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Discussion Starter #1
I've only found out that I'm an INFP recently, and I think I think that it describes me very well. I feel like I've been pretty fortunate in that I've found a group of friends with whom I'm really tight, but I've been realizing more and more that while I trust them and would do anything for them, I don't really tell them most of my thoughts. Generally I listen to them more than they listen to me and I'm totally okay with that, because I know that they're not taking advantage of me. It's more just the way we are and how that manifests in our friendships. I've tried to roughly place their personalities and I know that most of them are much more down to earth than I am. A lot of the emotional things I think and experience I think they might even scoff at or think I am strange for occupying myself with, and while I'm used enough to getting weird looks, these things mean enough to me that I don't want to go through the effort and grief of explanation, argument and then finally rejection. I think the outer image I project is either ISTJ or INTJ, or possibly even an extroverted version of those to my closest friends. My parents are even worse: they think I'm ESTP or ENTP, and they don't seem to want to budge from that opinion.

So what do I do? I'm not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable sharing my innermost emotions and thoughts. I almost kind of want to say to them, "I took this personality test and here's my result. I think it fits me perfectly," and then give them the portrait of an INFP, and have them realize that's who I really am without ever having to say anything direct. But to the one person I've done that to and to my mother, both have had reactions along the lines of "huh, are you sure that's right? okay well whatever, haha." I don't think they understand how relieving it was to find something that describes me so well, and how much of an impact it's had on me. Have any of you also been in similar situations? What have you done about it? At this point, I'm not even looking for someone to share my thoughts with; I like and am used to being alone in that regard, and I love to write so I do have an outlet. I think I just want people to realize that there's more to me than they see, and to be okay with the fact that I'm different if they know I won't trouble them with it.
 

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I'm an INFJ and my 16 year old son is a INFP. He has good friends, but never felt like he could really talk to them about things that were on his mind because they just wouldn't understand the way he feels. But as an INFJ I could understand and so he would share some of these things with me. This summer he went to a 3 week live-in summer program at a university and he met many people that he could relate to. It meant the world to him to be able to connect with people at a deeper level and to truly just be himself around them.

I think it's great that you are comfortable with yourself and feel that you can be happy without sharing your deepest thoughts. However, I think that you are right to want for people who you care about to understand you - I think us NF's have a real need to feel connected. Part of the problem might be that you are projecting a different image since you are not outwardly being yourself. There's more to people understanding you than just you telling them how you are (although that is a good start). If you outwardly act as you feel inside, I think more people would get you. But you will find that some people are just not going to get it no matter what. If they are different from you and not particulary perceptive to understanding others, then they will never get it (although they might find your uniqueness entertaining). But if you find other INF's and you allow yourself to just be you, then you will be understood and it will feel pretty wonderful. Unfortunately, INFP's and INFJ's only make up about 2% of the population combined, and they tend to be pretty quiet/reserved, so you have to look hard to find them.
 

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I go to a tech school and I think a lot of my friends are INTP. I remember talking to one of my otherwise close friends (we have a lot of jokes, have similar majors, take a lot of overlapping classes, etc.) about how I find the writing of F. Scott Fitzgerald beautiful, and he might have said something along the lines of "can't relate, do not compute." His favorite books are ones in which there is an epic plot or a heroic character; never does he actually appreciate words for words or the way they were put together. Another one finds my favorite book childish, where I find immense beauty in the message and writing. I can't even relate to it on a similar level to literature majors, even though I think they at least spare the weird looks, but lit majors are hard to come by where I am anyway. I guess experiences like this make me hesitate to share too much about myself.

I asked my mom to take the test and she did to humor me, and it seemed she got INFJ, even though she's highly skeptical. But I find sharing with her to be the hardest. I don't keep events in my life from her at all, like how school is going, what I'm up to, personal life, stuff like that, but I don't say the really private stuff at all. I think she wants me to be more down to earth and practically oriented, so I don't bother her with whimsical thoughts. The emotional ones I think would scare her, and I don't want her to think that I'm constantly upset or suffering or in pain. I feel really uncomfortable showing that side of me to my parents especially, because I hate seeing them worried or upset for me. I think in that sense my parents even think I'm kind of cold, and I'd rather have that than have them see the truth.

