[niki]

"chase your dreams while u're still young" vs "too old/late to pursue ur dreams"!

As a 29 yrs old male INFP who's still living, and sadly, quite dependent with his parents (ie: work with my dad, but don't have any passion in it, so only doing it half-heartedly. parents are frustrated. typical story), and still confused hard as to whether really pursue my musical dream (seriously considering pursuing music career overseas, eg: Japan, or China...but it's the Money AND Certainty issues.. ), or seriously go back to Higher school/Uni taking Master but this time in a fields that I really have interests (instead of pressured by parents, or "normal society"'s secure expectations eg: Finance major that I graduated from, but never used the Degree..) such as Humanitorian studies like Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology, or even as 'weird' yet very interesting & 'mysterious' such as Dream-research, Ancient Culture Study, etc (all that, unfortunately, probably don't make Money again...sigh..I seriously hate the word *Money*, and *Profits* :bored: ),

With all those in mind, which makes me currently still 'stuck' (plus having some kind of Identity and Existential Crisis) and confused as what do I have to DO/START/BEGIN with.., I would easily now advise to younger INFPs here to chase your dreams while you're still young...whether it's pursuing a field of study in College/Uni, or finding a job/career,..my strongest advice is probably to: really find the field that you'd LOVE to study/work at, and as INFPs, that's aligned/in-line with your sense of Life Purpose. don't repeat the same mistakes like I do...

But at the same time,..I know that Life still has to go, even for me (unless if I'm so depressed that I want to commit suicide, and so just be erased from this 'mundane man-made' worldly existence, unfortunately)..

So hence, what I want to ask is the the 2nd part: the "too OLD/LATE to pursue your dreams".
I want to ask the more 'senior' INFPs here (who are older than 29-30 yrs old), do you think that there IS certainly a time/point where it's really gonna be too OLD/LATE to really pursue your innermost dreams/goals in life?...or not necessarily/always already too late? (even when you're already having a wife, family dependent on you??)

Basically, what I want to ask all of you here is what do you think about those two oft-mentioned phrases above?
"chase your dreams while you're still young"
and
"too old/late to pursue your dreams" .versus. "it's NEVER too old/late to pursue your dreams, no matter what!"

Maybe some answers or opinions on this issue would shed some lights back again, and
clear out my mental block.
thank you.

 

[Aurum]

I'm 41, so hopefully I can shed some light from further down the tunnel.

There are certain dreams that must be realized while young, while others can be realized into our twilight years.

The bottom line is that if you have dreams, you will regret not chasing them, so I recommend always pursuing them. Life is a journey, not a destination. No matter how much you achieve in this life, there will always be more to do. I can't count how many times I've thought I would find happiness in achievements and then once I've reached them, they never feel like how I imagined. That moment, as perfect as it may have seemed, is fleeting and soon I will have other things I wish to achieve. There is no "happily ever after..."

Another piece of advice is to be sure to recognize the difference between what you want from life and what you think others would want for you, or themselves. This life is yours and in the end, you alone must live with who you have allowed yourself to be.

Finally, I feel your pain, even though my path has differed from yours a great deal. Look inside yourself for the answers on what to do. If you can feel the answer and follow it, you have succeeded, from my perspective.

 

[Lyssah]

The bottom line is that if you have dreams, you will regret not chasing them, so I recommend always pursuing them. Life is a journey, not a destination. No matter how much you achieve in this life, there will always be more to do. I can't count how many times I've thought I would find happiness in achievements and then once I've reached them, they never feel like how I imagined. That moment, as perfect as it may have seemed, is fleeting and soon I will have other things I wish to achieve. There is no "happily ever after..."

I turned 31 recently.
This is awesome advice.
Some people may argue with me, but you only get one chance at life. Don't waste it doing something you aren't passionate about. INFPs need to find value in what they are doing or they can't stay focused in it or feel satisfied in it. When you look back on your life at 80, what do you want to see? What would make you proud to tell your grandchildren?

 

[Bast]

I'm of the opinion that you're never too old to chase your dreams and make yourself happy.

 

[infpblog]

These are bad assumptions. Bad assumption 1: Love will overcome issues in a relationship. There's a reason why the divorce rate is 50% in western cultures. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you will be any good at having a relationship.

