Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 31 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
what a fun random thread, what do you want to chat about?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Hey all!

How are the ISFJ's & others doing today?

In true ENFP style, a thread has been started with "let's figure it out as we go along", but you ISFJ's are so nice that you accept our absense of forward planning. I personally think ENFPs and ISFJs work well together, two types out to see the best in life.

If I could take this opportunity to ask, how do ISFJs like to be comforted when they're down? Us ENFPs tend to be pretty vocal or at least communicate what's up, id like to repay the favour to ISFJs but I know you guys work differently and Im afraid of over stepping the mark/interfering.

Any advice?

:tongue:

Much appreciated
 
  • Like
Reactions: KokuroNya

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
In true ENFP style, a thread has been started with "let's figure it out as we go along", but you ISFJ's are so nice that you accept our absense of forward planning. I personally think ENFPs and ISFJs work well together, two types out to see the best in life.
I also think that! I've got an ENFP friend, and I love the times he and I can hang out. We've both got the F to want the best for those around us, my planning compliments his randomness, and his ideas help keep me from stagnation. :) He's also much more serious when you get to know him, and I'm much warmer than I might at first appear.

...I want more of you guys around!

If I could take this opportunity to ask, how do ISFJs like to be comforted when they're down? Us ENFPs tend to be pretty vocal or at least communicate what's up, id like to repay the favour to ISFJs but I know you guys work differently and Im afraid of over stepping the mark/interfering.
Quick and dirty answer: Umm, that's hard to answer. We don't usually bring it up when we're down, not wanting to disturb our friends and "ruin the fun." I know for me, it also matters more to me when my friends notice I'm down, rather than me telling them.

Applicable example, I got out of a relationship, and was down for two weeks. It didn't really clear up until that same ENFP friend above asked "how are you doing?" and I knew he meant it and cared about the answer.

I guess being there for us is the best I can say. We need some processing time to ourselves, but if a friend is there that we feel really cares about what's going on, we're more likely to open up.

Also, I REALLY care when friends feel comfortable enough with me to open up about there own problems. I take their problems seriously, and don't try to push for details. I've got an INFJ friend who I'm really open with primarily because he's been open with me and has handle my overtures well.

Be there without reservations, figure out if an ISFJ is processing or just down in the dumps, and if the latter, gently(!) be your awesome ENFP self and cheer us up with your caring and your randomness! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Dear ISFJs,

Please accept my apologies to be hogging this thread to ask about my relationship woes, I suppose it was because the thread is specifically about ENFP and ISFJs.

I was wondering if I could ask your advice.

My ISFJ and I are having problems.

After a really good start its like we've hit a wall. It seems so sad when in many ways I think we are probably quite compatible (in terms of upbringng, interests, being considerate to others etc). But its just not working at the moment.

He is really secretive/private, I usually end up making most of the conversation, which I don't really enjoy as I dont want to feel im chewing his ear off (this may be a British expression, means talking too much etc). I think its a role he is used to and he has even commented on how he remains quiet almost as a tactic (especially at work), people then reveal themselves to him and then he judges (and judge he does!!).

I try to ask him about his day or job and its like a shield comes down, "it was boring", then if I try and enquire further he brushes it aside. When I feel someone is uncomfortable discussing a subject I let it drop but sadly this appears to be the case with sooo many topics with him. And I dont feel its fair, we've known one another 5 months now, been going out for nearly 4, and I know so little about him, it makes it really hard to continue conversation topics as you get so little back or there are so many areas you feel are "off limits".

Ive told him I find him secretive and he challenges me to "ask him anything" but when I do he shuts the conversation down as quick as he can. Again if I know someone is uncomfortable I hate to pry, I am not a bully.

He has "friends" he talks about which are clearly female, he refers to all his male friends by name, one "friend" has all her clothes in his spare room and her mail delivered to his house. She was clearly more than a "friend", so one day I ask him straight out, is this "friend" an ex girlfriend. I get a reply of "yes, but a few years ago" and then its dropped, nothing more. I have told him that this secrecy makes it hard for me to trust him (we met online which doesnt help im sure), he assures me he is not the kind to ever do anything but its really hard to develop any trust when I just have his word for it.

The other day my mobile went on the blink and I realised I had no e-mail address for him nor are we are friends on facebook. I have only ever met one friend of his.

