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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
How to get good at dates? Just have common sense and you should be good for dating, most people who want to date also have common sense.

As long as you have common sense you should be fine. Beside that, you should work on increasing your physical attractiveness level. And maybe your social status level like your job and your relations, but mainly your physical attractiveness level.

Then you go for it and talk to them. If you are compatible, that's great, if you aren't compatible, also great. If you don't make a move and procrastinate you will lose.

There are many advices on how to become more physically attractive for both men & women:

Why do we find physically attractive people so appealing? Because physical attractiveness is a sign of overall health and fitness. Most indicators of health are externally visible. And when I say fitness, I mean genetic fitness, not going to gym fitness, although that does help and I’ll get to that later. Whether you’re aware of it or not, whether it’s your intention or not, you judge people’s physical attractiveness based on their ability to provide you with healthy children.

You may only be playing the field for fun, but when you decide to go home with someone, you’re still unconsciously judging them based on their ability to produce healthy offspring. You may not want to have children with them, you may just want to have some fun, but your standards for beauty are based on reproduction. And your standards for reproductive ability are based mostly on what you can see. So what do we find physically attractive?

Let’s start off by busting a popular myth perpetuated by just about everyone. The media does not dictate what is physically attractive. If that were the case, different cultures would have different standards of beauty, and while there are some small variations, what we find attractive is similar across cultures and across time. Media portrayals of physical attractiveness just reflect what we already think is physically attractive, they don’t tell us what to find attractive and what we find attractive has rarely changed, fashion has changed, but that’s about it.

Women find different men attractive based on where they are in their menstrual cycle. When they are ovulating, they are attracted to more masculine or “alpha” men, you know, the guys that are typically at the higher end of the 1-10 scale. When they are not ovulating, they are more willing to trade off physical attractiveness and genetic quality for men who are more willing or able to invest in offspring, often referred to as a “beta” male.

Basically as long as a guy is rich, he can be ugly. In a study that’s been replicated so many times even mythbusters did an episode on it, when asked to rate a guy on only physical attractiveness, if women can still see the guy’s income or job title as part of his bio, they will unconsciously take that into account and, on average, rate a rich guy as 23% more attractive than if they couldn’t see it.

Meaning if he was a 5 without the bio, he’s a now a 7.3. Women want someone who is better able to provide for potential offspring. But that’s the majority of the time, when they’re not ovulating. But they just go for looks when they are in their fertile phase, or looking for someone short term, or they’re in a long term relationship and they’re looking for someone to cheat with.

In the short term, women want someone who is just plain physically attractive and displays prominent masculine features. Or to put it another way, when women are fertile, they look for masculine genetic traits, when they are not, they look for providers. In order to display that they are providers, men will often make ostentatious displays of wealth, otherwise known as peacocking. Gold chains, fancy white shoes, sports cars, giant trucks, you know the rest. Our fashion is often dictated by what we know the opposite sex wants to see, this goes for both men and women. But men also use fashion to enhance their masculine genetic features.

Broad shoulders indicate a high level of testosterone during development, and women use that as a cue. So men have figured out that if they wear suits with nice big shoulder pads, they appear more masculine. Women will find them more attractive and other men will find them more intimidating. Testosterone also affects the jaw, creating a wider, more square jawline. Which is why some men choose to have a beard, because it accentuates the jaw line and makes it look more prominent.

The last masculine feature has to do with your hands. Well it turns out that there’s actually some truth to that. Although it’s not the entire hand, it’s just the ring finger. There is a correlation between ring finger size and testosterone level and women are able to pick up on that. When asked to rate physical attractiveness of hands, men with ring fingers longer than their pointer fingers were rated significantly higher.

As you’ll find with the rest of this, some of the cues we use to judge physical attractiveness are incredibly subtle, while others are pretty obvious.

So when we talk about what men look for in women, let’s get real obvious. Bigger is better. The idea that bigger breasts are better able to provide for offspring is a complete myth. There’s no correlation between breast size and milk production. So why is bigger better? Because it’s actually not the size that men look for, it’s symmetry. This goes for literally everything, symmetry is the prime indicator of genetic and developmental health.

If you are smaller and assymetrical, it’s easier to hide that assymmetry. But if you’re large and symmetrical, you are better displaying your genetic health. Symmetry is more important than size, but size better displays your symmetry. So men look for symmetry by looking for bigger everything, bigger. Bigger eyes, bigger hips. Which is why, and I hate to put it this way, but Disney knows what men look for, which is why they draw cartoon characters like Elsa. They all have impossibly large eyes, impossibly small waists, and other exaggerated features that men look for. And before you think cartoons are only sexualizing women, they do it to men too.

And just like with men’s fashion, women have found ways to accentuate the features they know men look for, with bras and even underwear that make things look bigger. Or by making their eyes look bigger with makeup, and a few other examples.

But while symmetry is king and size is queen, the ace is definitely age. And just like the ace, it can go either way, since men and women view age differently. When men are looking at women, signs of age are typically a negative. The older you are, the less attractive you are. But there’s an evolutionary reason as to why.

Age of the mother at birth is a major indicator of the future health of a child. The magic age for motherhood seems to be between 25 and 30. After that, the risks of all sorts of pre-natal complications, developmental issues, and even things like obesity increases by a lot. So when looking for potential mating partners, age is a factor. But not only because of the potential health of any future offspring, but the number of potential offspring.

Since women go through menopause, they have a limited window during which they can conceive. So age is a rather obvious indicator of how much reproductive time they have left. Another major factor, linked to age and offspring, is how many children they already have. Because women have a limited time to reproduce and the time it takes to conceive, birth, and raise a child to self-sufficiency is so long, women can only have so many children before modern medicine, that number was only about six.

And birth order matters. Each successive child has the same increases in risk that age of the mother at birth does. Each child has an increased risk of infant mortality, developmental issues, and later health issues. Not only that, but those previous children are also competitors to any of his potential children. So men take into account how many children a woman already has when deciding whether or not she is an ideal mate.

But age works in the reverse for men. Age of the father has no correlation to the health of their children and men don’t have a limited age range for fertility. So women desire signs of age in men, because it’s an indicator of health, fitness, and assumed ability to provide. And one of the most prominent displays of age for men is their hair. Gray hair correlates with age and is therefore seen as more attractive. However, too much gray hair indicates that you are not long for this Earth and may not be able to provide for much longer, so there’s a delicate balance. But what is definitely not a good hair signal is balding. Because think about it, aside from old people, who else goes bald? Cancer patients. Yes, sick people lose their hair. So going bald kind of looks sickly. This goes for men and women, but since many men naturally bald as they age, they worry about it a lot more and there’s lots of products out there that claim to help combat it.

But men also look at women’s hair as a sign of health. Across cultures, long hair is seen as more desirable for women. Long hair is not only a sign of current health, but the longer it is, the more you are displaying several years of health. Short hair is seen as a sign or illness and infertility. Short hair is a signal of both age and infertility. So naturally, there are hundreds of products out there to help make your hair look as full and healthy as possible. But if that isn’t enough for you, you can get extensions, a weave, or even a wig. But don’t worry, men have their own ways to fake their hair, with toupees or even cans of spray hair.

Another thing both men and women look for in a partner is skin quality. It is by far the best indicator of current health. Everyone wants clear, healthy skin, and there’s certainly no shortage of products to help with that. But if all else fails, you can just cover it up with makeup. I know, there are a lot of women out there that will say that you don’t wear makeup to impress men, you do it just for you. Yeah, and we all totally believe you when you say that. Look, the truth is, we all wear things not because it looks good to us, but because we think other people will think it looks good on us. I’m certainly not immune.

Another example is way you part your hair. The side you part your hair is almost always an indicator of your dominant hand, and both men and women like right-handed people. In movies, almost always the good guy parts his hair on the left and the bad guy parts his hair on the right. It’s just another one of those weird subtle quirks.

Blemishes, splotches, and acne are all signs of illness and are generally considered unattractive. Scars on the otherhand, chicks dig scars. As long as the scar isn’t considered disfiguring, women actually find men with facial scars more attractive, as it’s thought to be a sign of physical fitness, masculinity, and security. Like you fought a bear and won or something. As with other hyper-masculine features, this only increases your appeal for short-term relationships. Men on the other hand don’t care either way about women with facial scars.

