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but how?! 'them' being ISTJ's of course. what to do/say to intrigue these cautious introverts for the very first time? is a first impression everything?

(in my case) first and foremost, please do not be loud and talk all. the. time.! :laughing:
 

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First impression is very important as I am quick to judge (sad but true) and this first impression then dictates whether I want to hang out with you or avoid you.

A simple way of intrigueing me would be to approach me and show genuine interest e.g. asking questions etc. especially if it turned into a conversation where I was the one doing most of the talking! (It'd be intrigueing as this pretty much never happens to me, I'm the listener usually). If I felt as if you were genuinely interested in being my friend I would be more likely to approach you the next time I see you (!) though this may only happen after you have approached me at least three times :crazy:

What not to do: Invade personal space as if that happens, I pretty much just want to move away as I'd feel uncomfortable. Another thing to note is that I personally feel as if my personal space boundaries are larger than other peoples' but that may just be a perception in my mind.
 

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Offer me food and I'm yours.
(Seriously. It's a sign of goodwill I happen to favour over others.)

Good conversation works too. It's fun to talk to someone who's generally knowledgeable. I'm a generalist, too, and I like conversation that flows effortlessly between numerous topics.
 

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Offer me food and I'm yours.
(Seriously. It's a sign of goodwill I happen to favour over others.)

Good conversation works too.
I wouldn't say that offering food is a sign that I value over others but I definitely appreciate it, especially if I have offered you food before (which would be very likely as I do that a lot, I feel bad if I'm eating something delicious in front of the other person and they aren't :crazy:)

Good conversation is pretty much a given plus with any personality type (I hope anyway) though I do rank that pretty high in my list, perhaps more so than other people would? Have no idea.
 

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If for whatever reason I am a guest at your house:
1. Offer to take my coat and hang it up.
2. Offer me something to drink, even if it's just water.
3. If there is anyone else at your house (that lives there, etc.), make the proper introductions.

If I am an overnight guest for the first time:
1. Show me where the bathroom and guest room are (or if I'm to be put up on the couch, have blankets and pillows set out nearby).
2. Lay out some towels, washclothes, etc. for me near where I will be sleeping so I don't have to ask for them the next morning.
3. Show me how to operate your coffeemaker and I will have some coffee made when you wake up.

Other random things that I notice and that impress me:
1. If I am riding with you, and you are a male, open/close my car door for me. It's not that I can't do it myself, but I appreciate acts of chivalry.
2. Likewise for opening any other sort of door.
3. Help me put my coat on if you can see that I am having difficulty doing so (again, this only applies if you are male).
4. Regardless of your gender, if you're dropping me off anywhere (even if it's my own house!) DO NOT drive away until I have safely unlocked my door and gone inside.
5. Mind your manners with wait staff. They don't get paid nearly enough and deserve to be treated well. Always tell them "please" and "thank you", even if it's just for a refill on your coffee.
6. Regardless of your gender, if YOU ask me to go somewhere, be prepared to foot the bill (the reverse is also true; if I ask you out somewhere, I am prepared to pay for all of it).
7. Personal hygeine is very important.
8. If through some miracle of nature you can remember my unique preferences (for instance I prefer my coffee to be VERY strong but at the same time half the cup is full of cream and sugar) I will be extremely impressed.

I'm sure that there are plenty more I can't think of ATM, but if anyone else jogs my memory, I'll post them :happy:
 

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Are SJ's really hooked on politeness?
Yeah, that's a given. That's why ENTP's tend to have a difficult time in this forum. We are quick to judge and people that appear rude in their manner of questioning are immediately suspect. We tend to believe that any question can be asked, as long as it is asked in an appropriate manner (including the setting).

Rude, crude, and socially unacceptable behavior will find the ISTJ headed for the door.
 

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being honest and up front is one thing.... but you still have to be polite at the same time, if that makes sense. My ISTJ friend really respects it when someone can do all three of those things at the same time, especially if it's in a confrontational/negative situation.
Agreed. Being honest does not equate to being rude.
 

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If for whatever reason I am a guest at your house:
2. Offer me something to drink, even if it's just water.
3. If there is anyone else at your house (that lives there, etc.), make the proper introductions.

