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As pretty much... every INFJ alive, I have often found myself misunderstood. Sometimes, I step out too far, hoping to be understood. However, I am usually sorely disappointed; I'm sure you all are familiar with this. I do have a few close friends who really get me, and I'm grateful for that. But today I made the mistake of trying to talk to my mother about some of my crippling fears... I believe she's an ESFP. She did not understand, and that put me in a foul mood.

As a Christian INFJ, I feel that sometimes, I look for understanding in people more than I look for understanding in God. However, when I take my problems to God, which I try to faithfully do, I still don't feel better until I talk to a person who can understand what I'm thinking and feeling... is this a problem? Like, do you fellow Christians think that as a Christian INFJ, I should feel fulfilled without the help of the people around me?

All of that wonderful introverted intuition would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks!
 

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I'll share more when I can, but wanted to leave this here:



It's Rembrandt's Jeremiah Lamenting the Destruction of Jerusalem. A reminder of the periods of loneliness and misunderstanding we all experience while yet still "looking through a glass darkly." Even Jesus himself expressed incredible dismay at his disciples consistent misunderstandings and inability to see his truths.

I've come out of a 10 month time myself, and I don't think I would have made it as unscathed if it weren't for my church family and the listening ear of my pastor, who had gone through a lot of the same things herself. So no, Paul would not have instructed, "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ," and Jesus would not have said, "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another," if we were meant to be islands unto ourselves.

"And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecc. 4:12
 

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Like, do you fellow Christians think that as a Christian INFJ, I should feel fulfilled without the help of the people around me?
No, certainly not. Prayer is not meant to make you an island. What prayer should do is give you some clarity that will help you to find the help from others that you need.
 

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Yes, I'm misunderstood.

Even people at my church don't get me. They tell me how I'm supposed to talk to God and I just do it different.

"Well, you should know when you're hearing from God!"

Huh? How? I just look in the Bible and if I find it in there, I know God said it.

So if I get an odd dream, I go to the Bible and look it up... and whatever the Bible has to say about it, that's what the truth is!
 

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I definitely understand exactly what you are saying! I feel the same way. I need to talk with others to fully process things but the people I talk to often don't get what I'm trying to say. It's really frustrating! I always look for reassurance from others by talking out my thoughts and while that's not always necessarily bad, it can be very disappointing if I'm not also talking to God about it. It's a learning process to be able to understand what God's heart is for us! My pastor was just talking about a similar topic this past Sunday. PM me if you'd like me to send you the Youtube link. It's under Kingdom Culture on Youtube if you wanna look it up yourself. The video is called WEEK 1: The Resistance .
 

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This is exactly the question that I've been wrestling with for months. Thank you for posting this. It is my belief that God created us to crave relationship and understanding. "It is not good for man to be alone.." Gen 2:18. However, there have been many times in my life where I've had to ask God for guidance in my quest to be understood, since I have a strong tendency to place being understood by those around me above anything else, including my love of God. My relationships become unhealthy very quickly in those moments since I am asking my fellow humans to understand my innermost thoughts and motivations, when in reality, only God can do that. Psalm 139:13 says "For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb". My creator is the only one who truly understands me. To expect that from anyone else is asking them to be God. However, the pattern in my life seems to be that he allows me to search and struggle for a bit as part of my learning process, then he brings the people that I need in my life at just the right time to help bring insight and closure to that particular struggle. Some of these people have been paid professionals, and some of these people have been friends or acquaintances. That's just my experience as I understand it today. Maybe it will be helpful. Best wishes in your quest to gain some understanding from others.
 

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You know, I'm not sure how much this is an INFJ problem, as much as it is a human problem. Most people look to others to feel understood, and as much as I wish it were possible, humans are too finite and fallible to understand each other completely. I believe it is this longing to be known which creates our ache for God in the first place.

He knows your intricacies and your details. Revel in the fact that while you may never receive that from others, God sees every part of your soul.

Of course, sometimes you may not feel as though God knows you. He is, after all, invisible as we know Him in this present age. This because the restoration of the earth John refers to in Revelation has not yet come. But Christ has already come! And He has begun to make all things new. Now we must live in the current Not Yet, where relationships are broken and unfulfilling, but when the New Earth is finally established, we can each know the other with all of the completeness and fullness of relationship God originally intended. I know how you feel, I've struggled with this for years; but there's a light at the end of this tunnel, and it's worth every bit of loneliness we have to go through now.
 

