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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ya so I noticed that if I have someone close to me that brings me down more often than not, I completely cut them out of my life. For some people I give it a few months to see if something changes, others it only takes one thing for me to write them off. When I say cut them out of my lives I mean 100% like I never even met them. This could be someone I've known for years, days, months whatever.

I'm wondering if this is a "normal" thing to do, is it an entp thing, maladjustment?

I'm asking because it's starting to bother me, it's like the closer I get to someone, the less I like them and conversely I seem to build conflict that I'm not even aware of until it's too late. I never have had a relationship that went bad but then got better, back to normal. Always ended up with me stopping contact.

Thoughts, experiences?
 

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I do this to. I've cut many people out of my life. I might give a chance for improvement, if I don't see an improvement I drop it.

The most usual reason is overtly dramatic people, negative people who suck energy out of you etc.

As for the latter part. This might not be valid for you but I can sometimes be very excited about new acquaintances and as I get to know them better I might see negative things I just don't like. Sometimes negative sides are just fine. Nobody is flawless and it's the different sides of us that make up who we are (essentially) so it becomes about the whole package. I have gone through periods of time where I've met a lot of people who I don't talk to to day. Maybe it's the circumstances of where I met them or where I were at the time was an important factor?
 

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I'm aware that I do this too. Example - a friend helped me move houses the other day and I was about to skip out on a house party he was having for his birthday (he hangs out with a rough crowd). Had to force myself to go... against my nature completely... but I'm glad I did because maintaining friendships is important regardless of what "type" you are.
 

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I notoriously do this. Everyone back where I grew up was going nowhere and just went to the pub and smoked weed. I moved 300 miles away alone with my online business completely cutting those people out 100%.

The downsides to this are although they are anchors, they would of been useful to keep as friends because it opens you up to social experiences, although rare because they're fucking losers and poor as fuck. It happens and if you don't have a network of people at all you miss out on particular opportunities.

--I also like FRESH STARTS, I don't like dirt, I want everything perfect. Like a school book will be really neat hand writing when it's brand new, but after a while it'll get sloppy and I'll want to start again on a fresh one.
 

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I did that several times too. Mostly with girl friends, sometime for friend. This gave me a reputation of cold blood. I decide that someone is not good enough, end of story. But on the other hand, I know my best friends for 20 to 25 years. And I'm 32. I never cut with one of these. And I force myself to keep these friendship. As you told before, go in party even if I know it will be boring. They're mostly NT types, so they understand me.
 
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It's definitely an ENTP thing. I've gone through so many friends in life, and I've usually stopped being friends with them due to lifestyle differences or just a general growing apart.

It's a really strange feeling, but I absolutely hate hanging out with people that I cut off, because it's like you're the only one that changed. Everyone else stayed exactly the same while you went off and did your own thing. When I was 15-16 me and my friends all became pretty big stoners, and I'm literally the only one who moved on from that stage (not saying weed is bad, just not me ting!).

Sometimes I've ran the risk of isolation by doing this, but honestly I'd rather take the occasional loneliness than feeling totally obligated to spend time with someone and be in a rut.
 

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I have the same problem--the closer I get with someone, the more I somehow knew that it wasn't going to last. My friendships rarely last; they exist out of convenience. If someone that i can get along with is in the same class for two years, I'll probably be friends with them for two and a half years. It's mainly how much time I spent with them.

Personally, the more time I spent with someone, the more I understand how their minds function. Their actions ceased to be exciting, and I have virtually no reason to talk to them in order to seek their (different) opinions on matters that I like. For ENTPs, it's said that we are extremely good at detecting lies and predicting others' actions once we had interacted with them for a bit. Someone can intrigue me and I spent two days talking to them before I figured them out and I stopped being excited about them. It's depressing. There are also times where I snapped at the person and pointed out their flaws. They can't deny their flaws, but I snapped at them due to irrational reasons when placed in a situation where I'm forced to talk to them everyday and the things they talked about is similar/the opinions they give me are the ones I'd expected.

There are are a few ways I used to solve this:
1. Find people similar enough to hit the same conclusions/opinions as you do, but achieve their conclusions in a different way.

