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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
when courting or just initializing a relationship with someone deemed possibly worthy, I can be really ...... suspicious, observing and careful.... which is the opposite of me normally. Or rather, the opposite of the PERCEIVED me. Nevertheless, confronted with the object of possible desire my behaviour becomes weird and I feel insecure and incompetent (or as a child). Which I dont like. So I definitely often lose my "cool".... ;-) - quoted from another ENTP thread.
There is an ENTP. He is a postdoc student, and I am a postbacc student in the same program. Around almost everyone else, this ENTP is extremely talkative, and he seems to notice me as soon as i walk into a crowded room of a LOT of people (im talking hundreds). He seems to constantly be observing me through the corner of his eyes while being in my near vicinity, though he wont approach me when in a group. It's okay though because when I like someone, I go through the same thing as described in the quote above. And thus, we are both careful around each other and observing, though there is a strong connection that is there.

So what is next? I don't know what to expect so maybe you guys can clue me in on this? And when you are in this "observing/suspicious/figuring out" phase, what a) rules out the prospects and b) what encourages you to take the next step?. i'm not necessarily looking for a relationship here. I would be okay starting off as a friendship and seeing how things go. Is there anything i could do, except "being myself," that can make him or even both of us get past this "guarded/suspicious/observing" phase?
 

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Approach him first if you've got the guts. Confidence and bluntness go a long way with us ENTPs. Or, at least for me. If you can't, try and be more aggressive/obvious in your flirting, and give him an opportunity to approach you possibly. (ie: not in a group of girls, preferably alone) If he's really interested he'll eventually make a move though. Best of luck :wink:
 

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I think ENTPs are sort of alike INFJs in this sense - they want to build a model of you in their mind to decide how to behave around you, what 'mask' to put on. However I noticed that INFJ randomness throws them off a bit so it is like years go by and this process doesn't seem to ever stop anywhere :S ... I'd recommend just approaching him yourself and starting conversation about whatever random nonsense. Conversation with ENTPs and ENFPs usually feel quite relaxing and usually just kind of flows by itself. And even if you aren't talking the silence somehow doesn't feel awkward. May be it is just me but ENTPs and ENFPs are the types I feel most relaxed around, even more so than INTJs.
 

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I seriously hated those few times i've been interested in someone (i'm asexual). Being so nervous and insecure was terrible. My advice, confront him somehow, tell him to be your friend at the very least. Like Vel said, you can throw any topic at us. Why do I say this? Because when it came to relationships I was really interested in, I ended not acting because of my own insecurity. I hope this ENTP you talk about is more mature than I was.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Forgot one thing - it's usually HIM thats in the group, within the larger group were in. Of course i feel absolutely dreadful to approach him first when he's in a group. :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
btw vel can you clarify something - is it ENTPs and INFJs who share the same functions in different order? i forget.. and hehehe this is the INTJ i was talking about. after a while, i realized why i kept being unsure if he was ENTJ INTJ or INFJ.. and why none of them seemed to quite fit - it's because he was ENTP!
 

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do you have any friends in the group? if you do you can just kind of join it one day and whenever he is saying something add a bit to his comment ;) then initial contact would have been made

hehe the guy sounds like quite a chameleon
no it is the ESTPs that have same functions as us but in reverse order
ENTPs have different perceiving functions - they run on Ne and Si while we use Ni and Se - but, how shall i say it, the reverse of dominant function is something you actually have decent use of but it is normally blocked but can be unblocked for short periods of time, so INFJs do have understanding of Ne and ENxPs have understanding of Ni so you kind of feel at home with each other .. or may be it is just me that feels at home with them because I grew up with some ENTPs in my family and my ex was ENTP plus I've known several others
 

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ENTPs can be good flirts. However, they can sometimes lack follow-up. Usually the other party needs a certain degree of initiative. Not so much, but enough to give him some confidence boost. An ENTP's social skills is often times satisfactory, but entps don't usually have that ESFP impulse.
 

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I appreciate if someone breaks the ice. Two slightly cautious dancers can take forever to get together. "Slip"/give him a note or just ask if he wants to see a movie or something. "Do you like movies? Want to go with me this saturday"? Or something. Pretty obvious that you are interested in him, and he will respond. He has to. You call him out....