Maybe this isn't the best way to go though, but I really can't think of a way to bring myself out to my parents. And as for others, I think I'm so used to projecting that other image of me that I don't know how to begin being myself. Wouldn't it be kind of weird now that they already have an image of me? Should I just filter myself less? I'm not even sure how to begin doing that. It's literally second nature to me to keep things to myself that sometimes I don't even know what I'm hiding.
 

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Js are the 'should' types. Maybe your mother thinks everyone 'should' be a certain way, and she does her best to compensate, and thinks you should, too.

Anyway, as to telling people about me being INFP, I posted the MyPersonality.info - Personality Types and Multiple Intelligences Tests & Information quiz on Facebook along with my results (under a separate username - I don't trust anyone irl enough to let them see the deepest secrets of my soul that I share so anonymously, and freely here). I posted the 'Profile of an INFP' in my Facebook notes. Two people on my friends list have even paid attention to it, but they're the ones who are always spamming the page with their 'which Spongebob character are you' and 'what is your hippie name' and other fun but senseless quizzes. I doubt they took the personality test results at all seriously.

My parents don't know me. Not really. No one irl does. I have told my special one about my interest in MBTI, and she said, somewhat distracted, 'Sounds fascinating. Sometime when I'm not so busy, maybe I'll look into that.' She's never 'not so busy.' *sigh* ppl irl just don't seem to care to know me deeply. And, yet, every time I think I have typed someone correctly, I will go study that type so I can understand them better. I'm sure my special one is ESFJ, but she hasn't even taken the test.

But that doesn't mean they don't love us. It only means their interests lie elsewhere. Somewhere other than understanding people on a more than superficial level...
 

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I go to a tech school and I think a lot of my friends are INTP. I remember talking to one of my otherwise close friends (we have a lot of jokes, have similar majors, take a lot of overlapping classes, etc.) about how I find the writing of F. Scott Fitzgerald beautiful, and he might have said something along the lines of "can't relate, do not compute." His favorite books are ones in which there is an epic plot or a heroic character; never does he actually appreciate words for words or the way they were put together. Another one finds my favorite book childish, where I find immense beauty in the message and writing. I can't even relate to it on a similar level to literature majors, even though I think they at least spare the weird looks, but lit majors are hard to come by where I am anyway. I guess experiences like this make me hesitate to share too much about myself.

I asked my mom to take the test and she did to humor me, and it seemed she got INFJ, even though she's highly skeptical. But I find sharing with her to be the hardest. I don't keep events in my life from her at all, like how school is going, what I'm up to, personal life, stuff like that, but I don't say the really private stuff at all. I think she wants me to be more down to earth and practically oriented, so I don't bother her with whimsical thoughts. The emotional ones I think would scare her, and I don't want her to think that I'm constantly upset or suffering or in pain. I feel really uncomfortable showing that side of me to my parents especially, because I hate seeing them worried or upset for me. I think in that sense my parents even think I'm kind of cold, and I'd rather have that than have them see the truth.

Maybe this isn't the best way to go though, but I really can't think of a way to bring myself out to my parents. And as for others, I think I'm so used to projecting that other image of me that I don't know how to begin being myself. Wouldn't it be kind of weird now that they already have an image of me? Should I just filter myself less? I'm not even sure how to begin doing that. It's literally second nature to me to keep things to myself that sometimes I don't even know what I'm hiding.
I agree with Starflower about J's being the "should" types - I see this as the biggest difference between myself and my son and I have to contintually remind myself that he isn't like me in many ways and that I shouldn't expect him to be. Parents do worry and want what's best for their kids so I'm sure your mom hopes that you are perfect (whatever her definition of that is). You might be right that your relationship with your mother is easiest if you just allow her to think that you are whatever she wants you to be, but I predict that if she is an INFJ that someday when you are older you will feel you are able to be more yourself around her and she will understand you. As for your friends... There is no need to divulge your deepest thoughts on a regular basis, but on the other hand, don't shy away from defending your favorite author. It seems to be a common trait for INFP's to naturally avoid any sort of conflict - try not to let that keep you from expressing yourself. Try not to take your friends' comments personally. Just because your friend thinks your favorite author is childish doesn't mean that they don't understand you, just that they don't agree with you. If they think less of you because of something like that then they have a problem and are not really friend material. For most of my life I refused to discuss my political beliefs around anyone that disagreed with them - I'm not sure exactly why, maybe because I thought that they would think I was foolish and I too hate conflict of any sort. But as I'm getting older I'm slowly gaining the confidence to speak my mind even when I know others disagree with me. I'd suggest that you just try it slowly, just try to give your opinion to people more often and if they think less of you for having a different opinion than they do, then they are beneathe you.
 

