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Hey, i'm interested in hearing what relationship problems us ENFJ's have.

My most frustrating issue right now is the conflict that what I think a friend is requires much more involvement then what some of my "friends" think being a friend is.

I run into the problem that my friends think they can be my friend without ever trying to do anything with me. It annoys me to no end. I feel insulted they dare call me their best friend. For example, I've been told by one of my "friends" that I'm their favorite person to hang out with and how much I mean to her, but she never calls me, or invites me to do anything with her. To me, if I was a best friend, she would try to involve me in her life. I'm not a pushy person, but for me to even do anything with this person I have to plan it out myself and it feels like I have to push myself into her life instead of being invited.

I got tired of this and left because I didn't really feel a friendship. She was really heartbroken about it, but still didn't try to come talk to me to resolve it even though she said she would. I've just never had someone so care about me, but not put anything into keeping me in the relationship. I finally did talk to her about 3 months later after I left because she texted me and told me how much I meant to her. I patched things up somewhat, but now it's back to how it was. I don't feel like she's trying to have a relationship even though I'm one of her favorite people in her life. It just doesn't add up. Am I running into a common ENFJ personality type conflict here? help please, I'm trying not to cut off this relationship again to avoid the hurt of thinking and caring about someone, but not being able to help them because they won't let me into their life.

thoughts?
 

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It's the opposite for me. XD With so many friends, I barely even feel that I need to involve myself into someone else's life. In fact, I tell my friends that if at one point I seem to not talk or be as close with you guys, it just means I'm expanding my horizons. I'll be there if you need a friend, but they can't expect me to be there for them all the time.

I really hate it when relationships are suffocating. When people have this intense need to cling to me or remind me that they're there, I tend to get pissed and shrug them away. I like being involved, I really do; but if they keep on asking to be part of their/my life, I would definitely not entertain them. I have other things to do and a lot of things to worry about, I can't always hang out or maintain relationships. And the fact that I extremely hate idle time, my friends should expect no more from me. I will set aside time for them, but they should remember that it's not going to be always them.

I really believe that being a true friend doesn't need you to keep on hanging out or constant involvement by the parties; for me, it is knowing that you guys care for each other and be there through thick and thin. In fact, my ENFP bestfriend and I barely spend time together ever since college, but when we meet each others friends, these "strangers" know who we are. LOL. We tend to talk about each other more than talking to each other and for me, that is quite flattering. To have someone be happy you're their friend regardless of having to constantly maintain the friendship, that's really something for me. It's not the same for everyone, but to me, it's very flattering.

This goes the same for most of my High School friends. And even in High School, we barely have spoken with each other since we were officers/involved in our own school organizations. In college, I have multiple groups of friends and I don't spend time with each one of them every day. I guess you can call me a social butterfly. I move from one circle to another, sharing what I've learned to each group and more often than not, each group turns into friends/acquaintances with each other because of me. And it's really fun to see that your friends are also friends with other friends. That is also very interesting for me to see. It makes me really happy.

The main problem I get with relationships, and it's true for my ENFJ friends (they're probably one of the closest group, but has the most terrible fights, ever), is the fact that I live in a very religious country and my liberal beliefs clash with the very traditional and conservative ones. It's hard to say a religious joke here because people are easily offended. Sometimes, even joking about sex or an internet meme gets people to pounce on me. I mean, lol, grow up people. It's as if they haven't been on the internet and the internet is more often than not, offensive. Sometimes, I just want to direct them to 9gag and watch how they react. XD

It also pisses me off how emotionally driven people are here. I'm an F, but I also think of logical ways to do things. A LOT of people here just follow their hearts to the point that they're irrationally hurting themselves. And I'm the type of person that really REALLY hates my friends or family getting hurt, but I can't feel anything but hopeless because they'd rather follow their hearts than my advice since it's not what they wanted to hear. And I have no problems with people being religious, but you can't just pray to God and hope that He'll do everything. Sorry, but I remember my Christian Living (required class since... ever LOL, most of the people here are Christians) class told us that their God can't do anything unless the people themselves act upon it. Humans are a vessel of God and if they just sit there and hope God does something, then it's like a parked van with people hoping that it moves without putting it on drive and stepping on gas. I don't mean to offend someone, but this last one really frustrates me because I want people to be happy and I want them to find a solution to their problems. Seeing them just sitting there isn't the way to do things, they're just prolonging the time they wallow in their emotions and affects at least everyone that genuinely care about them.

