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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you compliment people? Do you ever use sarcasm in order to 'compliment' someone?
99% of my compliments consists of sarcasm, even sincere ones.

Examples:
"At least this time you did it right" (even if the person has relatively low failure rate)

"I thought you were gonna die while doing it" (even if the task was not dangerous at all)

"You look pretty today, in comparison to how you usually look like" (in a mocking tone, even if the person is usually good looking)

"You look shittier than always" (purposefully when the person actually looks better than ever, i actually expect them to get it)

"I can't believe you actually killed zero people while on the road" (even if the person drives well)

"I hate you too" (in response to someone saying they care about me, i actually expect them to get that i mean the same)

The existence of people who don't get sarcasm, or worse, who get it but don't like it or even hate it, or even fucking worse, who don't get it and also get offended by it, shocks my soul deeply. I recently met a person who is supposed to enter my life for a while and turns out they despise sarcasm. I seriously don't know how to behave, it's inhumane.

If i compliment you directly, without using sarcasm, it probably means i'm in love with you.
 

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*Breaks the fourth wall of sarcasm* I'm a little assertive by nature, so a lot of my compliments are direct. I can very easily be sarcastic and fun, but sometimes it takes an equally good response.

I'm assuming you mean dark humour too.
 

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the first and third one I do when I'm joking around with people. The second one I do when I'm being sarcastic, and I didn't even realise I was being sarcastic. I must be sarcastic 60% of the time then .

Yes, such people frustrate me as well. I remember I was using an old library textbook in class the other day, and this guy asked me to turn to a chapter, and I was like 'sure as long as I have the chapter in here'. The guy laughed and the girl on the right, sitting at my table, was like 'what? Why wouldn't you have the chapter'. I felt like telling her because books that don't have chapters are shit books, I'm implying this is a shit book. But I just laughed and said 'nah I was joking'
 

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I've always had an issue of people taking my sarcasm seriously. Always. It was the worst in high school, I usually wanted to grab their face and say "No, I'm not serious you fucking rocket scientist!"
 

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I think one of the best compliments I ever got from an INTP was "you're just as smart as me, I'll be kinder and say maybe more" or something like that. It was in the middle of a two hour fight though, so take it as you will.

Idk, mostly INTPs express their appreciation for my person through putting up with me emoting all over them and not shoving me off when I hug them.
 
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If it's just dark humor, and not actual malice, I don't see an issue with it. It would be ideal if everyone could read your intentions, but of course we can't. But I'd venture you're intelligent enough to tell if someone tends to be of a more straightforward or sensitive nature, and is likely to misinterpret the statement. Or if in doubt, don't do it at all. Or if you have to, do it with a playful smile or laugh so they can't not get it. Then again, some people are really not capable of handling that type of humor due to low confidence or just being sensitive, or just being autistic.

Due to my overinflated ego, I have such a hard time complimenting someone directly. I'd rather do it insultingly. It's... kind of a problem, because there are generally a lot of things I want to be more forthright with, but I keep thinking I'm going to get mocked for it or it's going to be interpreted the wrong way or something.
 

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I do this, but make an effort to avoid it when talking to people who don't know me well or don't seem to take the time to fully process what people are saying before responding. Especially outside of smalltalk I'm direct with compliments, like in a group project, serious conversation, or games. Of course, criticism needs to be considered first before you just flat out call someone an idiot, but if you get a genuine compliment on your work that will stay with you for the whole day.
 

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A friend once told me that she doesn't like visiting me and my husband because we talk sarcastically to each other all the time. She thought we were being rude and that it created a bad atmosphere. I tried to explain that's it's our way of communicating and that kind of witty sarcasm is part of our sense of humour, but she argued it's "toxic" and shows lack of empathy / social skills / good upbringing. While I think she was exaggerating she may have had a point: I can't remember getting many non-sarcastic compliments from my father, ever, and it's definitely easier for me to compliment someone sarcastically than more genuinely.
 

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I do this all the time with people I'm close to. Other people I give them normal compliments even though it's more mentally painful for me to do it that way. I feel like sometimes people can hear the strainedness in my voice and think that I'm not actually being genuine with my comment. So a sarcastic compliment might actually sound more genuine since it comes more naturally to me. Sigh.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
A friend once told me that she doesn't like visiting me and my husband because we talk sarcastically to each other all the time. She thought we were being rude and that it created a bad atmosphere. I tried to explain that's it's our way of communicating and that kind of witty sarcasm is part of our sense of humour, but she argued it's "toxic" and shows lack of empathy / social skills / good upbringing. While I think she was exaggerating she may have had a point: I can't remember getting many non-sarcastic compliments from my father, ever, and it's definitely easier for me to compliment someone sarcastically than more genuinely.
I have no words to express how shocked i was when the person i mentioned in the OP explained this exact thing to me! I mean, we (me and a friend) weren't even being sarcastic towards the person, just between ourselves. And it created a bad atmosphere? What. The. Fuck. In my head it sounded like i was talking with a kid who gets offended for literally being alive.

I do this all the time with people I'm close to. Other people I give them normal compliments even though it's more mentally painful for me to do it that way. I feel like sometimes people can hear the strainedness in my voice and think that I'm not actually being genuine with my comment. So a sarcastic compliment might actually sound more genuine since it comes more naturally to me. Sigh.
That's exactly how i feel when i have to be direct.
 

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You only use sarcasm when it is established that it is an approved method of communication with the person in question.

Sarcasm has a time and a place, exuberant use of it just turns annoying.
 

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I rarely give compiments. When i give them then they are simple and straight foward. But i never give compliments unless i really mean it. I never give compliments just for the sake of another person feeling good about themselves. If someone does not look nice i will not say that they do.
 

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You only use sarcasm when it is established that it is an approved method of communication with the person in question.

Sarcasm has a time and a place, exuberant use of it just turns annoying.
I find even then, those people can be so clueless.
 
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