[ENFPathetic]

There's a lot society has to say with regards to cheating. I'm here to clear this up for all the young men who are confused and suffering as a result of their cheating.

First, why does a man cheat? Because he can. This is a fact that you just have to accept. As long as you have options, you will have a natural urge to exercise those options. It doesn't matter if you have a 10 at home, you have it in you to sleep with a far less attractive woman with a far less appealing personality no matter how much you love your woman. Refuse to accept this fact and your options will forever dictate whether you cheat or not. Accept this fact, and you can control your options and thus control cheating.

So how does one control his options?

1. Focus on your life. Idle time is a recipe for all kinds of disaster.

2. Limit interactions with the opposite sex; lower your gaze, never allow yourself to be alone with a woman, don't go to places where people hook up, play dumb when women hit on you.

3. Discuss your sexual needs with your woman. Numbers 1 and 2 become a damn lot harder if number 3 is not being met. So figure out whether she is physically capable of meeting your needs. Most women aren't. If she is the exception to the rule, you've lucked out. If she is not, you need to find yourself a second, third or fourth woman. Not affairs. Multiple committed relationships. Of course this means you will need to treat them equally regardless of personal feelings and dedicate double, triple or quadruple the time and resources, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. This is not easy. Especially if you work a lot.

If your woman is not open to the idea of you having a second relationship, explain to her what the nature of a man actually is. A lot of women simply don't know. They've been fed to many lies. If she's not understanding, your best option is to end this relationship and find yourself a more agreeable woman.

 

[Cetanu]

Cheating is going against a promise of fidelity. People go against promises when they have no integrity. People have no integrity in matters that are not important to them.

 

[ENTJudgement]

There's a lot society has to say with regards to cheating. I'm here to clear this up for all the young men who are confused and suffering as a result of their cheating.

First, why does a man cheat? Because he can. This is a fact that you just have to accept. As long as you have options, you will have a natural urge to exercise those options. It doesn't matter if you have a 10 at home, you have it in you to sleep with a far less attractive woman with a far less appealing personality no matter how much you love your woman. Refuse to accept this fact and your options will forever dictate whether you cheat or not. Accept this fact, and you can control your options and thus control cheating.

I get what you're saying but most logical men would weigh the pros and cons and see that cheating with a 6/10 and potentially losing your 10/10 is a dumb idea and would not proceed as it's like trading your Ferrari for a Honda Civic.

Furthermore, it's highly questionable why I would even want to have sex with an uglier woman, my 10/10 would have to be withholding sex to begin with for me to even consider looking at a 6/10. In fact, because I currently have a 10/10, looking at 6/10s will just remind me of how much I don't want to have sex with them.

 

[ENFPathetic]

Cheating is going against a promise of fidelity. People go against promises when they have no integrity. People have no integrity in matters that are not important to them.

I agree. But that's not the whole story. Another reason people lack integrity is ignorance. Otherwise successful married men who stand to lose, not only the woman they love, but also half of their life's work, would never cheat. And guess what? They do cheat. You could argue that they don't really love their wife, but could you argue that they don't care about losing decades of wealth?

 

[Jabbadonut]

There's a lot society has to say with regards to cheating. I'm here to clear this up for all the young men who are confused and suffering as a result of their cheating.

First, why does a man cheat? Because he can. This is a fact that you just have to accept. As long as you have options, you will have a natural urge to exercise those options. It doesn't matter if you have a 10 at home, you have it in you to sleep with a far less attractive woman with a far less appealing personality no matter how much you love your woman. Refuse to accept this fact and your options will forever dictate whether you cheat or not. Accept this fact, and you can control your options and thus control cheating.

So how does one control his options?

1. Focus on your life. Idle time is a recipe for all kinds of disaster.

2. Limit interactions with the opposite sex; lower your gaze, never allow yourself to be alone with a woman, don't go to places where people hook up, play dumb when women hit on you.

3. Discuss your sexual needs with your woman. Numbers 1 and 2 become a damn lot harder if number 3 is not being met. So figure out whether she is physically capable of meeting your needs. Most women aren't. If she is the exception to the rule, you've lucked out. If she is not, you need to find yourself a second, third or fourth woman. Not affairs. Multiple committed relationships. Of course this means you will need to treat them equally regardless of personal feelings and dedicate double, triple or quadruple the time and resources, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. This is not easy. Especially if you work a lot.