I rarely have conflicts with people because I keep my beliefs to myself. When I do though, I try to deliver what I'm saying in a manner that hopefully wouldn't look like I'm imposing my beliefs on them. It pisses me off that people force other people to believe in something, but it's a belief system. People take in and depending on how they interpret it, they can believe it or not. We all think differently, so why force someone to believe in something they clearly can't see the same as you?
 

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Does she call up her other friends and invite them to do things with them or is she like this with all her friends? One possibility that comes to mind is maybe words of affirmation are her "love language"....or maybe she feels like while she's saying all these things to assure you of how she feels, she feels she doesn't need to call you up or do anything, because in her mind, you know already. Have you actually asked her why she doesn't ask you to do anything with her? Or at least hinted about it and maybe felt out her response like for instance:
"Hey, I'm doing such and such this weekend, what do you have planned?" and if she says she's doing something with some friends, say something like, "That sounds like fun, we should do that sometimes..." and kinda see what her initial facial expression is or something like that?
Another idea that comes to mind is maybe she's scared of possible rejection? I don't think ENFJs are always aware of how intimidating they can appear to other types particularly those that aren't very social overall, because of their excellent social skills, I guess because most ENFJs have no intention of appearing intimidating. Another possibility based on one of my original questions is maybe she just doesn't call people or initiate hanging out. Maybe she's waiting for someone else to take the initiative. This could especially be true if she's a very introverted person. Introverts usually prefer not to initiate social contact but prefer to respond to someone else's initiation.

These are all just ideas I've generated, and I could be wrong across the board. Hopefully, I'm right somewhere though....

It's also occurred to me that the post was stating that you both are ENFJs which I'm kinda gleaning but it's ambiguous to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Does she call up her other friends and invite them to do things with them or is she like this with all her friends? One possibility that comes to mind is maybe words of affirmation are her "love language"....or maybe she feels like while she's saying all these things to assure you of how she feels, she feels she doesn't need to call you up or do anything, because in her mind, you know already. Have you actually asked her why she doesn't ask you to do anything with her? Or at least hinted about it and maybe felt out her response like for instance:
"Hey, I'm doing such and such this weekend, what do you have planned?" and if she says she's doing something with some friends, say something like, "That sounds like fun, we should do that sometimes..." and kinda see what her initial facial expression is or something like that?
Another idea that comes to mind is maybe she's scared of possible rejection? I don't think ENFJs are always aware of how intimidating they can appear to other types particularly those that aren't very social overall, because of their excellent social skills, I guess because most ENFJs have no intention of appearing intimidating. Another possibility based on one of my original questions is maybe she just doesn't call people or initiate hanging out. Maybe she's waiting for someone else to take the initiative. This could especially be true if she's a very introverted person. Introverts usually prefer not to initiate social contact but prefer to respond to someone else's initiation.

These are all just ideas I've generated, and I could be wrong across the board. Hopefully, I'm right somewhere though....

It's also occurred to me that the post was stating that you both are ENFJs which I'm kinda gleaning but it's ambiguous to me.
You are very wise Dulcinea, love your insights. I think your right on with what your thinking. Actually as far as I know shes a fiery social ISFJ. I'm kinda new to this typology stuff, but a friend who knows it well typed her. I think it might come down to she doesn't feel comfortable starting to do something. It seems strange to me because when talking to her, she is more forward and confident than me. Now that I think about it, the One time she ever invited me to do something, she tried to back down saying "it will be stupid, you shouldn't worry about going" and i was like "you actually invited me to do something - of course i'm going".