But another facial feature both men and women care about is teeth. First of all, having all of your teeth is a major indicator of overall health, but cavities and other discoloration are signs of poor hygiene and health. Along with releasing oxytocin and reinforcing the social bond between you and your partner, one of the primary purposes of kissing is to trade germs and immunities with each other. So if your teeth are rotting out of your mouth, you don’t really wanna get all up in that.

I’ve steered clear of talking about what people want when it comes to personality, because that varies by individual preference much more than what we find physically attractive. But there’s an old age that opposites attract, and that’s been proven false time and time again.

People generally want someone similar to them, not just personality wise, but social class, education, and even physically when it comes to things like age and race.

The one place where the opposites attract saying does seem to be true is when it comes to immunity. People will seek out partners with opposing or complementary immune systems which you can determine by both smell and taste. So kissing is very important, and therefore a generally clean and appealing mouth is too.

Straight teeth on the other hand are not an indicator of health. But they do show symmetry, and as I said before, symmetry is king. Which is why we put people through the horror of braces, which honestly weren’t that bad.

You’ll even pick up on small things like someone gait, or how they walk, and use it as a measurement of symmetry. If they walk with a limp or they look unstable, they’re not symmetrical, so they’re less desirable.

Height is another body cue for health. The taller you are, the healthier you are perceived to be. While men don’t seem to care about the height of women, women do care about the height of men. Women generally want someone who is taller than them, and typically, that height difference is about 12 centimeters.

When asked, women will often say that they desire someone who is 180 centimeters or taller. But the average American and European man is around 177 centimteres.

The next whole body indicator of health is body fat. Both men and women want someone who is relatively thin, the desired body mass index for both men and women is 19 which is at the high end of what is considered “underweight”. For context, that would be 180 centimeters and 62 kilograms, or 170 centimeters and 55 kilograms. And while being too thin is an indicator of illness, being overweight is also a pretty good indicator of poor health and diet, and as we all probably know by now, being overweight and obese is linked to all sorts of health problems, so I really don’t want to beat a dead horse here.

You may have heard that there are some tribes in Africa or the Amazon where heavier women are seen as more desirable. And this is true, to a point. The fattest women in those tribes still have a lower body fat percentage than the average American female college student. Even in those tribes, the heavier women that are seen as attractive are still within the normal body mass index range. No culture, anywhere, sees obesity as attractive, and to say otherwise is to try and normalize a rather unhealthy condition and try to blame culture for not accepting it.

Waist to hip ratio. I brought this up before but there’s a reason why Disney draws their cartoon women with waists so small that if they were real women they wouldn’t actually be able to have children or even be able to stand up straight. Men look for women with wider hips than their waist, the actual size of either doesn’t matter too much, it’s the ratio between them. The size that is considered most attractive, while still being healthy, is 0.7, meaning a waist that is 70% the size of your hips. Again, this is cross cultural, so even in those “fat tribes” in Africa.

Back in the sixties they came up with that 36-24-36 measurement as the ideal woman, and Marilyn Monroe is often used as the ideal woman. People today still use her as the example of a “curvy” woman but, Marilyn Monroe only weighed 53 kilograms. And her measurements were actually even smaller than the “ideal” and she only had a .62 ratio. But women have long known that the waist to hip ratio is important and that’s why they invented the corset.

Men’s ideal waist to hip ratio is only 0.9, but that’s because women put less emphasis on the hips. Instead, they put more on their shoulders. The ideal shoulder to waist ratio, also called the golden ratio, is 1.6. And again, just like cartoons, the more comically large they are, the more attractive they seem. So the next time someone tells you that the media is responsible for our standards of beauty or that only men or only women are shallow, you can tell them they’re wrong, because we’re all a little shallow.

Looks aside. When talking, I think the goal should be to become closer to each other. A great goal is to be as informal as possible. To become as informal as possible.

As for your personality, just let your personality be and see how it works. Attract with your authentic personality rather than trying to mold your personality to please or be attractive to someone. As I said, as long as you have common sense you should be fine.

How do you become closer to each other? You need to develop a bond, to build rapport, to build a deeper connection, to build trust. How to do it? Just be honest, competent, reliable, empathetic, kind, generous, humble and discrete. Over time the majority of people will trust you if you display these qualities.

Be genuine, don't shy away from your flaws. Be original, don't be perfect. Don't be too diplomatic, too much flattering and praising is always doubtful. Trust is a coefficient of time, the higher the time spent with people, the more they trust you. Pass the test of life. Every now and then you will get an opportunity to prove you are trustworthy, stand by people.

Be discrete, don't tell everyone about what you're doing or to others what others are doing, don't leak one's secrets to the other, even if it's your loved ones. The trait of confidentiality is the most important step in trust-building. Never be desperate to build trust, don't force your trust on people. It will come on its own eventually. Give people importance, not over importance, just stand by them in tough times and emergencies without keeping expectations

Keep your word, there's a reason "keeping your word" is very important in Italian mafia movies, beside "the family" as in loyality but that's off-topic, it's because your word is a symbol of your integrity. You may be a bad person like a mafioso, but if other mafioso know that you keep your word, they can at least trust you in this regard, that you are someone who takes its word seriously and does what they say they'll do. Keeping your word is a gate of trust you can open for people that don't know you very well. If your word is very important to you, it will also be very important to them. Have strong values and guiding principles. Having no committed values, you bend when it suits you and this will undermine all your achievements.

But let's flip this the other way around, can you trust the other person? You understand that every single time you're interacting with something that's dangerous, you're taking a risk. However, things that are dangerous are also great and can lead to a lot of benefits. In the same way, just because men can screw you over, does that mean never be friends with men again never go into business with men and never deal with men? No, same kind of thing.

It's your fear of the risk of getting hurt, the risk of pain, that's holding you back. If you think all women are cruel or cheating or superficial, you're going to have a much harder time trusting them. Dare to be trusting of women. And see what happens. If you end up getting hurt, it happens, it's not the first time. But if you end up being wrong and not getting hurt and actually getting a good positive relationship out of this, good for you. The reward is more than worth it. Dare to be nice. Dare to be nice to them. Even if you still have a strong belief that women are whatever, act as if you don't have and see what happens.

Can you be absolutely sure you can trust a woman? probably never. But can you put the odds massively in your favor? yes. Can you get it to a point where you can be reasonably certain that a girl will be faithful? yes, you can under certain circumstnaces. And even if you can't be 100% sure, the risk is well worth it for the reward. So, please don't be the person that gets so jaded or so dark that you throw away some of the most beautiful things in the world just to prevent the potential pain that could come possibly in some scenario.

How to gain their trust? Be there for them, be a guardian angel. Don't be judgemental and listen, actively listen. If anything, offer reassurance in the form of an advice instead, rather than judgment. I don't want to say "treat her like sister you never had" since you're hitting on them romantically but you probably understand the protective feeling and genuine care that comes out of that statement.

What can you do to get close to each other? Make them feel comfortable, to feel that you are somebody they can talk to when they have an issue. Get to know each other even more well. Develop even more intimacy. Get closer with each other. This requires communication, and I mean real communication, to say when you have a problem or something bothers you, not to keep it in yourself.

I think intimacy is when you make someone really feel connected, that you're listening to them and you're really being listened to, when you start drifting from lighthearted stuff to serious talk about life and personal problems, when you listen to their story and they listen to yours. When you go from "how are you doing?" to questions about feelings "did you enjoy that?", "how it made you feel?", "and are you okay with that?". Intimacy is being able to be yourself around the other person without fear of being judged, being able to share your more secret thoughts, insecurities and desires without fear that they will spoil or be indifferent to them.

I think intimacy and trust is built. In order to trust someone, you got to feel comfortable around that person, you got to like being around that person. You also got to know that they have a good character and know how to keep a secret. You got to know that they are not a judgmental person, that will try to understand your situation and your perspective. And that you will have their support no matter what you say or do. And most importantly, after people open up to you, don't do something they will regret.