Of course, I am from Sweden so I dont know if there is a cultural dfference or symbolism in this act. Heck, I say do it anyway...
 

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He seems to constantly be observing me through the corner of his eyes while being in my near vicinity, though he wont approach me when in a group.
If your observation is objectively correct (don't know? Ask a third party observer), you've fished yourself an ENTP. If I am interested, I am definitely curious. He is probably bored from entertaining the crowd.

If you've got the guts, meet him in a quiet place and tell him, "I've been noticing those eyes of yours, peeking at me." If he denies any, just flip him off and end the conversation with, "Oh, I thought you needed something," and run off!!!

Not sure if the above is something an INFJ would do.
 

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If you are anything like the INFJs that I know. You tend to be a wallflower. But an intriguing wallflower to ENTPs. I think because we ENTPs can see behind the veil. When finally chit chatting it is wierd how easily the topics flow between me and an INFJ. Just start chit chatting with him about any subject just pick one. It will flow from there. You'll be having drinks and dinner in no time, or long walks in some nature setting, whatever floats you boat really. I've read that INFJs are ENTPs natural partners. So if he's the natural partner to your INFJ why wait?
 

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I was like this when I was in my teens, but I've now learned to outlogic it by remembering that the chick, too, is just a person. Therefore I don't alter my behaviour around her.
 

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Ok. So you haven't talked to this guy but you two have noticed each other. The absolute best thing you can do is go up to him and say anything. Here's why:

1. He's an extrovert. He gets energy simply from interacting with others.
2. He's a guy being approached by a girl. Guys like this. Let me repeat that: guys like it when girls are talking to them.
3. If you mess up and he goes "huh?" just respond with "It's a good ice breaker." In fact, go up to him and say "I taught Mario how to jump off Donkey Kong's barrels." He will go "huh?" and you say "well, not really, but it's a good ice breaker."
His mind will explode and will think "[email protected]#^%&$% Genius!!" and you'll see the smile on his face.
4. Guys like it when girls are talking to them.
 

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I think ENTPs are sort of alike INFJs in this sense - they want to build a model of you in their mind to decide how to behave around you, what 'mask' to put on. However I noticed that INFJ randomness throws them off a bit so it is like years go by and this process doesn't seem to ever stop anywhere :S ... I'd recommend just approaching him yourself and starting conversation about whatever random nonsense. Conversation with ENTPs and ENFPs usually feel quite relaxing and usually just kind of flows by itself. And even if you aren't talking the silence somehow doesn't feel awkward. May be it is just me but ENTPs and ENFPs are the types I feel most relaxed around, even more so than INTJs.
I feel like they are a lot like us INFJs in this sense as well. You catch their eye, they observe you carefully, then when they adjust to you in how to converse.

What's great about it is that the ENTP then understands and does not think I'm aloof when I'm meeting people with them and I'm not saying a whole lot. Instead they figure "She's just observing the same way I do"... I even had one say that when I said I felt a little overwhelmed meeting so many people at one time.
 

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If you have a problem confronting him when he's in a group, stalk him. I know it sounds like terrible advice, but it's not. Run into him elsewhere, in neutral territory. To him, the group environment is neutral.

And be up front. Make him know you want to be friends. He'll appreciate it. There's nothing more powerful than an ENTPs self-doubt.
 

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btw vel can you clarify something - is it ENTPs and INFJs who share the same functions in different order? i forget.. and hehehe this is the INTJ i was talking about. after a while, i realized why i kept being unsure if he was ENTJ INTJ or INFJ.. and why none of them seemed to quite fit - it's because he was ENTP!
Could you be thinking about shadow types?...They share the same function order, but opposite. So ENTP is Ne, Ti, Fe, Si...INTJ is Ni, Te, Fi, Se.

Anyway, I think you've already been given some good advice on how to handle him. Just go up and say hi or start talking about something random. It might seem awkward to you, but I think most ENTP's would be more than happy to chat with you about anything. We're extroverts, so if you start a conversation, we have no issues continuing it regardless of the topic.
 
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