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INFJs are misunderstood; Christians are misunderstood or rejected: therefore Christians who are infjs are misunderstood. That said, everyone has a different relationship with God and must face different trials, spiritually speaking. I sometimes feel lonely and I'd like to meet someone with my same ideology and belief, but then I sometimes (that happened to me few times in particular moments) felt a strong feeling of joy, satisfaction, certainty. I can't say what's God's plan for you; the only thing i can suggest you is reading this book "The gospel as it was revealed to me". I am sure you'll find your answers then. Emm I am a little bit tired as it's late night so I am sorry if my english sucked or I wasn't clear enough.
 

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I find that many Christians are into the devotional, rule or directed prayer based aspects of the faith.

There are lots of Si traditional Christians who love adhering to the many rituals and the calm stable security of the unchanging dogma. There are also many Te users who enjoy the assertive and confident declaration of "objective fact" involved with the Church and its teachings, and enjoy living up to those standards outlined to them. Finally, you will see many Fe users (Particularly XSFJ) enjoying the religious society they can fit into, as well as keeping up with what is expected and accepted from their like minded peers.

People who strongly adhere to the faith with those sorts of functions dominating their world view can tend to get an idea of what is customary or standard and want that to be cohesive throughout the clergy and its members. I believe that we enjoy the more reflective, mystical nature of the faith as well as the forgiveness oriented, loving and supportive aspects of the faith.

Ultimately, what needs to occur is a balance. The overly devotional must develop a unique spiritual identity to truly be close with God. It isn't a formula to follow. There needs to be heart. On the other hand, we must also try to honor the traditions that have come before us and understand that it gives a unifying and comforting presence to our brothers and sisters in the faith. It is true that we may be misunderstood as people, but the faith can be common ground for us all, and any good Christian would be loving and open to your way of being and praying.

I understand that this may come off as a series of generalizations, so I would like to note that these are observations I've made and not any kind of negative perception of anyone of any type who is faithful, nor is it a rule regarding those who use those functions. Just some thoughts.
 

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It's very difficult for me. My conviction (through scripture) is that we need to worship & work with other Christians. However, I've lately isolated myself because of several things.

One major one is legalism... I'm a songwriter and regularly perform (sometimes in bars) secular folk songs. Hubs was raised Southern Baptist, another close family member is a Charismatic preacher, etc. I've found zero acceptance for the arts or creativity among most Christians in the South. Love, genuineness, and grace are difficult to find, as most people are trying to hold themselves and others up to an impossible standard. Another is traditionalism that isn't scriptural but deeply ingrained & isolating to anyone outside of the "system". Finally, dilution...the more accepting & open churches are usually not faithful to scriptural doctrine and water down teachings to bring in more people (and money).

We played the game for a while...tried to fit ourselves into the ideal mold. Hubs became a deacon (which came with a no drinking clause). I prevented myself from using my creativity outside of the church. We put so much pressure on ourselves & it was the worst few years of our marriage. We stepped away & were able to gather ourselves together & thankfully God's grace & love were there for us when our church ignored our struggles. We were able to find our joy in God again & our love for others again.

I dont feel like I quite fit in with most Christians or with my non-Christian friends. But I think that Christ felt much the same way. He scolded the church leaders of his day for some of the very things I noticed, and loved and cared for those who were seen as outsiders & sinners. He was killed for speaking the truth about Himself and the church leaders.

The majority of the US church has either lost their ability to love, or only have love for themselves, their traditions, their money, etc. That makes it a difficult place to be for anyone seeking the love of Christ. I love the church, but much like my real family I've unfortunately found it difficult to be a part of.
 

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....

As a Christian INFJ, I feel that sometimes, I look for understanding in people more than I look for understanding in God. However, when I take my problems to God, which I try to faithfully do, I still don't feel better until I talk to a person who can understand what I'm thinking and feeling... is this a problem? Like, do you fellow Christians think that as a Christian INFJ, I should feel fulfilled without the help of the people around me?

....
No; because what you want is understanding and help from people around you.

God, of course, will always understand you and will help as much as you will allow. But, God is inside you; not around you like people are.


Welcome to the forums, Brinydeep!
 

