I have 3 children. I had the two last children near exams one year after another at uni....the last one was 4 days before the last exam. I forgot to put breast pads in for that one:dry:....oh the memories of breast feeding during breaks and getting back to class.
I wouldn't recommend the way I did it to anyone but if you have a spare rest of your life left I say go for it. The sleep deprivation, the illness, the hours of bed time stories. The watching them make their first milestones.
I watched them for hours on end when they were babies and having them taught me how to be a better person. I don't think I would be quite so patient without them.
Seems like personal preference to me. I've always wanted at least one child but I wanted to adopt instead of biologically have them. If I could have it my way, I'd adopt one and create another. I don't want my child to be an only child.
Sure I want children.
I would consider my job as a parent to mainly be to encourage their curiosity and provide all the answers they desire. And raise them as independent thinkers. I would like the opportunity to try doing that.
I hate children. When I was in elementary school, my uncle and aunt had a baby. Up until that time I was the wonder girl of the family, always asked how I was doing at school, admired for my intelligence etc. But when the kid was born she suddenly became everyone's favorite. I couldn't understand why. It was obviously waaay too early for me to understand anything close to maternal instinct (I was, like, 11 at that time), so I tried to process it logically. I never figured out why my family would drool over someone who couldn't even talk, couldn't walk, wasn't exceptionally smart (or at least there was no telling at that time), who had no achievements, no brilliant thoughts, basically who had/did nothing she could be admired for. She was just born, that was all. Also, crying and screaming. Also, requiring attention. What was so wonderful about her??
I felt abandoned and betrayed. Now I somehow got over it, but back then it really hurt. I started hating children, even more so because I had a younger brother and if he misbehaved it was always my responsibility because "I taught him." I had to take care of him as well. So I grew up perceiving children as things that you constantly had to watch over and things that I would always be second to (even though I was highly intelligent and they obviously were not) without any justifiable reasons for it to be so.
Now I don't want to have children because:
1. I don't think I could manage taking care of them ALL THE TIME (I mean, where is my time?)
2. I'm afraid that if I had children then my partner would love the child more than myself. I want a boyfriend/husband so that I could have someone who would love me most of all the people in the world, so why should I want a child that could threathen that requirement? Also, I'm still afraid that if anyone ever wanted to marry me it would be only so that he could have children with me. Yeah, I know, I have some serious issues with that one.
3. I fear pain, so I would never be able to give birth. I don't want to give birth, I never did. All that "carry the baby under your heart" crap is irrelevant, I never got it anyway. If I learned I was pregnant, I would probably miscarry from all the stress the thought of approaching labor would cause me.
4. Pregnancy deforms your body (unless you're Japanese). I often feel ugly already, no need to enhance my problems with self-preception.
5. If I got bored with the child, I couldn't just walk away from it. It's a lifetime bond, whether you get bored/annoyed/discouraged or not.
6. I would love to raise an intelligent, independent thinker. But there's no guarantee my child would be intelligent. If it wasn't, then as said above, I couldn't walk away even though I would want to. I'd be stuck with a stupid child forever and I would hate it. Now, maybe it's better not to be born than to have a mother full of hate towards you, isn't it?
7. Some people say "it's wonderful to think that you've given life to somebody." I don't value life, even my own one. What is so wonderful about making someone come to this crappy world and live here?
8. The only way I could have children is through surrogacy. But Polish law has changed and now when the surrogate mother gives birth and decides to keep the baby she is allowed to do so and the biological parents have no say. I don't understand how could anyone enforce such law but that's how it is now in here. The risk is to high, people are feelers, they go "oh gosh I give birth to him/her how could we part now?" and the law says "oh you carried the baby and you have feelings towards it, let's just go with those feelings then instead of the deal you made with the biological parents who want their child and paid you an awful lot of money so they could get one." I can't even imagine my genes being raised by an AVERAGE person. By not a brilliant one, but a simple woman from a simple family in a simple village. Oh, the thought makes me sick.
So yeah, that would be about it. Any questions? :wink:
Also, the tendency: men usually want children and women often don't (talking about NTs). Well, men don't have to bear and breastfeed them, that's why. Women are the ones stuck with pregnancy, puerperium and all that crap. So here you are.
I have definitely longed for having children and a "normal" nuclear family my whole life. I would go even farther though, in asserting that we INTJs do/will/would make outstanding parents. Like Morn said, we would teach them to be independent thinkers, and be delighted to answer their questions and encourage their curiousity. We would not be autocratic parents, but instead give logical reasons for our rules and never just the "because I said so!" On the other hand, we are principled and would be able to say no and provide much needed discipline to our children. We would certainly carry over our own constant focus on self-improvement over to them, but at the same time given our inner sensitivity and extreme loyalty to loved ones, we would also be very caring and loving to the children. We would be amazing parents! Now if only I can find someone to marry and put up with me; therein lies the challenge:tongue:
- Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.
- I never met a kid I liked.
- I like children. If they're properly cooked.
- Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
- They are also very good with mustard.
Up to mid mid 20's I knew I would never have children.
I didn't think I knew what to do with those things. They ate funny stuff, they could not tell what they needed or what was hurting. They needed their bottoms cleaned at certain unfathomable times!
Also, even if I had them, I didn't think this world was fit for them.
Living in a 3rd world country, I was likely to end up divorced. How was I going to look after them? etc, etc. (if you get the picture of the what the future will be like for them.....)
Then, I came to Australia. A kind and caring place. It did not matter anymore. Society here could and did cope with my alone-ness. I had 2 children and they thrived.
It's been my greatest and most fulfilling job.
But it happen in my own terms!
As of now I absolutely don't want to have any children, but I have decided in my mind that if I ever wanted to have children, I'd adopt them. People, especially adults, I tell this to tend to say the phrase "it'll change when you're older", like it's inevitable that at one time in my life I want to have children. Of course, I don't know what I'll think in, say, ten years, but neither do they, because everyone's different. :wink:
Australia is pretty much... exactly like America and not at all like Europe. The culture is one of beer drinking couch potato SUV driving freedom loving mall/walmart type store shopping living in large suburban family homes. There is a strong economy with 5.1% unemployment, and higher population growth than India and Indonesia, due to high immigration and high birth rates, with the very suburban orientated family culture, if anything sububan culture is stronger here than in America.
I was the 5th of five kids and the youngest cousin among a fleet of cousins...but instead of the attention I often got lost in the shuffle. I became an uncle at the age of 9 and a great-uncle (before fatherhood) in my mist 20s. I don't know when or why, but being around and being trusted to take care of kids always made me feel good.
I was in a serious relationship with a woman 17 years old than me and one of the reasons I gave myself as to why not to continue into marriage was that I wanted my "own" kids. She had two already, but could not have anymore. Life dealt me into a marriage where a biological child was not possible, and we adopted. At 35 I finally became a father to a 6-week year old child...and the first time I held him I cried. Two years later we adopted a second child from a different biological mother.
Adoption has brought such a beautiful surprise. Each day is total wonder. There's no reading into possible DNA links, past, present or future.
I have never loved another human being as I do my children. For me, this is the glory of having a child. It has brought out a depth to me I did not know I had, and selfishly, I really like the idea that no one else will ever get this much love from me.