If you happen to experience a communication block, try to be her friend rather than an authority figure. Don't come across as someone who is trying to educate her or teach her a lesson, come across as someone who is trying to understand her, to understand her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things. Be her friend, someone who tries to help her, not someone authoritarian who tries to judge her.

And be considerate about the way she feels at the moment of your discussion, don't try to push her too hard, don't jump to questions suddenly as it came out of nowhere, and if you asked a question and you see that she doesn't want to answer drop it, don't push her, because she may not want to answer.

You can ask around the block questions instead, for example, if she doesn't want to tell you where she has been in weekend, don't insist, instead ask "where you there with many friends or just your boyfriend?", "do I know what place?", she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints.

And whatever you do, don't be like "I'm going to have a discussion with that person then" or do anything that you know she won't like, that would break any chance for her to trust you in the future.

It's exactly because she doesn't want you to have a discussion with that person that she won't tell you what is going on in the first place, it's your reaction she fears, if you do that, you will only confirm she was right about you, let her do her own things. Do not talk to anyone about this unless she specifically tells you to talk, let her deal with the situation how she sees fit.

Guide her, give her advice, give her your opinion, listen to her, help her, be a friend for her, but don't force her hand or make her regret that she told you all of this in the first place, because if you break her trust she will never do it again. Don't dominate the conversation, be there for her.

Intimacy is built on trust, you got to make an attempt to get closer with each other by talking about your concerns and worries. In a way, be a guardian angel. And approach people with softness, because they may back down if they are pushed too far. And don't be judgmental, whatever you do, be someone who tries to give advice or just listen to her, not someone who tries to make a moral out of this. Offer reassurance in the form of an advice, but only after you're listened and don't force it upon her. Be a friend, friends help one another.

It's great to have someone that you can talk about anything with, including your insecurities. Have deep talks about life and so on. For this, you need mutual trust, and well, you got to be the first person who do it.

But it's not like you can do it out of the blue
. It's not like you can come to a person and say "hey, let's talk about how we feel, what is bothering you?" that would be out of the blue and weird.

To get her to talk to you about this, you need to gain her trust. And you don't give trust to anyone, only to the people closest to you that you know that you can trust. People who we trust have to prove that we can trust them in the first place, we need to be sure they won't spoil the secret or break the trust. She needs to get to a place where she can trust you with her feelings. Probably, you need to show her that she is being understood at the core of who she is.

Show her kindness and desire to help her and she may begin to trust you. Make her understand that you will be there for her. Showing that you're being someone she can rely and count on. When she will trust you, she will open up by herself without you pushing her to open up and you can talk to her about her insecurities.

If you want trust, so she can talk to you about her insecurities, you got to be someone nurtruing who knows how to keep a secret. You can also share a secret to make her trust you more. Sharing a secret shows her that you trust her. If you trust her, this will make her more likely to trust you.

People look at the character of the other person when they decide whether to trust them or not. So far, what have you done to show that she can have confidence in you? Or the opposite, what have you done that broke her confidence? If you did the latter, you have a lot of catching up to do.

Greet her as if you were greeting an old friend you hadn't seen in a while. Smile deeply. A great smile is remembered. Talk slowly, being a fast talker has negative connotations, people respond better to someone who talks slowly and deliberately. Exude calmness and be measure in your speech. Don't talk or feel rushed.

Find commonality. Mentally, people are looking to check a box that they can make some sort of affiliation with you, however distant. Find any sort of commonality, shared interests and common connection. For example: I see you went to school in New England", "you also know Joe", "yes, Joe's a great guy. I went to school with him. How do you know him?", it goes a long ways in terms of building trust.

Listen as if she was the only person in the room and make her feel that way. Look her in the eyes. Show her that you're listening by focusing on what she's saying. Don't interrupt her or finish her sentences. When she finishs saying something, wait a second before responding. This indicates you've really listened and you're taking it in.

Validate them, this most often comes in the form of agreeing with them. When people sense disagreement they put up barriers, reinforce their reasoning, and create distance. This principal is called "Yes, and ..." it's how you build on a story and create spontaneity and consensus.

Think of the times you’ve met someone new and walked away with a good impression. Look back on the encounter and think of what made you feel that way. Chances are what you really felt was validated and listened to.

Become a good listener, ask more questions, suspend your ego, be authentic, admit you are not perfect, don't be pushy, adjust to almost any situation, don't be judgemental, copy body language, tell a secret.

Expect good things, people treat others consistent with their expectations, and, therefore, cause the person to behave in a way that confirms such expectations. If you think someone is an asshole, you'll act toward him or her in a way that will produce “asshole” behavior. On the other hand, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions.

Get her to trust you by having a trustworthy character, as people look at the character of the other person when they decide whether to trust them or not. Additionally, you can be the first to talk about your worries and doubts with her or share a secret. When she moderately trusts you, ask her questions about herself without being judgmetnal, agreeing with and actively listening to her without interrupting, and offering reassurance in the form of advice. Listen to her, help her, don't be an authority figure who tries to judge her. Don't try to educate her or teach her a lesson, try to understand her, her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things.

And offer advice but in the form of a guide, an opinion, without forcing her words, her hands or pushing her around. If she doesn't want to answer to a certain thing don't insist, accept it and ask latteral questions instead, she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints, and eventually may give you the answer to that thing she was originally hesitant about. And expect good things, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions. An example of advice is courage over fear. Like if someone has a fear, you can tell them that it's okay to be afraid, we're all afraid sometimes, but that's no incentive not to do it.

Then you can understand her situation
. It will make you closer to each other and then you can ask her for a date. Sitting around and never asking for a date isn't going to change the situation. If you never do, it will never happen.

But it's not just trust, your character also matters.

Character is probably the most important thing when it comes to compatibility, often, people don't get along together because of different characters. But is there a character that would ensure you the best chances of succes? I think so, well, it will not work universally since it eventually comes down to different people having different preferences and personalities, but we've all seem people with a "great personality" or "great character" as well as people with a "terrible personality" or "terrible character" and opinions towards that particular person seems to be fairly unanimous.

A good character matters. Character is to treat people right, to take into account how other people feel and not wish to make them feel bad. To have a good soul, want to help others and appreciate what others do for you. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul. Someone who can open their heart and can show depths of feeling. Someone loving who is like a gentleman.

Showing sensitivity is attractive, like learning an instrument, looking at art, listening to opera, music about the soul like rap. Girls with sensitivity like men who show that they look beyond looks and appreciate the person they are. Someone caring, with nice gestures that will impress, that they feel good with and show that they want the best for them, they want someone who would help and value them, someone who would do a lot for them.

Helping her would be appreciated, when she has an issue or problem offering to help can be quite romantic even if it doesn't look as such. Even small things like opening the door for her or pouring soda can be apprciated. Filling out the other person's needs is romantic, especially if you do it in an unexpected way. Obivously, there's some fear about this as coming across as weak or needy or unmasculine. It's not unmasculine to help, not only to help the girl you want to get to like you, but helping people in general. It shows common sense, it shows decency, it shows character, it shows good education.

As for avoiding being a wuss, to get girls to like you without being a wuss, you got to have some confident traits but not mean-spirited traits. Some sort of alpha traits: daring, courage to go and ask, to take initiative, imposing, courage to stand up for yourself when wronged, confidence, looking like you know what you're doing. You can be a good alpha male, an alpha male with common sense, without having a mean-spirited, bitter, cruel side.

You have to have some pride of your own as well, a backbone, to not end up a press to wipe on foot and end up getting used by women, you need to have some dignity as well. But not so much dignity that you become too rigid and won't help them with anything, won't listen or consult anyone or won't be willing to talk except about the subjects you like.

How to avoid the friendzone then? As although helping her would be appreciated, when she has an issue or problem offering to help can be quite romantic even if it doesn't look as such, it is also the kind of thing a friend will do, so there's no clear difference between these two. Well, even if there's no difference it's still romantic and as I said shows character and good education. We like people who help us, who find ways to fill our needs, helping her is part of getting the girl to like you. If he has lost her dog, finding her dog and returning it to her is quite romantic, it's about helping her, doing things for her. But to avoid the friendzone, you need to be their friend but also something attractive so that they would want to be next to you meaning together with you, to be something hot. Not only good, be hot and good. Therefore the alpha male with decency and common sense part.

