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Discussion Starter #1
In the interest of understanding you guys better...

What would it take to make you cheat on someone you love?
If you had cheated on someone you love, what would you do?
 

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Well, I can only speak for myself, and I know one should never say "never", but I have never cheated, nor do I believe I ever will. It's just not in my nature. I'm extremely loyal. Once I'm committed to a relationship, then that's it for me. If I'm unhappy in a relationship, I end that relationship BEFORE looking around for someone new.
 

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Well, I can only speak for myself, and I know one should never say "never", but I have never cheated, nor do I believe I ever will. It's just not in my nature. I'm extremely loyal. Once I'm committed to a relationship, then that's it for me. If I'm unhappy in a relationship, I end that relationship BEFORE looking around for someone new.
True 'dat! I cant even have a crush on more than one person at a time. It is not that I think it is immoral, i just CAN'T....and I would never consider cheating. It is a terrible thing to do to someone

OWL
 

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MOTM Feb 2011
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My dad was ISTJ, and he was the most loyal creature you could ever meet. He was so devoted to my mum. Even if it had have gotten bad, I don't think it was in his dna to cheat on her. He did everything the morally right way.
 

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I can't ever see myself cheating on anyone. If I did, I probably wouldn't be able to live with myself. The only reason I can think for someone to cheat would be because they are in an unhappy relationship, and I would suspect that the majority of ISTJs would leave an unhappy relationship way before even thinking about someone other than their partner. ISTJs are probably practical enough to realize that cheating would only create more problems than they already have to deal with. It wouldn't be worth it.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
You guys all seem really loyal, and yet I know an ISTJ who has cheated in the past, which seems so out of character (and yet he's definitely ISTJ) that it makes me wonder why he would do it. Is attraction a factor, like, if someone's really really really attractive and you're simply bored in your current relationship? Or is that just too unlike an ISTJ? I'd be interested to hear from any ISTJs who have cheated on their partners, if there are any that would dare speak about it :)
 

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MOTM Feb 2011
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You guys all seem really loyal, and yet I know an ISTJ who has cheated in the past, which seems so out of character (and yet he's definitely ISTJ) that it makes me wonder why he would do it. Is attraction a factor, like, if someone's really really really attractive and you're simply bored in your current relationship? Or is that just too unlike an ISTJ? I'd be interested to hear from any ISTJs who have cheated on their partners, if there are any that would dare speak about it :)
That sounds very out of character. My dad, my brother and my cousin - all ISTJs, and all as loyal as they come.
 
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You guys all seem really loyal, and yet I know an ISTJ who has cheated in the past, which seems so out of character (and yet he's definitely ISTJ) that it makes me wonder why he would do it. Is attraction a factor, like, if someone's really really really attractive and you're simply bored in your current relationship? Or is that just too unlike an ISTJ? I'd be interested to hear from any ISTJs who have cheated on their partners, if there are any that would dare speak about it :)
I'll be the fearless one and admit that I have cheated.

I wasn't unhappy in my relationship. It was a fleeting, fleshy desire that I gave in to. The partner that I cheated on (Let's call her A) does not know that I did it to this day, and I don't regret that I did it, even though I feel guilty that I did not tell the truth to A.

For me, the woman I cheated with (Let's call her B) and I had a long history of incomplete emotional baggage. It happened early on in the relationship with A when I was not (fully) emotionally committed to her, even though we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was still tied up with B. I had this inner need to complete and finish the relationship with B. So I did what I had to do to free myself of that baggage, and complete that chapter of my life. I accepted the consequences of guilt, and buried them. I could then move on with my relationship with A.

It seems sometimes even the rigid, moral structure that uphold in my life can be bulldozed by earthly, fleshy and emotional desires coupled with the question, "What if?"
 

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MOTM May 2011
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All types cheat.

We all will find some way of justifying our actions, regardless of whether we did or did not cheat.

And then we have to deal with the definition of cheating.

ISTJs are loyal and will often stay in a relationship when others might have thrown in the towel. But, to be surprised that and ISTJ would cheat is to be naive.

This is really a question about principles, morals, and values, and not so much about personality types.
 

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All types cheat.

We all will find some way of justifying our actions, regardless of whether we did or did not cheat.

And then we have to deal with the definition of cheating.

ISTJs are loyal and will often stay in a relationship when others might have thrown in the towel. But, to be surprised that and ISTJ would cheat is to be naive.

This is really a question about principles, morals, and values, and not so much about personality types.
This is actually true, you are right. To say that ISTJs don't cheat would have to mean that other types are more likely to cheat which is not fair. Cheating is not a result from cognitive functions, but a personal decision.
 

