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Discussion Starter #1
I've been reading this book:
Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition:Book Information - For Dummies

And it makes me a bit confused. The last couple of years I've done a lot of research on MBTI types and found that INTP fits me best. It really nails my traits. So I've become to accept them as a part of my more or less fixed personality.

Then I started to experience relationship difficulties and in my quest for answers (solutions) and found above book. And it fits me well also. The thing is, that was it being described as co-dependent behaviour, actually fits pretty well with the description of being INTP. Only in MBTI, one argues that it's who you are. But with co-dependency it's something undesired that should be fixed.

This again raise the question if the MBTI-types is 'hard-wired' or just the behaviour one shows.

This has gotten me to think, that if I do manage to get my co-dependency under control, which I intend to, what will that leave me? Have I just learned an INTP-behaviour but in fact I'm some other type? Or can one actually switch types? Meaning that types is just an behavioural description?
 

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Codependency and INTP the same?
No it's not.

It may be correlated in some ways or another in a "What came first ?" fashion, but being codependent and being INTP is two whole different things. If you are an INTP and fix your codependency, you'll stay an INTP. You'll simply be a healthy and happy INTP instead of a codependant INTP with inferior Fe problems.

note : Read theories about cognitive functions (Ti-Ne-Si-Fe for INTP) instead of type descriptions.

/End.
 

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I've been reading this book:
Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition:Book Information - For Dummies

And it makes me a bit confused. The last couple of years I've done a lot of research on MBTI types and found that INTP fits me best. It really nails my traits. So I've become to accept them as a part of my more or less fixed personality.

Then I started to experience relationship difficulties and in my quest for answers (solutions) and found above book. And it fits me well also. The thing is, that was it being described as co-dependent behaviour, actually fits pretty well with the description of being INTP. Only in MBTI, one argues that it's who you are. But with co-dependency it's something undesired that should be fixed.

This again raise the question if the MBTI-types is 'hard-wired' or just the behaviour one shows.

This has gotten me to think, that if I do manage to get my co-dependency under control, which I intend to, what will that leave me? Have I just learned an INTP-behaviour but in fact I'm some other type? Or can one actually switch types? Meaning that types is just an behavioural description?
I don't think so.

MBTI seems to focus on one's cognitive functions - i.e. how a persons tends to process information and their experiences, whereas as I understand, a key aspect of codependency is "An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment"

I don't think I'm codependent, but I'm defo INTP.
 

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Yes, but, at the same time it is usually said that INTP´s struggle with the fear of rejection. And one thing very typical for co-dependency is this self-criticism, which also seems to be a common INTP trait. Not?

I don´t say, or even believe, co-dependency and INTP is the same thing. I just found the similarities in the descriptions of INTP and co-dependency interesting, and that in one case these are unwanted, and the other they are fixed from birth.

It makes me think if one possibly could simply "choose" to be ESFJ instead, should I want to.
 

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Hmm perhaps you could try it, and let us know if you're successful? (I would be keenly interested to hear what a switch to ESFJ feels like, and even experience one if it is possible :p)

Also, I think that the fear of rejection is quite common in many personality types. In the INTP functional stack I believe this stems from Fe. A couple of Fe dominant or auxiliary people that I know also find this something that they struggle with. The need to feel accepted, to not disappoint those you care about, to have everyone happy (harmony). I suppose if a person is unable to deal with this to an extreme, they could end up in a codependent relationship. I'm not quite sure how this works with Fi or the other functions, but regardless, I don't think that INTPs are more susceptible to such relationships than other types.

Similarly, I think self-criticism is quite a widespread trait and not exclusive to INTPs. I know some INTJs, for example, that are quite hard on themselves.
 

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As to the original post, I think you are confusing "are we the same" or "are we more predisposed to" I think we INTPs can get an unhealthy attachment in relationships(Of course it's not limited to us). I've felt myself going down that road years and years ago.

IMO, we don't let many people in, so when we do we can go hay wire with it. As much as we like being alone, when we have those moments in relationships that we like being with someone else, it's like a wierd high. Thing is it doesn't always last, and we can't always stay in that place, with that particular person. I know for me in that situation, I knew deep down it was not meant to last, but kept wanting to get back to that place where it was good, which was not possible. So it's like one of those life growing moments with some pain and misery, and you come out of it stronger and wiser.