Worst of all I find that as a result of me making the majority of the conversation, I find something ive said will be brought up time and time again as evidence of my boring conversation. It is done in a 100% jokey, pulling my leg way but it irritates as I know he is waaay to sensitive to ever take any of what he gives back. I think he's conscious that he's not the worlds most interesting conversationalist himself.

I end up remaining silent. This is where the cracks are beginning to show. I feel paralysed, unable to have a conversation I think is interesting, and unable to match his sarcastic humour back because I know he couldnt take it.

I sometimes feel like he is just trying to get me to react so that I will expose my real feelings. If any ISFJ could relate to the following type of behaviour and explain to me what it means id be really grateful:

He touched my arm in public the other day, I wasnt expecting it so looked a bit surprised, he says "oh sorry, no public displays of affection allowed", I then assured him that I love PDAs but just wasnt expecting it. He replied saying "oh right, so you'd like to stamp your ownership of me publicly then". I remained silent as i didn't know what to say and then he said to me "one of these days you're going to explode at me with everything you haven't said".

What do I say or do to that? I'm damned if I do want PDAs, damned if I don't and also apparently damned if I don't say anything at all!. These "damned if I do, damned if I dont" topics happen all the time!

In many ways I think we could be great together and it hurts me to have to consider letting go of a relationship when there has been no betrayal or trust or anything else serious like that. But this behaviour and the secrecy is deeply frustrating and he' unwilling to engage in any conversation about it. I just dont know what else to do. It is not fun.

Im sorry for the long rant but if any of you could explain any of this to me Id be so grateful, because I sure as hell cant get an explanation out of him.

:sad:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
Hey all!

How are the ISFJ's & others doing today?

In true ENFP style, a thread has been started with "let's figure it out as we go along", but you ISFJ's are so nice that you accept our absense of forward planning. I personally think ENFPs and ISFJs work well together, two types out to see the best in life.

If I could take this opportunity to ask, how do ISFJs like to be comforted when they're down? Us ENFPs tend to be pretty vocal or at least communicate what's up, id like to repay the favour to ISFJs but I know you guys work differently and Im afraid of over stepping the mark/interfering.

Any advice?
listen to us, let us know that our feelings about the situation are justified. Its amazing how much i question if i overreacted by getting upset about something. I like to talk it out because i can get a more well rounded picture. Perhaps because we tend to focus on the details and the big picture is a little harder. Distraction is another great way, but as introverts, if we are really overwhelmed its best to just give us time alone and let us know that you are there if we want to talk or have some fun. This way we can recharge but also know that you care. Sincere caring is what will win me over every time. If you are genuinely nice to me i will be the same to you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Skygazer

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
@cococabane

aww sweetie i can see whats going on. He doesnt know how you are feeling, hes trying to find out about you but doesnt feel comfortable telling you things that the thinks could make you question him. For example. Its obvious to me that you are super sweet and trying to bring him out of his shell because you love him and because you arent sure of exactly how he feels so you are trying to confirm this. Hes doing the same, but his approach is different. Hes saying things to guage your reactions, but you are not giving clear reactions so he is going further into his shell. Unfortunately (only because its not a comfortable conversation) you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel about him, and then tell him clearly that you dont understand how he feels because he doesnt tell you. Dont sound accusatory. Simply mention it and feel free to let your emotions come out. If he feels sympathy/empathy he may allow himself to open up more to comfort you. Tell him you arent going to judge him for having an ex, or tell him what to do, you just want open communication. Its ok to tell him that you want him to open up so that you can confirm his feelings. Tell him how you feel about him (the positive things). Tell him that you enjoy conversation and that you feel he shuts you down quite often (again not accusatory). Good luck and let us know how it goes!

also ISFJs take a long time to fully trust where as ENFPs may not... so just keep in mind that when he does fully trust you, its the best thing ever.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Skygazer

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
@Mendi the ISFJ

Thank you so much! Your words were like salve, Ive been just stumped to try and understand what's been going on.

I'm going to take your advice & see what happens.

Have a lovely Easter!

