are so creative and people oriented and you hate details and structure. I just responded 'look if teachers and counsellors got paid what I get paid, I would do it'. This job is just a necessary evil in an expensive world. In that moment I kind of felt like I have sold my soul!
I like the 5-10 year plan idea and cutting costs. We do that(cut costs) but it usually lasts only a month before some expense happens (usually birthdays/anniversaries) because we LOVE to travel and instead of presents we just want to go somewhere.
My wife (xSFP) is always supportive and says we can just sell the house (its far too big for our family anyway!) but that I have to have a clear plan before I do so.
Oh well... but thanks for the responses anyway...
Hahaha, I don't mean to laugh but you sound just like me when I was trapped in the corporate world. But the great thing for you is it sounds like you have a very supportive wife, and by how you describe them I'd have to imagine the kids probably love you too and similarly would care about your well being. You might see that as a drawback in a way because of the extra cost of having a family when you want to change your life around, but I think you have an advantage on most INFPs who come here who usually don't have such a great structure around them to support them. And you like to travel too, and maybe you aren't too rooted to where you live now, so moving might help you enable that lifestyle you seek.
There is no easy answer to this one. You have a few options. You can stick with your current lifestyle and hate over 1/3rd of your life. Remember that sleep is another 1/3rd, so it is more like half of your waking life. It might be a little less if you aren't stuck in 9-5 traffic, but you work a 9-5 job and have a family, so on that salary it sounds like you are in the suburbs somewhere and corporate offices are usually downtown. So the total time you are putting in is pretty much about half of your waking hours between getting ready, going to work, your lunch break might be with colleagues or at your work (or maybe you get to see your wife?), and then the drive home. Also, now you'll maybe get to be under scrutiny as people know you are an INFP and are pre-judging your ability to do your job because of it, which is kind of discrimination or could lead to such a lawsuit (not necessarily by you, but people do these things) so I'm seriously amazed that a company did an MBTI test.
Option 2 is sitting down and realistically figure out what it is you really want to do, ranging from where you want to live to your ideal job and so on. You are going to need to keep an open mind, since moving could be anywhere in the world and job could be goat herder (hopefully not, that is a much harder path and I have no idea what to tell you then). Figure out salary, and also if your wife will be working at all still (if she does at all? if not even better, she could maybe get an easy part time job with the kids at school too?) and all other things like that.
The beauty is, maybe you just need to move out of auditing and into advertising or HR? It doesn't have to be a major life change like goat herding, but you shouldn't hold back either. If you really want to go operate a vineyard somewhere and won't be happy unless that is what you are doing, then start figuring out financials.
You should keep in mind a few things. First of all, you are setting the example to your kids by what you are doing, both in regards to working a job you don't like and by sending them to a good school so that they can go to a good college to be just as miserable as you are when they exit out into the corporate world. If your children are not INFPs that might not necessarily be a bad thing though, I don't know, I'm just trying to be blunt (it's a Jersey thing?
).
On the other hand if you downsize your spending and lead the life you want, you might be teaching your kids to enjoy their lives more even if they can't go to major colleges or are raised in such an environment as they are now. You can want the best for them, but it doesn't have to mean having the best education to make as much money as possible; there is a lot more to life which you seem to be aware of because you are already looking for a way out of your current predicament.
Second, you should consider the minimum requirements for the life you want for the rest of your family. I'm not suggesting you all go live in a hut somewhere, but maybe not being 5 minutes from McDonalds or Walmart isn't such a bad thing. Your wife is already on board with selling the house so it sounds like she is behind you cutting spending out, as you both seem to think it is too big for the family. Maybe everyone is accepting of cutting back even if you feel responsible to make them want for nothing? You should ask them and really listen to what they say; maybe it is just your preconceptions that you need to spend so much and they are OK with having less luxuries if it means you will be happy or they all get to go on an adventure with you. At the very least, maybe they all agree you could be doing much better things with your money than spend it on the house or going to Chili's?
Third, perhaps you guys like to travel so much because you all dislike where you are at? It sounds like you are a very minimalistic family already since you said you don't buy lots of stuff, so moving somewhere exotic to live sounds like it might be exciting to all of you if you can realistically have a plan once you are there. You said you needed a plan, so what are you waiting for? If you want to run a surf shop on a tropical island, figure out what they cost and how much they make a month. Maybe your kids have to do internet schooling instead of private schools and then get to go out and surf with you every afternoon if that is your thing. The beauty is that maybe if your shop is operating well and your wife helps oversee it, you can spend some extra time doing religion-related activities like teaching a class to get your fulfillment there too? You're an INFP so you shouldn't have a problem getting creative here if you sit back and let your mind wander for a bit.
You'll probably be able to provide a more than ample lifestyle for your family if you really think about it and consider all the different ways you can make money off whatever it is you want to do, or maybe your lifestyle simply won't require that much money when you see what everything costs per month.
I think overall you should ask your family to sit down and really think about what they would all love to do, give them some time to come up with answers, and then have a family meeting to see what everyone came up with. You might have a lot more support to go after your dreams than you think, and the financials may work even staying living where you are now. You will probably have to stick to cutting back your spending at least for some initial capita to do what you want, but with your salary you should have no problem pulling this off. See a personal money manager if you have to to get your spending under control that badly. Maybe you don't get to eat out as much or any of the other things on Lad's list. If the kids really are in a private school, maybe it is OK for them still be able to get into a major university even if it isn't Ivy League? You should be able to set aside at least a few thousand over a few months time.
As for yourself writing up what you'd love to do, you are probably going to need to cast aside all your preconceptions to do this and just think like an INFP rather than worry what the rest of society would do since we're like what, 2-4 out of every 100 people? So this means really accepting it and understanding that what the majority would do probably isn't what you should do. And chances are if you are doing what you love, you'll flourish at it too, so why else would God give us the ability to dream big if he meant us to instead do what we hate rather than go after it? That seems unnecessarily cruel for someone like God to me, who as I recall got out of his/her angry phase years ago after s/he sent Loki and Bartleby to Wisconsin (sorry, I couldn't resist a Dogma joke :tongue
Sorry, I tend to ramble a bit much, but I truly believe that every INFP should be going after what they love based on the joy of my own personal experience doing it. Life doesn't have to suck, and you put up with it for way way longer than I did!
Edit: Wow, go figure, during all my typing you post about your wife saying you should move half way around the world. If you believe in God why aren't you watching the signs?! You hate your job and people you love are telling you to get after what you really want. What more do you want, an angel to hand deliver you a commandment?
