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Discussion Starter #1
(I made a new friend and met my long lost sister yesterday. She allowed me to post this. Can anyone here relate?)










(Sorry if this offends anyone not ENFP and was a victim of this. I wouldn't trust a fellow ENFP either by a long shot.)
 

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Sorry...

I hope you weren't on the receiving end of what was said above.
Oh I wasn't. I just don't like... eh... let me see how I can phrase this...

It really bothers me when people are inconsiderate of others. Of course they could just be ignorant of the damage they are doing, but the thought of even that annoys me because they would have to be blind to not notice. Just... the mixture of lack of maturity, ignorance... and not all of what they were saying is bad/wrong. Some of it I can completely understand, but they are running through a concert with a katana and they seem oblivious to the damage they could be (and probably are) doing.
 

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Tbh the convo you had with your friend didn't sit well with me at all.

There were elements to it that I could resonate with but the "charming people for pure entertainment" came across quite manipulative.

Just...yikes.
 

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Tbh the convo you had with your friend didn't sit well with me at all.

There were elements to it that I could resonate with but the "charming people for pure entertainment" came across quite manipulative.

Just...yikes.
Glad to know I'm not the only one.
 

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I've been told that I can come across flirtatious and I've unintentionally led people on before but once I find out, I feel SUPER bad.

I've never found it amusing. Ever.
Yeah, I could understand why. Not fun stuff. I've gotten pretty close to doing it before, but at the same time not really. For me it was someone out of state made a flirtatious remark and I took it as an opportunity to experiment like a mad INTJ scientist because I knew we'd never see each other again. I still felt a little guilty afterwards, but no sense spilling over cried milk. Honestly though, I have trouble not avoiding people if I suspect that they have even a little crush on me, and I know I'm going to see them again. It feels like every time I speak to them they are putting their heart in my hands and that is a scary thought.

wow that got deeper than I thought it would! XD

But yeah, life is weird. I rest my case.
 

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Yeah, I could understand why. Not fun stuff. I've gotten pretty close to doing it before, but at the same time not really. For me it was someone out of state made a flirtatious remark and I took it as an opportunity to experiment like a mad INTJ scientist because I knew we'd never see each other again. I still felt a little guilty afterwards, but no sense spilling over cried milk. Honestly though, I have trouble not avoiding people if I suspect that they have even a little crush on me, and I know I'm going to see them again. It feels like every time I speak to them they are putting their heart in my hands and that is a scary thought.

wow that got deeper than I thought it would! XD

But yeah, life is weird. I rest my case.
Lol nah for sure, I completely get you.

I tend to be in denial if I suspect someone has a crush on me lol like I know deep down they fancy me but sometimes I can’t bring myself to accept it and I just avoid all forms of confrontation. But then reality sinks in and I have to be honest with how I feel because I know I would HATE it if the roles were reversed and I was being led on.

But damn, I hate making people feel bad.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
The comments on this thread is pretty much proving my point with the first post lol.

Only difference is that you all choose to feel bad and avoid because you can't stand the idea of it being the other way around cause you're afraid of karma.
 

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The comments on this thread is pretty much proving my point with the first post lol.

Only difference is that you all choose to feel bad and avoid because you can't stand the idea of it being the other way around cause you're afraid of karma.
I couldn't give two shits about karma mate. It's literally for the fact that it's a dickish move to lead someone on and do it for the 'bants'. Also just because I initially avoid confrontation, doesn't mean I'll avoid it forever if I can see someone is catching feelings. I just really can't wrap my head around why it would be entertaining to string someone along and play with their emotions like that. Anyone who believes it's okay to do that is seriously buggin'.
 

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I have mixed feelings.

I care a lot about people. Sometimes too much. I stick around too long in bad relationships because I care about them so much, because I don't want to give up on them (they could be a better version of themselves! - Ne idealism), and because I hate hurt feelings and/or conflict.

