What do you folks think of this? How do you know if you're or someone else is in a co-dependent relationship? Asking for a friend...lol. No, not really. The more I think about it, I think I am really co-dependent in a lot of ways. :exterminate: It's kind of a confusing thing to me. I think I torture myself a lot more than I really should by my impression of relationships around me. That may have some element of reality, but it isn't really entirely my responsibility.
Codependency is when you really do need the other person to complete you. Like, they are your ... liver. The reason this terrible situation develops is that people have gaping holes in their own maturity (wisdom) and the other person fills in those wholes so that the couple can function like one human that is sort-of mature.
These relationships work ok at first. But rapidly, the initial wave of looking past the other person's flaws or finding them cute, wanes. Then each party is left with resentment and begins to look outward again. So the mistake continues.
The need is to look inward and mature oneself. Once you are complete as a person for yourself, you can be a real exponent to someone else. You should always find a person with as equal maturity as you because nothing is more likely to cause relationship ending troubles than that imbalance. There is actually a tipping point for wisdom though, where, amid any existing human society, any specific person is simply 'wise enough' in general. That tipping point is the point at which they realize that wisdom is the only real goal of life. If they are at that point they will almost always mature from there with little threat of backsliding.
Most people do not transcend codependency style thinking and maturity until they are in their 30s. Although it is tempting to say that people should not be in relationships until then, that set of fails and relationships are part of the process and must be suffered. The trick is to do all of that with an understanding that anything you do in that phase is probably not permanent. So you want to avoid the permanent issues carrying over into a REAL relationship you maturely decide for. Often the biggest issue you want to avoid is itself, permanent issue, e.g. children. Of course, once born, children are a wonder and must be given all the respect of all life. But they are the most clear sign that a person was immature before in an earlier relationship and with that immaturity unwisely made life or death decisions. There are many other examples besides children, but they are a really big one.
The OP speaks of lying and seems to glorify it. Lying is unwise, e.g. immoral. It may seem like the liars are getting ahead and in the material world sense maybe they are, but, immaturity causes suffering, and lying is immaturity. DO NOT intend to do immoral things. They ALL come back on you and make you unhappy.