This applies to "dreams". Everything is a relationship, including our relationship with our "dream". It works the same way. The reason why you LOVE something at 20 probably won't be the reason why you love it at 40. And unless your reason grows, the LOVE goes away. So picking something and sticking with it can just as easily trap you unless you create a your life in a way that you grow in the same direction as what you love. Pursuing a dream is having a relationship with this "dream". Some people are really bad at relationships by repeating the same patterns....until they unlearn.

Bad assumption 2: the main object of pursuing dreams is to achieve them. There's a difference between being happy when you achieve your dream and happily pursuing. Most people don't know how to happily pursue so what's the consequence of that? To live unhappy lives until that someday happens.

I don't have all the answers. That's why I'm currently on Day 21 of a fairly pricey personal development program that requires me to be part of a 6:30a morning meditation among other requirements. It's changed the way I view a lot of things....which is completely meaningless unless I put what I've learned into action.

I have many dreams that aren't realized yet. I'm still getting there. But this is what I do know. I'm having a lot of fun trying to get there. So my advice is to figure out your methodologies and tools to maximize the amount of fun and joy to getting to your dreams. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow and never get to achieve your dream so quit wasting the Now for the SomeDay.

 

[Oh_no_she_DIDNT]

Hi niki!

I just wanted to say that I relate, and that your post resonated with me. I am also 29 and in the last few years have had some major shifts in my life. Lately I've been considering pursuing some new avenues for my future and going in some new directions. I'm finding that even just considering changing some things is giving me some new energy.

Regardless of which dreams you decide to pursue, I think take this time in your life to do a little growing and see if you can try some new things or a new outlet, because it sounds like your mind is whispering to you that it is time to grow.

Maybe the question should not be: "To pursue my dreams, or NOT to pursue my dreams."

But maybe its: "Which of my dreams shall I now decide to pursue? THAT... is the question"

Sorry I'm not a generation ahead to give you some experienced advice. Just wanted to say that I'm right there with ya.

 

[telepariah]

I want to agree with @Bast that you are never too old to pursue your dreams, and I wish that we could all have the time and ability to reinvent ourselves as Grandma Moses did in her late 70s. But we don't know how much time we have, do we?

There was a bunch of other stuff I was writing here when I realized I've posted about this in another community and I keep coming back to this amazing passage from one of my favorite books. So I think I will just post it with my comments here and hope that it doesn't create a copyright firestorm. If it does, I will delete it.

It's by Salman Rushdie in The Ground Beneath Her Feet.

Disorientation is loss of the East. Ask any navigator: the east is what you sail by. Lose the east and you lose your bearings, your certainties, your knowledge of what is and what may be, perhaps even your life. Where was that star you followed to that manger? That's right. The east orients. That's the official version. The language says so, and you should never argue with the language.

But let's just suppose. What if the whole deal--orientation, knowing where you are, and so on--what if it's all a scam? What if all of it--home, kinship, the whole enchilada--is just the biggest, most truly global, and centuries oldest piece of brainwashing? Suppose that it's only when you dare to let go that your real life begins? When you're whirling free of the mothership, when you cut your ropes, slip your chain, step off the map, go absent without leave, scram, vamoose, whatever: suppose that it's then, and only then, that you're actually free to act! To lead the life nobody tells you how to live, or when, or why. In which nobody orders you to go forth and die for them, or for god, or comes to get you because you broke one of the rules, or because you're one of those people who are, for reasons which unfortunately you can't be given, simply not allowed. Suppose you've got to go through the feeling of being lost, into the chaos and beyond; you've got to accept the lonliness, the wild panic of losing your moorings, the vertiginous terror of the horizon spinning round and round like the edge of a coin tossed in the air.

You won't do it. Most of you won't do it. The world's head laundry is pretty good at washing brains: Don't jump off that cliff don't walk through that door don't step into that waterfall don't take that chance don't step across that line don't ruffle my sensitivites I'm warning you now don't make me mad you're doing it you're making me mad. You won't have a chance you haven't got a prayer you're finished you're history you're less than nothing, you're dead to me, dead to your whole family your nation your race, everything you ought to love more than life and listen to like your master's voice and follow blindly and bow down before and worship and obey; you're dead, you hear me, forget about it, you stupid bastard. I don't even know your name.