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As pretty much... every INFJ alive, I have often found myself misunderstood. Sometimes, I step out too far, hoping to be understood. However, I am usually sorely disappointed; I'm sure you all are familiar with this. I do have a few close friends who really get me, and I'm grateful for that. But today I made the mistake of trying to talk to my mother about some of my crippling fears... I believe she's an ESFP. She did not understand, and that put me in a foul mood.

As a Christian INFJ, I feel that sometimes, I look for understanding in people more than I look for understanding in God. However, when I take my problems to God, which I try to faithfully do, I still don't feel better until I talk to a person who can understand what I'm thinking and feeling... is this a problem? Like, do you fellow Christians think that as a Christian INFJ, I should feel fulfilled without the help of the people around me?

All of that wonderful introverted intuition would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks!
Thanks for making this thread. I can definitely relate. I constantly scold myself for wanting validation and understanding from others, wanting to will myself into being impenetrable.... To feel surrounded by His Love always. But we don't learn, grow, or improve when we're comfortable.... Dang it!! 😜

So, I am working to trust that I can be buoyed up by Him sometimes, and also be led to know who to turn to, to receive the support He is sending through someone in the right place, and time. I know He knows I'm only human and that we all need support and that we all care what people think to some degree. http://www.wfu.edu/wfunews/2003/052703l.html

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

Sometimes when I pour my heart out to Him I'm consoled and filled with peace and love. Other times I have to journal for a while to get to the root of what's really bothering me (usually some silly fear whose shadow is so much bigger than its actual size. Putting it on paper often shrinks it to normal, manageable size!)

Sometimes I'll simply feel His help in finding the courage to ask a loved one, or friend for what I need. Asking for what I need emotionally is frightening... It means being extra vulnerable. I've learned the hard way, as you did with your mom, that choosing whom to confide in is no easy task. I'll pray you find a supportive listening ear.

And be gentle with yourself... You sound like me... I beat myself up for feeling beat up too. 😛 I believe God wants you to feel understood and loved, by Him always, and by those who have love in them to share. 💗💗💗

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk
 

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I think there is a difference between seeking out God's truth as revealed through others and seeking out others approval over God's. I often struggle with wanting others to understand and like me, instead of remembering that through Christ's sacrifice I'm now fully acceptable and understood by God. When that happens, I do think it's a problem. When I am seeking God and understanding that He understands and loves me completely despite all of my issues and weirdnesses, then I find that I don't seek out perfect understanding from other people as much. In fact I'm more able to relax in my relationships with them and reveal portions of myself that I wouldn't otherwise, because I know that I am understood even if they don't totally get me. That being said, it doesn't happen often because I'm a screwed up, sinful person. More often, I struggle to know and feel that God understands me so I go looking for that perfect understanding in people who can never give it to me.

God didn't create us to live in a vacuum. He created us for relationships with others, and there's a certain amount of longing for understanding from others that comes with that. I don't think wanting to be understood and have someone really connect with you is wrong as long as it isn't replacing your desire to get closer to God. When we start replacing our desire for our relationship with God with a desire for understanding from other people, that's when it becomes wrong.

I'm not sure this reply actually makes any sense, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say. :frustrating:
 

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"It is not good for man to be alone" -- Humans were made to need each other. God is a relational being in of Himself (being made up of a trinity), we were never designed to live life on our own. God is fully aware that this is a harsh place down here, and He knows that we need companionship to make it through.

I do believe that God needs to be the foundation of that, though. Our relationships with others can be lost for all sorts of reasons, and we need to try and make God our one constant relationship. It is certainly something that I need to work on. Getting lost in your love for other people is one of the biggest spiritual traps for INFJs, I believe. There's nothing wrong with it in of itself, but it doesn't need to come before God. The key is to view God as the source of love, the source of relationships, and the source of understanding. He's the reason why we can enjoy all of those things with the people around us.

And by the way, I had no idea that so many INFJs on the subforum were Christians. That's encouraging to know!
 

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I am new to the INFJ community and so happy to find it. For me, seeking the relationship balance (between God and friends) is difficult. Sometimes I need someone "with skin" but at the same time feel ashamed that I am not able to connect with God like Job "tho He slay me yet will I serve Him".
 

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Hi there -

I've not read all the comments in this thread, so if my comments are redundant, I apologize.