If your woman is not open to the idea of you having a second relationship, explain to her what the nature of a man actually is. A lot of women simply don't know. They've been fed to many lies. If she's not understanding, your best option is to end this relationship and find yourself a more agreeable woman.

I like number 1. Numbers 2 and 3, not so much.

 

[ENFPathetic]

I get what you're saying but most logical men would weigh the pros and cons and see that cheating with a 6/10 and potentially losing your 10/10 is a dumb idea and would not proceed as it's like trading your Ferrari for a Honda Civic.

Furthermore, it's highly questionable why I would even want to have sex with an uglier woman, my 10/10 would have to be withholding sex to begin with for me to even consider looking at a 6/10. In fact, because I currently have a 10/10, looking at 6/10s will just remind me of how much I don't want to have sex with them.

Well, yes. But even among logical men, they could conclude that there is a 99% chance they could take the civic for a test drive and still keep the Ferrari. Then you have to also take into account that some men's options mean they could very easily get another Ferrari.

 

[ENTJudgement]

Well, yes. But even among logical men, they could conclude that there is a 99% chance they could take the civic for a test drive and still keep the Ferrari. Then you have to also take into account that some men's options mean they could very easily get another Ferrari.

I see where you're going with this but why would you consent to a monogamous marriage/LTR with a woman if you're going to try different girls to begin with? A high value man with plenty of options who wants to try out all the cars can do so but he doesn't have to commit to a car, in your example it sounded as if hes committed to the car then chose to "cheat" the commitment.

 

[ENFPathetic]

I like number 1. Numbers 2 and 3, not so much.

I don't think anyone does lol. But if you find yourself cheating and don't know what to do, it's a fool proof system.

 

[ENFPathetic]

I see where you're going with this but why would you consent to a monogamous marriage/LTR with a woman if you're going to try different girls to begin with?

It's what most men and women are raised believing. You're supposed to be in a long term monogamous relationship.

A high value man with plenty of options who wants to try out all the cars can do so but he doesn't have to commit to a car, in your example it sounded as if hes committed to the car then chose to "cheat" the commitment.

Most high value men have this problem worked out. They "cheat" with their partner's consent. It's not just high value men who have options though. There are plenty of men who are average value in terms of a relationship but have a lot of options when it comes to sex.

 

[tanstaafl28]

There's a lot society has to say with regards to cheating. I'm here to clear this up for all the young men who are confused and suffering as a result of their cheating.

First, why does a man cheat? Because he can. This is a fact that you just have to accept. As long as you have options, you will have a natural urge to exercise those options. It doesn't matter if you have a 10 at home, you have it in you to sleep with a far less attractive woman with a far less appealing personality no matter how much you love your woman. Refuse to accept this fact and your options will forever dictate whether you cheat or not. Accept this fact, and you can control your options and thus control cheating.

So how does one control his options?

1. Focus on your life. Idle time is a recipe for all kinds of disaster.

2. Limit interactions with the opposite sex; lower your gaze, never allow yourself to be alone with a woman, don't go to places where people hook up, play dumb when women hit on you.

3. Discuss your sexual needs with your woman. Numbers 1 and 2 become a damn lot harder if number 3 is not being met. So figure out whether she is physically capable of meeting your needs. Most women aren't. If she is the exception to the rule, you've lucked out. If she is not, you need to find yourself a second, third or fourth woman. Not affairs. Multiple committed relationships. Of course this means you will need to treat them equally regardless of personal feelings and dedicate double, triple or quadruple the time and resources, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. This is not easy. Especially if you work a lot.

If your woman is not open to the idea of you having a second relationship, explain to her what the nature of a man actually is. A lot of women simply don't know. They've been fed to many lies. If she's not understanding, your best option is to end this relationship and find yourself a more agreeable woman.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is what horny young men do because they are (at first) more loyal to their penises than they are to any one woman. Most men grow out of this.

As for the rest of our brethren, I think there are 3 camps (to varying degrees):

1. There are rich and powerful men who can afford to fool around (and there are women who will indulge them because of it).

2. There are men who feel stuck in loveless marriages where the wife can't be bothered to sleep with them anymore, so they either find a "side piece" or pay a hooker.

3. The men who are still loyal to their wives, who are actually in love with a woman who loves them back, wants what's best for them, still finds a reason to sleep with them, and they're just perfectly happy to have a best friend who still finds them attractive (because they're far too broke and tired to go looking for it anywhere else and they're happy right where they are).