But I do not believe all INTPs go through this, and I think many who have, get through it and are able to have a healthier relationship in the future.
 

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Yes, but, at the same time it is usually said that INTP´s struggle with the fear of rejection. And one thing very typical for co-dependency is this self-criticism, which also seems to be a common INTP trait. Not?

I don´t say, or even believe, co-dependency and INTP is the same thing. I just found the similarities in the descriptions of INTP and co-dependency interesting, and that in one case these are unwanted, and the other they are fixed from birth.

It makes me think if one possibly could simply "choose" to be ESFJ instead, should I want to.
It has already been said, but it bears repeating that fear of rejection and self-criticism aren't unique to INTPs. You would probably find Lenore Thompson's Personality Types book to be very interesting. It notes the behavior of the different types under stress. A stressed INTP will behave in a negative ESFJ manner. I've found this to be very true in my case. It's a good read.
 

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Other than difficulty identifying feelings and indecisiveness, I don't see any traits of codependency that INTPs share when we are our regular selves. That said, I could see those behaviors arising when an INTP is in the grip of inferior Fe while in an abusive situation. I myself have acted codependent when I was pressured to care about what other people think above everything else and was also getting abused by a teacher at my school.

Self-criticism is a common INTP trait, but it can manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways. When I was in that aforementioned situation, for example, I would often think, "Everything that ever goes wrong is my fault! I am a worthless waste of space!" However, during my recovery, I started to analyze the events and factors, both internal and external, that led to a mistake when I screwed up something. That allowed me to regain my problem solving skills, to learn from my mistakes, and to actually take responsibility instead of blaming myself (I was being told constantly that was the same as taking responsibility, but you know, if you do that, there will be a lot of people getting off scot free).

Getting rid of your codependency is not going to change your personality. It will make you mentally healthier and will allow you to grow as a person. You may still think of yourself as an INTP, or it may turn out you are some other type. Either way, it is worth it.
 

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Initially I was quite stunned that you found a correlation with co-dependency and intp because I was always fiercely independent. But then I remembered my first major relationship and how insanely caught up in it I was. I needed that person so intensely and it was so painful and confusing when it ended. There's still a dark space in my heart because of it.

I guess my independence has always been a defense mechanism and I had to go through a bit of hell to set up healthier boundaries both to let people in and keep them from hurting me. A decade and a few relationships later I feel I am in a really healthy and positive relationship & beginning to flourish as a person. It's all about being ok with yourself and being a healthy version of your personality type. I've been so unhappy (for various reasons) and done so much personal work and now that I am finally moving past that and gaining a new self confidence I am still the same person, I just have more permission to be that person and allow my intp-ness to really shine instead of suppressing/misunderstanding some aspects and having them sabotage me.
 

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I would see codependency as being more incompatible with INTP qualities than compatible. INTP's usually want personal space and don't hold companionship that high in their hierarchy of personal values. Co-dependency seems like something an ISFJ would be prone to.

INTP's are self critical, but because they hold themselves to their own standards and their own desire for progress, not to others' standards.

In my view- to be co-dependent means you want to please someone else as your main goal. Doesn't seem like an INTP thing at all
 

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Discussion Starter #14
NTP's usually want personal space and don't hold companionship that high in their hierarchy of personal values.

In my view- to be co-dependent means you want to please someone else as your main goal. Doesn't seem like an INTP thing at all
Well, as I read it, co-dependency does not always mean the need to please someone else. An alternative coping strategy is to detach and live by the standard that one does not need anybody else. And that would be used as protection. Which to me seems to correlate well with the description of an INTP. Only that in one case it is viewed as dysfunctional behavior, and in the other as a functional.

I just find it very interesting. It´s like I have a choice to make: either view things as dysfunctional and work with them, or view them as fixed and functional and accept them. It´s not just the detachement that correlates. Other behaviors are the tendency to all-or-nothing, the obsession with mistakes made, getting overwhelmed with emotions, prone to various forms of sensory addiction.

What @Tinywild wrote gives me hope though! :cool:
 
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Well, as I read it, co-dependency does not always mean the need to please someone else. An alternative coping strategy is to detach and live by the standard that one does not need anybody else. And that would be used as protection. Which to me seems to correlate well with the description of an INTP. Only that in one case it is viewed as dysfunctional behavior, and in the other as a functional.