Seek to be interested in people, go and talk to them, to make relationships, to communicate, to get interest from people if they know other people who could help you. To call that one, that one, that one, and so on. To get other perspectives about things you want to know about. To go for projects, to go for stuff. Simply put: just do it. In life, we regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did. Take opportunities in life.

If you don't make a move and procrastinate you will lose. Human relationships are pretty on the face, what you see is what you get. Make people feel seen. But also, you got to know to impose yourself, to be a bit alpha when necessary. Tell people to close the door and initiative to goodbye. Impose yourself when necessary. Not to be offensive, but not that non-offensive, you can do that in a non-mean way.

Women appreciate displaying kindness, showing sensitivity. Women like men with kindness, desire to help, depth of feeling and a gentle soul. Showing sensitivity is attractive. Don't have the wrong impression that all women want a strong masculine man like Kim Kardashian sort of women make it seem, because not all men are interested only in women with big body parts like Brads and Chads or other types of matcho men.

Compassion is what makes a good character, be considerate of other people and able to feel yourself how you make other people feel. Because people won't tell you all the time when you've bothered them or made them feel bad. There is a sense of fairness in society, a sense of justice, you need to be aware if you bother other people and if in all fairness you are the one who is the ahole in a certain situation, even if you don't think of yourself as one.

For good character, it's also important to be polite, it can soften people. You can simply be polite by formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission, "can I come to your place?", "can I do that?", "can I walk with you?", "can I do this?", "do you want me to do that?", or offering to do things for them without them actually asking, like taking the trash or doing the small things, that also counts as being polite and helping them.

Of course, don't exaggerate with this, there are situations when you don't have to ask for permission, when it comes to small things, but what I'm trying to say is that being polite by asking for permission can be attractive for it shows common sense and good education. It essentially says that you don't want to bother people, that you're being respectful, taking into account their desires before doing something, and people appreciate that.

Showing sensitivity and romantic care be equally attractive through the softness of your heart, it shows depth of feelings, which is something many women find attractive in a romantic partner. You can show sensitivity by listening to music with deep messages, by learning an instrument, by looking at and being fascinated by art, by listening to opera, by being tender and romantic with them, making them unexpected gifts that are very specific. Or even things like leaving them a note telling them how much they mean to you.

No, these things don't make you a wuss. Being with the wrong woman and thinking that if you show kindness comes across as weakness is a big mistake. There are women who not only don't see it as weakness, but are attracted by men who show kindness. Men who have compassion, don't want to see others getting hurt. That doesn't mean not to believe in the concept of fairness, that people who did bad things deserve it.

Compassion is what makes a good character, not only to want the best for others and actively encourage them in that direction, but to also appreciate what others do for you and to be grateful for their support. A good character is to treat people right, to not disrespect them, to take into account how other people feel. To have a good soul, want to help and appreciate what others do for you. Girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul, someone loving.

In my experience, most women don't like arrogance. They like someone who is nice to them, who behaves normally. In my experience, women like men who talk nicely to them, who are respectful of them. Who can be gentle and delicate with them. But for some reason, there seems to be a reputation of the opposite. After all, there are still men acting like aholes with them hoping it would work. Make it works for some women and not for others. Maybe it's from some men's frustrations that they were nice and didn't work.

And you can be nice and go for it, go after what you want. You can talk nicely to them, be respectful, gentle, delicate and go after what you want. You can tell a girl "I like you", "I have remaked you", "I find you cute", cute not beautiful because the latter sounds more superficial, the former has more depth. And ask her for a date while being respectful, gentle, delicate. Would you like to have someone talk nicely to you? yes. The same is true with women.

With women the connection has to be more emotional, they are still human, try to put yourself in their place. Be a man with high character, look at them for what they are.

Ok, you don't have to be extremely polite, job interview or talking to your rigid boss level. Be polite, but not more polite than you would be in 5 months of being with each other.

Of course, there's always the stereotype of "women like bad buys, though men and don't like nice guys". But I think that this is a gorss generalization that ignores the details of a relationship. First of all, not all women want an alpha male, just like not all men want only boobs and ass. Second, being nice is good, it's basically "don't be mean, be polite and respectful", but it's not enough, still a perk, but not the perk. If you meet a girl that is kind of boring and unattractive but very nice and loving, would you consider dating her? It certainly helps, she is very delicate and attentive and helpful but doesn't have much going on for her in terms of having a fun time together or having good looks. So you may have doubts because of the latter parts.

But if she is very nice and loving, she is very delicate and attentive and helpful yet also has much going on for her in terms of having a fun time together or having good looks, that's suddenly a great catch. You can take this in the opposite direction too, she is someone great at having a fun time together and has amazing looks, but a rotten character and is kind of snobbish, won't help with anything and always expects you to do the things for her. Suddenly, there's a problem because of this. Apply the same thing towards you, the man.

But, although I talked a lot about the importance of being nice and loving, helping her with small things and doing things for her, pretty much everyone is delicate and attentive with the people they like, everyone is a gentleman when they like that person, you're not special for doing it. So such, saying that your dating quality is "being nice" is like saying your running quality is "having legs". It's essentially saying "I'm an average guy", everyone is nice with the person they like, if that's your only redeeming quality you'll lose against better competition. But you also need to be not boring.

While showing sensitivity shows depth of feelings, and helping her even with small things like opening the door for her or pouring soda can be apprciated and quite romantic and shows character and good education. One can have character meaning take into account how other people feel and not wish to make them feel bad, while being daring, having courage to go and ask, to take initiative, without having a mean-spirited, bitter, cruel side, as one can be a confident yet kind person.

Being like a gentleman because it's a nice thing to do, and being very nice and loving certainly helps, being a delicate and attentive and helpful person, as kindness can be rewarded with kindness, even in dating, within the limits of not going to unreasonable extremes where you have to suffer for helping her, in the same way being polite by formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission, "can I come to your place?", "can I do that?", "can I walk with you?", "can I do this?", "do you want me to do that?", or offering to do things for them without them actually asking, like taking the trash or doing the small things, can be attractive for it shows common sense and good education.

Helping and being polite shows you're a person with good education, and quality women with good education also appreciate that. But, beside showing common sense and good education, a polite request can make people more likely to say yes to you. Being polite can soften people and make them agree with your request. There is a difference between polite and humble, the difference between formulating your words very nicely and begging.

And a polite request can make people more likely to say yes to you. When you ask kindly someone that you're a mildly aquantiance with, if you formulate the words with something such as "could you please" or "I would like to" you're more likely to get an yes from them. While you should have a basic decency and respect for close people, you shouldn't be polite with them, politeness is used for people that we don't know very well when we don't know them very well. When we deal with a person we don't know very well but is of greater age or the meeting is professional, we can be polite and formal. When we deal with a person that we don't know very well but is of similar age in a casual setting, we can be polite and informal.

Being polite is important, being polite will make people feel warmer around you. Like saying "please", "if possible", "would you like to", or "thank you". But don't overdo it because you'll sound way too formal like you're a waiter at a restaurant rather than someone trying to talk to them. You can simply be polite by helping them with small things like a gentleman, formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission.

In general, the further away you are with a person, the more formal you have to be, the closer you are with a persion, the more informal you can to be. I wouldn't overlap polite with formal and informal. Being polite is showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people. Being formal is behaving in a way suitable for or constituting an official or important occasion. While informal is the opposite, having a relaxed, friendly, or unofficial style, manner, or nature. One can be informal yet polite.

When you start talking to a girl, originally, you can be polite and informal, eventually, you will gradually become more open and honest with each other, it takes time to get to have confidence a person and develop a better bond. Originally, you can be polite and informal saying: "please", "if possible", "would you like to", "thank you", "excuse me if I bother you". It doesn't have to be a dry or unexpressive conversation, but a polite one with decency for start. Eventually, you will gradually become more open and honest with each other, it takes time to get to have confidence a person.

But what about women who like bad boys, shouldn't you also be a little mean?