And I think the Main thing i'm running into is that she has so many guys after her and is usually dating a few people who are always trying to hang out with her. So really she doesn't need to ask anyone to do anything. She also works late, but yeah she is always spending time with other people because they are always asking her. It's like every moment of her day is taken.

I think it's an ENFJ thing to really only want to hang out with someone if I know it's what they want. She doesn't indicate that she wants to be with me. Is it too much to think "if this person liked me that much they would take effort to be around me?". I don't want to fight for someones time, or the feeling that they could be with someone else who they would enjoy being with more. Honestly, maybe I just got too close to her. I've cared about her more than anyone, but that makes it worse because caring about someone you never see makes it worse. Out of desperation, I tried to just forget her completely, which well worked until she actually texted me.. then I instantly care agian. but I just love her as a person, I'm not trying to date her or anything. I just see something in her that I find beautiful, and I can see she desperately needs stability and a friend besides all these guys going in and out of her life. The whole situation is making me a little bitter towards her and I don't want that, and part of me just trys to cut her out of my mind so I don't have to deal with it. I think if I don't text her, she will feel like I don't care. Unless she doesn't mind, because she doesn't try to contact me?
 

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It's the opposite for me. XD With so many friends, I barely even feel that I need to involve myself into someone else's life. In fact, I tell my friends that if at one point I seem to not talk or be as close with you guys, it just means I'm expanding my horizons. I'll be there if you need a friend, but they can't expect me to be there for them all the time.
That's interesting, I can see your point. I agree, I don't like people are way clingy in a very dependent way or if it feels like they don't have a life without me. Maybe it's just that I'm insecure about myself so I'm trying to hard to be validated that they actually do enjoy being around me. I'm a bit relationship pessimist, require a little much validation that things are alright.
 

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I can relate to your story. I didn't know other people could feel the same way. Sometimes friends tell me such great things like "you are the nicest friend I've ever met" and such...but then they don't really seem to include me much in their lives. It does hurt a bit. I tried that "love language" test and found one of the best ways that I feel loved is through quality time (as well as words). So without friends making efforts to spend "quality time" with me as much as I am willing to reach out to them, I guess I feel a bit unwanted as a friend. I realize this is probably their last intention and I am now understanding how different people can be. I agree with the above post that perhaps with introverted friends, they may not initiate meet ups, so that sort of makes me feel a little less sad and more likely to want to contact them first.

I think being an ENFJ and having the need for close, genuine relationships is what can also make us get these lonely feelings. For many other types, a good relationship isn't as high of a priority as it is for us, so they may tend to neglect it a little more than we might like...which can hurt us more in ways that other people might not feel.

I think the best thing I have learned to feel less lonely is to really try to understand that other person's personality. As soon as I understood that people in my life are introverted and don't always want to hang out or at least "initiate" the spending time together, I felt less like I personally was unwanted. It is just them being them. By understanding personality types, I think I am starting to feel a little less hurt by others because I realize what exactly it is about me that makes me feel hurt and what it is about them that makes them act the way they do. I started to realize that all my conclusions of them not liking me enough, aren't necessarily true, no matter how strongly I felt that way. I do admit that I still can feel very lonely at times and really would like them to spend more time with me. But I do feel better knowing that it doesn't mean they necessarily don't like me.
 
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Hey, i'm interested in hearing what relationship problems us ENFJ's have.

My most frustrating issue right now is the conflict that what I think a friend is requires much more involvement then what some of my "friends" think being a friend is.