My INTJ friend is one of the few people that I didn't cease communications with for over a year or so now. She is extremely flexible when it comes to the topics that I want to talk about, and she gives valuable input. I find her opinions fascinating, since she used a foreign method (Ni+Te) to hit her conclusions and I used Ne+Ti. She can accurately sought out reasons to why I might think someone is bullshit when I struggle to explain myself accurately, and most importantly, she doesn't really push for interactions. She doesn't really mind if I stopped talking to her for a week and she always understands when I tell her that I needed some alone time since I'm exhausted, and vice versa. Also, both of us talk sufficiently to be close, but not that frequently to the point where I would get frustrated with her. The rest of my friends (ESFJ, ENFP, ENFJ, ESFP) don't really grasp the concept of me needing alone time. If I remain reticent, I'll usually end up reassuring them that I'm fine, and I'm not angry at them. It's exhausting at times.

2. Don't get close to them.
There is this ISTP that I knew for two years now, and I remained interested (in a platonic manner, you dirty dirty people) in since I rarely talk to them. My conversations with him are not personal--both of us talk about our opinions on people that we both knew, about religion, about the world, but we refrained from talking too much about ourselves. At least, he does. That allows me to remain interested since the conversations come in short bursts. We can ceased communicatins for a month and talk for a few hours in a day. My friends that I am interested in are usually more introverted than the average introversion.

3.Time-out.
My extroverted friends exhaust me at times, and I have this sessions (I nickname them asshole-periods) that's somewhat like time-out sessions. When I get tired of them, I spent my time in the library during break times and pretty much do that for three days or so before returning to interact with them.

4.Concubines
I have two groups of friends. To be more precise, three. When I get bored of one group, I spent more time with another group. Naturally, all of them wil be boring at some point in time, so this is a temporary solution.

5. Internet
Interacting over the Internet is probably the best way I make friends, since I am not exactly obligate to talk to them. The time I spent talking to them is limited, and there are quite a lot of people that are different over the Internet. Probably the best way to engage your interest and if you get lucky, you'll find a few friends that you can really talk to and be really good friends with after a while.


Sometimes I've ran the risk of isolation by doing this, but honestly I'd rather take the occasional loneliness than feeling totally obligated to spend time with someone and be in a rut.
This pretty much sums up the main motive-- obligation when it comes to interaction forces ENTPs into a corner and they rather rampage their way out than to waste their time quietly coaxing a way through just so they won't hurt anyone. It breaks down to using force against force depending on the situation and it becomes instinctive at some point in time.
 

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@The Hatter, I didn't feel like quoting your whole text, but anyway...

I agree that the best way to maintaining a friendship for us, is to initiate some distance every now and then. I too get frustrated when I talk to the same friend every day and they tell me what they did that day and I'm just irrationally getting angry thinking "Oh yeah, of course you did. Why would you do anything different?" But when I maybe don't talk to them for at least a day or two the next time we hang out or talk is much more interesting and I'm usually much more perceptive.

Being an extrovert who prefers people in small doses... Nobody said ENTPing was easy.
 

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I do it and it's gotten easier with time (not too long ago I couldn't really do it). That thurr Fe made it a little troubling at times. But I've even cut out people who totally and utterly thought I was amazing simply because they irritated me. It's for the best.
 

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Yep! I do this.

I have no room in my life for flaky people, liars or people who just bore me. I always try and give people a chance to redeem themselves but if they don't, they get cut out 100%. No going back.

I think the ENTP enthusiasm and ease with which we can meet people and make new friends simply makes us more readily appreciate that there are other people out there who WON'T mess us around. We are not willing to put up with bad behaviour because of this.
 

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I do it and it's gotten easier with time (not too long ago I couldn't really do it). That thurr Fe made it a little troubling at times. But I've even cut out people who totally and utterly thought I was amazing simply because they irritated me. It's for the best.
I have felt a tad guilty about doing this. People have thought I was the best thing ever, but they just irritated me so I couldn't deal with them in my life.

Yep, we're baaaaaaad.
 

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I wouldn't say I cut them off but just stop initiating contact. If they stick, they stick. I will say as I have gotten older, I have a handful of friends who know I am terrible at keeping in touch, even though I really like them, so they usually initiate contact. When we see each other it is like we have never been apart. They are kind of the friends for life people. I am not too bothered by those that have pittered away. I feel like the friendship was not that important anyway.

With family though I make an effort.
 

