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173 Posts
Let me put this as plainly as I can; I have no goals.
I don’t want to go anywhere specific, do anything in particular, accomplish something, show people something I made or did, or have them watch me. I don’t want a family, I don’t want a career, I don’t want a certain car.
This makes it rather hard to really get any pleasure out of life.
I’m sure it wouldn’t be surprising if I admitted that I worked in computers, but I’ve also tried to branch out into motorcycle mechanics and technical theatre. Both ended poorly; I dropped out of the motorcycle course over 30MB of data that was worth about $2000 -- Rogers billed 28MB at 6 cents per KB in the bad old days before decent data plans. I dropped theatre because I couldn’t hack a 18-19 hour day of classes and plays.
All I do want is basically a job that’s not too easy but is mostly solitary -- I do like a challenge, but I tend to slack off when the work is stuff I don’t like. Then on my own time, I basically just want to be left alone to do as my heart might desire. I might want to read an entire novel in one night, or watch 6 episodes of the same show. Maybe I want to walk outside until 2am. Maybe clean everything until my apartment is spotless. Mostly, it’s play video games.
Unfortunately, this all makes me very discouraged and lonely feeling too because I feel like I should be doing *something* or working towards *something*. Aside from the nebulous goals of “doing moderately okay work” and “leave me alone”, I have a very hard time formulating any other desires.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Is this apathy, or as the title says a complete lack of motivation? More importantly, how do people figure out what they want to do with their lives? I'm 34 at this point, and still haven't figured out what to do with myself, and have been questioning this for a very long time.
I don’t want to go anywhere specific, do anything in particular, accomplish something, show people something I made or did, or have them watch me. I don’t want a family, I don’t want a career, I don’t want a certain car.
This makes it rather hard to really get any pleasure out of life.
I’m sure it wouldn’t be surprising if I admitted that I worked in computers, but I’ve also tried to branch out into motorcycle mechanics and technical theatre. Both ended poorly; I dropped out of the motorcycle course over 30MB of data that was worth about $2000 -- Rogers billed 28MB at 6 cents per KB in the bad old days before decent data plans. I dropped theatre because I couldn’t hack a 18-19 hour day of classes and plays.
All I do want is basically a job that’s not too easy but is mostly solitary -- I do like a challenge, but I tend to slack off when the work is stuff I don’t like. Then on my own time, I basically just want to be left alone to do as my heart might desire. I might want to read an entire novel in one night, or watch 6 episodes of the same show. Maybe I want to walk outside until 2am. Maybe clean everything until my apartment is spotless. Mostly, it’s play video games.
Unfortunately, this all makes me very discouraged and lonely feeling too because I feel like I should be doing *something* or working towards *something*. Aside from the nebulous goals of “doing moderately okay work” and “leave me alone”, I have a very hard time formulating any other desires.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Is this apathy, or as the title says a complete lack of motivation? More importantly, how do people figure out what they want to do with their lives? I'm 34 at this point, and still haven't figured out what to do with myself, and have been questioning this for a very long time.