Charming the Fi user

Rosebier said:

As an INFJ have you notice that you are good at charming the Dom or Tert Fi user?

I have noticed that I can make them smile and laugh with relative ease to other types.

I think this may be because Fe makes us value their values that they hold so dear and Ni shows us what we need to do to make it happen.

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Hope it's at least mutual. And I hope that your Fe doesn't tell me what I want to hear if it's not.

definitely.

you guys don't even have to do anything sometimes, somehow i feel like you are someone i can open up and be completely friendly to without you saying much at all- it's the look in your eye, your body language, tone of your voice, something just communicates safety and positive emotions from INFJs.

Rosebier said:

As an INFJ have you notice that you are good at charming the Dom or Tert Fi user?

I have noticed that I can make them smile and laugh with relative ease to other types.

I think this may be because Fe makes us value their values that they hold so dear and Ni shows us what we need to do to make it happen.

Click to expand...

To be honest, I have no idea what they see in me, and I don't think I ever will..

Tridentus said:

definitely.

you guys don't even have to do anything sometimes, somehow i feel like you are someone i can open up and be completely friendly to without you saying much at all- it's the look in your eye, your body language, tone of your voice, something just communicates safety and positive emotions from INFJs.

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You know it is all intentional. *lifts eyebrows* :wink:

thehigher said:

Hope it's at least mutual. And I hope that your Fe doesn't tell me what I want to hear if it's not.

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Are you talking about leading someone on?

That would be deceiving so I don't do that.

I will give an example of what I am talking about to clarify.

I have always been able to make my INFP Mom crack up like crazy.

Rosebier said:

Are you talking about leading someone on?

That would be deceiving so I don't do that.

I will give an example of what I am talking about to clarify.

I have always been able to make my INFP Mom crack up like crazy.

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Yep that clears it up. I just hear stories ... and have had it happen to me where... the Fe user uses you for their ego. They charm you for the sake of making themselves feel better. I just fear that idea of being charmed and having it not be genuine.

I also wouldn't want someone just serving me all the time and making me happy if I didn't do the same for them. If it makes them happy that I'm happy... that's still not really enough. So this idea of an Fe user being able to give the Fi user what they want kinda bothers me cause it poses the question..... do I give them anything? And if I don't.... then am I just like a bird that they feed bread to and then leave? And then makes me want to jet out of there.

Sure, I admit it feeds my Fe to see someone happy and smiling. But I see it as a mutual feeling. Maintaining a connection with someone.

I used to think I could get my INFP friend to smile and open up more. I tried but I realised it was the wrong approach. I was feeding myself and not really 'listening' to their Fi. It's a subtle thing, yet it hits me hard when I least expect it.

I know now with Fi doms that I have to be careful that I don't down them with my Fe. I'm still trying to understand about Fi and how it works. I just wish I could get my INFP to smile a bit more. :tongue: (I still like to try)

thehigher said:

Yep that clears it up. I just hear stories ... and have had it happen to me where... the Fe user uses you for their ego. They charm you for the sake of making themselves feel better. I just fear that idea of being charmed and having it not be genuine.

I also wouldn't want someone just serving me all the time and making me happy if I didn't do the same for them. If it makes them happy that I'm happy... that's still not really enough. So this idea of an Fe user being able to give the Fi user what they want kinda bothers me cause it poses the question..... do I give them anything? And if I don't.... then am I just like a bird that they feed bread to and then leave? And then makes me want to jet out of there.

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A) I have the urge to say something about the cobra INFJ discription on the many faces of INFJ thingy, and snake charmers, but it didn't manifest into anything remotly witty.

B) The serving thing is something that sometimes worries me with my INFJ friend. I wouldn't say she does serve me, but I am very aware she does a lot for me. If I have a problem she is always there for me, and she likes making my ideas realities, which is amazing. She loves seeing me smile, and get excited by things, but I have wondered if that's all I give...the satisfaction of making someone happy and feeling needed.

I asked her what she liked about me, and she told me I made her smile and laugh, I listened to her whine and moan without telling her to just get over things, yet still cheer her up, I make her less neurotic, I make her go out and do stuff, and I have fun ideas which she likes being a part off.

Yes I am still determined to be an especially good friend, but it makes me feel better knowing I definatly do give something back.

Filigeedreamer said:

A) I have the urge to say something about the cobra INFJ discription on the many faces of INFJ thingy, and snake charmers, but it didn't manifest into anything remotly witty.

B) The serving thing is something that sometimes worries me with my INFJ friend. I wouldn't say she does serve me, but I am very aware she does a lot for me. If I have a problem she is always there for me, and she likes making my ideas realities, which is amazing. She loves seeing me smile, and get excited by things, but I have wondered if that's all I give...the satisfaction of making someone happy and feeling needed.

I asked her what she liked about me, and she told me I made her smile and laugh, I listened to her whine and moan without telling her to just get over things, yet still cheer her up, I make her less neurotic, and I make her go out and do stuff.

Yes I am still determined to be an especially good friend, but it makes me feel better knowing I definatly do give something back.

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Yea... I think I may be of help actually. My best friend is an INFJ and he talks to me about Ne users.



Ready?


Alright so picture a bunch of boxes that are connected by strings. The boxes represent stimuli. The strings represent Ne making connections between ideas. That's what Ne does. What does Ni do? It takes one of those boxes or stimuli and takes it apart. It dissects the possibilities of that one idea.

What happens when you leave Ni by itself?


It starts OVER analyzing that one box. It will take it apart..... until they are analyzing the little bitty details of it.

Ne gives it more to work with.


That's what you do. You give INFJ's more stimuli to judge and take apart. They can get stressed without new stimuli.

thehigher said:

Yea... I think I may be of help actually. My best friend is an INFJ and he talks to me about Ne users.



Ready?


Alright so picture a bunch of boxes that are connected by strings. The boxes represent stimuli. The strings represent Ne making connections between ideas. That's what Ne does. What does Ni do? It takes one of those boxes or stimuli and takes it apart. It dissects the possibilities of that one idea.

What happens when you leave Ni by itself?


It starts OVER analyzing that one box. It will take it apart..... until they are analyzing the little bitty details of it.

Ne gives it more to work with.


That's what you do. You give INFJ's more stimuli to judge and take apart. They can get stressed without new stimuli.

Click to expand...

Thanks, thats a pretty awsome post, and explains things really well. I like it when I have something I can visualise to work with.

I guess part of it is she is just so selfsufcient. I tend to think I am a pretty independent person, but she is just so capable and drama free. I'd probably feel better if I felt she relied on me now and again...but I guess she does. I am her only close friend, mostly she has tolerable aquanteces who she complains about to me over the phone. I must be doing something right if she has decided to keep me. :happy:

Filigeedreamer said:

Thanks, thats a pretty awsome post, and explains things really well. I like it when I have something I can visualise to work with.

I guess part of it is she is just so selfsufcient. I tend to think I am a pretty independent person, but she is just so capable and drama free. I'd probably feel better if I felt she relied on me now and again...but I guess she does. I am her only close friend, mostly she has tolerable aquanteces who she complains about to me over the phone. I must be doing something right if she has decided to keep me. :happy:

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Yes she is self sufficient and drama free on the outside. If you could see what was going on on the inside... you would see something that looks similar to how you are on the outside. In other words..... INFJ's may look in control and calm all the time due to their Fe ..... but they need that control and calm on the outside...cause on the inside they are very much out of control. Ni is like a voice in the head that brings up possibilities and won't shut up.... it can drive them crazy sometimes.... especially since not many people want to hear about it..... and they don't want to bother people with their possibilities. I talk for all INFJs but in reality I only know one.