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I think I'm more comfortable doing this than most people. I don't think it's because I'm a cold person. I think it's just because I see the futility in trying to make something work that doesn't. I had to do this with my own mother. It still hurts me, but she's cruel, manipulative, mentally unstable and completely unwilling to get the proper treatment for it. So she has historically and chronically treated me horribly. Abusive during my childhood, adolescence, and up until I broke free. So many times I tried to reach out because she is my mother. But the older I get, and especially the perspective I gained from having my own kids, makes me realize I have nothing to feel guilty about. I could never treat my children the way she treated me.

So a few years ago, I stopped reaching out and we haven't spoken since. It sucks and it hurts, but do I feel guilty about it? No. She brings me nothing but pain and I don't want my kids to know her. Plus, I know I didn't add anything positive to her life either once I grew up. So it's just better this way.

The situation with my mother was hard to accept, but now that I've done it, it's disturbingly easier to do it with everybody else. Aside from my kids, I feel like there's no one in my life that I couldn't do without if necessary.
 

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I'm aware that I do this too. Example - a friend helped me move houses the other day and I was about to skip out on a house party he was having for his birthday (he hangs out with a rough crowd). Had to force myself to go... against my nature completely... but I'm glad I did because maintaining friendships is important regardless of what "type" you are.
This is exactly the type of dilemma i have to face tonight, i said i would come on the event, but like i really don't know how it's going to play, since they are the type of people who, to me at least, made reunions "akward" when you haven't seen each other for a while, i every time literally feel like i'm gonna die with those kind of persons, the kind of persons you can't see for more than two months without it being awkward afterwards... But like there's booze, a lot of people and new faces and i want to drink, so i see some potential, at worse, i would be wasted and never see them again after the party so why do i care..

And yes, i've done the cutt-off people thing a lot too, especially with girls best friends i had in high school and with whom i did not much connect anymore as i grew up, i remember feeling a little guilty but quickly forgot about it as i made new friends, had some new activities etc, i find that the solutions is yeah when you meet new people, i usually try not to get too close with them / made it clear in my behavior that i have my own things going on and i'm not gonna answer their calls and texts ASAP, and usually after hanging out with them for a while, it's when i see them again after two months or so that i can see if they're "real friend material", if you have nothing to talk about / the atmosphere is awkward, no need to go further, it's just gonna get worse as time goes by. If not, perfect, you just find yourself a cool friend that you can see tomorrow or at a party in two months like no time passed, ugh, if everybody could be like that, the world would be so much simpler.
 

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Yep! I do this.

I have no room in my life for flaky people, liars or people who just bore me. I always try and give people a chance to redeem themselves but if they don't, they get cut out 100%. No going back.

I think the ENTP enthusiasm and ease with which we can meet people and make new friends simply makes us more readily appreciate that there are other people out there who WON'T mess us around. We are not willing to put up with bad behaviour because of this.

And the strange habit to stay polite and sympathetic until the end. A lot of people confuse politeness and friendship. Several of them are choked by such cut. But anyway, who cares? I'm free inside :D
 
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I think I'm more comfortable doing this than most people. I don't think it's because I'm a cold person. I think it's just because I see the futility in trying to make something work that doesn't.
/thread

Oh, fine, that's it for me mostly. And I'm shit at staying in touch even with people whose company I enjoy, but that's acknowledged and dealt with. I suppose I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody who requires a lot of reassuring anyway. Used to cut people out of my life when I was younger, nowadays not so much although I would do it if I felt somebody doesn't deserve my time and the situation is unlikely to improve. That's one thing I've always been good at: walking away. I just have much better taste in people nowadays, so I don't have to do it a damn lot.

I don't feel bored at all by my core group. (2 x INFJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFJ. Hmm... extended circle would also include my ISTP, ISFP, INFP and INTJ friends.) But we're all independent adults with busy lives.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I have the same problem--the closer I get with someone, the more I somehow knew that it wasn't going to last. My friendships rarely last; they exist out of convenience. If someone that i can get along with is in the same class for two years, I'll probably be friends with them for two and a half years. It's mainly how much time I spent with them.

