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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not sure if it has to do with me being an enfj where im in tuned to my emotions and that im very easy going, but i really don't have a problem with who i am im more or less confused with how my personality fits in with a significant other and a guy in general, i read a lot and look up things about how a guy should be dominant in a relationship and guys should be masculine, but i think theres a fine line between someone whose grounded and comfortable and someone whose domineering, as well ad being leader oriented, im not entirely sure if i am leader oriented, i just go with the flow, what are your thoughts on feminine guys?
 

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I am glad 'feminine minded' guys like ourselves exist @Daniel Joseph ,feeling that true strength of character exists in self acceptance and being good around emotions, not that I agree with 'protector-strong man' gender roles rather that society is changing even if sensitivity and emotionality are still oddities to some.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I mean i honestly think its what puts me at edge, maybe femininity is normal for enfj guys? I just think its the idea like personalites like ours is still a new phenomenon
 

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I mean i honestly think its what puts me at edge, maybe femininity is normal for enfj guys? I just think its the idea like personalites like ours is still a new phenomenon
A new phenomenon, or one that is newly more recognised?
I don't have much to add, this thread just caught my eye. But you are who you are; if you see yourself as not fitting the traditional masculine gender role, so be it. This is something many NF men realise at some point.
Society is changing, people are being who they want to be. There is a place for the 'feminine man' in society as long as you choose to see it that way. You will find people who like you for who you are, and aren't they the people you want to hang around with anyway?
In this INFP's view: being the 'feminine guy' is something I'm entirely comfortable in. I like it. I respect it and others respect me for that. I think it's pretty normal for NFs, it's why I seem to connect with them so well.
Defining yourself by a traditional gender role only matters amongst people who define themselves by traditional gender roles. Do you want to do that? Your choice.
 

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What exactly do you think is feminine about you?

l don't think Fe has to be feminine, it can also simply be charming. l wouldn't consider James Spader's vibe to be feminine :kitteh:

l like a vibe that is neutral and an overly masculine vibe is just off-putting to me.

However, if you do mean overly nurture-y...l suppose l have a less than stellar reaction to that lol.

Just me, l'm sure it could work with a lot of other women.
 

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I mean i honestly think its what puts me at edge, maybe femininity is normal for enfj guys? I just think its the idea like personalites like ours is still a new phenomenon
'New phenomenon' is often another vernacular for popular or trendy until generations catch up with modern thinking (my dads generation knew our type of men as 'new age men' capable of discussing feelings easier).

I have researched changing masculinity-crisis of masculinity gender sociology as a hobbyist researcher if you are interested... a bit doubtful you'd want to read an entire PhD paper, although you may wish to read a section on the masculine compensatory model, becoming more outdated as time goes by.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
im very ok with who i am, im not very traditional in anything i do lol im usually someone who stands out by not even trying its weird, you guys are right on so many things though, to note on you comment @ATLeow i share the same view its just that sometimes its hard to find people that can respect me? call be crazy on that one lol

on a side note i am nurturing but not overly nurturing, i do like to help and guide people. i tend to be very emotional as i sort of use my emotions as a compass to my direction? but it could be that im sort of in a funk right now, that could very well be the reason for a lack of usual qualities i have. im sort of indecisive, not very dominant at all i usually go with whatever people do, i would rather someone guide me, in a relationship, i do tend to try to be equal with my S.O and recently figured out that my emotional needs have never really been met, only in the love phases of past relationships have they been met and then it dwindles thereafter.

ive also asked friends of mine if they think i have a masculine or feminine and its like they dont have a hesitation, i ask them if its accepting or weird to them and they say positive things, a lot of my alpha friends dont mind at all surprisingly even though being me can be sort of challenging in there presence in a group. my friends that are girls love my personality and they dont see anything wrong with it, i dont either,

i love me, i think im awesome, enough said XD
 

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Like I posted just a bit ago today in the ISFJ forum, Fe can be downright ridiculously BOSSY in manifestations in an Fe-dom. Can. Not has to be (Fe is just an abstract concept, it doesn't have to take a specific shape). When we say X function is Y usually we mean people having trait Y tend to type as having significant access to the X functional perspective.

So I don't think it has to be the slightest non-domineering. It's even worse than Te because it can seem an Fe sort is telling you what to value --- why? To them the value is determined to the largest extent by objective factors which are there and a standard visible to all (the introvert is more apologetic and non-committal in a sense about what everyone else but him/her adopts although inferior Je can be terrible here when it does show up). In a dominant perspective this can result (and I believe often DOES) in a coercive POV.
 

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I've always felt more masculine than feminine, so I've always naturally gravitated towards more feminine guys to balance me out. Some people who know me joke that I fall for wimps so I can dominate them, but it's not about that at all...I like a sensitive, sweet and gentle guy so that I can learn from him more about the creative, emotional side of things. Spiritually, I feel it's best to find a golden middle between masculinity and femininity while fostering the best traits of both - hence my predilection for poetically-minded NFP types :kitteh:

It's sad that our culture still pushes for the development of exclusively masculine traits in men and feminine ones in women, presenting it as if we're from different planets with all that Mars and Venus bullshit! Naturally, someone may lean more in one direction or the other, but our culture still exaggerates this to the extreme and forces us to be what we are not...and what we are is beautiful! Just be your lovely self @Daniel Joseph and those who really count will appreciate your unique qualities, fuck the rest :happy:
 

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I don't think all ENFJs necessarily are feminine. Look at Charles Manson or Anton Lavey. Some just really have high opinions on how fair the world is and that's where they get their extroverted feeling from. Some can be, but a lot are just really concerned with their outer world. I see what you mean where a lot are really charismatic and have feminine traits. But traits are a result of individual character and not personality type.
 

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Fe doesn't make a man feminine, it makes him socially intelligent, and that's one of the most attractive qualities to me in a man. ExFJ men know how to be gentlemen, how to put people at ease, how to take care of people's emotional needs, etc. I love all that in you and I don't see you as feminine but just more human than most men. When an Fe-dom guy learns to be comfortable with himself the way he is, he develops confidence and becomes very attractive. Just my two cents.
 

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ooh la la, I feel the same. " Come my sweet man and cry as I hold and caress your head and mane."
I am a dominant woman and was a tomboy when I was a child. I use to think why I wasn't more feminine and why the girls were dumb. Well,I learned to be more feminine as I got older. Now I use my feminine talents, when I enter a room. I show my confident, sexy side but if you treat me like I have no value then I turn the masculine side and pounce you with my words of steal and make you come to your knees. Then I say, "did I do that, I don't know what came over me." hehehe, Warrior Queen
 

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@OP

When do you feel the most strong, confident, and energized?

when you make someone laught?
when you're nurturing someone?
when you help someone?
when you stand your ground?
(fill in your strong moments)
 

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I think this is the sort of thing you will have to find your own way with :)

My INFP bf has told me that I'm the only girl he's known that has seemed to really appreciate more feminine and passive men, but I know there are definitely more like me out there. It helps to be an extrovert because then you have a bigger pool of people to choose from, and in that pool there's bound to be a few people who you seem to be a perfect match for. There's someone out there for everyone.

I have grown up feeling very masculine for a girl, and I am still trying to work through my insecurities that pop up from this from time to time.. I am feeling out what my role is in relationships, and sort of on the same journey myself.
 
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