Yes, you should be a little mean, with emphasis on 'a little'. And it's worth pointing out that this is a vague terminology, what some people would consider being a mean others may consider being with integrity or about your own person or simply decency. As in just being honest about your needs and beliefs, in the same way some people demanding their rights are 'a little mean' by some standards. Anyway, enough with the philosopyhical discussion, thing is, it works, and since most people don't consider it a little mean, it's probably not a little mean, just being human. As humans can have disagreements and competing desires and should stand up for them on occasion, to dare to be polarizing, or just being yourself and expressing your opinions.

You can be a nice guy with a hint of bad boy and also desperate about her. Desperate in the sense of in love and very caring and attentive towards her. In fact, people are rarely just one thing, even the nicest guy has a hint of bad boy when he posts an angry message with the Joker after he was pushed around, it's not much, but it shows that that aggressiveness is there, just burried. Most often, people are not just one thing.

Someone once told me that the woman will always try to test your limits, to find your limits. So that she can make you her dog, so that she can see how long she can keep it up until you say "stop". If you're a man or if you aren't. "Are we doing how I am saying?", until you say "stop, no, we are no doing how you are saying". A man has to have authority, to say his point of view, but without insults or beating and so on. And that so that a man can be in love with a woman, he has to stay more after her, at least one month, for the woman to be a bit hard to get, not to be so easy to get.

You can also be indirect not towards the other person, but towards other people around you in general, to be discrete in your romantic dealings, to make advances but not on the face where only the person that you make advances towards knows what is about. Like, trying to get physically closer to her, touching her etc, buying her a drink or something, giving her a place to sit next to you, asking her "can I come with you?" so you can have some time with her, etc. Being indirect towards other people while making advances towards the person you're attracted towards.

You don't need to be a bad boy, you just need not to be a wuss, chicken, dummy, beta, you get the slang. Someone who, if a woman would make advances towards him, would not know what to do, or would be afraid to also make the advances himself. As for "paying for a woman" such as the above example with buying her a drink, it's perfectly normal and legit, if you're feeling well with that woman, what does it matter whether you buy her a drink or a place at the table? it's a nice gesture. It's not like you're buying her a house or a car, it's not at all like that.

However, on the other side of the bar, instead of trying to laugh and smile and have a good time with the other person, to have a fun time together, some people are bitter or hostile or cruel because of their frustration and the other person can sense that, it slips. Personally, I like to look one step further and try to understand the person. The people who are bitter are so because they are unhappy, the people who brag a lot do so because deep down they feel unappreciated.

Optimism and confidence can also be important, because optimism and confidence can reach the other person. We speak beyond words with non-verbal messages. A smile is very important. And not only in dating, but for example, when a man meets with a another man, when we shake hands, we should neither break their hand nor be soft, giving the feeling that we are a person he cannot rely on. To try to be relaxed, I know it's easy in theory but it's harder in practice.

It is important not to be extremely friendly, it is not a long-term friend context in which another relationship is established, this is a strangers who have just met context, a too familiar attitude is not very appropriate. A more neutral attitude, a benevolent neutrality, we don't start making jokes or saying what we ate last night. Pay attention to the tendency to talk excessively, because sometimes due to emotions we start talking excessively.

Body language can also give away nervousness, when you won't sit on the chair and so on, always move around or can't seem to find your place. Of course, you can be an active person by yourself in general. Trust is gained, you don't just randomly walk up to someone and say "I am here to help you, to support you".

But that's getting a bit off-topic, why is it important to also have a hint of bad boy? If you’re spending a ton of time wondering how to get girls to simply like you, you’re probably focusing on the wrong thing. Because if a girl only likes you, she'll be polite to you, she'll be nice to you (maybe), she'll put you in the friend zone, and she will not sleep with you. And if she doesn’t sleep with you,(or even see you as a potential sexual prospect), you’ll never have a chance at anything even resembling a relationship with her. Here’s the bottom line: The actions you take to make a girl like you are completely opposite to the actions you need to take to make her deeply attracted to you.

Some nice guys are fakes. In fact, some nice guys are usually anything but nice. Your “nice guy” attitude is just a coping mechanism for reality being just too harsh. You’re nice because you can’t get away with not being nice.

When you’re nice you are nothing but a doormat to women. And women, especially hot ones, can spot a fake nice guy from miles away. By being nice you show her that you’ve gotten bad social reactions in the past from not being nice and that you’re not strong enough to deal with the social blowback. So the only option left for you is to act nicely so you don’t get picked on or abused.

You’re basically saying to women that you’re a beta male that’s too afraid to be polarizing. A guy that’s too afraid to say what he really thinks. Not to mention be who he really is.

And let’s be honest here. Do you really just want to be friends with the 10? Of course not. You want to be with her, admit it. And you’re not going to get any closer to that by being a nice guy and by wondering how to make a girl “like” you. Girls don’t see nice guys as sexual partners, they don’t sleep with guys that they just like.

Women don't like nice guys because that's what most men are to them. Those same girls can see straight through that “nice guy” facade and it sickens them. So they want something different, they crave a ballsy, unique, high value guy that can spark their emotions and make them feel things. That's the key word, feel things, for attraction is a feeling.

Okay, so what makes a man attractive to hot women? To get a girl attracted to you, you need to do things that might potentially make her hate you. I know it might sound contradictory, but here’s the thing. There are certain personality traits that make women feel intense attraction, and if you want to learn how to get your crush to love you, you better start to display some of these traits and behaviors.

Women madly love men who take risks, who are resilient, strong, and decisive. They love men who are leaders. These are the traits of alpha males.

And there are three specific traits that make a man attractive for women. An attractive man takes risks. Attractive alpha males play to win, and when you play to win you will have to take some risks. To get the girl to want you, maybe even chase you, you will have to risk losing her as well. There’s no middle ground.

Those same actions and behaviors that might lead to a girl hating you, can also spark an uncontrollable attraction towards you, and she’ll end up loving you, head over heels obsessed with you, and waking up next to you after a hot steamy night together.

The fact that you take risks tells her that you’ve gotten good social feedback out of those actions in the past, and even if you’ve gotten rejection it says that you are strong enough to handle it. And those are behaviors of a high-value man, those are the traits that show her that you’re the alpha male that she wants.

An attractive man is resilient and strong. Women are biologically attracted to strong and resilient men. Why? Because, biologically speaking, any woman needs to make sure that her offspring will get the best possible genes, even if you’re not going to have babies with her, it’s in their biology to be sexually attracted to these traits.

You know when a girl says: "You know when you like a guy, and then he's mean to you, but then like you're confused and then he's nice to you and then and then" and she's getting all wrapped up and all emotional about this thing. And that actually really hits the point which is that women don't dislike nice behavior and they don't even dislike nice guys, they dislike desperate low-value guys who know only one coping strategy which is to be nice. They don't like guys that have no choice but to be nice.

If a guy is nice all the time, the girl probably will dislike him, will think of him low value and actually interestingly enough won't trust him, because she will feel like he's nice because that's the only way he knows to get through the world, he's nice because he's afraid that if he's not nice he'll get negative social feedback.

And so she'll actually distrust your niceness she'll think you're trying to kiss her as she'll think that you have an agenda. On the other hand, if you're generally nice but you occasionally stand up and speak your mind, you occasionally say something a little mean or rude and you stand up for yourself, you show that you can get through life without being nice, now every single time you are nice it's not taken with a grain of salt anymore, it's actually seen as real, because you had times when you were not nice.

It's actually trusted because the person knows absolutely you can get through life without using that as a coping strategy. She knows you're capable of not being nice so your niceness is not just taken as some meaningless gesture, it's taken as it must actually be real.

The ironic thing is this: You can actually be nicer by occasionally being a jerk. If you occasionally are not nice, your niceness has more value. And overall you can give more niceness to a person, whereas if you're nice all the time, your niceness will not be trusted, will not be respected, will not even be liked. So do not be the nice guy to try and make her experience better, you're just gonna make her bored and distrusting. Be the guy who stands up for himself, the guy who genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her.