I run into the problem that my friends think they can be my friend without ever trying to do anything with me. It annoys me to no end. I feel insulted they dare call me their best friend. For example, I've been told by one of my "friends" that I'm their favorite person to hang out with and how much I mean to her, but she never calls me, or invites me to do anything with her. To me, if I was a best friend, she would try to involve me in her life. I'm not a pushy person, but for me to even do anything with this person I have to plan it out myself and it feels like I have to push myself into her life instead of being invited.

I got tired of this and left because I didn't really feel a friendship. She was really heartbroken about it, but still didn't try to come talk to me to resolve it even though she said she would. I've just never had someone so care about me, but not put anything into keeping me in the relationship. I finally did talk to her about 3 months later after I left because she texted me and told me how much I meant to her. I patched things up somewhat, but now it's back to how it was. I don't feel like she's trying to have a relationship even though I'm one of her favorite people in her life. It just doesn't add up. Am I running into a common ENFJ personality type conflict here? help please, I'm trying not to cut off this relationship again to avoid the hurt of thinking and caring about someone, but not being able to help them because they won't let me into their life.

thoughts?
I just have a few words for you: Story of my life.

I've posted similar feelings on here quite a few times. It just seems like my "friends" aren't as invested in the friendship as I am. And sadly, none of my them really know me. They don't ask. And when I do take the risk of volunteering information about myself to them, they don't seem to care.
 

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I can somewhat see where your friend is coming from. She reminds me of my INFP friend (my second best friend). Sometimes months may pass without hearing from her, yet when we do talk/meet it's as if we saw each other every day, we are very close and can tell each other everything. As an ENFP (with a low E, almost an ambivert) I am somewhat similar to your friend actually.. I am not good when it comes to keeping in touch with people, yet I am also somewhat like you because I do worry when they do not contact me. I guess it is because most of my friends are introverts, and they often prefer us extroverts to initiate things and contact THEM. My ISFJ best friend sees some of her friends more often than she sees me, but that is because they will come and take her out (they always inititate the contact), she is kind of passive about it.. As I'm an ENFP not good when it comes to initiating things (ENFJs and ESFJs rule when it comes to that! I admire your talent when it comes to arranging social meetings/parties etc.), sometimes a long time will pass without seeing her (yet we text each other almost every day). Then one of us will text the other asking if the other one wants to meet. More often than not it is me (thinking: "oh! It's been two weeks now?! Time to meet again :D"), but sometimes it's her.

I think this is typical when it comes to introverts. That doesn't mean they don't love you, they just act differently than you. ENFJs are usually very good when it comes to keeping in touch and initiating social stuff and inviting others. As an ENFP I feel I'm halfway like those introverts and halfway like you ENFJs.

As hard as it sounds, I think you will just have to accept her the way she is, and stop worrying that she isn't there for you. I am sure if you do call her/need her, she will be there immediately! That's how my ISFJ friend is like.. Last night I needed her and even though we hadn't met for a while she was like "I'll cancel my plans immediately if you want to come over and talk more about it" <3 I said no thanks, because it helped just talking to her on the phone, but she is really there for me when I need her.

If you don't want a friend who is like her or can't get over the insecurity and worrying, then maybe it is better to have friends who are more like you.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I can relate to your story.
Thanks IluvHSJ, that alone makes me feel better :laughing:
Sometimes friends tell me such great things like "you are the nicest friend I've ever met" and such...but then they don't really seem to include me much in their lives.
Ah yeah totally it, and maybe it is my love language being quality time that make me think "well if you even cared a little.. wouldn't you try to spend time with me and get to know me?". I just feel like someone who people think they can just call a friend and then leave on the shelf and then pick up whenever they want to.

I know I created this because I try to be very independent and don't put off a "I really need you" vibe to other people, so they wouldn't think they need to come hang out with me for me to be okay. And honestly that's the truth, I rarely feel lonely and I have plenty of fun without anyones help. BUT if someone wants to say they are my "friend", I expect a little more than surface level behavior, and not just text me "hey" every 3 weeks. arrrg. That's probably my ENFJ speaking.