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it's ridiculous how much i relate to this thread, from the desire of wanting the people around me to take interest in my traits as an INFP (like the OP, i very likely project an INTJ/ISTJ image as well) to keeping opinions to myself because i assume (and am right, for the most part) that people wouldn't be interested anyway. catlauren mentions that we should try to assert our opinions, but what do you do when they don't even take interest in a particular subject? it's like the OP says; they just go: "huh, are you sure that's right? okay well whatever, haha." So at times, it's not that we don't want to open up, but there's just too little interest in what we want to open up about.

MBTI is immensely insightful in this sense. it's true; i have a mixture of different types as close friends, but i've never connected better with types other than the NFs - in fact, i feel a deeper bond with NFs i've only just met for weeks or months than other types i've been close to for years and years. i suppose that's they way it is; you just learn to identify who to open up to and who not to. it saddens me that i have to do this because there are friends i genuinely care about whom i want to have meaningful conversations with, but i've tried countless times and they're just not made for certain kinds of conversations, esp the xSxx in my case.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I know that my parents and my friends love me. I definitely don't doubt that, and I'm really really grateful for it. I just wonder if somehow I could make them understand me better, because even if I project a different personality type, it's still who I am. It's a part of me that I think I am more comfortable with the world seeing, or even that I want the world to see (but I don't feel like I'm acting. And if it's something that I value and want the world to see, then it's still kind of part of me, isn't it?) It's not even so much that it "troubles" me when they disagree with me or can't understand... I just more want them to just know that there's other stuff going on. My friends and I are close enough that I think we can calmly discuss our differences without getting personally offended... I guess I'm just afraid to show anyone these things in too much detail.

it's ridiculous how much i relate to this thread, from the desire of wanting the people around me to take interest in my traits as an INFP (like the OP, i very likely project an INTJ/ISTJ image as well) to keeping opinions to myself because i assume (and am right, for the most part) that people wouldn't be interested anyway. catlauren mentions that we should try to assert our opinions, but what do you do when they don't even take interest in a particular subject? it's like the OP says; they just go: "huh, are you sure that's right? okay well whatever, haha." So at times, it's not that we don't want to open up, but there's just too little interest in what we want to open up about.

MBTI is immensely insightful in this sense. it's true; i have a mixture of different types as close friends, but i've never connected better with types other than the NFs - in fact, i feel a deeper bond with NFs i've only just met for weeks or months than other types i've been close to for years and years. i suppose that's they way it is; you just learn to identify who to open up to and who not to. it saddens me that i have to do this because there are friends i genuinely care about whom i want to have meaningful conversations with, but i've tried countless times and they're just not made for certain kinds of conversations, esp the xSxx in my case.
To be honest I don't know if I have an NF friends! I guess it's a little hard for me to find out, since I'm so afraid of opening up that maybe I'm missing some people who would feel the same if only we just took that risk and talked to each other. But it makes me feel so much better that you feel the same way, flatwhite! It feels good to not be alone. :)
 

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Imho if you wish other people to understand you better you should gain a very good understanding of them first. If you yourself understand where your friends and family members are coming from, what their values and what their world view are like, then it is easier to come up with the right words to say. Basically learn to speak their language then you will know how to translate your inner world into something that would resonate with them. The ultimate understanding is of course not possible, unless somebody does a mind-meld with you and literally lives out a day inside your mind, and you'll just have to make peace with this fact.
 