And that's the type of nice guy you want to be. A nice guy with a hint of bad boy. A nice guy who can be a little mean at times. A nice guy who can get away with not being nice. You don't want to be the total jerk that is toxic for her and makes her life worse, that's not good either and girls don't like that either. But they definitely don't like the pushover, they don't like the pathetic low value guy who can only be nice.

The issue is not the nice behavior, it's where they think the nice behavior is coming from that makes it a problem.

With the girls you're not attracted to, you can just tell it like it is. If they say something dumb you can just tell them it was dumb. If there was a controversial opinion you would express it, just express it and wouldn't worry if you'd be judged, you wouldn't worry if they agreed with it. And so those girls really liked you, those girls really got attracted to you. And this should show you the way forward when you actually meet a girl, which is be willing to speak your mind, be willing to be offensive, be yourself.

Don't try and be offensive just to be offensive, but don't try and be nice just to be nice either. If you are walking up to a girl cold and you are just like giving compliments: "hey you're so cute", "hey I really like you", "hey I'd like to take you on a date". Well, she doesn't know you yet, you don't know her, yet the only reason you could possibly like her that much "I wanna take her on a date" it's two things: one you think she's physically attractive, and two you want to sleep with her. That's called having an agenda, that's called wanting something from her rather than wanting to give something to her. You cannot like someone until you got to know that person.

You can be soft and loving, but look at her personality, if you don't like her for her personality, you might as well like any other woman, it's not special.

On the other hand, if you just act like yourself and you're willing to express opinions, you're willing to say things that are a little bit controversy, a little bit negative, you would even give her a hard time or tease her a little bit, well now she must be thinking "oh this guy's capable of high-value behaviors, oh this guy's a challenge, oh this guy's actually being real and honest with me".

Because she will assume maybe were trying to butter up and compliment her, you're being dishonest, but if you tell "what I don't know if we're gonna get along" why would that be dishonest? it doesn't even make sense, right? So speak from where you're really coming from, also give her a little bit of challenge, give her a little bit we call it push-pull. So, instead of a "you're really cute could I please talk with you", that's pathetic, that's way too nice. Instead, say: "hey, you're really cute I thought I'd meet you and find out if you're actually cool", that little bit of a challenge, that little bit of if you're actually cool, that little bit of I'm undecided about you, is going to make her sit up and take notice, it's going to make her treat you like a genuine guy who's not just buttering her up, and it's also going to make you seem like a high-value guy.

Because high-value guys have standards, high value guys don't just like a girl automatically for how her having done nothing, right since that's one concept that's called qualifying a girl, another concepts called push-pull, instead of being like "hey you're really cute", be like "you know what you're kind of attractive so I thought I'd come over and say hi".

The fact that you toned it down to kind of attractive, the fact that it's normal, should be "kind of? what do you mean?". And again it may stir her up and take notice, it also means you're not just kissing her as, it's actually gonna make her trust you more and it's actually gonna make the nice things you do down the road more meaningful to her.

The same is true with compliments, if you only compliment some of the time, and are willing to be honest about how a certain thing looks like, when you're complimenting it's actually valued more because you're being honest. Your compliment is not taken with a grain of salt because you were not complimenting so many times.

The guy who stands up for himself, the guy who is honest about what he likes and dislikes, even what he likes and dislikes about her dress, or how her hair is like right now, even willing to state a controversial political opinion and genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her. So nice behavior are not inherently bad, but if all you have is nice behaviors, you're boring, you look pathetic, and ironically: you're going to be perceived as less nice and less trusted than someone who is occasionally nice.

You will be perceived as having an agenda if you are too nice. So get away from that, be your honest self. Put it out there. If you honestly disagree with the girl, say it. If you honestly want to tease the girl, take that risk. Occasionally, yes you will offend the girl with your teasing, more often than not though: she'll respect you for it, she'll appreciate it and she'll get much more attracted to you as a ressult.

So a great way to show that independence of thought is teasing. Not to mention that it's very fun when done appropriately without hurting the feelings of the other person and can make you closer to each other. So you actually hit 3 points in one.

In simple terms, teasing is taking one small flaw or misdeed and exaggerating it. Teasing is also about a funny way of looking at the world. Teasing are fun and light-hearted and you're just kidding. But it doesn't have to be just teasing but laughter in general. You know when you are with a group of friends, probably with a soda and some snacks, and you're making fun of certain things in general and laugh, that kind of laughter.

It's about that attitude that I'm talking about but I don't know how to express it. When you think of something that seems funny in general and just say it, there is also a certain atmosphere for it. There's a sort of relaxed and chill and laughing attitude behind it.

Teasing implies a faked arrogance. Arrogance is a feeling of "I am superior, you are worthless" but fake. You have no job with me. You are not worth my level, what people with a superiority syndrome have.

When it comes to making jokes, don't only make fun of her, make fun of her and praise her. Give her genuine compliments. Also going back to honest opinion. When you give your honest opinion about something, when you show that you are willing to disagree, the compliments also come across as more sincere. Mainly be positive, but show that you can also be negative. Being mainly negative would make you a jerk, the type of person who makes fun and makes fun and makes fun and people get tired of constantly being made fun of.

What about the pick-up itself?

When a man makes advances, like saying "can I some and see you tonight?" and the girl responds "it's a big place, maybe we'll see each other some other time", you should still go and visit her. Given that, you know it's not her house and you're not breaking some private property, but you should still try to go and find her.

Because, girls may test men. She may test you to see if you insist and if you can make an "yes" out of it.

But there's a lot of factors involved in dating and in society in general.

For example, there's some certain pride between people, some certain social value justificaiton. Like, a woman saying "at least he married someone uglier than her", especially if she's one of his ex-es.

And people may have insecurities or shame or shyness or lack of courage that leads them to not take certain actions. For example, one of the lovers may consider himself useless, and break up because of this, if he would tell her about this before they wouldn't have breaken up, that he consider himself useless.

But, even after break-up, maybe he still cares about her, he still thinks about her. And I think that's love.

That is love, love is to care about a person, love is to still think about that person. Like listening to her song long after a break-up.

But if he disconsidered himself and had inferiority feelings, that's what may have caused the break-up in the first place, rather than a lack of love.

Going back to pick-up. It's not always a test, it's complicated, because sometimes we have to be decent and polite and not tell it like it really is not to make the other person feel bad. For example, someone says "do you want me to leave?", "not really", because she couldn't say "yes", you feel bad telling a person to go away.

And when it comes to cheating, sometimes people cheat for fun, but other times, it's not about cheating, it's about feelings. For example, someone should break up with a person if he has doubts and wants to be with another person. It's the right thing for all of them. You can't be someone's second option and you can't be with someone that you have doubts with and would rather be with someone else. Of course, not right away cheating, but you should break up and after a time get with the other person.

But anyway, all of these factors involved in dating and in society in general are personal, depeding on your personal perception.

It depends on the way you were raised so that you won't have a stressful relationship. It's about how you think, about how you understand, about how you have the perception. If you don't have the same perceptions as another person you won't get along. Or at least you'll have a harder time getting along.

Your perceptions are things that seem normal to you because that's the way you were raised.

For example, if they don't reply to your messages, chill. You can say "I'll go watch a movie, I won't respond anymore".

And have it taken with no worries, doubts, anxiety or anger that they no longer like me or no longer want to talk to me because of that. People have other things going on in their lives, and yes you might be a priority, but you are not the only priority, we all have other things to do in our lives and in our spare time.

You know, like when you text fast, they text fast, they no longer text, so you no longer text because they don't text, you take your time to text. One of them gets upset that the other doesn't respond, and so he doesn't respond in return, and then it all escapates. As opposed to, neither has any doubts when the other doesn't respond. He or/and she responds when she can or when she sees the message. But it also matters to have the other person "ensured". To be sure of the other person.

Because that's probably all where that texting anxiety comes from, doubt, people made uncertain by the other's lack of response. Or the perception that if you text back right away when they don't you will be seen as weak or needy, or the other way around, the perception that if you don't take your time between the texts you will be seen as desperate.

To fix this, you got to have a dose of common sense and understand when the other person is not interested in the conversation anymore and let her or him go. But apart from that, when the conversation has gone dry and it's clear they no longer have an interest in texting, you can text as soon as you can or see the message right away. You can respond back right away without being weak. It's not a sign of needyness or weakness to be active in the conversation, it's a sign that you like the other person and like to have a conversation with them, it's a sign that you like them.