I don't know if you relate to this but I tried to explain to this "friend" that I have either Acquaintances or Friends - but nothing between the two . This is because if your an Acquaintance I don't have to think about you and we don't expect each other to really do anything, but if your a friend to me, then I will think about you all the time and try to help you in whatever way I can. In between the two is where I'm close enough to you to think about you all the time and want to help you, but not have enough of a relationship to actually help you at all, so I just go nuts thinking about it and I get so frustrated I put you back in the "aquaintance" group so I don't have to think about you. So to save my sanity, I make them not my friend in my mind, because that's the only way I know how to have as shallow of a relationship as they seem to want. And how I treat aquantances is better than most people treat their friends anyways so they seem too content. I swear some people have never had a Real friend so they don't even try, and I'm over here getting all annoyed that they aren't trying for a real friendship when they probably don't even have a clue that a more real relationship even exists.

it's just a bunch of frustration. Mostly, if not all, at myself for not being strong enough or smart enough to have a healthy friendship that works for both of us.
 

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I just have a few words for you: Story of my life.

I've posted similar feelings on here quite a few times. It just seems like my "friends" aren't as invested in the friendship as I am. And sadly, none of my them really know me. They don't ask. And when I do take the risk of volunteering information about myself to them, they don't seem to care.
aw I know those feelings all to well. Sometimes I tell people things about myself, but just the crazy interesting things that are entertaining. This really gets me into some trouble because they start to only know the entertaining things about me which aren't the most truthful to who I am so in the end I feel like they know me even less. fml lol.
 

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I am somewhat similar to your friend actually.. I am not good when it comes to keeping in touch with people, yet I am also somewhat like you because I do worry when they do not contact me.
That's what I'm afraid of. I think if I stop trying to contact her then she will think I don't care even though she may think her never contacting me is cool. At first I would invite her to things even though I knew she didn't have to time to go to them just to help her feel included. I would text her funny things and pictures and whatever; sometimes I just call her to say hey to see if I could cheer her up. But this wasn't reciprocated which threw me off and I didn't feel like she appreciated the relationship. just being an introvert maybe?

I think she is used to guys chasing her and so she's too used to guys putting in all the effort - which may be cool in dating or whatever - but when I'm not trying to date her, and instead, trying to help her and be her friend it's just annoying. I know she has stressful things going on and really has no time to even deal with them or time for me. And me being an ENFJ, there's nothing more painful than knowing someone is having trouble and feeling like I can't help them. It's like a question of will I give someone my friendship who does nothing for it just because they really like having me as a "friend" even though I get nothing out of it?

The trouble also is that I was only really trying to get to know her because I thought she was interesting and someone who really had some depth to her. She was a bit fiery and really challenged me in how authentic she was - which I find really cool. Also I could see that she didn't really have anyone stable in her life and didn't really have someone to talk to or share her thoughts with, so I saw that I could be helpful to her and I could get to know how she was so awesome at the same time. SO i wasn't in this relationship for romantic reasons at all - and that's what i think really confused her. She even thought I was gay for a couple months because I never even slightly flirted or hit on her (I refused totell her I wasn't gay because I just thought it was way too funny :laughing: and maybe that way she wouldn't see me as a guy who was just after her and see me as a friend [ The things I do for friendship! lol] ) . All in all.. I just don't think she has a place in her life for a guy who isn't trying to win her over but is just genuinely interested in who she is and finds her intriguing and wants to help her out.

psh. girls.




As hard as it sounds, I think you will just have to accept her the way she is, and stop worrying that she isn't there for you.
I'm trying! :laughing: i can just be so stubborn about these things.

yes I will keep searching for people more like me. But I really only see one every couple months if that. I'm sure they are hiding around here somewhere.

thanks for your advice and insight. It's helping me out
 

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aw I know those feelings all to well. Sometimes I tell people things about myself, but just the crazy interesting things that are entertaining. This really gets me into some trouble because they start to only know the entertaining things about me which aren't the most truthful to who I am so in the end I feel like they know me even less. fml lol.
HAHA! Ain't that the truth.
 