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Imho if you wish other people to understand you better you should gain a very good understanding of them first. If you yourself understand where your friends and family members are coming from, what their values and what their world view are like, then it is easier to come up with the right words to say. Basically learn to speak their language then you will know how to translate your inner world into something that would resonate with them. The ultimate understanding is of course not possible, unless somebody does a mind-meld with you and literally lives out a day inside your mind, and you'll just have to make peace with this fact.
Yes, but that takes effort...:crying:
 
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Flatwhite and Velociraptor, I can identify with you both when you say that there are some things that you just can't talk to certain people about because they really don't care about the topic (MBTI being one of those topics). When I say it's important to open up, I'm suggesting that we shouldn't shy away from expressing our opinions on topics that are being discussed. But I think figuring out who to approach about certain topics is the kind of thing that you have to figure out by trial and error. I have quite a few people that I would call close friends and not one of them is an NF. A couple of them do like to discuss many "offbeat" topics with me but still I don't think they fully understand how I feel. This saddens me. I think it has only now become apparent to me since my son has gotten older and I've gotten to know him as a person and I'm amazed at how well I can relate to him. I'm also very happy to have found this forum. But I truly hope that one of these days a close NF friend will come into my life because I believe that the more I can share with others and be understood by them the more fullfilled I will feel.
 

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What would it change if they knew? Would putting name to your already apparent traits change how they treat you? Will they care enough to study this kind of psychology and be enlightened?
 

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To be honest I don't know if I have an NF friends! I guess it's a little hard for me to find out, since I'm so afraid of opening up that maybe I'm missing some people who would feel the same if only we just took that risk and talked to each other. But it makes me feel so much better that you feel the same way, flatwhite! It feels good to not be alone. :)
you'd be able to tell - i asked some of my closest friends to take the test and they humoured me, so i pretty much know for sure what types they are, even though i could guess which the NFs were :)

and i know right? that's the great thing about this forum - being able to bump into people you cannot seem to find irl


Imho if you wish other people to understand you better you should gain a very good understanding of them first. If you yourself understand where your friends and family members are coming from, what their values and what their world view are like, then it is easier to come up with the right words to say. Basically learn to speak their language then you will know how to translate your inner world into something that would resonate with them. The ultimate understanding is of course not possible, unless somebody does a mind-meld with you and literally lives out a day inside your mind, and you'll just have to make peace with this fact.
mmm easier said than done. some people just would not be able to comprehend why you feel the way you feel. i've tried putting things in their terms, but some of my friends would outright ask me in exasperation why i always fabricate such unusual thoughts. The understanding's often one-sided for me.

but you're right - everyone should at least try understanding and putting themselves in terms understood first.


When I say it's important to open up, I'm suggesting that we shouldn't shy away from expressing our opinions on topics that are being discussed. But I think figuring out who to approach about certain topics is the kind of thing that you have to figure out by trial and error. I have quite a few people that I would call close friends and not one of them is an NF. A couple of them do like to discuss many "offbeat" topics with me but still I don't think they fully understand how I feel. This saddens me. I think it has only now become apparent to me since my son has gotten older and I've gotten to know him as a person and I'm amazed at how well I can relate to him. I'm also very happy to have found this forum. But I truly hope that one of these days a close NF friend will come into my life because I believe that the more I can share with others and be understood by them the more fullfilled I will feel.
*sigh* i feel you, i feel you.

at least you find yourself able to connect with your son - not many parents out there are blessed with the ability to do so. perhaps you should try hooking up with any of the INFPs on this forum who reside in your area ;)

i'm often very assertive with voicing my opinions if my friends and i do talk about issues they're interested in, though. so much so that i'm trying to tone down on that a little heh.


What would it change if they knew? Would putting name to your already apparent traits change how they treat you? Will they care enough to study this kind of psychology and be enlightened?
it's wanting someone to understand how you feel. perhaps it's an inner fear that the people you know aren't loving you for who you really are, but instead for the image that you're projecting - does this mean nobody loves you for real? maybe, maybe not, but what better way to find out for sure than to put your real self out there for them to see? even the 'cold' INTJ-types have a desire to be understood - it's a basic human want.

no they will not care. but that's okay, because we wouldn't want them to impose their love of wrestling (the horror) on us too, do we?
 

