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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok ... @Swordsman of Mana did one for the ENFP's, which was followed up by @uniquegirl 's article in the INFJ section - so I felt the urge to do one for the ENFJ's.

Here are the ENFP and INFJ ones

http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-forum-inspirers/97212-common-ahem-bs-myths-about-enfps.html

http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/97417-myths-about-infjs.html

Here's mine for the ENFJ's.

ENFJ's are social butterflies and party animals
Yes, we are social, but social butterflies is definitely not how I would describe ENFJ's. In fact, on the contrary, ENFJ's generally like time away from people in order to organize their thoughts about their new experiences. We like to live for the moment and enjoy pleasure seeking activities, but we need our alone time as well.

ENFJ's are manipulative
ENFJ's can be manipulative, but so can every other type. ENFJ's like to influence and mentor people because we have natural teacher tendencies. An ENFJ is more likely to try to manipulate an environment for it to become more inclusive and conducive towards people's development rather than selfish gain.

ENFJ's are clingy
Most people think that ENFJ's are some of the most extroverted people around, and even though it's a close assumption, it also implies that ENFJ's force their company on others. This is actually very untrue. ENFJ's are generally very in-tune with the needs and expectations of other people, and if those needs require the other person to have their space/alone time, then ENFJ's are very much aware of that as well. ENFJ's generally like to stay close to the people they love, but they also know when getting too close may be making another person uncomfortable. If not, then it's better to just tell them.

ENFJ's are incapable of deep/logical thought
Many people see the inferior Ti and automatically assume that ENFJ's are pretty much incapable of logic. That they don't like maths or physics etc. Actually, that's pretty much bull-crap. ENFJ's process logic through feeling followed by intuition. The logic is there, it's processed and expressed differently. ENFJ's are very capable of logical thought and reasoning --- just that they don't prefer it in many cases. Also, what ENFJ's are good at are making strong logical deductions about people's motives/intentions based on information shared and/or perceived.

ENFJ's are huggers
ENFJ's prefer emotional connections, but also respect physical boundaries of others as well as their own. In fact, in many of my interactions with ENFJ's, I've actually rarely come across a typical hugger.

ENFJ's are super-organized
Hah! Organized chaos is more like it. Most ENFJ's are clutter freaks for the most part - it's just that we know exactly where everything is in that clutter ;)

ENFJ's are bound by social rules and act as enforcers
Umm ... no. Dominant feeling is about processing things through feeling - which also means being in-tune with another person's feelings of feeling imposed upon by an enforcer. ENFJ's don't always bind themselves to social rules and neither do they like to act as enforcers of those social rules until and unless the other person is willing to accept those rules. ENFJ's who are in roles as enforcers can act as enforcers, but that's something every type is capable of doing.

ENFJ's are socially confident and charismatic
Actually, confidence and charisma really has nothing to do with MBTI type. Extroversion is almost always mistaken for confidence and charisma ---- ENFJ's are just as likely to be timid and shy as any other type.

ENFJ's cannot introspect
Actually, the speed with with ENFJ's introspect is what surprises people in thinking that they're not introspecting. Most ENFJ's are equally in their heads as they are outside of it in a social situation. The social grace that seems to wow people comes from this ability to process quickly and not be drained by it - in fact energized by it. Think about it next time you're in a conversation with an extrovert when they're talking about something and flowing from topic to topic. The thoughts and ideas are coming from within and not just being plucked out of thin air. The introspection is an ongoing process which never stops.
 

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Good list, Jawzness. :D

I will admit that my ENFJ is a super-organized neat freak with a particular hatred of dust and clutter. But I think this is something he inherited from his mother more than something stemming from his personality type.

And he is a hugger, but not in that weird, "I am hugging you whether you are comfortable or not" way that some people do. If he can sense that someone is definitely NOT a hugger, he has no problem restraining himself. :D

But he's also one of the least needy, least manipulative, most low-key and introspective people I know. So, yes...these stereotypes are just that - stereotypes. Probably from people who were scorned by someone they suspect had this personality type and are now bitter.
 

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@Jawz i think it's admirable of you to hold others to the same standards that you clearly hold yourself, and it's great that you seem to like to see the best in people..

however, i think it completely depends on the person, and certainly when someone mentions these "myths" they're not talking about yourself personally, nor any other ENFJs other than the ones they've run into in their lives and taken example from. besides other types tend to have high standards for different things, do you see what i mean? so that when you judge something (e.g. manipulation) to your standards for that particular thing, perhaps to others that might not be so kosha, same as they'll have things that you might feel judgement towards but they'll feel is totally fine.

it's a difficult line, but my main point is that some ENFJs will be nasty pieces of work, just as some ENFPs will, and those of any other type- for me it's just important that whatever stereotypes there are of your type good or bad, that you hold yourself to your own standards and let others worry about theirs'
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
it's a difficult line, but my main point is that some ENFJs will be nasty pieces of work, just as some ENFPs will, and those of any other type- for me it's just important that whatever stereotypes there are of your type good or bad, that you hold yourself to your own standards and let others worry about theirs'
Of course ... in other words let people act and feel and believe what they want to believe from the cradle to the grave without ever giving perspective that just might alter a few opinions ;)

I don't know why, but for some reason, I couldn't help but think about that overly fanatical church that exists in the States [can't remember its name]. It exists, and is allowed to hold itself and others to their judgements ... it still doesn't make it right.

