[Melanthe]

When I'm trying to decide something, or need to find a solution to something, I think and think and think about it. I pull up all the random bits of related information and re-examine them, and re-sort them, and shuffle through them pretty much incessantly until the best solution works itself out in my mind.

For something big - like where to move to, considering income, kids' needs, transportation time and costs - that can be weeks of going over and over and over it. Or something very distressing that I don't have a lot of control over, like a close friend who is sick or having personal problems. Whatever I do in those cases, it seems like it has to be very effective, so I take a lot of time mulling those over, too.

Do you think it's best to just run with this kind of thing? To do what comes naturally and think on it as much as you want? Or do you think it's best to try to stop that process, and force yourself to let it go as much as possible?

Have you found techniques that make decision making more comfortable?

 

[Pjb]

I do all of these actions also, and for me it's that perfectionist trait, avoiding possible criticism from others, and doing what's "right".

On big things, I definitely take my time and mull ideas over especially if the decision is not easily undone once implemented or involves others.
On small stuff, I reflect on them to the degree I have time and energy. If I'm getting overloaded I switch to the 10 year rule.
"In 10 years is this really going to even matter what I decide on this now?" If the answer is no, I go with my gut and no more analyzing.

Example
10 yr rule not followed: Yesterday I decided what color to paint my bedroom after pondering about it for 2 years!! Really!!?? It's only PAINT!

 

[Melanthe]

Example
10 yr rule not followed: Yesterday I decided what color to paint my bedroom after pondering about it for 2 years!! Really!!?? It's only PAINT!

Ya. When getting dressed in the morning I will make my kids decide which outfit to wear. About twice a week. I work behind a computer at a place where no one cares what I look like. I've also brought in two different necklaces to ask my friend which one goes better with an outfit. Again, I work with people who don't notice, nor care what I'm wearing.

But if the decision is left to me, it might take 3 hours to get to work.

 

[LiquidLight]

This all sounds Ni-dom-y to me. I think because Intuitives don't like to live in the moment, they can be come sort of future obsessed (in a different way than other types). So sometimes making trivial decisions or doing otherwise simple things like shopping can turn into a huge production, because they are always calculating, triangulating and trying to look ten steps down the road.

 

[milli66]

For big decisions, thinking over all the possibilities is never the problem. The act of making the final decision to move forward is where I struggle sometimes. I’ve found over the years that, the more I’m able to vocalize my ideas, the easier it is to objectively make a decision.

Re-thinking everything prior to actually acting can get to be a pain, like re-wording this post 5 times. Ugh.

 

[Pjb]

Ya. When getting dressed in the morning I will make my kids decide which outfit to wear. About twice a week. I work behind a computer at a place where no one cares what I look like. I've also brought in two different necklaces to ask my friend which one goes better with an outfit. Again, I work with people who don't notice, nor care what I'm wearing.

But if the decision is left to me, it might take 3 hours to get to work.

I'm with ya sister!!
I keep my perspective on appearance by trying to remember what other people wore to work that day and I can't , so why would they remember my outfit?
I keep my wardrobe small so as not to have too many options. I actually like the idea of uniforms where I wouldn't have to think at all.

 

[Vivid Melody]

I think there's a certain balance that should be achieved so you don't get overly obsessive to the point where it's causing you more stress.

I like to research things online before I make a decision (even minor ones). I will even do this before shopping so I don't have to spend hours searching and trying to decide on things. I need to know the reviews and ratings on things etc.

 

[Adriana]

I do all of these actions also, and for me it's that perfectionist trait, avoiding possible criticism from others, and doing what's "right".

On big things, I definitely take my time and mull ideas over especially if the decision is not easily undone once implemented or involves others.
On small stuff, I reflect on them to the degree I have time and energy. If I'm getting overloaded I switch to the 10 year rule.
"In 10 years is this really going to even matter what I decide on this now?" If the answer is no, I go with my gut and no more analyzing.

Example
10 yr rule not followed: Yesterday I decided what color to paint my bedroom after pondering about it for 2 years!! Really!!?? It's only PAINT!

Ah, thank you! I have this problem as well, it really can get out of hand. Like when I need a new dress or something I will go to every online store I know and compare all garments and prices and materials and cuts and colours and this can take days sometimes, because I can't find something 'perfect' and I don't want to make the wrong decision. So this 10-year rule will certainly help, though I think I might make it a 5-year rule because I have no idea what will matter to me in 10 years time.

 

[Pjb]

So this 10-year rule will certainly help, though I think I might make it a 5-year rule because I have no idea what will matter to me in 10 years time.

Yes, make it a time limit you can relate to and the key is exactly what you said. If you don't know if somethings going to be important in 5 or 10 years, it probably isn't going to be, and you might be fixating and spending more energy then needed.
I continually work on this aspect of me and I still clothes shop alone so I can take time to find that perfect something!

 

[Berdudget]

For me, it's far more enjoyable to "think" than to "act." I like to see from all angles and perspectives and experience various decisions through other people's likely choices and reasons for things. I can definitely get stuck in a rut with it at times. But, on the other side (LOL), when I make myself turn this natural inclination "off" and make decisions without any "mull-time," because I think that's what my extraverted mate expects - he always complains my reaction time is slow - I regret my decisions. So, as has already been said, I think it's a balancing act. Each individual decision deserves its own degree and length of weighing the options and mulling things over. Plus, once the decision is made, there's no reason I can't go back to mulling some more for the fun of it and any other possible insights I can squeeze out of it!

 

[Alaya]

Maybe problems are like chewing gum, you chew and chew and eventually you have to spit it out because you get tired of having to expand so much energy in trying to maintain the gum(problem) in your mouth(mind) for that long.

 

[Enormous Hatred]

"Sleeping on it" actually works. I'll literally say to myself "I'll just wait some arbitrary amount of time and see if this seems clearer at that point" and that will really happen.

You'd think that because you're already in that mode at the time that the present moment is the best time to work it out, but it's not like the problem will just evaporate if you risk taking a break. Problems often have simple solutions that will surface much quicker if you switch off for a while (or you realize it was never a problem to begin with).

If you'll excuse the crude comparison, it's like if you were moving a ton of boxes and tried to do it all at once when you'd get it done faster having rested somewhat in between.

 

[Berdudget]

"Sleeping on it" actually works. I'll literally say to myself "I'll just wait some arbitrary amount of time and see if this seems clearer at that point" and that will really happen.

You'd think that because you're already in that mode at the time that the present moment is the best time to work it out, but it's not like the problem will just evaporate if you risk taking a break. Problems often have simple solutions that will surface much quicker if you switch off for a while (or you realize it was never a problem to begin with).

If you'll excuse the crude comparison, it's like if you were moving a ton of boxes and tried to do it all at once when you'd get it done faster having rested somewhat in between.

This line of reasoning has consciousness research to back it up. It's sound advice. :happy: