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Is it unusual for an INFP to be childfree by choice? The reason I'm asking is because the typical lovey-dovey selfless image of the INFP would seem to coincide perfectly with the desire to be a parent. I have always been adamant that I shall never have children. I don't want the sleepless nights, the mess and the general curtailing of my freedom. I was having a conversation with my mum recently and the topic drifted towards parenting. She said that the drudgery of it would drive me up the wall. But I was touched when she declared that any child would be lucky to have me as a mother because I would accept them wholeheartedly for who they were.

It seems INFPs have many qualities that would make them wonderful parents. Are they more likely to want the stable family unit?

Don't get me wrong, I like children and can go ga-ga over newborns, but I have no desire for one of my own. Any INFPs feel the same way?
 

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I want a child, but only one or two. I can't handle more than that at the time without feeling like I might be doing something very wrong.
 

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It breaks my mother's heart that neither my sister (27) or me (29) have any children yet. We both honestly don't know if we want children. I like the idea of it, and have no doubt in my mind that I would be a spectacular, loving, and caring mother...but the thought of it frightens me beyond belief. I overwhelm myself with the idea of it.

I do love animals very much though! I just need to meet the right person, and maybe the idea won't scare me so much.
 

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If I found my perfection, then of course! I would love to have a daughter and even picked out a name for her already!
And I'm only 15 haha
 
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I have never wanted children... I stay as far away from babies as possible! I'm only a touchy feeley INFP with somebody I'm intimate with...otherwise I really don't like people in my personal space. I've always feared that I wouldn't be able to give a child the love it needs although everybody close to me believes I'd be a wonderful parent. I'm 34 and still have zero desire to have a child....so....it's looking like no kids for me.

However I go batty when I see an animal...any kind of animal...go figure. :unsure:
 

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When I'm into my 30's I'll start thinking about it. No sense bringing a little one into the world when I don't have my life/finances in order. That being said my mother started a daycare in our basement when I was 3, so I grew up with it. I have even worked down there for a full summer and absolutely love little kids. Seeing little kids out in public I catch myself smiling at the look of wonder in their eyes. God help me if I have a daughter though, I have 2 older brothers and many guy friends that make me take pity on fathers everywhere.
 

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I don't want to spawn a child myself, but I'll probably end up being a "parent" in one way or another - adopting/fostering, hooking up with a chick that has kids, simply getting involved in some sort of professional or charitable project which surrounds me with kids, whatever. I just have really strong nurturing instincts, so I'd hate to see that go to waste.
 

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I definitely want to have children, I dream of it even.

I grew up without a dad (bastard) and in an abusive / neglectful home. In all truth, I have a fake relationship with my entire family, but if anything that has given me the desire for something more. I really value the idea of being a father, not so that I can pass on genes or views, but because I have so much love to give to whomever I marry and any children we raise together.

I've always told every girl I've dated that if we ever get married that I want to start a brand new family name. Something to be proud of, it doesn't consist of 1 main person, but of a lot of people that will always look out for one another.

Another idea that came to mind was the prospect of adoption on top of that. The way I put it, and sorry to be less aesthetically pleasing to the eyes, but children in foster homes are often considered rejects, unwanted, and even forgotten. Now, in my eyes, taking these children and helping them reach their full potential is one of the most miraculous things you can ever do. Not only does it say to the world, look at what these children can do, but it will also be a privilege to watch them learn and grow.

I can respect all of you that may not choose to have children, but regardless of that I highly encourage you to be a bit of a mentor to someone. Nothing is more amazing than basically re-living your youth on Christmas day, hearing someone talk to you about girl / guy problems, you name it!

:D
Sorry if I made any mistakes, I just showered and I'm a little @[email protected] after.
 

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No. I can't stand children as it is to be honest. I don't even want to be bothered by anyone as it is, and I would think I would make a bad parent to tell you another truth. if I get a child that does not listen to me, and I would make the world do all the discipline for him/her as a last resort a.k.a learning the hard way. I don't want to go through all the highly possible drama of children, and the teenage years where, oh no your not out of the woods yet, sir. I have enough personal emotional problems and its tough enough taking care of myself. I just don't need children added to the equalization, and having to adjust my life style, and work to live mentality to take care of children. The idea of it seems like slavery to me, yet there is the majority of people out there that want them, so good for them I guess.

The shriek and yells of a baby are the worst with my sensitive hearing and stimuli.

Heh, I guess this is benefit to being single and not looking. Not having to worry about a partner that wants children while you do not.
 

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J Remi saved me from having to write much. Ditto. Money would be another reason. Also, I think there are already too many people who aren't doing any good for the world (overpopulation in quantity, possible underpopulation in quality). I'd want my kids to change the world or something and would be setting myself up for disappointment and making them resent me. I didn't even like kids when I was one of them. I don't think anyone was seriously expecting me to have them or amount to anything, frankly.
 

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I really want to have children! A lot of them LOL. It sounds strange to hear this from a guy but yeah. :tongue:

I can buy them a lot of gifts and make them happy.
 

