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What do you folks think of this? How do you know if you're or someone else is in a co-dependent relationship? Asking for a friend...lol. No, not really. The more I think about it, I think I am really co-dependent in a lot of ways. :exterminate: It's kind of a confusing thing to me. I think I torture myself a lot more than I really should by my impression of relationships around me. That may have some element of reality, but it isn't really entirely my responsibility.
 

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Just look at certain things.
Dressing properly, doing your hair, shaving.
Do you do it out of yourself? Or do you do it because you want to look proper for others?
I'm pretty positive im co-dependent myself.
I don't do much when I'm alone. My beard gets shaven once in a week if I don't have anything to do.
However, when I have work, or go to a friend, I shave before because I don't want to look like an animal, lol.

Ask yourself, can you do your daily activities and necessary things, including hygiene and whatnot on your own? Or do you do it for someone else?
 

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What do you folks think of this? How do you know if you're or someone else is in a co-dependent relationship? Asking for a friend...lol. No, not really. The more I think about it, I think I am really co-dependent in a lot of ways. :exterminate: It's kind of a confusing thing to me. I think I torture myself a lot more than I really should by my impression of relationships around me. That may have some element of reality, but it isn't really entirely my responsibility.
Codependency is when you really do need the other person to complete you. Like, they are your ... liver. The reason this terrible situation develops is that people have gaping holes in their own maturity (wisdom) and the other person fills in those wholes so that the couple can function like one human that is sort-of mature.

These relationships work ok at first. But rapidly, the initial wave of looking past the other person's flaws or finding them cute, wanes. Then each party is left with resentment and begins to look outward again. So the mistake continues.

The need is to look inward and mature oneself. Once you are complete as a person for yourself, you can be a real exponent to someone else. You should always find a person with as equal maturity as you because nothing is more likely to cause relationship ending troubles than that imbalance. There is actually a tipping point for wisdom though, where, amid any existing human society, any specific person is simply 'wise enough' in general. That tipping point is the point at which they realize that wisdom is the only real goal of life. If they are at that point they will almost always mature from there with little threat of backsliding.

Most people do not transcend codependency style thinking and maturity until they are in their 30s. Although it is tempting to say that people should not be in relationships until then, that set of fails and relationships are part of the process and must be suffered. The trick is to do all of that with an understanding that anything you do in that phase is probably not permanent. So you want to avoid the permanent issues carrying over into a REAL relationship you maturely decide for. Often the biggest issue you want to avoid is itself, permanent issue, e.g. children. Of course, once born, children are a wonder and must be given all the respect of all life. But they are the most clear sign that a person was immature before in an earlier relationship and with that immaturity unwisely made life or death decisions. There are many other examples besides children, but they are a really big one.

The OP speaks of lying and seems to glorify it. Lying is unwise, e.g. immoral. It may seem like the liars are getting ahead and in the material world sense maybe they are, but, immaturity causes suffering, and lying is immaturity. DO NOT intend to do immoral things. They ALL come back on you and make you unhappy.
 

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series0 said:
Codependency is when you really do need the other person to complete you.
Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but codependency is where the codependent supplies body parts to either a narcissist or someone they will cause to be a narcissist.
 

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The OP speaks of lying and seems to glorify it. Lying is unwise, e.g. immoral. It may seem like the liars are getting ahead and in the material world sense maybe they are, but, immaturity causes suffering, and lying is immaturity. DO NOT intend to do immoral things. They ALL come back on you and make you unhappy.
Wasn't my intention to lie. Admittedly it does happen at times and I don't always want people to know about certain things. I do feel that my OP was blatantly transparently lying, though the quality of it isn't really even good or even funny really. I can even see if someone saw it as in poor taste.

Regardless, thanks for the post. Not really sure how to phrase things all the time, and there is/was a co-dependent part of myself that is/was afraid to reply to you specifically. Maybe it's just low self-esteem...
 
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Wasn't my intention to lie. Admittedly it does happen at times and I don't always want people to know about certain things. I do feel that my OP was blatantly transparently lying, though the quality of it isn't really even good or even funny really. I can even see if someone saw it as in poor taste.

Regardless, thanks for the post. Not really sure how to phrase things all the time, and there is/was a co-dependent part of myself that is/was afraid to reply to you specifically. Maybe it's just low self-esteem...
But, the awareness and vulnerability you demonstrate in saying that you have these issues, is solid. Take stock in your willingness to address these issues and even do so publicly.

Now there is one caution. Some folks who demonstrate publicly like the spectacle of worthlessness wallowing, pity-gathering, woe-is-me-broadcasting. If you are inclined in that direction then wisdom offers you caution. Feeding on that wallowing makes it more likely you will embrace that condition (of pitifulness) and nurture it rather than to heal. Healing is frightening. Healing requires one function normally and receive no more pity, no more acclaim for being a victim. Thus healing is precisely what many people do not want. That is a terrible trap. Do not fall for it.

Learn your type's weaknesses. Learn how your weaknesses interact with other type's strengths. One of the easiest examples is the enneatype 2 masochism pairs with the enneatype 8s sadism. That IS codependency. The warrior male of 8 with the mystical female of 4, possible codependency. The wise sage 1 with the jester 7, possible codependency. And the classic power couple a male 9 with a female 3 or vice versa. None of these have to be codependency. That situation happens when the weakness of one person is filled in by the strength of the other and then ... no effort is made to get better as a person. Essentially the other person stalls your growth as a person.
 
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@aSK
Codependency is when you sacrifice your personal needs to meet the needs another. Passivity,feelings of shame, low self-worth and insecurity is associated with this.
 
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Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but codependency is where the codependent supplies body parts to either a narcissist or someone they will cause to be a narcissist.
Yes, a narcissist could create a codependent if that person has the qualities (or some)I mentioned in post 7. Yet, codependency behavior can and does quite often, occur in childhood due to parental alcohol and drug abuse, as well narcissistic parent(s).
 

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Yes, a narcissist could create a codependent if that person has the qualities (or some)I mentioned in post 7. Yet, codependency behavior can and does quite often, occur in childhood due to parental alcohol and drug abuse, as well narcissistic parent(s).
Codependency creates narcissists too, though. Its a form of control. Convince someone they have no legs, be their new legs, then control them since they no longer have legs.
 

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Codependency creates narcissists too, though. Its a form of control. Convince someone they have no legs, be their new legs, then control them since they no longer have legs.
I wasn’t refuting you. I agree... I thanked your post.
 
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