 

[mia-me]

Not a guy but why cheat? Just set up an open relationship of some form, whether swinger style (wide open) or some variety of polyamory. On the other hand, your partner will also be able to diddle on the side which most guys have a problem with and if you have a problem with that, y'all are ragingly hypocritical.

 

[ENFPathetic]

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is what horny young men do because they are (at first) more loyal to their penises than they are to any one woman. Most men grow out of this.

As for the rest of our brethren, I think there are 3 camps (to varying degrees):

1. There are rich and powerful men who can afford to fool around (and there are women who will indulge them because of it).

2. There are men who feel stuck in loveless marriages where the wife can't be bothered to sleep with them anymore, so they either find a "side piece" or pay a hooker.

3. The men who are still loyal to their wives, who are actually in love with a woman who loves them back, wants what's best for them, still finds a reason to sleep with them, and they're just perfectly happy to have a best friend who still finds them attractive (because they're far too broke and tired to go looking for it anywhere else and they're happy right where they are).

Men don't grow out of "being horny". Some get out of shape once their metabolism slows down. For the men who look after themselves, they retain their appetite for sex well into their 60s and 70s.

I understand that some men can be satisfied by the average woman. But they are the exception and not the rule. The average man has a significantly higher sex drive than the average woman.

 

[Who'sWho]

If people follow your 3step program they will still cheat because you:

1) Didn't emphasize love. Your definition of relationship is primarily sexual. (More on this later)

2) never mentioned the lack of consideration of your partners feelings. Cheating hurts others, you know? Those you supposedly love. If you can't empathize and look deeper at what a relationship is, than cheating is just something you will do to satisfy your penis, just as one satisfies hunger with fast food. This is indication that you fail to understand love.

3) you conceptualize your own sex urges as "needs". This one is crucial. Sorry, but you won't die or go mad if you don't fulfill your sexual urges. They are optional, therefore they are not needs but urges, craves, desires. Also, can any person really satisfy your sexual urges? I mean, your woman can be an 11 out of 10, a world class beauty, but you can still get horny at your job were a cute 7 out of 10 coworker comes to work wearing visible hot lingerie, trowing herself at you. Every person has a different energy, and this makes every women appealing in a different way.

Sure, if a person is sexualy disatisfied in a relationship, maybe doesn't see their partner as physically attractive for some reason, they should think of a way to fix it, and if you can't, they should highly consider breaking up.

But, if that is not the case - and you actually enjoy and cherrish your sex, then you should maybe reconsider your priorities.

4) Because of your view on sexual "needs", I stick to my conclusion that you don't understand love enough, and you basically see relationships as emotionally intensified sexual concubinates. This means you fail to grasp the crucial component of integrity. Love is as much a spiritual connection with your partner as it is physical. And by spiritual, I think of things like - developing deep trust and integrity, seeing her and her own wellbeing as at least equally important as your own. In love, we can transcend our self-interested conception, and definitely be able to control ourselves for the benefits of your partner and your mutual future. In a healthy relationship, it should be easy - for example - to quit some of your bad habits because your partners sees it as crucial for your common wellbeing.

To summarize, I liked your advice of keeping away from other women, this should be employed to a reasonable degree. There is no reason to often be in a private 1 on 1 situation with another woman, especially if you suspect she wants you. And I liked your advice of keeping busy. But ultimately, this will only make you cheat less often, but will not make you stop cheating.

 

[ENFPathetic]

Not a guy but why cheat? Just set up an open relationship of some form, whether swinger style (wide open) or some variety of polyamory. On the other hand, your partner will also be able to diddle on the side which most guys have a problem with and if you have a problem with that, y'all are ragingly hypocritical.

It's just not practical. People who get into relationships typically do so in order to raise a family. A man can provide for and protect multiple families, a woman only has one womb.

 

[mia-me]

It's just not practical. People who get into relationships typically do so in order to raise a family. A man can provide for and protect multiple families, a woman only has one womb.

Perhaps in your country but not in mine. Over the pond, we typically enter relationships with people we love.

edit: Oh, you're likely muslim since you live in Turkey. Muslims often adhere to hardcore gender roles which include sexist double standards.

 

[Who'sWho]

Edit: this post was knee jerk reaction, deleting

 

[ENFPathetic]

If people follow your 3step program they will still cheat because you:

1) Didn't emphasize love. Your definition of relationship is primarily sexual. (More on this later)

2) never mentioned the lack of consideration of your partners feelings. Cheating hurts others, you know? Those you supposedly love. If you can't empathize and look deeper at what a relationship is, than cheating is just something you will do to satisfy your penis, just as one satisfies hunger with fast food. This is indication that you fail to understand love.