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Superb thread, guys. Really, I relate to this a lot.

I probably have projected an ISTP/ISTJ image for the past few years, partly due to isolation and partly due to the fact that my dad is either an ISTP or an ISTJ, so as a growing young man you look to father figures, you know? But lately, especially in the last year and since I discovered MBTI, I've really put in effort at putting that image away, and realizing that being an INFP is just okay. It is me, after all. It helps to relate to empowering INFPs, like musicians (Robert Smith, Kurt Cobain, Kevin Shields) and fictional characters (Luke Skywalker, Frodo Baggins, Charlotte [Lost in Translation]).

And of course, talking to fellow INFPs, and becoming wonderful friends with an INFP girl I got to know this past year, has made things much better. All of your words mean so much more than you know. :happy:
 

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Yeah! Wow flatwhite, I agree with everything you've said so I'm just going to build off of what you already have...

mmm easier said than done. some people just would not be able to comprehend why you feel the way you feel. i've tried putting things in their terms, but some of my friends would outright ask me in exasperation why i always fabricate such unusual thoughts. The understanding's often one-sided for me.

but you're right - everyone should at least try understanding and putting themselves in terms understood first.
I totally agree. I guess with my friends, it's not that they can't understand how I'm feeling, it's that they can't understand why I'm feeling that way in the first place. I remember a brief, slightly awkward conversation I had with a friend the other day about the elderly -- I think we had seen an old lady on the bus, and I mentioned how it always makes me so sad to see the elderly when they're alone, because I hate for them to be lonely. I also mentioned that if I could, I'd want to spend time with all of them and hear their stories and keep them company. I'm not sure what personality type my friend is, but she kind of gave a "that's nice of you" before I could see that she was uncomfortable so I changed the subject. Before I knew that feelings like this could actually be attributed to a personality I thought I was the only crazy person who even thought of these things. For someone who cannot comprehend that sort of feeling, I don't know how to try to convey it to them in terms that they would understand!

i'm often very assertive with voicing my opinions if my friends and i do talk about issues they're interested in, though. so much so that i'm trying to tone down on that a little heh.
Yeah, I do too. I don't really have problem asserting my opinions on politics or religion or whatever, if it's clear that it's a non-personal conversation or that the other party understands I'm not attacking them in any way. It's more like the above situation where it's not really an opinion, it's a thought, and it's kind of hard to just come out and say outright to a friend why I feel sad all of a sudden, or a strange occurrence that I've just been musing about. In cases like that I don't view it as an issue of acceptance, but more an issue of just... being able to relate even a little bit. I'd rather just go with the status quo of not saying anything as opposed to making the other party feel awkward when I'm already used to keeping quiet.

I really do appreciate your advice, Catlauren! I know I sound kind of difficult right now, but I guess I've been doing this subconsciously for as long as I can remember, so it's hard to think about doing something else at all!

it's wanting someone to understand how you feel. perhaps it's an inner fear that the people you know aren't loving you for who you really are, but instead for the image that you're projecting - does this mean nobody loves you for real? maybe, maybe not, but what better way to find out for sure than to put your real self out there for them to see? even the 'cold' INTJ-types have a desire to be understood - it's a basic human want.

no they will not care. but that's okay, because we wouldn't want them to impose their love of wresting (the horror) on us too, do we?
For me I feel like I hide myself pretty well sometimes, especially since I don't think I'm really around NF people that much, and that gets a little tiring. Or perhaps not tiring but... boring. I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not, so it's not tedious or painful in that sense, but I'm censoring some of the most important things about me and I get tired of doing so. I want to actually express these views. Maybe having those feelings and thoughts reciprocated is too much to ask for, but I want to be able to at least... just say them sometimes without getting a weird look or making people feel uncomfortable. Maybe perhaps, if they knew that I was someone more than I let on, it wouldn't confuse them so much?

