Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's 3 am but i cant sleep. and i've been thinking about something that has been on my mind for the past several years. it doesn't really bother me, but it has always been a puzzle to me so your insight would be appreciated in helping me solve this dilemma. you guys seem to be really accurate- a lot of times i have a gut feeling on something and I think your ST insight helps me solve problems so help!!!:shocked:

In my college classes, my TAs and professors had discussion or office hours where people could randomly come in to talk to them about questions or ideas they had for research. In the classes I'm specifically thinking about, i know the TAs/professors thought well of me because they later wrote recommendations for me to go to the post-bacc program i'm in right now (at the school of my dreams!) and the admissions committee said they heard stunning things about me from my professors. I've always been serious and focused on the work, and they have always told me that they appreciated me taking the work seriously. I'm also not pushy - and i'm really good at respecting teacher's decisions on whatever grade they give me, and i'll just work harder to meet their standards. also, if they are busy or I notice other students waiting, i'm very sensitive about this and will tactfully shorten our conversation so i talk about what i had questions about, but i don't go on forever (unlike some students who will go on and on and on even though people are waiting). i always make sure i am respectful of both the teachers time and other students time.

But this is what is on my mind: usually the TAs/professors were really informal- there were no sign up sheets and a lot of times, and it was more of a group setting so people were free to join in on any conversations. But here is the thing. Sometimes when they would be talking with another student, i would go join them (since i was accustomed to the group setting). And the TAs/professors would almost always ask me to give them a minute, so i would wait somewhere else and afterward, we would have an in-depth 1 on 1 conversation. It never bothered me, i just assumed they needed one-on-one time with that one student, but thinking about it now, it has happened to me almost all the time (like literally every time, except a few instances). But then- the thing that i wonder about is why it wasn't the same the other way around? So for example, if i would be in a serious 1 on 1 conversation with the TA/professor and some other student came to join and just sat there, the TA/professor would never ask the other student for a minute, even though it was a specific one on one conversation. We would just be really intensely talking about whatever topic. depending on the teacher, we would either continue deeply absorbed on the topic or the teacher would be aware of other students and cut our time short (even though we barely started talking) so the teacher could accommodate other students.

I guess what im getting at is that it seems that the professors and TAs treated me a little bit differently from other students, not in a bad way. but i guess this just drives my curiosity and i wonder at how i was perceived by them that they treated me this way? is it because maybe i come off as too intimidating or too intense? so they felt that our conversations have to be addressed separately from other students? or what? im really not sure. what i wrote in this paragraph is what my gut feeling is saying. but im not really sure.. even if that were the case, how does it explain when they would be open to otehrs coming into our conversations? and then some classmates have told me later on that i really stood out to them or that they distinctly remembered me (though not the others). im thinking this is a good thing but goddamn, im so curious of how im perceived by others or why my teachers possibly treated me this way??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
582 Posts
Let me begin as you did. It's 3:30 and I can't sleep, my typing is really beginning to suffer and I'm going to have to wake up in three hours so I'm contemplating on pulling an all-nighter.

As for your problem, it's not really a problem is it? Some people need other people to help them think deeply, (brainstorming). Introverts don't have this problem as often, because less is coming out of your mouth and more is staying in your head allowing you to formulate ideas upon a deeper level, not that brainstorming doesn't help. The fact that the professors realize this and allow for deeper 1 on 1 conversations/discussions is awesome.

I think you might be perceived as the quiet one who's ideas or thoughts won't be heard properly in a larger group. Whereas if the convo starts with just you and the professor and someone else joins in, it's easier to maintain control because the other person is playing catchup, thus your thoughts can still be expressed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,498 Posts
1. If it's not bothering you, then why is it a dilemma and why can't you sleep? Just my .02 worth here; while I'm certainly not trying to be nosy, at the same time I think it IS bothering you.
2. If I deserve a higher grade, I will complain until they get tired of seeing me. Just this morning I took an online quiz; it was SUPPOSED to have been over Chapter 2 but the contents were over Chapter 3, which I haven't read yet of course. The quizzes are one-time-deals, so needless to say I immediately emailed the professor and protested the extremely low grade.
3. I too, will respect a person's time and privacy and wait until the other person is done before I would engage in a conversation. HOWEVER ...
4. If another student is deserving/receives private one-on-one time, then accord me the same courtesy. I would even say something along the lines of, "I am uncomfortable discussing sensitive matters in an atmosphere of non-confidentiality." If that doesn't get the message across, then you will have to be more blunt if you want the professor(s) to understand that they are dispensing unequal treatment to students. At the same time, they are not mind-readers; they may very well think you are okay with it UNLESS you speak up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
well i couldnt sleep because of something else and this has been someting ive wondered about for a while now.

it doesnt really bother me that i didn't have confidentiality. i really dont mind talking openly about ideas and having that kind of setting since i talked to them about stuff from lectures/readings. and i dont mind having ither ppl around while i talk about clarifications. <- this was the format for most of these discussions anyway.

i guess what DOES bother me is that it wasn't the same for me and other students. i almost feel offended? that i was asked to give them a minute, as if im such an intimidating or weird person that they needed to discuss this without me there. at the time i would think "oh maybe they are discussing something private" but i noticed that in general teachers/professors are more like that with me. IDK why. im probably not really explaining this too clearly.. but it seemed that i gave off intimidating vibes or something that the other student wouldn't feel comfortable? idk
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top