Personally, the more time I spent with someone, the more I understand how their minds function. Their actions ceased to be exciting, and I have virtually no reason to talk to them in order to seek their (different) opinions on matters that I like. For ENTPs, it's said that we are extremely good at detecting lies and predicting others' actions once we had interacted with them for a bit. Someone can intrigue me and I spent two days talking to them before I figured them out and I stopped being excited about them. It's depressing. There are also times where I snapped at the person and pointed out their flaws. They can't deny their flaws, but I snapped at them due to irrational reasons when placed in a situation where I'm forced to talk to them everyday and the things they talked about is similar/the opinions they give me are the ones I'd expected.

There are are a few ways I used to solve this:
1. Find people similar enough to hit the same conclusions/opinions as you do, but achieve their conclusions in a different way.

My INTJ friend is one of the few people that I didn't cease communications with for over a year or so now. She is extremely flexible when it comes to the topics that I want to talk about, and she gives valuable input. I find her opinions fascinating, since she used a foreign method (Ni+Te) to hit her conclusions and I used Ne+Ti. She can accurately sought out reasons to why I might think someone is bullshit when I struggle to explain myself accurately, and most importantly, she doesn't really push for interactions. She doesn't really mind if I stopped talking to her for a week and she always understands when I tell her that I needed some alone time since I'm exhausted, and vice versa. Also, both of us talk sufficiently to be close, but not that frequently to the point where I would get frustrated with her. The rest of my friends (ESFJ, ENFP, ENFJ, ESFP) don't really grasp the concept of me needing alone time. If I remain reticent, I'll usually end up reassuring them that I'm fine, and I'm not angry at them. It's exhausting at times.

2. Don't get close to them.
There is this ISTP that I knew for two years now, and I remained interested (in a platonic manner, you dirty dirty people) in since I rarely talk to them. My conversations with him are not personal--both of us talk about our opinions on people that we both knew, about religion, about the world, but we refrained from talking too much about ourselves. At least, he does. That allows me to remain interested since the conversations come in short bursts. We can ceased communicatins for a month and talk for a few hours in a day. My friends that I am interested in are usually more introverted than the average introversion.

3.Time-out.
My extroverted friends exhaust me at times, and I have this sessions (I nickname them asshole-periods) that's somewhat like time-out sessions. When I get tired of them, I spent my time in the library during break times and pretty much do that for three days or so before returning to interact with them.

4.Concubines
I have two groups of friends. To be more precise, three. When I get bored of one group, I spent more time with another group. Naturally, all of them wil be boring at some point in time, so this is a temporary solution.

5. Internet
Interacting over the Internet is probably the best way I make friends, since I am not exactly obligate to talk to them. The time I spent talking to them is limited, and there are quite a lot of people that are different over the Internet. Probably the best way to engage your interest and if you get lucky, you'll find a few friends that you can really talk to and be really good friends with after a while.



This pretty much sums up the main motive-- obligation when it comes to interaction forces ENTPs into a corner and they rather rampage their way out than to waste their time quietly coaxing a way through just so they won't hurt anyone. It breaks down to using force against force depending on the situation and it becomes instinctive at some point in time.
Sound advice! I will work on not being close at all, I think that has been my main problem.
 

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I think I've only done this twice. And once, after doing this, I found out his father died so I sent him card, never got a reply. Guess he was better at the cutting off thing than me!

Mostly I just let things slide. But then I let things slide with people I like, too.

I'm really not a judge of the behaviour of others. Cutting people off totally can take effort, and I'm lazy and I don't really bear grudges.
 

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Yep, cutting them clean and fast. I mostly lost my close friends to distance, them moving away or whatever. But I had to cut off my friendship with 4 people all at the same time recently, they were negative jerks that brought me down. And I don't look back either, I've got my own crowd (INTP, ENTP, INFJ, INTJ, ENTJ mai lurves <3) and don't really bother about maintaining friendships with any, other than them. I don't have to explain my occasional disappearance to them, they know me and my need for some time alone and they respect that.
 

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Dude, no. Someone would have to do something heinous for me to never want to talk to them again. This is a weird concept for me.

What are these people doing to you? Annoying you a little bit? I thought we were a chill tribe, not irritable and judgmental.

These are the only reasons I can think of to cut someone off:

Relationships
Break up (temporary), cheating/extreme breach of trust (permanent)

Friendships
Fucking me over to some extent (temporary, would not hold a grudge if sincere apology is given most likely)
Extreme breach of trust (permanent)
Killing my parents (permanent)
Trying to sleep with my girlfriend (probably permanent)
Talking shit (temporary or permanent depending on severity and context)
 
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