I probably have projected an ISTP/ISTJ image for the past few years, partly due to isolation and partly due to the fact that my dad is either an ISTP or an ISTJ, so as a growing young man you look to father figures, you know? But lately, especially in the last year and since I discovered MBTI, I've really put in effort at putting that image away, and realizing that being an INFP is just okay. It is me, after all. It helps to relate to empowering INFPs, like musicians (Robert Smith, Kurt Cobain, Kevin Shields) and fictional characters (Luke Skywalker, Frodo Baggins, Charlotte [Lost in Translation]).
Do you have any tips on how you've been putting that image away? I think I'm where you were about a year ago. Definitely agree with the thing about fictional characters though -- for one thing, I've always found the three main Harry Potter characters grating but was drawn to Lupin for some inexplicable reason... only to find recently that he's been undoubtedly typed as INFP! I think I might have some fun thinking up other favorite characters of mine and seeing how well they fare with the MBTI...
 

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I felt the same way around my close friends. I do have some NF friends I adore, but I have a huge group of people that I made take the MBTI and most of them got INTJ, or ISTJ. I acted like and INTP, I suppose. All I really had to do was open them to my emotions and I found that when I was more rational about my feelings they really did have a sympathetic heart for me. I come off as an ENFP when I'm in a good mood.

I hope everything works out for you. Who knows, you may have some closeted INFP friends as well! :D
 

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I totally agree. I guess with my friends, it's not that they can't understand how I'm feeling, it's that they can't understand why I'm feeling that way in the first place. I remember a brief, slightly awkward conversation I had with a friend the other day about the elderly -- I think we had seen an old lady on the bus, and I mentioned how it always makes me so sad to see the elderly when they're alone, because I hate for them to be lonely. I also mentioned that if I could, I'd want to spend time with all of them and hear their stories and keep them company. I'm not sure what personality type my friend is, but she kind of gave a "that's nice of you" before I could see that she was uncomfortable so I changed the subject. Before I knew that feelings like this could actually be attributed to a personality I thought I was the only crazy person who even thought of these things. For someone who cannot comprehend that sort of feeling, I don't know how to try to convey it to them in terms that they would understand!
okay now it's just disgusting how similar we both are haha! a friend and i were walking down the road one day; i spotted a homeless person on the sidewalk. i casually commented on how it might feel to be in his shoes and she just glanced at me before laughing awkwardly. i asked her - what? and she just said - why do you always talk about these things :| gee well now i just feel that much more comfortable about speaking my mind, don't i.


Or perhaps not tiring but... boring. I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not, so it's not tedious or painful in that sense, but I'm censoring some of the most important things about me and I get tired of doing so. I want to actually express these views. Maybe having those feelings and thoughts reciprocated is too much to ask for, but I want to be able to at least... just say them sometimes without getting a weird look or making people feel uncomfortable.
^my sentiments exactly.
 

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okay now it's just disgusting how similar we both are haha! a friend and i were walking down the road one day; i spotted a homeless person on the sidewalk. i casually commented on how it might feel to be in his shoes and she just glanced at me before laughing awkwardly. i asked her - what? and she just said - why do you always talk about these things :| gee well now i just feel that much more comfortable about speaking my mind, don't i.
oh no the homeless are the worst!! with my luck they are always by the side of the road when I get caught in traffic and I never know what to do. I always think that maybe, it's not their fault that they're in the situation that they're in. statistically that has to be true for some, right? or maybe that they really do need a change in their lives but they're just so caught up in the system that no one's given them that chance and if I were in their shoes I would just be so grateful for someone who could step out of that system and help me... I get the sense that if I expressed these views I'd be labeled as seriously naive, and I totally know that I am! But I think maybe that's the only way others can see to respond, so that's what they do.

and then I just try to turn up the music in the car and pretend to be interested in that tree over in the other direction and then I'll feel bad about it on the way home.
 

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it's wanting someone to understand how you feel. perhaps it's an inner fear that the people you know aren't loving you for who you really are, but instead for the image that you're projecting - does this mean nobody loves you for real? maybe, maybe not, but what better way to find out for sure than to put your real self out there for them to see? even the 'cold' INTJ-types have a desire to be understood - it's a basic human want.

no they will not care. but that's okay, because we wouldn't want them to impose their love of wrestling (the horror) on us too, do we?[/QUOTE]

This has been what's hard for me in trying to explain my personality to my husband and in-laws. They're confused because I acted counter to my true nature for a long time, trying to fit in and be the socialble person they expected me to be. So that's the person they think I am. Or should be. Or would still be if there wasn't something wrong with me....