But just imagine you did it. You stepped off the edge of the earth, or through the fatal waterfall, and there it was: the magic valley at the end of the universe, the blessed kingdom of the air. Great music everywhere. You breathe the music, in and out, it's your element now. It feels better than "belonging" in your lungs.

Vina was the first one of us to do it. Ormus jumped second, and I, as usual, brought up the rear. And we can argue all night about why, did we jump or were we pushed, but you can't deny we all did it. We three kings of Disorient were.

And I'm the only one who lived to tell the tale.

Every time I read that it just makes me stop and think about the choices we all make and where they take us. Have I ever jumped? Maybe I have or maybe I haven't. I'm not an unbiased observer of my own life, so I can't say with confidence either way. But some of us have. And some don't live to tell the tale. Yet that feeling of constantly being comfortable and oriented doesn't always satisfy me nor does it many of my friends. We are seeking something more than what we are told it's all about. That's why we ski the mountains, take calculated risks, tempt our fates.

 

[IcarusDreams]

Dear Niki,

As long as we are given wings to fly with, let's utilize them properly to fly wherever our dreams may lead. There's no age limit for dreaming, and life is a dream. As noted by some above, it is not the goal that matters, but the "dreamy path" towards your current motivation. So in a way, the way to your dream is its own fulfilment, for "getting there" will just mean that we'll devise a new dream to keep flying towards to.

(Let me try to get back to Earth, as I do tend to fly too high when talking about consistently flying on the wings of our dreams.)

Rest assured, you are a young man, and have MUCH to do in this life. Your current degree is anything BUT worthless, and even though you live with your parents, you are working (I understand you are quite unhappy with that job and your family situation.) The family issue is always a problem. In my opinion, one should strive to do things, as far as it might be possible, with your family's blessing. This includes marriage, studies, etc. But I understand some parents are not as open-minded as others (no offense to your parents, as I don't know them, and for all I know, might be beautiful people with your best interests at heart, even if they might not understand your dreams. I know that if my parents said "you cannot marry this person because she is not of this particular race" (this being a still too common, sad example-and no, I my parents would never do such a thing, THANKFULLLY!) I would totally disobey them, although I would certainly try to change their minds FIRST. As for you, is it in any way possible that you convince your parents of how much this music degree may mean to you? I understand if you feel you do not need their blessing (or if you KNOW you won't be getting it anyway), but it's worth a shot. Also, compromising a little, or making a "deal" with them. It seems music tugs your heart as of now-studying a music degree is not worthless (contrary to what all sort of bloggers/online articles/naysayers say) if it's worth it TO YOUR HEART. You seem to know music already, right? Some people have different degrees, and I honestly feel many INFPs just shift from career to career, sometimes even happily, as long as they arefulfilling their diverse passions simultaneously. There's a pragmatic appraoch that your family are trying to enforce in your life, and I understand that. I believe you do too, although your heart still currently has a different calling than what your family has in mind. I haven't read ALL your career posts (I do apologize), since I know you've covered many things over the months, and I am sorry if any of the "facts" I have gathered are wrong. But if the above is true, I would try to keep the peace with your family, but never betray the dream that lies within.

Mr. Niki, THIS INFP beleives it's not bad for you to go for a Master in something you truly love, even knowing that you may not recover the money spent very quickly-you MUST be happy. Additionally, you may avoid the degree altogether as well, if that's what your heart desires. If you want to know more about your chosen filed (musical or otherwise), I feel studying is always good for you, but I am INFP, and not much of a pragmatist (given unlimited resources, I would be studying right now). Money is good, so that we can be independent and much more easily have a family (if that's your goal some time in the future.) But if making tons of money would make you unhappy... much like you, I honestly feel that earning little money and being super happy is much more fulfilling than being rich and tired of life. Some INFPs here have complained about having good jobs, but being very unhappy with them. I just don't think that money should be worth our happiness, and I am SURE, from all your posts, even the OP, that you care more for what yo uare feeling than how much you'll be earning. Of course, do realize that money in itself is not "evil", and that you can study, for instance, music, and actually make money-it's just VERY different than other kind of degrees. If I was in a table with you right now, I would say: "Dear Niki, you should follow your dream, whether it is travelling to China/Japan, or studying a Master's in something you love, although you shouold try to make peace with your family (if you haven't already), or at least, make the effort. I think you are quite young, and that the answers to both of your questions is positive: Yes, kids, follow your dreams (barring "impossible" circumstances), and yes, no matter what age you are, you should not give up on what really makes you happy; but remember, believe it or not, you are SUPER YOUNG, and have many adventures to fulfill, and dreams to devise and work towards for."

