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Discussion Starter #1
Ive got a couple of text books on communication and I find it a fascinating subject.

Heres some of what one textbook says that really speaks to me:

British Psychologist John Bowlby, for instance, suggests that adult concerns about trust may be related to unresponsive parenting in infancy.

One thing to guard against is overinterpreting negative behavior, which is most likely to happen when we are reminded of sensitive issues from the past.

In short, they saw what they expected to see. They became insensitive to their partners present actions and relied on the past to judge the interaction.

To combat this we can focus on concrete behavior rather than jumping to conclusions about our partners motives and character. We can also become more sensitive to and appreciative of positive behavior. In essence, we allow ourselves to trust by giving our partner some credit and providing him or her with the necessary room to make mistakes.
Any tips on communicating or Interpersonal skills you all can share here are very much appreciated.
 

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Biggest one off the top of my head is to stop and listen before speaking, as well as, put one’s own bias aside, whether the one feels that they’re completely right. This will open up a dialogue and a discussion or debate that can be had in good faith. This will aide in growth instead of an argument that ends in nothing. Also, the rightness of one’s conviction (if you have one) will have a better chance of being understood and agreed and/or compromised on as need be.
 
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Headline from Communication Works book: Actively seek information from others and reinforce others attempting to seek information from you
I struggle with knowing how to do the reinforcing others that seek information from me thing because I care too much about what other people think about me.

People who fail to initiate contacts or fail to reinforce the conversational attempts of others are less likely to build stable foundations for effective relationships.
SO:
Identify when someone is trying to communicate with you as best you can
+
Put yourself out there at risk of rejection
=
Do that and you have a healthy communication habit that can lead to stable foundations for effective relationships


Beyond that.. building a habit of talking to certain people might be nice.
That way its possible to find out what a person is really like by getting to know them/talking to them/hanging out with them.

Closing ourselves off or recoiling in fear at other people wanting to get to know us closes us off to potential positive experiences as much as it does negative experiences.

I think it takes a certain amount of optimism or trust to speak to other people effectively.
 
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Im used to my vibes being off online and offline.
I have to learn to adjust to my social environment.

My situation in life has changed, and everything is sort of new..
In this chapter in my life, I hope to not only enjoy my own company, but to let other people in and to ask to be let in to other peoples lives so they can enjoy my company and I can enjoy theirs.

A mutual kind of growth might take place, for those ready to grow. Because thats what I do. grow and evolve.
and maybe sometimes people can help me to stop and smell the roses of success.

Treating this like a blog now, because this is a journey for me.
 
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I spend a lot of time proactively testing out communication (I find practice to be more interesting than reading about it).

I'd say the biggest takeaway I can offer is to treat communication like any other skill: you only get better at it through mindful practice. Pick an aspect of it to work on or test out and find ways to work it into your conversations. See what kind of impact it has and understand when that kind of reaction can be useful or not. Then do it over with another aspect.

Observe and reflect and remember to treat people with care as you go about learning.
 
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Since it is impossible to put one's bias aside, it's important to both maintain one's bias and yet imagine as best you can a balanced and non-biased perspective. In this way one retains a proper judgment.

Communication is both about getting your own idea across and trying to understand the other person's point of view. But within point of view there are three paths to understanding (as always).

Fear - When you communicate, fear has you seeking calm and them seeking calm. Also, some people prefer the excited state of fear and try to maintain it. If you cannot maintain their excitement with them, they will get bored.

Anger - Anger seeks a balance. It demands that you consider your worthiness no more or less than the other side's or than any sides'. Further anger will respond to fears and desires of both sides and get triggered. In such cases only acknowledging the other side's existence/right to be there and have their say (fair share of communication time) will have a positive result.

Desire - Desire seeks worthiness. Amid conversation desire finds its worthiness in a dream of what they want from the conversation. It is important to realize that if the person wanting something doesn't get it, that WILL affect their self perception and they could lash out in small ways. If you convince them they are not worthy, they will act not worthy by way of self indulgence.

These three are very simple and short examples only (not total lists) of how difficult communication is. Remember that all three are going on at the same time in everyone.
 
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