I did this for so long largely because of my fear of conflict. This fear has kept me from expressing my views, wants, needs, etc. And now when I do express my true feelings, I'm often met with a blank expression, like they're stunned that I have a differing opinion. Or any opinion at all. So trying to be who I really am is extremely difficult, because no one seems to be taking it well. And it does make me feel like the real me is of no interest to them. They liked me better before when I cheerfully faked going along with all their plans.

But suppressing myself began to kill my soul - I can't do it like I could before, and I don't want to. So I guess I'll just have to deal with that fear of conflict, because it's inevitable if I don't want to lose myself. Especially when I'm just beginning to find myself.

I have a relative that I really believe suffers from a personality disorder. At the very least, she is very controlling, demanding, entitled, and difficult to be around. My husband said she doesn't bother him because he just plays along with her, because "that's just how she is and she can't help it." But the same accommodation isn't extended to me, for having a legitimate personality type. It makes me want to bang my head against a wall!:frustrating:
 

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I've only found out that I'm an INFP recently, and I think I think that it describes me very well. I feel like I've been pretty fortunate in that I've found a group of friends with whom I'm really tight, but I've been realizing more and more that while I trust them and would do anything for them, I don't really tell them most of my thoughts. Generally I listen to them more than they listen to me and I'm totally okay with that, because I know that they're not taking advantage of me. It's more just the way we are and how that manifests in our friendships. I've tried to roughly place their personalities and I know that most of them are much more down to earth than I am. A lot of the emotional things I think and experience I think they might even scoff at or think I am strange for occupying myself with, and while I'm used enough to getting weird looks, these things mean enough to me that I don't want to go through the effort and grief of explanation, argument and then finally rejection. I think the outer image I project is either ISTJ or INTJ, or possibly even an extroverted version of those to my closest friends. My parents are even worse: they think I'm ESTP or ENTP, and they don't seem to want to budge from that opinion.

So what do I do? I'm not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable sharing my innermost emotions and thoughts. I almost kind of want to say to them, "I took this personality test and here's my result. I think it fits me perfectly," and then give them the portrait of an INFP, and have them realize that's who I really am without ever having to say anything direct. But to the one person I've done that to and to my mother, both have had reactions along the lines of "huh, are you sure that's right? okay well whatever, haha." I don't think they understand how relieving it was to find something that describes me so well, and how much of an impact it's had on me. Have any of you also been in similar situations? What have you done about it? At this point, I'm not even looking for someone to share my thoughts with; I like and am used to being alone in that regard, and I love to write so I do have an outlet. I think I just want people to realize that there's more to me than they see, and to be okay with the fact that I'm different if they know I won't trouble them with it.
I'd say share your writing... tell people about it and be passionate about it. They'll catch on and say "hey, she's a writer" and that might give them a deeper perspective about how you are and what interests you. Tell them about what you like to write about and why. Even if they might seem not interested, they are, just at a different level than you. You might be interested because writing is your self expression to this world, but your mom might think "well, people have made it big with publishing books...." you know what I mean? Majority of people just think along different lines, different goals. Plus you could always share your innermost thought through your writing it might not feel as good as sharing them directly but I know it'll do something.

Or you can just straight up tell people, I'm insane... which I like to do... :laughing:
 

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it's wanting someone to understand how you feel. perhaps it's an inner fear that the people you know aren't loving you for who you really are, but instead for the image that you're projecting - does this mean nobody loves you for real? maybe, maybe not, but what better way to find out for sure than to put your real self out there for them to see? even the 'cold' INTJ-types have a desire to be understood - it's a basic human want.

no they will not care. but that's okay, because we wouldn't want them to impose their love of wrestling (the horror) on us too, do we?
If it doesn't matter to other people what you type as, it will make little difference telling them. Perception of the self and others depends mostly on the person's abilities and very little on what one can read.
I won't tell you to scrap your project. Just there's a chance it's much ado about nothing.
 
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