It's the other way around, when it's clear in their short reponses of "ok", "aha" that they no longer are interested in having a discussion and it gets kind of dry, that could come across as weak or needy or desperate although I would argue not necessarily, but above all else, it makes you look like you lack common sense, because you're unable to interpret how that other person feels, or unwilling to let go dispite making the other person feel bad as they are clearly not enjoying the conversation anymore.

You know, in messages, when you're upset when she doesn't respond to you, and she's upset when you don't respond to her. It's not the person that's stressful, it's the situation, it's a constant stress like that. Like, "hey, a relationship, we're supposed to be texting each other everyday".

And it can be kind of limiting and kind of stressful in certain areas if certain things are not done, like communicating in the first place to avoid stuff like that, and only talk when both people feel comfortable talking. Like, even having a discussion about texting like that, and both partners being free to only text when they can reply or when they see the message, or when they feel like it, and with no incentive to take your time between text not to seem weak or needy and instead text as fast as you can when you can, with no worries and no strings attached. This is a matter of perception, that's why perception is important.

But at the same time, all this stress is a good message after all. Because if you don't care you have nothing to stress about. When you care, you have stress: to not say, to not do, to not be interpreted, to not intervene something else over that thing. And perception can be influenced very easy, the other person can induce to your mind that his perception is okay.

Or if you see him unsure about you, you start being unsure about him as well. Because you start thinking: why should he be unsure towards me? I mean, you always asks: where are you? what are you doing? what have you ate? with whom you were?

It's also the fact that as a man it's okay to hit on an unknown girl
. If a girl hits on an unknown man, she's a hoe. And there are also resentful people: if a boy is refused by a girl, she was clearly a hoe. Or she was ugly. If a girl is refused by a boy, he was clearly an idiot, or a jerk.

There's also society's expecations that come into play:

As a woman, you have to be: delicate, sensitive and feminine. You are seen different, you are not allowed to make mistakes. If you do what a man does you are looked at differently.

As a man, you have to: have decency in you, know when to intervene and when not, and have that splash of masculinity and imposing but without being mobbish or superior.

Like without being vulgar or acting like a quote unquote "peasant", ignorant, rude and generally unsophisticated. And I think that's a balance many men don't get, because, and without trying to drag it into politics, we have a lot of toxic masculinity out there. Sure, women are at fault for this too, because there are women who validate and appreciate those cad people, they wouldn't have engaged in those behaviors if it wouldn't have led to some form of social success, but the fact remains that they still do it and it's a form of toxic masculinity.

Where as the woman isn't allowed to do what a man does, she's look at different for doing what a man does, as a man, you have expectations around you, you're the man! you should do it, you're the man! It's like, men have to carry more but they are also allowed to do many things women aren't.

Everything is about the way society wants it. If society says it's wrong, everybody is going to say that it's wrong. Hundreds of years ago, women were not allowed to wear pants, everybody said it's wrong, and today, nobody has any issue with this anymore. But, today, the woman must be decent and not drink a drop of achool.

But people these days, I don't think they have good perceptions, generally speaking. They seem to be more gutsiest, not bold, being bold would be guts but with common sense, they no longer have patience, they see everything with other eyes, they are raised differently, they are more bragging.

So that they stand out above the crowd, so that they brag, with what they have and so on, money and clothes and all that, and a feeling of superiority. A person's perceptions depend on the way they are raised, so I guess there's that, there are major differences between people's perceptions based on the way they were raised.

Some people, to stand out become bullies. Because to raise yourself, you either raise yourself or knock others down. Or hide your inferiority complexes by laughing at others. Or boost your superioirty complexes by laughing at others. I don't think most bullies have inferiority complexes, although that can be true in some cases, but they have superioirty complexes and because they get validation from laughing at others they do it even more. And I mean genuine bulling not laughing or making fun of another person in the spirit of a joke, when the other person doesn't like it, it's clearly bullying.

What right do you have to judge another person regardless of social status? The best people I've seen in my life are the people that would handshake a janitor despite being in a superior position. While others are saying they are in a superior position and they won't handshake a janitor. It doesn't mean that you have to laugh at and disconsider others with a lower social status.

If you have money and are on a certain social category, good for you, well, there are also cases when you don't have money but your parents have the money. You did nothing for it, you are just lucky to having been born there. There is a big difference between you having money and your parents having money, you just had a little bit of luck. Comparing that with someone else who has worked for and built those money by himself.

When it comes to bullying, first they pick on you based on physique and then they pick on you based on money. Whoever is the most isolated, the easiest target, whoever doesn't fight back. Whoever doesn't oppose and does not resist, whoever isn't fighting it. The importance is to be the most isolated so you'll be an easy target who won't fight back.

If you are different from the norms and have other perceptions, you're done from. We can see this in the treatment towards the LGBT people.

When people are attacked, they are obligated to fight back so they don't look weak. Even if they are going to lose it, they at least need to do some retaliation to show they're not an easy target.

The fact that they don't want to look weak forces them to action. If someone hits you, it's an act of aggression. You either fight back and risk conflict or don't fight back and look weak. Or maybe retaliate once to even the score and then it's up to the other whether he wants to retaliate or not.

Gossip on the other hand, is bullying for women. Not the kind of gossip when you talk about another person, but when you talk likes about another person and talk behind her back.

If a bully sees that he gets fame out of bullying, he keeps bullying. The becomes more popular out of bullying.

Going back to the idea that the people who are different from the norm are often the most marginalized and ridiculed, society is effectively bullying LGBT people as a group, because they are weak and have no power, they are just a few and can't fight back. I don't get why the hate towards LGBT, they aren't hurting anyone.

If LGBT people are minding their own business and are not bothering you with anything, if the gay people are minding their own business, why do you want to take their happiness away? You don't even have to help, all you have to do is do nothing, you only need to leave them alone, why do you have to complicate things? There's a lot more tolerance towards lesbians than towards gay people, what is the difference? hypocrisy.

I know I turned this into a talk about society, but we live in a society so I guess it still counts as being on-topic, and people's perception and based on and formed in that society, so it's still relevant. Even the internet is more and more controlled, with more and more ads and stealing of data.

Anyway, going back more on-topic. In spite of all of this, I think love is not necessary for your fulfilment in life. It's a nice to have. You don't have to give up on other goals or other passions for love. You don't have to give up on the things you love for love, yeah, I know how weird this sounds but you get the point. You can puruse what you want or what you are passionate while also looking for love on the sideline. And just because you are in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean you have to cut yourself up from other people, people of the opposite gender included, you can be in a relationship and talk or be friends to people from the opposite gender, as long as it's just talk and not something else.

You can have fulfilment in life without love too. And just because you are with someone, it doesn't mean you have to give up on your passions or other things you love.

In fact, if you aren't happy without love, it's unlikely you'll be happy with love as well. If you don't love yourself because you life is great and you made it that way, it's hard to love others more than you love yourself in a relationship, or accept a love more than you think you deserve.

You don't just love yourself as a decision. You need to make your life great so you can love yourself for what you have in your life. Your accomplishments, your fun, your status, your activity. Whatever you have that gives you good reasons to love yourself.

Life is not easy by itself. You got to be smart about it if you want life to be easy.

We act instinctively as mammals. Most of the time we're on auto-pilot, so I guess it helps sometimes to take a step back and look at what we're doing, whether we're on the right path and reflect on your priorities and perceptions.

But acting instinctively is not always a bad thing, this is why we have things like humor. Just view the world in a funny way, and ideas will come.

I think the mega summary of all of this is that one should strive to become the ultimate man. A self-development goal to become the ultimate man.

This raises questions: how should the ultimate man be like? what are the qualities of a real man? Society added too, it's all the way society wants it, society says it's wrong, all people say it's wrong.

At a certain are, the job is your priority, so I guess all of that depends on context.