I just find it very interesting. It´s like I have a choice to make: either view things as dysfunctional and work with them, or view them as fixed and functional and accept them. It´s not just the detachement that correlates. Other behaviors are the tendency to all-or-nothing, the obsession with mistakes made, getting overwhelmed with emotions, prone to various forms of sensory addiction.

What @Tinywild wrote gives me hope though! :cool:
As far as I understood, co-dependency (and 'broken/dysfunctional families'), can be applied to the majority of people in some way.
So there likely is correlation with any type.
Many traits of INTP look like co-dependency traits, yet, I think indeed the difference is dysfunctional vs functional.
Looking at INTP's in general, they aren't dysfunctional, they are just wired differently, making different preferences and actions take place, which coincidentally look a lot like the descriptions given in co-dependency. I can imagine some INTP's will be 'falsely/wrongly' considered to be codependent, as well as the other way around, due to this correlation.
The trouble with this is , that co-dependency is likely overdiagnosed, or misinterpreted due to lack of knowledge in the psychological field.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
As far as I understood, co-dependency (and 'broken/dysfunctional families'), can be applied to the majority of people in some way.
So there likely is correlation with any type.
Many traits of INTP look like co-dependency traits, yet, I think indeed the difference is dysfunctional vs functional.
Looking at INTP's in general, they aren't dysfunctional, they are just wired differently, making different preferences and actions take place, which coincidentally look a lot like the descriptions given in co-dependency. I can imagine some INTP's will be 'falsely/wrongly' considered to be codependent, as well as the other way around, due to this correlation.
The trouble with this is , that co-dependency is likely overdiagnosed, or misinterpreted due to lack of knowledge in the psychological field.
So in your way of reasoning, I´m either falsely viewing my INTP traits as dysfunctional and try to fix something that is not broken. Or I´m in fact some other type, but co-dependent, thus showing all the traits common with INTP, but in my case, dysfunctional.

:confused:
 
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So in your way of reasoning, I´m either falsely viewing my INTP traits as dysfunctional and try to fix something that is not broken. Or I´m in fact some other type, but co-dependent, thus showing all the traits common with INTP, but in my case, dysfunctional.

:confused:
The bolded part ;)
 

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I've been reading this book:
Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition:Book Information - For Dummies

And it makes me a bit confused. The last couple of years I've done a lot of research on MBTI types and found that INTP fits me best. It really nails my traits. So I've become to accept them as a part of my more or less fixed personality.

Then I started to experience relationship difficulties and in my quest for answers (solutions) and found above book. And it fits me well also. The thing is, that was it being described as co-dependent behaviour, actually fits pretty well with the description of being INTP. Only in MBTI, one argues that it's who you are. But with co-dependency it's something undesired that should be fixed.

This again raise the question if the MBTI-types is 'hard-wired' or just the behaviour one shows.

This has gotten me to think, that if I do manage to get my co-dependency under control, which I intend to, what will that leave me? Have I just learned an INTP-behaviour but in fact I'm some other type? Or can one actually switch types? Meaning that types is just an behavioural description?

That is an intriguing question and I think I know the answer to it. It has to do with you Enneagramm Tritype. MBTI is the way your brain it wired and there is proof that it is true and I can also tell it is. Ennegramm is a mix between qualities you are born with (MBTI's cognitive funtions) and socialization.
Most or all INTPs are Ennegramm Type 5 as their major type. Obviously. But everyone also hat two additional subtypes (one from each other center respectively). Them smart ENTPs think that we INTPs are either tritype 529 or 539. If you have type 2 as your subtype, you are definitive susceptible to codependency at least to some degree.

Read here:
The description in German is even better. Just search for it.
The good news it that it is partly learned behaviour in response to your upbringing as a child and you can grow out of it and you should.

You might want to question your type until you learn the cognitive functions, though.
 

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And one more thing for now. Maybe even the Ennegramm tritype is determined genetically. But if you had a reasonably good upbringing (which not many people have) you would be the best and the healthy version of everything from the start because you were taught so by your parents. The premise in the book that I read is that everyone's upbringing is always lacking in some way and that everyone needs to learn and confront their coping mechanisms (for major type 2 and subtype type 2 people it is something like codependency or full blown codependency). Now that is an interesting thing to test.
 
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