3) you conceptualize your own sex urges as "needs". This one is crucial. Sorry, but you won't die or go mad if you don't fulfill your sexual urges. They are optional, therefore they are not needs but urges, craves, desires. Also, can any person really satisfy your sexual urges? I mean, your woman can be an 11 out of 10, a world class beauty, but you can still get horny at your job were a cute 7 out of 10 coworker comes to work wearing visible hot lingerie, trowing herself at you. Every person has a different energy, and this makes every women appealing in a different way.

Sure, if a person is sexualy disatisfied in a relationship, maybe doesn't see their partner as physically attractive for some reason, they should think of a way to fix it, and if you can't, they should highly consider breaking up.

But, if that is not the case - and you actually enjoy and cherrish your sex, then you should maybe reconsider your priorities.

4) Because of your view on sexual "needs", I stick to my conclusion that you don't understand love enough, and you basically see relationships as emotionally intensified sexual concubinates. This means you fail to grasp the crucial component of integrity. Love is as much a spiritual connection with your partner as it is physical. And by spiritual, I think of things like - developing deep trust and integrity, seeing her and her own wellbeing as at least equally important as your own. In love, we can transcend our self-interested conception, and definitely be able to control ourselves for the benefits of your partner and your mutual future. In a healthy relationship, it should be easy - for example - to quit some of your bad habits because your partners sees it as crucial for your common wellbeing.

To summarize, I liked your advice of keeping away from other women, this should be employed to a reasonable degree. There is no reason to often be in a private 1 on 1 situation with another woman, especially if you suspect she wants you. And I liked your advice of keeping busy. But ultimately, this will only make you cheat less often, but will not make you stop cheating.

I understand love. But just like sex, you don't need to be in a committed relationship to be in love. Plenty of affairs happen because someone fell in love with an already married person. Love isn't necessarily pure and innocent.

The notion of starting a relationship because of love is a hollywood notion. The major reason men and women have formed relationships for all of human history is to raise a family. Love and sex are naturally a part of the deal, but the main purpose is to raise a family.

Sex is a need. Without it, your mental health will suffer and so will your physical health.

 

[ENFPathetic]

Perhaps in your country but not in mine. Over the pond, we typically enter relationships with people we love.

edit: Oh, you're likely muslim since you live in Turkey. Muslims often adhere to hardcore gender roles which include sexist double standards.

And how is it working out for most people? What's the divorce rate like in your country?

Btw, I'm from the UK. I've been in Turkey for 6 months and there's a partial lock down so I have yet to see much over here, but from what I've seen so far, people here behave and dress the same way they do across the rest of europe. Maybe they're a bit more friendly. In any case, that's probably a lot more than you know about Turkey. More importantly, even if you actually knew what you were talking about, it's irrelevant to this topic.

 

[mia-me]

And how is it working out for most people? What's the divorce rate like in your country?

Btw, I'm from the UK. I've been in Turkey for 6 months and there's a partial lock down so I have yet to see much over here, but from what I've seen so far, people here behave and dress the same way they do across the rest of europe. Maybe they're a bit more friendly. In any case, that's probably a lot more than you know about Turkey. More importantly, even if you actually knew what you were talking about, it's irrelevant to this topic.

Relationship =/= marriage.

 

[WickerDeer]

I understand love. But just like sex, you don't need to be in a committed relationship to be in love. Plenty of affairs happen because someone fell in love with an already married person. Love isn't necessarily pure and innocent.

The notion of starting a relationship because of love is a hollywood notion. The major reason men and women have formed relationships for all of human history is to raise a family. Love and sex are naturally a part of the deal, but the main purpose is to raise a family.

Sex is a need. Without it, your mental health will suffer and so will your physical health.

But that's not love--that is lust.

If you love someone, then you respect their boundaries. Having a monogamous relationship is a boundary.

If you love someone, you don't try to destroy the things they love. They love their monogamous relationship and so loving them means caring for what they care about to some degree as well, because when the things we care about are harmed, it harms us. That also means caring about their partner.

That is love--it's not the same thing as lust.

I am not a guy but having boundaries is a normal and healthy thing for people, and loving relationships agree upon and respect boundaries. In most situations, having an affair is not a loving thing to do because it is a violation of someone's boundaries. So it is better not to do.