The above is a bit disorganized, but I hope you understood, more or less, what I meant. Always try to earn a bit of money, so you don't eventually stress out about financial security (I am not talking about being gainfully employed, but at least, try to make some money, not for its own sake, but for the basics needs of life, if you know what I mean.) It is easier to follow our dreams when we have a bit of backup-then again, some people almost adopt a wandering gypsy lifestyle, which although not for me, might be what you would like (although I honestly sense some fear from you in that regard.) So, in summary, take into consideration what your family says (even though it might be "wrong" for your life situation), never abandon your dream (there's no reason to stop dreaming at any age), and even though you dislike money and "profits", do try to support yourself WHILE you follow your passions, in one way or the other. Since these statements are a bit random, feel free to inquire if you misunderstood anything, or if I haven't been clear enough (or if I gave you the wrong information because I ignore some important facts.)

 

[LibertyPrime]

<.< you know...the problem is I have no idea what to do. I have talent and can do what ever I want, nothing is really in the way......I just have no dreams and the thought of it is ripping me apart inside...things feel empty and I don't know what to do, what to start.

I hate being so indifferent to things, but nothing seems to move me :bored:

 

[Sily]

?....Grandma Moses did in her late 70s...

Music to my soul, that quote is - as - that is 25 years from my current age. Still time to have fun & dream up a few more dreams.

 

[Aurum]

<.< you know...the problem is I have no idea what to do. I have talent and can do what ever I want, nothing is really in the way......I just have no dreams and the thought of it is ripping me apart inside...things feel empty and I don't know what to do, what to start.

I hate being so indifferent to things, but nothing seems to move me :bored:

I've felt that way a multitude of times in my life. If you're looking for a dream, try going for a walk somewhere nice (park, beach, lake, etc.). Another way I find dreams is by listening to soothing music. The goal is to close out the chaos of the world, so you can hear your soul again.

 

[paintfish]

I want to agree with @Bast that you are never too old to pursue your dreams, and I wish that we could all have the time and ability to reinvent ourselves as Grandma Moses did in her late 70s. But we don't know how much time we have, do we?

There was a bunch of other stuff I was writing here when I realized I've posted about this in another community and I keep coming back to this amazing passage from one of my favorite books. So I think I will just post it with my comments here and hope that it doesn't create a copyright firestorm. If it does, I will delete it.

It's by Salman Rushdie in The Ground Beneath Her Feet.



Every time I read that it just makes me stop and think about the choices we all make and where they take us. Have I ever jumped? Maybe I have or maybe I haven't. I'm not an unbiased observer of my own life, so I can't say with confidence either way. But some of us have. And some don't live to tell the tale. Yet that feeling of constantly being comfortable and oriented doesn't always satisfy me nor does it many of my friends. We are seeking something more than what we are told it's all about. That's why we ski the mountains, take calculated risks, tempt our fates.

The Ground Beneath Her Feet sounds great if it's about what that quote is saying. I think I'll read it soon, thanks for sharing!

And even though I'm pretty young, I also feel like there's something missing from my life when I'm too comfortable and that's when I know I have to change something or I will stagnate.

 

[telepariah]

I think it's a fantastic book, though some critics disagree and find it tiresome. It's an alternate history of rock and roll woven around the Orpheus and Euridice myth. And for me, there is no greater master of the English language writing in our time than Salman Rushdie.

But it *is* also about people breaking free to follow their bliss.

 

[vellocent]

All times between when we come into being and go out of being are the times when dreams can happen. Practically pursuing these dreams is a matter of resources, including time, drive, money, physical ability, mental agility...etc.