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It's the opposite for me. XD With so many friends, I barely even feel that I need to involve myself into someone else's life. In fact, I tell my friends that if at one point I seem to not talk or be as close with you guys, it just means I'm expanding my horizons. I'll be there if you need a friend, but they can't expect me to be there for them all the time.

I really hate it when relationships are suffocating. When people have this intense need to cling to me or remind me that they're there, I tend to get pissed and shrug them away. I like being involved, I really do; but if they keep on asking to be part of their/my life, I would definitely not entertain them. I have other things to do and a lot of things to worry about, I can't always hang out or maintain relationships. And the fact that I extremely hate idle time, my friends should expect no more from me. I will set aside time for them, but they should remember that it's not going to be always them.

I really believe that being a true friend doesn't need you to keep on hanging out or constant involvement by the parties; for me, it is knowing that you guys care for each other and be there through thick and thin. In fact, my ENFP bestfriend and I barely spend time together ever since college, but when we meet each others friends, these "strangers" know who we are. LOL. We tend to talk about each other more than talking to each other and for me, that is quite flattering. To have someone be happy you're their friend regardless of having to constantly maintain the friendship, that's really something for me. It's not the same for everyone, but to me, it's very flattering.

This goes the same for most of my High School friends. And even in High School, we barely have spoken with each other since we were officers/involved in our own school organizations. In college, I have multiple groups of friends and I don't spend time with each one of them every day. I guess you can call me a social butterfly. I move from one circle to another, sharing what I've learned to each group and more often than not, each group turns into friends/acquaintances with each other because of me. And it's really fun to see that your friends are also friends with other friends. That is also very interesting for me to see. It makes me really happy.

The main problem I get with relationships, and it's true for my ENFJ friends (they're probably one of the closest group, but has the most terrible fights, ever), is the fact that I live in a very religious country and my liberal beliefs clash with the very traditional and conservative ones. It's hard to say a religious joke here because people are easily offended. Sometimes, even joking about sex or an internet meme gets people to pounce on me. I mean, lol, grow up people. It's as if they haven't been on the internet and the internet is more often than not, offensive. Sometimes, I just want to direct them to 9gag and watch how they react. XD

It also pisses me off how emotionally driven people are here. I'm an F, but I also think of logical ways to do things. A LOT of people here just follow their hearts to the point that they're irrationally hurting themselves. And I'm the type of person that really REALLY hates my friends or family getting hurt, but I can't feel anything but hopeless because they'd rather follow their hearts than my advice since it's not what they wanted to hear. And I have no problems with people being religious, but you can't just pray to God and hope that He'll do everything. Sorry, but I remember my Christian Living (required class since... ever LOL, most of the people here are Christians) class told us that their God can't do anything unless the people themselves act upon it. Humans are a vessel of God and if they just sit there and hope God does something, then it's like a parked van with people hoping that it moves without putting it on drive and stepping on gas. I don't mean to offend someone, but this last one really frustrates me because I want people to be happy and I want them to find a solution to their problems. Seeing them just sitting there isn't the way to do things, they're just prolonging the time they wallow in their emotions and affects at least everyone that genuinely care about them.

I rarely have conflicts with people because I keep my beliefs to myself. When I do though, I try to deliver what I'm saying in a manner that hopefully wouldn't look like I'm imposing my beliefs on them. It pisses me off that people force other people to believe in something, but it's a belief system. People take in and depending on how they interpret it, they can believe it or not. We all think differently, so why force someone to believe in something they clearly can't see the same as you?
Yeah, I get this, one of my closest friends is an enfj or esfj... sorry I can't tell xD But the basic idea applies, she does her thing, being her social butterfly, I do my thing, but I know our friendship is real cause even when we're far away it won't break. We aren't dependent on eachother so the friendship is truly one of choice. We rarely see eachother but everyone knows we are buds.
 

