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Discussion Starter #1
How to?
It's something INFPs are said to be good at (our type is also known as Healers, after all), but it's not true for me. :(
Especially when I'm not close to someone... when they are distressed, I wish I could say something make them feel better, but I'm lost for words.

I'll give an example with something that's been bothering me:
I work at a very small place - there are only 8 employees, counting with me, and we work under direct supervision of the company owner.
Our boss is... well, he has his qualities, but he can be one huge rude, demanding, hypocritical, arrogant SOB.
He puts up a lot of pressure on everybody and it makes our work envirmonment rather tense. I admit, though, that my position is the lightest one, so it's (relatively) easy for me to cope with that.
What bothers me is that it's been affecting one of my coworkers a lot, to a point of her having sudden feelings of crying and bad backaches, due to tension. She's very sensitive to other people's feelings (I think she's most probably an ISFJ).

We have lunch together and she vents to me, but all I can do is listen and encourage her to look for a better job (which she's been doing). But my attempts to calm and cheer her up when she's stressed or when her job hunting is not going very well seem forced and weak, to me. :/ You know those times you can't think of nothing good to say? We're not close or anything, but I care...

So, I have two questions:
Have anyone ever been worried by something like this?
How are your healing skills?
 
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I've wondered as well why we're supposed to be healers. I think it's our nature to see things as they are and how they should be, and when we start 'mending' things into the way they should be, then we might be 'healing' something.

I'm not sure I have healing skills, I've been said to have listening skills. Perhaps that is something one could consider healing as well - when you really listen to someone, when you make them feel they've been heard and understood, maybe that cures them from a little loneliness.

I also have those times when I don't really know what to say, because I feel I should come up with a solution of sorts, yet I can't find any. I think sometimes it is enough when you just state the obvious: "I can see how it's affecting you", or, "I know how sensitive you are and how the boss can get on your nerves really bad." Just resonate, really.

I'd also throw some honesty in the mix: "This situation is really tough on you and it's really difficult for me to witness it and have no concrete solution, I'm sorry, I wish I knew something that would solve it all for you." And most likely end up saying something encouraging: "Chin up, you're a good person, [insert positive quality about her], and your sensitivity is actually something to be cherished, just not in this company. So chin up and keep at trying to find a different job and a different company that appreciates you for who you are."

Or so. Dunno, I feel there's too little information for me to come up with something clever. ^^;
 

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You're doing more than you realize, though. Just listening to her and being there for her IS healing her. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear so they can get it all out. :)
 

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hm. i understand what you mean. I also feel as if what i do is weak and useless, however, in the end it usually seems to help, and im told that i do alot. I agree with the idea that it is the fact that we listen and are there for another person to listen to them vent and release all that exess negativity. And as for your problem with not knowing what to say, perhaps this is due to something else. For example, i am only 15 and i have helped several people with alot of problems. At the time of helping these people are great friends with me. However, i have never been able to do this face to face due to fears and negative aspects of myself, such as dislike/ fear of people, etc. So when i am home, alone or when everyone here is out of my way, i am calm in control, and able to help others. So through phone, back and forth text messages and whatnot i help other people in listening and offering solutions. I also agree with eyenexepee in what he offers to solve this problem of yours. Sometimes people don't look for solutions but the comfort in knowing that others are there for them and understand how they feel.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for your input guys. :)

Yeah, I think you're right and I guess I am giving a little help, she once told me she gets tenser when I leave (I work part time and she works full time), and today she was super upset, but she brightened up a little after we went for a walk. It's just that it seemed cold to me, not being able to offer a more effective help. Because I know she will only be okay when she quits. :/
 

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I work on a stroke unit in a busy hospital. People are often understandably distressed and struggling to come to terms with what's happening to them. I used to panic when people got tearful or upset because it's one's natural instinct to try and make it better for them. However, I very quickly had to accept that I was powerless to fix all their problems. I could do my best to help them and listen but that's all. Now when people get upset and cry I don't panic, I am simply there. I give them my full attention, I listen to what they are saying and I do my best to reflect their feelings back to them in my own words. I find this simple strategy helps me in the hardest moments. I learnt it in counselling skills classes on my undergraduate course in Psychology and Counselling. Sometimes we have to accept that there is a limit for what we can do for people. Eventually your friend will find a way through her situation and she will always be able to look back and appreciate you being there for her when she needed you.
 

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You're doing more than you realize, though. Just listening to her and being there for her IS healing her. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear so they can get it all out. :)
Well put.

I don't know if it's the way our society is these days, or maybe if it's just how a lot of non-INFP people seem to be, but it seems like good listeners are hard to come by. People just talk and talk and talk over one another and don't really listen. They just pause, pretend to listen, and wait for their turn to talk.

So when someone really sits there and listens, and just allows another person to talk about what they need to, that can be a very healing action. Even if the listener doesn't know what to say or what advice to give, just giving someone an audience can help that person immensely to sort out their thoughts and feelings.
 
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