I'm not an INFJ, but I am a Christian and can very much related to feeling as though it is sinful, if not, at the very least, extremely inappropriate to "need" others. Through studying scripture and conversations with my community, I've come around (at least in understanding - practical application is a different story, believe me) that we are made to need others. God chose to work through the Body - the Church. And the church is made of people. All with different gifts. All entirely vital (Romans 12:3-13). He bestows wisdom, correction, comfort, exhortation, and encouragement primarily through brothers and sisters (Hebrews 10:24, 1 Thes 5:14, James 5:16). Do they fully understand me all the time? No. Does that, just, kill me sometimes? Yes. But, I say with deepest compassion for you and your situation, that that is where I most need to believe that He knows me. Completely. That he knew me before he made me (Psalm 139). That he knows the way my mind works. The way my emotions work. My quirks - both good and bad. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. My temptations. What inspires me. What devastates me. He knows. And people understanding aspects of me here and there is evidence of His knowledge of me. Honestly, some days knowing that doesn't do much for the heart. And those days, if I can drag myself out of my frustration long enough to pray, I ask Him for patience and the grace to really believe it's true.
 

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I know I'm not an INFJ, but I think it is normal to need to talk things out. Extroverted Feeling often means I want to discuss things with others, especially when I am feelig indecisive or particularly obsessed with something crippling. God never says to hole yourself up. Seeking help and connections from other Christians is vital to grow and be a part of the body of Christ. I feel most touched during hard situations when I have talked things out with other wise Christians who can help me to grow. In fact, my favorite circle was a bunch of old ladies at a Bible study a couple years back. Always pray of course, and pray for yourself to change rather than your circumstances, but there is something to be said for seeking Christian Fellowship and admitting that everything is not okay.
 

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Hi there -

I've not read all the comments in this thread, so if my comments are redundant, I apologize.
I guess I should have read previous posts haha
 
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I have run into many problems with the church over my time. Granted I am still a young man, I've seen many of Jesus's teaching being glanced over, or twisted for someone else's gain. This has always saddened me, I was raised by a strict Christian father, he was strict in his parenting, but through Christ he was always a loving and caring father. He didn't live an easy life by any means, he was abused heavily as a child from the age of 12-18, his father beat him relentlessly and he was beat, bullied, and demoralized by his schoolmates, friends, family, and teachers. Even through all of it, he was still a good man, but he always had a rage issue. He was a drug dealer until he was about 30 where my mom had introduced him to Jesus. From there God totally transformed his life, he no longer had a desire to fight, nor a desire to do or sell drugs. He wanted to devote himself to learning about God. He's spend 30 years learning, teaching, and preaching about God. Not as your regular pastor though, most teach out of a desire for personal gain, where my father taught out of love, as it should be, as Jesus had taught.

All my life I had been raised learning about the love of Christ, his forgiveness, his mercy. I was always confused, whenever we would go to church it seemed like everyone was in it for themselves. I never understood it, I was raised in love, yet these people showed very little. The church is supposed to be a family, yet they were all so dispersed, like the people after they had built the tower of babble. In my life I never truly understood it until my dad had 2 strokes when I was 18. I had never blamed anything on God, I was always questioning his motives, but never blaming, I always wondered why? Why would this man who was so devout to God be punished like this. My dad was unable to read, write, and barely speak after his strokes. Prior to his strokes my dad was under a massive amount of stress, he had just been laid off his job, me and my brother were the only ones working, but he also had a lot of debt. My dad raised us alone, my mom gave no child support, yet my dad with the help of God raised us on his own from the time I was 11-18 (another note: my dad was only a highschool graduate working a full-time job that paid 13$/hr.) If you don't believe in miracles, well there's one for you. Back to the topic at hand, he was becoming more angry and depressed after he lost his job, I remember the day he was going to take me to work. It's burned in my memory... He had told me, "I'm gonna brush my teeth then we're out of here." I sat patiently on the couch watching TV, I didn't realize it, until 10 minutes later that he was taking a but longer than usual, finally he walked out of the restroom, he had a different look about him. He looked at me like he had never seen me before. I asked him if he was alright? He kept looking at me confused... Then he collapsed, I went to him and guided him to the couch... I didn't know what was going on, I kept pleading: dad what's wrong... Yet he'd still look at me confused... Finally I called 911 told them I think my dad had a stroke, withing 15 minutes the paramedics showed up and took us to the hospital. It was there that I truly lost touch with the world. I spent 6 hours alone in that hospital, my brother was out of town and everyone in my family was at work... I had called repeatedly with no response, nothing, not even a text... I was numb. I didn't know what to think, in my brothers words, "we were in our golden age." Finally all 3 of us working together to get out of debt, but now, our dad was out, he couldn't function, I remember when he finally came to he said, "hey buddy." I was so relieved... Until... He repeated it... "Hey buddy." That's all he could say... From there he struggled heavily with his words...

