Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So, I have just recently (within the past 3 months) discovered all about these personality types and am now really starting to apply these concepts to my relationships. I have taken almost every MBTI personality test that I can find online and turn up to be INFJ 95% of the time. Most of the other 5% is normally INTJ, mainly because I believe college has really kicked my Ti into overdrive (Will occasionally test as an INFP though, according to my mood). Even before college though, my strong Ti would wreak havoc on my *would-be* relationships. I always end up thinking I'm not good enough or will end all communication for fear that I've come on too strong and will scare off the person I was interested in. The reason I say all this is to give you an idea of what is happening to me now. I have met an incredible INFP who I have quickly become infatuated with. Relationships for me are rare, partly because I can never find anyone to match my ideals or partly because I never take the initiative like I should. But this girl is different. I feel that I'm really losing a chance at something if I let this one slip through my fingers and I really need some help. Now, enough of pleading for your help.
After spending enough time reading about personality profiles to be Carl Jung himself by now, I feel that I can be almost certain to call this girl an INFP. We've known one another for about 3 weeks now and our relationship so far has been somewhere upwards of around 150 texts, hanging out at the local bar 3 times, and a study date for a class that I just found out she was in right at the end of the semester (which went really well by the way). I feel like our texts are fairly flirty at times, a lot of smiley faces and such. But I'm just really scared that I'm going to scare her off by letting my feelings fly out of my Fe at her. She knows I'm interested in her, I've subtly called her cute and stuff like that on several occasions, and I've heard from some of her friends that she thinks the same of me. One friend even specifically mentioned that she had been telling them some of the funny things I've said to her. On a few occasions, if I lack on the conversation end through texting, she texts me when the convo seems to be petering off to keep it going. For awhile I thought she was just using me for my notes in the class, but she has actively asked me to come find her at the bar once or twice and once got me to leave a planned night of studying to hang out with her at the bar. On that occasion I got to the bar and was going to let her come find me instead of me being pushy and running up to her as soon as I got there. I texted her when I got there but she never came and found me and I ended up getting plastered. Saw her later outside talking to another guy, but I don't think she noticed me. About a week later she asked me to come find her in the bar after we both knew the other was going out, but I reallly think I messed this night up. I got really nervous and resorted to more than usual amounts alcohol to calm me down, which ended up with me being really social and talkative with everyone (damn Fe...) including lots of very pretty girls, which I understand now to be a BIG no-no now with INFPs. She ended up talking to some other guy towards the end of the night and I saw her walk back with him after the bar closed. (I immediately apologized the morning after for being too drunk though, hope she knows I really meant to be sorry for talking to all the other girls) Also I don't think it helps that I'm in a fraternity and know a lot of pretty dolled-up girls from sororities that want to talk when I'm out. This little INFP isn't (which makes her even more attractive to me somehow) but her roommates and lot of her friends are in sororities as well.
We studied at her place for a class into the wee hours of the morning one night. Seemed like we were very productive while all her roommates were still awake, but as soon as they went to bed, we couldn't stop talking to one another. I actually had to go home and study all morning until the test because I hadn't learned anything the last 2 and half hours of our time together. Since then (little over a week ago) we have texted a few times and once I tried to get her to come find me at the bar after she told me she was going out, only to have her stay at another bar the whole time. Oh, and I also know of two occasions where I had planned on going out and texted her and asked if she was going, only to have her tell me that she wasn't but show up later that night anyway. I know a lot of this going-out, bar crap doesn't sound very introverted, but its basically where everyone congregates at night, plus I think her crazy extroverted friends drag her out a lot.
I can feel the awful Ni-Ti loop already setting in, and I really need an outside perspective on this. Basically what I'm trying to figure out is, am I giving her enough space, or am I thinking wayy too deep into this? I hardly ever contact her first unless I'm inquiring into whether or not she's participating in the local nightlife. Maybe I should try to start talking to her more now that a little time has passed? And when should I actually try to ask her out? I understand I need to make it seem nonchalant and unofficial to make it more comfortable for her (and would probably help me as well!). Definitely think I need a little more rapport before I attempt this, but already have made unofficial plans to chill by the pool later this summer. Any pointers on stuff y'all like to do would be great as well, but I also understand that I need to get to know what she likes. I really don't want to screw this up, there's something different about this girl. Please help me figure out what's going on...:(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,390 Posts
First of all... Hi! :D

Second... Wrong subforum (this is the INFP articles subforum, should ask a mod to move this thread for ya) xD

Third: INFP's hang out at bars too :D

I think you're on the right track here. Sure, INFP's need their recharge times after social events, but if you're wondering if you're giving her enough space... the best thing to do is just ask her, really. Don't drink too much, but hey that's a general rule lol xD Be yourself and let her be herself - she's more than only 'an INFP', of course, but what I mean is, I think she'll definitely like it if you notice and appreciate her authenticity out loud (that may be an E4 thing more than an INFP thing).

If you've only contacted her for nightlife stuff, how about asking her to have lunch with you? It's different from night life but it's not exactly as 'official' as asking her to have dinner with you. Could do it as a prelude to studying together for an afternoon, or a secret serenade for studying together for a morning; a sort of a win-win I'd say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
414 Posts
I think you guys might want to get each others cell digits. If you get the digits you can talk or text like that anytime, because you both sound like busy students. It's like more direct, not face to face if this is a problem for you. She seems like she would be fine face to face with you, since her friends are so extroverted, but maybe this would be a challenge for you? If you are comfortable, and this is not such a challenge, you might just want to do lunch with her. If she is studious, she might love, really love, the idea of hitting the books together. I know, the best way for me get comfortable with someone, is explore deep study material together before an exam or even just a test, and get them to help me in areas I may be a bit out of water on. Maybe she could even add insight into your homework too? Anyway, if I was her, I would want nothing more than a half decent study buddy LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
It's not a problem for me to extraverted, it just takes a lot out of me. I'm practically forced into it so it's kinda neat to move around in an extravert's world as an INFJ. A lot of people really get attached to me once they know me, and I think she is too. I think she's just really, REALLY indecisive. For instance, I've tried to set something up for us to meet and hangout very recently when she showed a lot of interest (actually she contacted me first), but I'm scared she's the one that may have trouble meeting face-to-face now, and she doesn't want to meet because of that. I know she just got out of a very long relationship too, so that's having a lot to do with it right now. Plus, I rarely see her around anyone else besides those friends. They're kind of like a base of comfortability for her. Typical INFJ, I think I just solved my own problem talking about it.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top