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Are you cold with other people? I am, I have noticed this...Im not very cold with my close friends, but if they are new people and if I do not have interest to know them (so im only not cold with cute girls) I act extremely cold.
For example the other day I was just sitting alone in a special place at high school, when 3 girls from 8th or 7th grade just come close to me and tell me something like "hello why are you so alone dont you have any friends?" and I was just answering with like "because I like to, yeah, oh rly?" and all those cynical answers. now it turns out that that gang of girls always say hello to me I either ignore them if they are saying it when im far away...(they will shout hello even if I am like 20 ft away...) or just say "hi" and then they ask "how are you" and I just answer "fine" and keep walking.

Now I realized that one of those girls possible has a crush on me..she had one with my friend and the girl told him over facebook chat that she "loved" him. I do not find her attractive, not one bit (neither my friend did) and im really like really not interested...dammit she even tagged me in a photo saying "people I LOVE" and I was like "wtf? you dont even know me..."

what about you? are you cold with others?
 

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Yup, my feelings are so passionate yet unless I know you well, I must come across like the most stale, uncaring snob on the planet sometimes. (Nobody understands and everyone is out to hurtz me!) I need a consistent confidant/outlet for expression but it seems impossible to find one which doesn't make me feel self-conscious and defensive. ugh. *vehemently chews on ice cube*
 

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I come across as cold and poker-faced to those who don't know me well. Not one to initiate conversation either, but mostly it's because I want to avoid sounding stupid or offensive.. not because I don't care. When I was younger, I had the tendency to say offensive and sometimes sarcastic things to strangers and acquaintances. Now that I'm an adult, I'm more conscious about it so I filter my immediate thoughts before I talk. :mellow:
 

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I always seem to be apathetic, but I'm capable of being cold. People have described me as cold, some people described me as warm. People who know me well, people who don't. It's a switch for me depending of what's going on and what I should put for my input.
 

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When I'm tired, I think I'm cold to people. I just don't have the energy to be friendly. I'm working on at least being polite, though. I figure that since I'm 37, I don't have any excuses for rudeness. I just tell people I'm tired, or ill. :)
 

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That's a part of it for me too. My energy has to be fairly high for me to exude friendliness.

I'm a bit more careful these days. Like there have been times when parents' or siblings' friends come over and I am in a very excited mood, that I come off very warm and inviting. And then terror strikes when I find they are going to visit also the next day and the day after that.. and then I have this -pressure- to do well, to bring about that same energy I had first meeting them. And my energy never lasts a whole week, at most maybe a few hours. So I like to stick to a general calmness, reservedness (rather than cold) because it's easy to maintain.
 

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I think so. I always greet people and smile. A simple 'Hi' or 'Good morning'. I hardly ever start conversations. Only with friends. I only talk to people who talk to me first D: I have issues. I get intimidated very easily. I'm always afraid of looking like an idiot (I can be selfish.) :/ Or sometimes it just depends what type of 'vibe' I get from them. When I do come out of my 'shell', people look at me weird. So I just remain quiet. Yesterday during Midieval History, I spoke out for the first time in class. I wanted to be part of the conversation, and felt I had something important to say. But instead of listening to what I said, they just said "OMG, Kim, I'm not used to hearing you speak. Blah blah blah"

But anyway, yes. I can be cold. People always try to make conversation, but I'll give them simple answers. As if I don't want to be bothered. When I do ramble on though, noone listens. Or they think I'm just plain weird. Oh well.

I guess thats why most of my friends are 'wild'/spontaneous extraverts. I feel comfortable around them. Like I can be myself without them caring how weird I seem.
 

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Are you cold with other people? I am, I have noticed this...Im not very cold with my close friends, but if they are new people and if I do not have interest to know them (so im only not cold with cute girls) I act extremely cold...
...what about you? are you cold with others?
Lightleggy - you must be pretty cute - this post is not directed at you. you may be a bit young for this situation. all the best of luck with your 'cute' girls. if those less attractive girls are making you uncomfortable then let them know, but they likely have mild crushes on you - sometimes it happens to the 'strong, silent type of mysterious guys' frequently. I'm not even on facebook - so I will not even dare to attempt commenting on what you should do there, kids interact so differently now! hahaha Thank you for the good topic though.

Hot / Cold - i am naturally a warm person; and i treat all people warmly, whether i like them or not, or disapprove or approve of them - unless they do something to me which warrants a different kind of treatment. i wouldn't want to be treated coldly. but i can also slip into 'cold' modes, unknowingly but generally i am genuine in my presence and how i act. i think this is what i am going to get at in my post here today.

i notice a lot of INFJs may have some concerns about how others ignore them, or not treat them nicely, i think it is because of the impressions they give to others, when they treat them coldly. frequently people will mirror what they get, right back to you, sometimes it is not pleasant. but it is good to maybe observe yourself and understand, how you are received by others, to understand how you are treated in return.

i am concerned because a lot of emotional / idealistic men do this alot (being cold when disinterested in others) - it is not perceived as genuine either, how guys like this behave, because i find a quality i like in a guys is the effort they make in communicating. it goes along way to communicate nicely with women, even if you are not interested in them, and to communicate openly, to avoid mis-understandings. not every girl is going to be 'beautiful' or 'dream-like' and not every 'dream-like girl is nice'. i suppose it would be a dream for some men, if these situations would be the case in every day life. this behavior does not go un-noticed either, because girls talk (what else is new) and we will share impressions. Some 'beautiful' girls do have average friends, and go to them often for their input on guys and relationships, so watch out on this front is this is your attitude.