Other random things that I notice and that impress me:
2. Likewise for opening any other sort of door.
3. Help me put my coat on if you can see that I am having difficulty doing so (again, this only applies if you are male).
4. Regardless of your gender, if you're dropping me off anywhere (even if it's my own house!) DO NOT drive away until I have safely unlocked my door and gone inside.
5. Mind your manners with wait staff. They don't get paid nearly enough and deserve to be treated well. Always tell them "please" and "thank you", even if it's just for a refill on your coffee.
6. Regardless of your gender, if YOU ask me to go somewhere, be prepared to foot the bill (the reverse is also true; if I ask you out somewhere, I am prepared to pay for all of it).
7. Personal hygeine is very important.
8. If through some miracle of nature you can remember my unique preferences (for instance I prefer my coffee to be VERY strong but at the same time half the cup is full of cream and sugar) I will be extremely impressed.
I agree with nearly everything you said.
I always offer people a drink when they come to my house but I don't expect it when I am at someone's house though it is appreciated.
I never introduce a guest to the other people in the house unless they bump into each other :crazy: I guess because I wouldn't expect it if I was at someone's house

Chilvary is definitely appreciated. The lack of it isn't a biggie but the presence of it is a big plus in my impression of you.
Hmm helping me to put my coat on...that would depend on the situation and how well I know you as helping me to put my coat on would count as an invasion of my personal space.
I definitely do notice if people do no.4 but I notice the lack of it more if it is at night.
If they are polite to everyone that would be a big plus. For me, it is important for them to treat everyone the same. If they treated me well but others worse then I would think that they aren't showing me their real personality
For No.6 I'd probably expect a splitting of the bill, then again that may be due to differences in our age range. I suppose it'd be nice if the other person offered to pay for the whole bill but I'd be unsure as to whether it would be impolite to insist on splitting.
No.7: Definitely. Greasy hair = instant detriment (regardless of whether it's hair product or lack of hair washing).
I would definitely be extremely impressed if no.8 happened.


Are SJ's really hooked on politeness?
Yes, as I see no reason why everyone can't be polite, it doesn't take much effort at all. You could say perhaps politeness is one of our values and people want to hang out with people with the same values.

yeah, what's with some people and their sense of personal space? i notice i keep taking a step back to keep a distance.

on first impression
Yes, one of my friends definitely has a very small personal space circumference, I'm not sure if she's noticed that I sneakily back away sometimes.
That article was quite interesting.

being honest and up front is one thing.... but you still have to be polite at the same time, if that makes sense. My ISTJ friend really respects it when someone can do all three of those things at the same time, especially if it's in a confrontational/negative situation.
We tend to believe that any question can be asked, as long as it is asked in an appropriate manner (including the setting).

Rude, crude, and socially unacceptable behavior will find the ISTJ headed for the door.
I agree with both Curious and Niss.
 

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Part of it may very well be an age thing; I realized that after I posted, but at the same time, manners never go out of style IMHO :happy:
 

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[/VENT] Since hospitality is on the table... it just seems so common sense to me to do those things above if I have people over. I've been over to other peoples places, and I didn't expect to be treated like a princess or anything, but at one point i just thought that they didn't want me there?! Didn't offer me anything to drink, had all their stuff on top of where i was supposed to sleep, didn't prepare at ALL to have anyone over. idk... for me , if people are coming over, even if i'm busy as hell, i do all the things i think i'm supposed to do. sometimes, i even go out of my way (depending on how long they stay) to make them a basket/bowl of essential needs and lay out things i think they might need/like/want when i'm not there. i'm a stickler on manners as well, and i seriously get annoyed if i'm not offered something to drink or if i feel like my appearance wasn't prepared for. it's okay if i get to know someone so well, and i know they have the attitude of "my home is your home. make yourself comfortable" but still the minimum is appreciated. a small gesture such as offering me something to drink or letting me know that my appearance was expected will make me feel like i'm not intruding in someone else's haven. [/VENT]
 

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For a good first impression, I agree with just about everybody so far. Politeness is of paramount importance.:happy:


Other than that, the only thing I can really think of is this: Please, don't be patronizing just because I'm hesitant and shy. It'll only make me more uneasy. Pretty much the fastest way to get me to loosen up a bit is to seem genuine and, well, nice.
 

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sela how can you have trouble putting a coat ? if you want i can make a Tuto it rather easy XD

nah seriously i think politeness and the way the person speak is very important
 

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When it's winter and ten below zero, I'm already wearing 20 layers, and I'm trying to avoid becoming the Michelin Man because I'm so bulked out.
 

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First impression is always big. If you don't come off as rude then you stand a good chance. If you can start and maintain a conversation about something the ISTJ is actually interested in then you have them.
e.g . someone noticed the symbol on the back of my ipod If they knew what it was and could hold a conversation with me, reeling me in would be cake.
 

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A genuine smile :happy:

Polite, friendly, helpful, courteous, quiet, considerate... and something in common definitely helps. :cool:
 
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