I believe in making people aware of the existence of differences instead of just letting people continue to grow in a direction where they may hold negative opinions about groups. I mean, look at all stereotypes [and not just MBTI] ---- If the various civil rights movements hadn't taken place all over the world, things like apartheid and even racial genocide would still be considered ok. Of course ... something as simple as MBTI can't and shouldn't be linked to a vast societal problem because it isn't - and won't get there. But the fact of the matter is that the more people remain stringent to a particular line of thinking without perspective, the greater the chance of them continuing to hold a narrow view of people within social groupings and labels.
 

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Pretty good overall (particularly regarding clutter!). However, I disagree on two opints:

An ENFJ is more likely to try to manipulate an environment for it to become more inclusive and conducive towards people's development rather than selfish gain.
That's related more to levels of health than to the type as a whole. Unhealthy ENFJs can be emotionally manipulative and downright cruel, levering support from their "friends" to ostracise or criticise someone they consider to be dissenting from the natural order of things.

ENFJ's are just as likely to be timid and shy as any other type.
I don't think this is true.

Extroverted functions necessarily reach out towards the external world for stimulus. Since your external function is Fe, you're going to have to reach out to people in order to form a group, or ingratiate yourself into an existing one: this engenders social interaction. ENFJs will actively seek this out in the same way an INFP actively seeks out meaning, or new emotional states that augment emotional understanding/intelligence.
 

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@Jawz

i know, i know. i realise what you mean. i think we're on a similar page here, just different paragraphs. i believe it's admirable to try to make people more open-minded and not so quick to judge- i'd be a hypocrite not to say that i do it too, but you cannot change others to understand, much as i wish that were so. the most important thing is that you have your standards and that you make sure that you stick to them, because that is the best way that you can help the world with your presence, inspiring others can come second sure (being an ENFP, it's not exactly low on my agenda), but unless you're in an ideal position to do so (e.g. being a teacher or parent) i think you make it easier for yourself if you accept things as they are and learn to manage them for yourself and just try to set yourself standards of behaviour to try to help the world.

believe me, if there was a way of making people understand i would be the first one on that bandwagon, but as long as there isn't i'm going to worry about myself.. and through maximising my own potential hopefully i can make a difference in that way instead of trying to influence others to a better conclusion that they will refuse to see..

wow. talk about a tangent- i know it's a stereotype but i've just proved it here, talk to an ENFP and the conversation is going to go haywire! :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Extroverted functions necessarily reach out towards the external world for stimulus. Since your external function is Fe, you're going to have to reach out to people in order to form a group, or ingratiate yourself into an existing one: this engenders social interaction. ENFJs will actively seek this out in the same way an INFP actively seeks out meaning, or new emotional states that augment emotional understanding/intelligence.
That's a decent analysis on paper ... but honestly, that's all it is. In an ideal scenario an ENFJ will be socially gifted ---- but they're not always and that's the point I was making.

More than half the ENFJ's on this forum alone have indicated at some point or the other that they wished they were more confident, more charismatic. The other reason why I came to this conclusion is that there were and are several mistyped ENFJ's on PerC who really believed at some point [or still do] that they were [are] introverts because of the stereotype that introverts are shy.
 

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That's a decent analysis on paper ... but honestly, that's all it is. In an ideal scenario an ENFJ will be socially gifted ---- but they're not always and that's the point I was making.

More than half the ENFJ's on this forum alone have indicated at some point or the other that they wished they were more confident, more charismatic. The other reason why I came to this conclusion is that there were and are several mistyped ENFJ's on PerC who really believed at some point [or still do] that they were [are] introverts because of the stereotype that introverts are shy.
But how accurate is one's own subjective analysis?

I'm not saying it's impossible for an ENFJ to be shy; rather, I just think it much more likely s/he would be drawn to social occasions.
 

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That's a decent analysis on paper ... but honestly, that's all it is. In an ideal scenario an ENFJ will be socially gifted ---- but they're not always and that's the point I was making.

More than half the ENFJ's on this forum alone have indicated at some point or the other that they wished they were more confident, more charismatic. The other reason why I came to this conclusion is that there were and are several mistyped ENFJ's on PerC who really believed at some point [or still do] that they were [are] introverts because of the stereotype that introverts are shy.
i know it's not my beef- but just want to say, i agree with this so much. i would consider myself pretty good in social situations (it's hard to be humble with things you know about yourself) and yet i can be shy in a variety of situations.. the difference is that i know from past experience that the shyness goes away once i'm able to talk and connect with others- someone who doesn't have the fortune to have the same experiences in life (i honestly believe it can sometimes just be pure dumb luck, i can look at my own life and think "what if this and that didn't happen, who would i be?") may believe they are introverted simply because they don't have the necessary experience and confidence to make social contact enjoyable and as a result avoid it. the only way to judge it is to determine how much we suffer as people without regular good social contact. an introvert would fair much better than an extrovert in that case.

hell, after i've been couped inside studying for a few days in a row i know i'm going to feel strange and shy- maybe even shyer than an introvert might be in the same situation- but i get over it with a good night out just as easily.
 