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There have definitely been times in my life where I feel like I'm the only one keeping the friendship going. It's hurtful sometimes. Over time, though, I've come to terms with the fact that that's how some people will operate, so I can't expect too much or else I'm going to get my feelings hurt. And often times, when I don't expect people to initiate hanging out, I end up finding that later after they've realized that- yes, we really are friends-they'll invite me to things. I've noticed that introverts especially are not as much the initiators of hang out time, so in many of those friendships you'll be the one making plans, and you're naturally going to fall into the "planner" role because of your judging preference. In any friendship, it needs to be reciprocated, though, so even your introverted friends need to be showing some sign of reciprocation, that's just how good friendships work. I think this girl might be playing a game. I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but I would keep it in the back of my mind and proceed with that. She could be interested in you as a boyfriend? Who knows right now. But whatever you do, don't let your Fe (extraverted feeling) get in the way. This is a situation where it's best to hone in on that introverted intuition.
 

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You shouldn't feel bad if you don't get enough back from an introvert.

Frankly, that you get anything back at all is high, high praise. I think what people fail to realise is that, in my case at least, I usually weigh social events against being alone. If you invite me to something and I turn up, this is actually quite a big deal. It says lots of things, like: I enjoy spending time with you; this was not an effort for me; I think we could have fun, etc.

I can see why an xNFJ could get a little downhearted if they make plans and those plans are "rejected". It's more that I wouldn't want to go along to something just because it's there.

The problem I have with ExFJs is that, unless you make me feel special in some way, I just assume your invitation is a pleasantry. I suppose you have to fawn a little bit. It's not so much that I want to be "the best", I'd just like to know that my being there is not "socially obligatory". Plus, being so social, you spend your time with people I don't like, or whom I think are idiots. If I feel lumped in with them, I'm not likely to come to your events, because I don't want to be thought of in the same "group" as people I don't like/who are boring/who are unpleasant.
 

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yep, i'm the opposite. i mean, i can only remember feeling that way with ONE person. it was really frustrating. but the ENFJ in me HATES conflicts so i resolved it as soon as possible. i have so many [somewhat meaningless] relationships with people. i have my core group of friends but my social circle consists of mostly people i rarely talk to. i still consider them friends because of social networking and whatnot. it's like i don't even need to talk to them to know what's been going on in their lives.
 

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343 Posts
Y'all work too much!

Be nice to actually see you sometimes. By that I mean in a romantic relationship.
 

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1,280 Posts
I cannot relate, sorry. I hope you're not older than 15 because there are more important things to preocupy your thoughts and energy with than petty friend stuff.
 

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501 Posts
This point is actually a huge deal breaker between this ENFJ and me. After 8 years back and forth..

She has these ideas of what a friendship should be and how often you should see one another to really be friends. I have different standards for what I call friends: the friendship can be super strong, but I'd only see my dear friends every two months and it would be fine with a lot of friends. Only this ENFJ-girl doesn't have peace with twice a month and calls me egoistic and disloyal when I meet other people. Jealousy gave me a suffocated feeling.
For me, it's as much as I can give. My friendships are all very intense, so in the end I need a lot of space to regain my energy again. The ENFJ girl likes to meet people all day, every day and likes to be involved in everything. I admire that, but that's so so so different from where I am standing haha.

I tried to tell her this, time and time again, but it's hard for her to grasp. In my eyes, the freedom to make your own choices and to trust the other person is what makes a friendship worth wile. Now the trust issues between us two are too big to really speak of a real friendship, I guess.. I cannot give her what she needs and I cannot/will not change. She keeps being disappointed in me.. So that's kind of tiring for both of us.

I feel she now has made some new friends who are extroverted and with higher energy. I think that's better for her.
 
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