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I don't like "all the mess" part either, especially I don't like that "giving birth" part since it's rather....painful and scary.
Otherwise, I think it's all worth of it. Though I don't have this obsession "Oh, I wanna have children so bad", I think I would like to have children..when it's the right time.
 

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Another idea that came to mind was the prospect of adoption on top of that. The way I put it, and sorry to be less aesthetically pleasing to the eyes, but children in foster homes are often considered rejects, unwanted, and even forgotten. Now, in my eyes, taking these children and helping them reach their full potential is one of the most miraculous things you can ever do. Not only does it say to the world, look at what these children can do, but it will also be a privilege to watch them learn and grow.
Something that I've thought about as well.
I think I couldn't describe it better..
 

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When my wife and I got married, she was 24 and I was 26. She was adamant about not having kids. But I had been reading personal psychology for 8 years at that time and knew women often change their minds around 30. I told her that I didn't care either way and that I could see our future in both directions, with kids and without. I only had one caveat. She couldn't change her mind after 35.

My wife changed her mind at 30 after her sister had a daughter. We ended up adopting 2 girls from China. Honestly, I don't remember how my life would been going the other path. Before having kids, I saw both paths. Now, I just couldn't imagine life without my daughters.

The only drawback to kids for introverts, not just INFPs,is finding alone time. I'm a night person so after the kids and wife are put to bed, it's my time. My wife is an introvert also, so I make sure she has time to herself and I take the kids out for the day every 4-6 weeks so she has the entire day to herself.
 

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Is it bad that I've had been thinking about since this since like 15? (Six years ago)

I WANT KIDS LOL.
2 of them, one boy, one girl.

I highly doubt that's going to change, but someone in this generation needs to raise good kids ._____.
 

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Is it unusual for an INFP to be childfree by choice? The reason I'm asking is because the typical lovey-dovey selfless image of the INFP would seem to coincide perfectly with the desire to be a parent. I have always been adamant that I shall never have children. I don't want the sleepless nights, the mess and the general curtailing of my freedom. I was having a conversation with my mum recently and the topic drifted towards parenting. She said that the drudgery of it would drive me up the wall. But I was touched when she declared that any child would be lucky to have me as a mother because I would accept them wholeheartedly for who they were.

It seems INFPs have many qualities that would make them wonderful parents. Are they more likely to want the stable family unit?

Don't get me wrong, I like children and can go ga-ga over newborns, but I have no desire for one of my own. Any INFPs feel the same way?

No it's not unusual
it's the best thing out there. I don't like children, I don't. Well, truth I do, because i love their personalities, and i think they're the real humans out there, so I DO, but I hope you can see what i say...
And I think it's not human to want to bring to the world a creature because he'll have to endure so much sufferment it's not human. If he's by any means different he'll die in the battle or he'll lose himself which is WORSE
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Phew! It's nice to know I'm not the only INFP who has no desire to have children. I thought I'd be seen as a cold-hearted freak. One of my friends is just recently married and 8 months pregnant and I know this sounds horrible, but I feel sorry for her. She's very happy though and ever since we were kids, she'd always say that one of her main ambitions in life was to be married with kids. I'm happy that she's happy, but rather her than me!

It's interesting that a few people have brought up the topic of adoption because I think that is the most beautiful selfless gift a person can offer. It makes me rather sick really when people are spawning like no tomorrow, trying to make themselves immortal by passing on their genetic code, as if their DNA is so god damn sacred that the world would be missing out on something if they don't procreate, when there are millions of kids in need of a home! I feel sorry for the older orphans to be honest, because they know they don't have a hope in hell against those cute doe-eyed babies.
 

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someday i'd love to have one or two kids..of course i'm a guy so it's not so hard for me
on a side note..i don'know if i'd want to watch them give birth..i don't think i'd want to see them in all that pain, but if they really wanted me in there i guess i would
 

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I feared for a long time that I had no maternal instinct. I absolutely HATED for someone to foist their baby on me, assuming that, since I'm female, I wanted to hold it and coo at it. To be honest, I still don't like that. I don't want to hold anyone else's baby.

But when I had my own, I didn't want to let anyone else hold them. I knew they would grow up so fast, and I wanted to hold them myself for as long as I could.

I respect people who decide not to have children - it's a huge commitment, and if you don't feel it's right for you, it's best not to do it. It affects the child as well as the parent. You know, people wouldn't presume to run other aspects of your life (or shouldn't, anyway), so why do they feel they have the right to tell you you should have kids? I had a coworker several years before I had kids who would go on and on about how I needed to have them. I finally asked her why and she said, "Because I have one and misery loves company." I was floored.

A lot of parents cause their own parenting difficulties. If you don't treat your child with respect and talk to them in the same way you'd want to be talked to, what reason do they have to respect you? I never tell my kids to drop what they're doing RIGHT NOW because I would resent that myself. So I give them notice of approximately how much time they have before they need to stop doing what they're doing. I value peace in my home, and my kids are well behaved and respectful. We never yell at each other. I've never had to ground them or take away privileges.

I'm not a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination, and it has been hard at times, being an INFP (mainly dealing with other parents). But for me, it has turned out better than I ever imagined.
 
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