My apologies for going into sort of a life story, but I had to show you where I've come from. I never open up about this stuff. I'm an Istp. So obviously, stuff like this is never spoken about. Anyways. From that time I was questioning what God was doing with my life, and where it was going. I looked to the church, but fell away... I left... For a year I left the church because they didn't understand, they said they cared yet, in my time of need they left, all those people I called friends had abandoned me, it was just me. I felt alone in fact I turned away from God for a while. Not out of hate, but something inside me (probably the Istp) told me, you've grown up with God, but that influence is now gone. Let's what happens. I fell away from the church eventually those people I considered friends I left behind, they never cared, they had no love, just their own selfish needs. Here is where I heavily began questioning the church and it's methods. I realized that they either didn't understand the Bible or didn't care about it's main teachings. A year later I met this girl, I thought she was hot, I wanted to date her and see where it would go, later I learned that she was Mormon. I never really understood them, I just knew my dad heavily disliked them and their doctrine. From here I learn what they were truly about. From I saw it, I saw why we are truly hated he the world. We're supposed to be Christians who love one another, but what we really are, are a people who put on our Christian face on Sunday's, then after church is over we go back to our sinful nature, like God is just an option. This knowledge hurt, I looked at the Mormon church and saw hypocrites. Like all religions they believe we get into heaven through works. No. As I headed this Sunday (weirdly) We're not saved by works. We are saved for works. True Christians know that Christ died for our sins. We have no more need from there to try harder and harder to get into heaven, we're free once we accept that Jesus died to forgive our sin. This is where it gets fun. People leave it here. That's it, that's all they see, they go on with their lives just with that Christian mask saying, "Jesus died for me I'm saved." Then take off the mask and continue with their sinful nature. It goes way deeper than that. People seethe Bible as a set of rules or guidelines that we have to follow to get into heaven. No, they're not guidelines at all, sure they help you live a better life, but when you truly accept that you're saved by Jesus, you realize that you don't want to live in sin, you want to live for God, you no longer want to live for yourself. When you feel God's love you realize that there are people out there who are so lost in their own lives. It's not that you're forced to preach the gospel anymore, in your spirit you now want to, you feel compelled in your spirit because you realize they could have so much more with God. They could find true joy in God. Many people see the Bible for all the bloodshed and all the rules in the beginning, yet what they fail to realize is all of it was brought upon us because of our sin. That's why God sent his son to die to forgive our sins. So we could have that relationship, that love with him. We could become the bride.

That's all I want in life now, to be with God. There's a passage in Galatians where Paul talks about wanting to be with God, but is also compelled to share him with everyone, why get yourself into heaven when there are many are lost and need him. Sorry for my long rant I have more to say, but my phones about to die. God bless, and be loved.
-Sohrin
 

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I totally understand where you are coming from, my mother and sister are also ESFPs and my father is ESTJ. I grew up feeling understood by my family. I am religious as well and ive always felt i had a good relationship with god. Though my prayers to god, expressing myself completely and honestly, asking for help, i have felt better and sometimes have even seen my prayers answered in an incredible manner. Genesis 1:27 mentions that we are made in Gods image and i like to think that also meals that my INFJ personality is a part of him too, that he he understands me.
It is through prayer that we speak to god, however, to find the answers, the way he speaks to us is through the bible and sometimes uses people too.
This article might help you a lot as it helped me:
-God Knows and Understands You (Psalm 139:1) (jw.org)

If you click the next at the bottom of the page the article is continued.
i hope this is helpful :)

PS
I have also found lots of love and an effort to understand me within the people that worship god along with me. What is important is to strive to follow what the bible teaches, which unfortunately many religions and christians fail to do. if you want more info you can check out this article too:
-Good Religion Promotes Brotherly Love (jw.org)
 
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