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Discussion Starter #1
Have any of you ladies or gents broken up with someone and wanted it to be civil and adult-like, but the other person spins it into something else?

To be perfectly honest, I've never been the one to break up with someone (unless you count that 1 week "relationship" I had a few years back lol)...always the one being broken up with.

So, when I came to the decision to end things with the guy I was seeing for the last month-ish, I had no idea where to start. I consulted 2 of my best female friends, my mom, one person from the forums and my ex who I would be lost without! All of them had said to be honest, straight forward and that if I kept it going any longer, it would just be harder.

I distanced myself from him for a couple days while I was getting my thoughts together. He realized something was up, but instead of asking me about it, got very controlling. "Where are you?", "what are you doing?", "who are you with?", "why didn't you text me today?"...things like that. I am a 21 year old woman, not a child spending the night at her friends whose mother decides to check in on.

ANYWAY, yesterday, I called him, offered for us to get together, or talk on the phone but made it clear we had things to talk about. He opted for the phone call, which is fine, but not the way I would have done it if I had the choice. So basically, I told him the truth. I said I didn't feel appreciated, that he was a bit too controlling for me and that I felt like we were just 2 very different people. Things weren't working out like I originally thought they would. He hastily said "I'm not talking to you on the phone about this. I'm hanging up." and so he did! Then he texts me. I will paste the text because honestly, my feelings on it are mixed. I wasn't totally invested emotionally into the relationship, so my feelings aren't hurt too badly, but his words shocked me.

"Whatever I have other girls. I don't give a fuck. One goes and another is ready to walk in. I'm glad you brought it up because I didn't want to be with you anyway. All my ex's are hot and skinny. I'm better off with them. Good luck. Bye."

At this point, I spoke to my ex because I was shaking and just livid. He told me to ignore it. He wanted a reaction from me. I agreed and ignored the text.

3 hours later...another text from him: "Plus, you were just a tissue that I used and chucked".

THIS is what stung. I am so pissed at myself for sleeping with him. Actually, I'm pissed at myself for always wanting to see the best in people. I was a complete idiot when it came to this guy. I've had breakups that hurt incredibly, and while yes, I may have seemed a bit loony toon post-breakup, I NEVER sent anything like that. There's no excuse for it.

I'm so happy that I did what I did. I deserve so much better than that. I feel free and I'm going to enjoy it, but damn! What an ass!
 

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well.... He was clearly a loser. You know I am here if you need a vent. But consider yourself lucky. You definitely aqre deserving of better.

Oh.. I have tried in some cases to do everything by the book but with some people you have no choice.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks, you :)
I will definitely take you up on the venting if I need it. You know I'm here as well if you need to get anything off your chest!
 

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I've had a break up like that and the thing that made me realize I won is that I never responded to anything he said to me. Whether by text, IM, email, Facebook, MySpace, or even, for fuck's sake, a letter he sent me via post office! It was clear that he wanted a fight and he was going to say whatever mean thing he needed to in order to get it, but I was done with him and just didn't have the spark of emotion to give a shit that someone I already rejected thinks I'm a lousy lay. Fine, maybe I was, good thing I'm not your problem anymore. Moving on.

That doesn't make it hurt any less, though. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
 

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Rest in the know that you're clearly a better more well adjusted kinder fairer person with better morals/principles than he will ever be....Unfortuantely it means we get on the receiving end of losers but you know, I would still rather be on the receiving end....Because you know you deserve better than they will ever deserve.

Its hard to see the wrong in people, and goodness....why should we....nice people exist its just a question of weeding out the arseholes. I admire the way you investigated the decision before acting, Im far to implusive sometimes and at least you won't be wondering if you did the right thing..

Pie x
 
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Discussion Starter #6
I've had a break up like that and the thing that made me realize I won is that I never responded to anything he said to me. Whether by text, IM, email, Facebook, MySpace, or even, for fuck's sake, a letter he sent me via post office! It was clear that he wanted a fight and he was going to say whatever mean thing he needed to in order to get it, but I was done with him and just didn't have the spark of emotion to give a shit that someone I already rejected thinks I'm a lousy lay. Fine, maybe I was, good thing I'm not your problem anymore. Moving on.

That doesn't make it hurt any less, though. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Yeah, that's exactly what I feel like right now.
I've taken the high road and not responded to those texts that he sent. He definitely wanted a fight.
I bruised his ego by dumping him and saying nasty things to me could be his way of dealing with it.
It doesn't matter, though, I don't need him in my life. Kicking myself in the ass, though, that's for sure.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Rest in the know that you're clearly a better more well adjusted kinder fairer person with better morals/principles than he will ever be....Unfortuantely it means we get on the receiving end of losers but you know, I would still rather be on the receiving end....Because you know you deserve better than they will ever deserve.

Its hard to see the wrong in people, and goodness....why should we....nice people exist its just a question of weeding out the arseholes. I admire the way you investigated the decision before acting, Im far to implusive sometimes and at least you won't be wondering if you did the right thing..

Pie x
Think I said it in my original post, but maybe not...I'm usually a great judge of character. I've never been in a situation where I really believed that someone was mature and level headed and then be kicked in the teeth by them. Guess there's a first for everything, though.

I've had crummy luck with people lately, so hopefully that'll turn around soon.
Haha, I'm usually quite impulsive with things too (most of the time it's when I'm shopping LOL), but I felt like I needed to solidify my decision. The people I talked to were really helpful. Really made me see that I deserved better than that. :happy:
 

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I have said exactly that

I have actually said exactly what you posted! ha " I deserve better."

Yeah and a good way to find out in dating is the 3 month mark. I am a good judge of character and have been told that but you get blinded in romantic ones where there wasn't a solid friendship first. Also you get sidetracked on attraction and chemistry and your needs aren't met. Those only last less than 6 months.

The test I have found in my 26.7 years: At 3 months of romantic attraction or so the guy can't keep anything that wasn't real up. So any trying to be nice then they are an asshole is too exhausting in the mid-second month and at about 3 (or if you are closer it will be sooner) can't be hidden anymore.


And also you diagnosed this situation correctly. He might be an SP with his lashing out but he is offended at the rejection so the best thing is hopefully to not respond, process any hurt if you have to run into him around your life, and move on. The most angry I have seen past relationships is when I actually didn't care. That for some reason makes them want to pick a fight (maybe to help them feel they were important).

Sorry long answer. Anyway I hope he comes around and or finds someone new.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Little update: This guy is CONSTANTLY trying to contact me. I'm actually getting really creeped out.
He's called me from blocked numbers, emails, texts etc. I finally got a new phone, so he never got my new number, obviously. He's STILL emailing me, making new accounts to view my pof profile after I block him to creep my page (I mean, come on, if you want to be a creep, don't put pics up!), he even CALLED MY WORK one night.
I'm at a loss. What the hell do I do?!
 

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Oh dear. You really hurt him. He sounds like a child who dropped his ice cream.

You have two options: continue to ignore it, or involve an authority figure (your father, or the police) to get him to back off.

Stalkers gain power by controlling you even when they have been banished, so you were right in recognising that he was controlling, and right to break it off.
 

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Seriously, good on ya for breaking up with him. Ur damn rite! U deserve way better!
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I've thought about the authority figure thing. My best girl friend as well as my uncle are just chomping to give him a piece of their mind.
I'm more of a "leave it alone and it'll go away person". He hasn't threatened my safety or anything, so aside from being incredibly creepy, I'm not sure the police would have much to go on.
I never found out his MBTI, though. Damn, I'm really curious haha.
 
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