 

[dreamcatcher]

I'm not as old as you asked for, but I have been in such a stuck position as you, and got out of it. Really, it was a choice I just bucked up and made. I sat around waiting for someone to tell me what to do, pined for advice, but finally I just mustered up the courage to change my life. Looking back, I wonder why I sat around so miserable for so long. You really just have to just decide to go for what you want. Do what it takes, and you'll get somewhere. It'll probably be hard at some points, but looking back, I don't think you'd trade the times of difficulty for the past of miserable, uncertain settling.

Since I'm not "senior" in your eyes, take it from someone who made it by just doing what he knew he liked:

And some advice my cousin who turned his life around and now makes bank and is happy as a clam: "Don't think, just DO."

 

[SLeigh]

It's never too late to pursue your dreams. I think you should use the degree that you already have to get yourself on your feet. Then, once you have your family in a stable life, you can branch off into many different areas to explore what you really want to do. Your not going to feel comfortable exploring, until your family is stable, that's why I say get that out of the way first. Once that part of your life is under control, you have many ways you can go. You can work nights, attend school in the day and work on music on the weekend. You can take classes offering your interests while still pursuing a major that will lead to a paying career. You can teach music lessons and use that money to fund your musical dreams. The world is your playground, so get outside and play! You will find a way to make it all work.

 

[Listener]

I feel I've been trapped in a very similar place for many years. I wish I knew the solution to this problem but I don't. Perhaps some other people here do. You keep writing threads on a similar theme so you must find some of the advice you receive helpful.

I'm not quite sure what to say about college. It really depends on the exactly circumstance. But it may be helpful to you as you'd be doing something, you'd be making some kind of change.

If you have something in mind you really should pursue it. Even if it doesn't work out, I think you'll regret not trying.

Based on what I've read you actually seem to be in a pretty good position. While the work may not be entirely satisfying to you, you seem to be able to maintain stable employment. So far I have not been able to do that.

Also it seems to you that relationships are not a concern/fear. You talk in a way that seems that you feel you have influence or control in that area. Again I don't feel that way. And to me these two areas work or career and romantic relationships have been intimately linked. Many years ago I concluded I would always be alone, and though I have tried to change that mindset, so far I have not had much success. And not only is that doubt a blow to my self confidence in general, I often makes me think, what's the point? Why should I even give a damn about careers or work?

I don't know exactly what your fears are. In my case it is a fear of failure and humiliation. I'm fortunate that people have tried to help me and I do have a few ideas left. I have come across different things that while they perhaps have not solved this problem, they have allowed me to at least address it and deal with it better emotionally. All I know is that to make progress you will have to face your fears, whatever they are. Otherwise the same issues will repeat again and again.

 

[greenlow]

Let life and the process of your dreams change you... never static entity, always dynamic... the dream never dies, but is transformed as you are transformed... let it.

 

[mushr00m]

Yeah, I am in a similar position, my employment history is unstable though so its really hard to get myself living the dream I want and has been like that for a number of years. I'm great at starting on something I want to do but insecurities drag me down again or other people and if its not that, its lack of resources. Thinking of all these horrible things that stop me from achieving things just makes me want to give up even more, its a selffulfilling prophecy. A vicious circle. I can say for me its living in a head full of fear, chronic fear, of everything. Im sure one day, something will click in you, it will all make sense and you'll be living that life. Information is power and to gain a better understanding of yourself, you will realise whats actually stopping you. Keep learning and walking your own road, the more you try to rush, the more steps back you will fall. Take things at pace that works for you, not for society or anyone else.

 

[kenpo1980]

Like another poster, I am 41 yo as well and I can tell you that it is never too late to pursue your dreams. The bottom line is that if you have something you are passionate about you should pursue it no matter what your age.

What I used to do all of the time in my twenties and thirties was tell myself that if I was too old to try something or if I hadn't achieved "x" by a certain age, which was utterly ridiculous.

One of my favorite books is called "The Artist Way", by Julia Cameron. Her basic premise is that everyone has the ability to be creative but that for some of us it takes work to free up that inner "creator". My favorite quote in the book relates to the issue of not pursuing something because of a person's age and it reads as follows: “But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play? Yes ... the same age you will be if you don’t."