I guess me being friendly and chatty can be construed as 'flirtatious' by some people, but I try not to lead them on if I have no romantic interest in them. I usually let people go (in a really nice way) if I sense they are becoming too attracted to me, where I feel nothing in return. I couldn't let the relationship be one-sided like that, and have them think I feel more for them than I really do.

It is true, however, that I can be rather flippant and lose interest in people quickly, unless they stimulate my mind. I don't hold onto them very hard, and that bothers some of them a great deal. My attitude of "Life is life, we'll enjoy this friendship while it lasts, and then probably drift apart" doesn't always make some people happy.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I couldn't give two shits about karma mate. It's literally for the fact that it's a dickish move to lead someone on and do it for the 'bants'. Also just because I initially avoid confrontation, doesn't mean I'll avoid it forever if I can see someone is catching feelings. I just really can't wrap my head around why it would be entertaining to string someone along and play with their emotions like that. Anyone who believes it's okay to do that is seriously buggin'.
Lol, okay. Looks like I read you wrong. Welp.
 

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I have to be real with you here, I don't think that everything you guys talked about is an ENFP thing and I actually see a few red flags regarding mental health status in this text.

I do think ENFPs definitely have a tendency to charm people, be flighty, and even sometimes accidentally lead people on because they're unaware of the depth of the other person's feelings for them.

However, I think that what you guys talked about is crossing into the realm of immaturity/unhealthy. If you know you're hurting people by doing it and you just feel apathetic/amused, that's most definitely not an ENFP thing. ENFPs as a type tend to care very deeply about people and their plights. That's a huge part of the stereotype for ENFPs, actually. Going around hurting people (even if accidentally) and feeling nothing about it other than a desire to preserve your own self image is a very very bad sign, and is not tied to any particular type.

Additionally, I don't think the part at the end about totally avoiding relationships is healthy. That's not an ENFP thing either. I get the sense that you're not actually avoiding relationships because people get boring, but because you're running from something deeper. I could be wrong in your case, but I do know that the vast majority of people who purposefully avoid meaningful relationships (aside from a conscious decision to) tend to do so because they are very afraid of someone getting close to them.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I get the idea from this post that you feel somewhere deep down that you have some problems to work on, and you're trying to empathize with ENFPs (oh it's an ENFP thing, it's not just me) instead of acknowledging that you have said problems.
 

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The comments on this thread is pretty much proving my point with the first post lol.

Only difference is that you all choose to feel bad and avoid because you can't stand the idea of it being the other way around cause you're afraid of karma.
When I avoid I'm out of sight and out of mind. Everyone that knows me know I don't text so no harm no foul if I just randomly vanish. No ones feelings are hurt, and their crush is gone by the end of the month or sooner. It is a completely harmless, strategic way of dealing with the mater. Now let's say I knew they had a crush on me and I decided to toy with them for my own amusement, or flirt with them until they develop one. That is pretty bad stuff that can mess a person up and give them all sorts of trust issues. Perhaps think about what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot?
 

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Discussion Starter #19
When I avoid I'm out of sight and out of mind. Everyone that knows me know I don't text so no harm no foul if I just randomly vanish. No ones feelings are hurt, and their crush is gone by the end of the month or sooner. It is a completely harmless, strategic way of dealing with the mater. Now let's say I knew they had a crush on me and I decided to toy with them for my own amusement, or flirt with them until they develop one. That is pretty bad stuff that can mess a person up and give them all sorts of trust issues. Perhaps think about what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot?
People often ask me 'well what if it's the other way around and you're the victim?'
That has happened so many times, I don't bat an eyelash.

I feel nothing. Only thing is, I simply lost the game. You win some, you lose some. Time to start the game over with the next player.
 

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People often ask me 'well what if it's the other way around and you're the victim?'
That has happened so many times, I don't bat an eyelash.

I feel nothing. Only thing is, I simply lost the game. You win some, you lose some. Time to start the game over with the next player.
Well, I suppose there is nothing wrong with that so long as you are playing with a player. But please be sure not to drag people who don't play into the game. You could really mess someone up by doing that.
 
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