i don't concern myself too much with men that act that way, they end up looking stupid in front of girls they like most of the time, because of the puppy dog eyes, and the following around they do around women they 'perceive' to be interesting (not saying all men of this type of behavior do this, but most do). women notice these things. i think it is the guys that are kind to all people, and treat women well, regardless of their interest / disinterest in them, that are good catches.

but right now i am concerned about the INFJ hot / cold thing. in one moment of interest, i was all great and being treated so warmly - then all of a sudden, i've been put out in the cold and given the cold shoulder. i'm not sure what i've done - but i intuit something is up on his end. likely an interest in another woman, who is now his ideal. this is why i keep on saying idealistic men can be so dangerous to the heart. or it could be that cold (i need space) thing, which is fine, just say something about it.

now i can understand how this happens - from what i first said, about interest and disinterest in women, however my only issue with this is the promises made to a girl when in 'hot' mode. under no circumstances do i make promises to a prospective partner that i don't plan on following up on. that is not cool. but this i know is not an INFJ thing particularly, this is an 'emotional' man thing. i think many ladies have issues with this kind of behavior. this is an unpleasant situation, i feel special in one moment, then disguarded the next. what is going on and what is all this hot / cold about INFJs? why is it so much trouble to just tell a girl you are interested / disinterested; it is not cute, it is hurtful to lead a girl on. get to the point please, instead of prolonging fantasy.
Yeah, i think its when i get into INTJ mode, i am perceived as cold.
quite often too.
Hey Gaminegirlie - by reading your posts - there is nothing cold about you :) from another INFJ girl perspective! tee hee Well I think I have that INTJ thingy going on too - I can be incredibly cold, if I go into myself. I even have a pretty tough stare going on, a lot of people used to be afraid of me in high school - this was news to me, I found out about it recently - I assumed I was more of a cuddly-bear type? Well I can relate to what you are saying here. So glad to meet you, there was another post of yours that caught my eye, I will respond :)
The INFJs I know are generally cold to people they don't know well. But I don't see any problem with it.
True - nothing is wrong with this behavior. Actually this may not relate, but culturally speaking, I am from Toronto, and I enjoy a lot of personal space, and am generally accustom to being 'cool' and not too 'open' in public and with others...If I feel like being warm, I turn it up. Otherwise I am quite comfortable in cool mode. I noticed this because a friend visited from London, and she found working here and living here too 'cold' for her.
 

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I worry all of the time about coming off as 'cold' to others.
It's not that I'm not interested, because I usually am. But, like a few others have said, I guess I'm a little intimidated by other people... and extremely critical of myself. But, I'm afraid that I usually end up making the sort of "cold/disinterested" impression that I don't want to because of that... If that makes sense?
 

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People often react to me as if I am being intentionally unfriendly which is not the case. I have a hearing problem that means I often don't hear someone speaking to me on my deaf side.
 

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Throughout school, I was perceived as being 'snobby' or 'arrogant' (to my shock), when I'm really not that kind of person.

I think it's because being warm to everyone can be exhausting. Coldness is quite a bit easier to maintain for longer periods of time. So in public gatherings such as school I would default to a chillier personality, not because I didn't care or didn't want to be warm to other students; I was cold so I could survive.
 

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I worry all of the time about coming off as 'cold' to others.
It's not that I'm not interested, because I usually am. But, like a few others have said, I guess I'm a little intimidated by other people... and extremely critical of myself. But, I'm afraid that I usually end up making the sort of "cold/disinterested" impression that I don't want to because of that... If that makes sense?
by every star - I understand. I'm not saying here out loud to be a full on extrovert, and high-five everyone...I know I can be pretty friendly, that is my nature...I'm just saying, within reason, for the sake of being around others, and sharing some care, to just smile more often, or smile with your eyes. This is what I am saying. This takes minimal effort. Some people have a natural magnetism, whether smiling or not they will attract others. That is different. But to each their own.

I can also understand being 'cold' to avoid having to be 'warm' to everyone, if it is uncomfortable or takes up too much energy. But generally a smile and a little open-ness towards others goes a long way. I won't get into the long-term effects of this - i guess you all can figure that out. if you are remembered as the person 'with a smile' sometimes a person that wants to get to know you better, can approach you even though they were at first reluctant. also sometimes that smile could mean everything to another person, who is having a hard day...this is about not always being 'inside' oneself, and sharing with others, in a bigger way. more than just being 'cold' all the time...but i am sensitive to what you are saying here, by every star. I think all INFJs go through this, for sure. I'm not telling people to be not-genuine, but maybe to experiment, and see what is best to do, in interaction situations. while thinking outside of 'self' sometimes.
 

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People with Infj personalities are definitely not stuck up or mean ... they're just distant and not too buddy-buddy with every single person that they meet. We don't trust many people since most of us understand that the world can be cruel and superficial.

Like for me, I am a rather nice person. If someone trips, I'll help them up. If someone is getting bullied, I'm not afraid of standing up for the victim. But at the same time, I'm rather paranoid due to having the ability to see through people's facades so it's hard to trust people. So to describe Infjs in general, we are cold yet kind and polite people (if that makes sense).
 

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If you're cold with others, you're either unhealthy or need to get your ass over to the INFP forum. Also let's abolish the idea that there's such a thing as 'INTJ mode'.....ugh.

I am so nice and friendly in every interaction that it actually tends to turn some people off. I use humor and laughter to connect with people. I do experience a drain in energy where I can't extravert efficiently but I'm never cold. I used to be much, much more introverted and I was certainly reserved but NEVER cold.

Also can we please stop talking about being cold like it's an admirable trait?
 
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