Communicating with ESFJs

Fawny said:

Hey everyone, I'm just seeking some advice with regards to managing communication barriers with an ESFJ family member.

If somebody close to you had an issue with something you were doing/saying/going about, what would be the best way to approach it/what ways would you prefer someone to confront you about something?

I'm very afraid I will offend them, but there's this underlying tension I'm experiencing due to their actions that I believe I need to address.

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Tread lightly is all I can say - confronting an ESFJ can backfire, because to you it may be a one-and-done situation, as in you said your piece and now that's over, but we never forget. Saying how you feel (or how someone else feels) as a result of their actions is probably the best way to go about it. At least you have a better shot of them hearing you out and not just getting defensive.

Good luck!

As Happy mentioned and is indeed 100% correct.
Approach how whatever it is makes you feel and/or
how they feel.

If they are allowing you to see physical clues that they are edgy about
something? Well its going to be a tough go of it. This basically means
the ESFJ has already judged the issue and is not on your side about it.
They speak volumes with their body language and how they treat/react to you.
If this is already sketchy? Well be ready....ready for a good battle.

The worst thing you can do is ignore it though. Even if the ESFJ just blows it off.
Re approach it as much as needed. As Happy so rightly eluded to..they never forget.
They are not just going to let it go over time. Thats not how it works.

One point that may help here. If the ESFJ gets reallll mad and all seems lost?
Well all is not lost. ESFJ are very receptive to helping you through this
kinda thing. Even if it is hard for them to do so. If they see you are in honest
concern for them and the situation. They will recognize this. The initial
blow up should not write the whole story. They will by and large regret
most blow ups they have and come back with a level head.

@Happy29 @FueledByEvil Thank you so much for your feedback. Hopefully it all goes well, I'm pretty good at reading this person, and the tension is certainly there when the environment draws attention to the underlying issue. I may just have to take the plunge.