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I think those stereotypes definitely hurt more than help. I can't count the number of times I thought I was being 'manipulative' or 'clingy'. I did ask my boyfriend that a few times at the start of our relationship and he didn't find me that at all. I do like to give him freedom and let him be.

And I'm not very neat and do arrive in late for class more than a few times. :p
 

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But how accurate is one's own subjective analysis?

I'm not saying it's impossible for an ENFJ to be shy; rather, I just think it much more likely s/he would be drawn to social occasions.
Most of us who have related to introverts more and have considered ourselves introverted, have also been told that we're shy/introverted/withdrawn/etc. Growing up my mom called my antisocial a lot and it really ate me up. I have always loved people, but I haven't always had the confidence or the social finesse to interact with them well.
 

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Extroverted functions necessarily reach out towards the external world for stimulus. Since your external function is Fe, you're going to have to reach out to people in order to form a group, or ingratiate yourself into an existing one: this engenders social interaction. ENFJs will actively seek this out in the same way an INFP actively seeks out meaning, or new emotional states that augment emotional understanding/intelligence.
I think the point that you are trying to make, is overall, ENFJs are not typically considered shy. What Jawz is suggesting I believe is we are not always insanely social, and in specific situations we can be very shy and timid.
 

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I suppose the amount of ENFJ social-ness largely depends on where they fall on the Introversion/Extroversion scale. People who fall far on the "E" side, I would think, need a lot more stimulation than someone who would fall closer to the middle. I'd probably peg my ENFJ as an ambivert, thinking about it...and I get the impression that a lot of the ENFJs on this forum do indeed have a decent "stimulation/socializing threshold," but I also sense that a lot of you guys have that moment when you say, "Okay, that was fun. Now it's quiet time."
 

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ENFJ misconception #432: ENFJs have the ability to spontaneously cause the diffraction of light through water (a 'rainbow') whenever they step outside of the house, even if no water is present nearby.

(It turns out you guys do actually need to use water)
 

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I've also heard too on this forum: ENFJs don't really have strong opinions on things because they want to be able to be in agreement with everyone in their group or something to that effect; or that ENFJ's don't have strong inherent value systems that they defend when treaded upon. I find that' a myth a lot of people who don't really use Fe much or at all seem to have of strong Fe-users Fe-doms, but it's not really true.

Also that ENFJs don't really know themselves or have a strong sense of self. Some might not have a strong sense of self or sometimes water down their ideals to be agreeable to others, but the one I know can be very opinionated, have very strong ideals about things that he's very vocal. He's just careful not to step on other people's toes when doing so; he also seems to have a pretty strong sense of self.

There are times here or there when I catch him contradicting something he had said earlier, but I've come to understand that some ENFJs just have elastic personalities. There are some things that they're very flexible on, so they adapt to the environment, but there are other core values that they stick to no matter which group they're in. There are also some opinions and tastes that they don't shift on no matter who they're talking to.

I imagine it's kind of a myth too that ENFJs share everything about themselves even to people they barely know because they appear to be so open, but I find they share what they feel they can handle the other person knowing or what they feel the other person can handle. I get the feeling that you ENFJs are more "Ice-burg-like" than you appear to be, not that you guys don't want to share with others, but because you have to feel out who you can trust and even when you can trust someone, if you're in a bad mood, I get the feeling that you don't want to share that bad feeling for fear it might bounce back to you. Am I correct in my assumption for the most part?
 

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ENFJ's are huggers
ENFJ's prefer emotional connections, but also respect physical boundaries of others as well as their own. In fact, in many of my interactions with ENFJ's, I've actually rarely come across a typical hugger.

(AHAHAHHAHAHHHHHH No Touching....seriously)

ENFJ's are super-organized
Hah! Organized chaos is more like it. Most ENFJ's are clutter freaks for the most part - it's just that we know exactly where everything is in that clutter ;)

I know where everything is. different piles are for different things, that's organized right.
 

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ENFJ's are super-organized
Hah! Organized chaos is more like it. Most ENFJ's are clutter freaks for the most part - it's just that we know exactly where everything is in that clutter ;)
My mom also tests as an ENFJ and this is one is so spot on for the both of us it's not funny. I keep "organized" piles of crap at my desk at work and around the house. If I need something though I know exactly what stack it's in. Same goes for her.
 

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My mom also tests as an ENFJ and this is one is so spot on for the both of us it's not funny. I keep "organized" piles of crap at my desk at work and around the house. If I need something though I know exactly what stack it's in. Same goes for her.
Growing up I was a total slob, but I've found that I've become more organized as I've gotten older.
 
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