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sorry to bring it up but cheating is genetic moral value may affect it but it mostly genetic

but i have never cheated because i dont really like love relation there are girl i find cute and like but GF seem to bring more problem then advantage for now and sport is much better right now
 

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MOTM May 2011
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sorry to bring it up but cheating is genetic moral value may affect it but it mostly genetic

but i have never cheated because i dont really like love relation there are girl i find cute and like but GF seem to bring more problem then advantage for now and sport is much better right now

Umm...not sure I understand you correctly, but if you are saying that cheating is genetic, we are not going to agree.:mellow:
 

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... If someone's really really really attractive and you're simply bored in your current relationship? ...
Boredom isn't a very strong deterrent to ISTJ's like myself. Perhaps it could happen if things are getting really bad in a relationship and there is a respect issue, then I could see it.
 

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Boredom isn't a very strong deterrent to ISTJ's like myself. Perhaps it could happen if things are getting really bad in a relationship and there is a respect issue, then I could see it.
I agree. I think the ISTJ would normally need to feel like they are in a hopeless situation to be able to justify disloyalty.
 

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All types cheat.

We all will find some way of justifying our actions, regardless of whether we did or did not cheat.

And then we have to deal with the definition of cheating.

ISTJs are loyal and will often stay in a relationship when others might have thrown in the towel. But, to be surprised that and ISTJ would cheat is to be naive.

This is really a question about principles, morals, and values, and not so much about personality types.
I agree with you, but at the same time, I believe an ISJ would be less likely to cheat than a lot of other types. It goes back to Si and our tendency to stick to what we know, not wanting to risk it. The same thing that lets us stuck in ruts and routines is that same thing that makes us so loyal.

Of course, as you said, there are other factors that play into it, and certainly people of all types cheat. But I think cheating would be a lot more pre-meditated for an ISJ than for an ESP, for example. I don't think ISJ's get caught up in the moment and fall into immediate temptation as often as other types.

So I don't think type has nothing to do with it, even if there are other factors.
 

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There's a good chance that I might just physically kill myself before I do that.

I've never cheated in my life, nor do I plan to. Like the folks who posted above, I'd rather break off the relationship before moving onto someone else.

It helps that I seem to be hard-wired to respond only to the person that I'm together with. I've found that once I enter into a relationship, I don't really get interested in anyone else.
 

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I would never cheat. It just seems so out of character and an illogical thing to do. If I am unhappy with the relationship I am in, then I would break it and move on. If not, then I don't see any reasons to be cheating on someone.

Of course, it also depends on many other factors. Moral values, making decisions on impulses, fleshly desires, etc. I can also see why Si would influence this- since we would likely stick to our guns than wander around in someone else's teritory.
 

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I agree with you, but at the same time, I believe an ISJ would be less likely to cheat than a lot of other types. It goes back to Si and our tendency to stick to what we know, not wanting to risk it. The same thing that lets us stuck in ruts and routines is that same thing that makes us so loyal.
Ok, lets get down to brass tacks. We have heard so many say that they would not cheat--ISXJ's in this thread. This is for two reasons, one of which is flattering and one of which is not so flattering.

We feel this way, finding cheating repugnant because we are ISXJ's and rate loyalty very high. We also tend to be traditional in our POV and traditionally, cheating is viewed unfavorably by society. So holding cheating in low regard comes naturally to us for these positive reasons.

We get stuck in no win relationships refusing to leave them because we are afraid. We are afraid of the unknown, finding it more comfortable to deal with the demons with which we are familiar as opposed to the demons that we have not yet met.

So our loyalty gets us there and our fear and tendency to cling to the known keeps us there.

Of course, as you said, there are other factors that play into it, and certainly people of all types cheat. But I think cheating would be a lot more pre-meditated for an ISJ than for an ESP, for example. I don't think ISJ's get caught up in the moment and fall into immediate temptation as often as other types.
IF this were true, then we would find that ISXJ's tend to not find themselves in situations of extreme passion, being ruled by their hearts rather than their heads. However, this is simply not true. While we can be quite cold and logical in our day to day dealings with people, WHEN our heart and emotions get involved, we can become blind-sided, so to speak, encountering these emotions without any warning or foreknowledge, and can find ourselves at a loss as how to cope with the emotions and in the situation. In these instances, our behavior can be as spontaneous as any other type.

So I don't think type has nothing to do with it, even if there are other factors.
Type will minimally impact us in this arena. NF's are often just as deeply monogamous as the most staid ISXJ. It helps me to view these types of behaviors on a bell curve.
 
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