:happy:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mendi the ISFJ

·
Registered
Joined
·
874 Posts
listen to us, let us know that our feelings about the situation are justified. Its amazing how much i question if i overreacted by getting upset about something. I like to talk it out because i can get a more well rounded picture. Perhaps because we tend to focus on the details and the big picture is a little harder. Distraction is another great way, but as introverts, if we are really overwhelmed its best to just give us time alone and let us know that you are there if we want to talk or have some fun. This way we can recharge but also know that you care. Sincere caring is what will win me over every time. If you are genuinely nice to me i will be the same to you.
Do you know any INFPs, out of interest?

ISFJs are curious ones. They are much more uncomfortable with their own emotions that I would've expected. I think they generally prefer to be providing something that might alleviate others' misery. My ISFJ 7w6 friend would almost certainly agree to do something/go somewhere I like to make me feel better.

I've found that ISFJs' problems seem to stem from when their niceness isn't reciprocated ("I didn't know what to do to make him less annoyed at me.") or when they get into a funk about letting someone down. They are also easily wounded when it comes to trusting someone else, and frequently consider their trust to have been broken even when it was not (e.g. they hear that someone was angry at them and then consider that person to be an enemy because "friends never say bad things about one another".) I think ISFJs need someone to talk to, and INFPs love to listen. It's a good combo. I generally find that an INFP angle is beneficial since you can point out there are nice people around (like INFPs!) and can also reaffirm the fact that most people are arseholes.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I'm glad I found this thread again! :)

In my absense I decided that I'm actually ENTp. <--- Don't quote me on that though. I prone to frequent doubt haha. Surely I'll change my mind in a few weeks and claim I'm ENFP.

But anyway. I have a few ISFJs at my lunch table. I've noticed they love to talk about things that are currently happening/recently happened, such as the project they're currently working on, such like that. They also like to talk about what they like (how Fe of them haha) But typically don't start talking about things they like until they 'break the ice' by meantioning something current that most likely everyone knows about (or something they think everyone would like to learn about) Am I right?

Perhaps I'm wrong. Conversing wih ISFJ personalities can sometimes be difficult for ENTP/ENFP because our largest fuction is extroverted iNtuition, whereas ISFJ is introverted sensing. I often try to center conversations around contemplating new ideas and things that are possible/theoretical. What goes through your head when ENTp/ENFP personalities lead conversations in that direction?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,187 Posts
I am not an ISFJ but hi! :p
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,187 Posts
Narutoooo!!!! XD

Oh and Death Notee!! (I stopped watching that show when L died!! haha he was the best!)

Hello btw :)
Anime lover well at least Naruto and Death Note fan?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,187 Posts
Most assuredly! Anime is great! :) Naruto and Ouran are my favorites, but I love pretty much everything!! Hbu?
Naruto, Bleach, Inuyasha, Death Note, Detective Conan, Ouran (I know of it and its okay as an anime but never read the manga and heard good things), Full Metal Alchemist, and so on... my favorite genre is pretty much action/mystery though Ouran and a few others I guess are a bit more romantic comedy type. Too many but you know, its all good to me. :p

Speaking of Ouran... its just funny. I did look it up on its own wiki page and according to the wiki; I have both the same birthday and blood type as Haruhi Fujioka. Not too big on astrology anymore since I found the MBTI but I can picture the me a year ago go crazy over that. Basically saying in both Westeren and Japanese astrology; I am like her (personality wise speaking). Not sure if she is an INTP though.... XD
 
  • Like
Reactions: KokuroNya

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Naruto, Bleach, Inuyasha, Death Note, Detective Conan, Ouran (I know of it and its okay as an anime but never read the manga and heard good things), Full Metal Alchemist, and so on... my favorite genre is pretty much action/mystery though Ouran and a few others I guess are a bit more romantic comedy type. Too many but you know, its all good to me. :p

Speaking of Ouran... its just funny. I did look it up on its own wiki page and according to the wiki; I have both the same birthday and blood type as Haruhi Fujioka. Not too big on astrology anymore since I found the MBTI but I can picture the me a year ago go crazy over that. Basically saying in both Westeren and Japanese astrology; I am like her (personality wise speaking). Not sure if she is an INTP though.... XD
Really? I've been told I'm most like Kagome from Inuyasha. But I've never met someone like Haruhi! That's pretty cool! :)

I find it really difficult to personality type anime characters haha because they're just sooo unique! :)

I like action anime too, especially if there's a romantic twist ^_^ hehe
 
1 - 20 of 31 Posts
Top