There's also the idea of shyness vs shameless. Being shy or being shameless. I talked above how some people won't take certain actions out of shyness and other people won't understand. And being shameless is generally agreed upon to be bad. But what you do when you're in the middle? when you don't know whether an action is good or bad. I say go for it and risk being a little shameless. If it wasn't shameless and you did great, great. If it was shameless and you got a little negative social feedback because of this, great, at least now you have the confirmation, which is 10 times better than nothing, because now you are not in the position of unknown anymore, now you know and can adjust. Where as if if you wouldn't have tried, you would have never known.

Much like with jokes. Generally, it's okay to cross some limit, if you are on the border and don't know whether a joke is appropate or not, go for it and see the result. You will have more experience and take the feedback. Like, if your mockery is clearly upsetting, stop. But if you don't know whether a mockery is going to be upsetting or not, try it, take the feedback, if it's positive, great, it was good, if it's negative, take the feedback and stop. But now you have the confirmation and won't do the same joke a second time.

Beside being a little shameless when you are in between an uncertain of yourself making you actually experience what is out there and take the feedback, the shyness can block you when you could have had a good result but won't do it out of fear.

Shyness makes you not try out of fear of getting a "no" when you could get an "yes". But some are afraid that if they are unshy then they might become shameless. This is all about learning the balance between social norms, what is and isn't allowed to do or say in society, because if society says something is wrong, we all say it's wrong. And people are going to judge you for it, and we don't like being judged.

I noticed I didn't talk about communication. How to become better at communication? People like to talk about themselves. People like to talk about what they are doing, where they have been and so on.

I still don't know how to 'touch' people but talking about themselves or talking about something they are interested in is a good place to start.

It's not only about them, or about you towards them. It's also about you. Because you have to be someone worth listening to, someone valueable and interesting. How to bring value? How to be interesting? those are good questions. How do you become the person that another person wants to talk to when in a conversation?

You can start by being friendly and helpful. Just be friendly and helpful.

You don't have to be high all the time. You just want to be generally fun. Generally fun to be around, but not high all the time. You don't need to always laugh and smile and so on, and being around such people can be exhausting. You can be serious and simple at times.

That being said. Smile often. Have a good attitude.

Isn't this contradictory? sort of. There's a difference between being high all the time and generally fun. You don't need to laugh all the time and smile all the time, and being around such people can be exhausting becuase it makes it feel like they are trying too hard, always being like "high, wow, auch, wow, great, roar, ugga!" can feel unnatural and forced, you can be serious and simple at times, even blunt. But that being said, you can smile often and have a good attitude. Smiling often is not always having a high attitude, and smiling makes people around you feel better, it makes them feel more comfortable, where there's smile there's comfort. Not to mention that smiling is discrete, it's not a manifestation of how high you are going all over the place, you don't need a "roar" or a "ugga!" to smile. And there is a difference between smile often, and smile all the time. Always keeping a grim smile is weird, but generally having a normal face that smiles often is just natural. A smile is a soft energy, not ones that goes all over the place through the roof. Not to mention that smiling can make people feel more uplifted beside more comfortable. What if you don't feel like smiling? just don't smile, it's a suggestion not a must, as I said, you can be serious and simple at times.

So have a good attitude that would lift people up = smile often. The way to make people feel more comfortable around you and uplifted is to smile often. Smiling doesn't require a high attitude and it simply makes people around you feel better. Smiling will probably get you into that generally fun category, smiling often, does not mean not having moments of not smiling.

To put it simply: Smile often, laugh, and view the world in a funny way. You don't have to be high all the time, but you can be high by smiling often. It creates a great atmosphere around you and makes people want to smile too.

For example, when rasing a child, doing it properly I think it only comes down to a few things, and it may sound harsh at first but it has long-term benefits: The child, if it cries, you must leave him cry and not give him what we wants. Because he will know that he can always get away or get his way with crying and he will basically become the parent. But if you've done that, and are trying to deuse him to that now, before it's a downway hill there is an upway hill. Afterwards, if he is used to get what he wants until he gives up crying, he amplifies crying. Until he eventually realises that it doesn't work anymore and stops.

At the same time, you have to be understanding with your kid, you have to be first and foremost his friend, and then his parent and an authority figure.

And the child must be left to discover life alone. Left to explore, to fall, to get hit. He has to be protected more from behind from the shadow, to intervene only in grave cases, in extreme cases. When there's a life and death danger or something like that. In rest, let him discover and experiment alone. To not be overlyprotective with him.

Going back to shyness vs shameless. Shyness or lack of confidence can cause you to not try out of fear of getting a "no" when you could maybe get an "yes". It's also related to your opinion about the self, how much do you think you're worth. For we tend to assume other people judge us by the same standards we judge ourselves with.

But at the same time, some people aren't going to be as judgmental as you assume to be, and you might have a surprise. A pleasant one. It depends on what kind of people you find your life, what perceptions they have.

And even when we're not outright verbally judged, we feel judged and we don't like that. If other people, especially in the family, judge us like that, with criticism rather than acceptance and likeness, we feel that and internalize that. We either try to live up to their expectations to get that acceptance and likeness we crave, or completely rebel against it. But I think it's important in the healthy development of a child and any person in general to feel loved and accepted regardless, and not secrelty judged and criticzed, disliked, even if it's not outright stated, because we internalize the most what we get from the family leading to a healthy or unhealthy development.

But, parents can be like a force of nature, you can't change them as much as you can't change an average person on the street. As long as the expecations aren't doctor or asian or it's not imposing on the child what to do in spite of his wishes, I think a child could benefit from trying to live to his parent's expectations rather than revolt against it. As long as there is indeed a reward of acceptance and likeness and not "no matter what you do, I will never be proud of you".

Parents aside and society in general. We all hate being judged. So we take measures to avoid being judged. It's not even outright stating it, but that displeasat look when you know you're being judged, it hurts, it's pain. So we take measures to avoid being judged. We may accept being judged when we know that we are doing so with a cause: such as being judged but you know you are right, or a politician being judged by the opposition but knowing he will be supported by his group or standing out for what he believes. We may accept being judged when it's with a cause. But we don't accept being judged when, it's for no reason, just for the sake of being judged.

And so people take precautions to avoid being judged. Taking care of their looks, behaving appropate in society, and such. Because we know it's the judgement that makes the rules. We don't need a legal judge, we the society are our own judge and the sentence is that disapproving gaze that everyone knows but nobody liked.

You got to show your value. You got to show your worth. And I don't mean money or clothes or luxury items. You got to show your heart and your mind. That you are someone they can talk to and someone with a good soul. Someone they have what to talk about. But also someone with a future, someone who is a capable human being.

I talked before about decency, decency it can mean in 2 ways:
  • To have character in you, to not want to make other people feel bad, or if you see that you do it stop. As long as the other person isn't the aggressor. To not treat other people badly and so on.
  • But decency also means to follow society's expectations about what you are supposed to be, mostly not to have fingers pointed at you or be laughed at, because nobody likes being judged and we try to avoid it.
Like being a decent memeber of society and being a decent person yourself in general can be 2 completely different things.

I also talked previously about self-development.
Be a man, ultimate man - to become a person on your own feet.

You need a mindset that will give you the most in life. Perceptions, if your persceptions don't help you, time to change them.

We are all hyperactive of the opinions of others, some people just don't have the right criterias. Like when you give a public speech presentation, you have to look good, to make a good presentation, to impress, etc. Or when you post a picture on Facebook, same thing.

Any thoughts?
 

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The last masculine feature has to do with your hands. Well it turns out that there’s actually some truth to that. Although it’s not the entire hand, it’s just the ring finger. There is a correlation between ring finger size and testosterone level and women are able to pick up on that. When asked to rate physical attractiveness of hands, men with ring fingers longer than their pointer fingers were rated significantly higher.
That is NOT the reason I would pay attention to a potential partner's fingers....
 

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Sorry, can’t agree with most of it. I don’t mean that as a critic to you, but simply one to the content of your post.

I Didn’t read it all to be honest, but when I see the whole « alpha/beta » thing related to masculinity, that’s when I draw the line. Even if some biological and evolutionary factors DO play a role for a part, we evolved past ou simple animalistic state. We are more than that, made also of ideals, different preferences, aesthetics, complex feelings, etc... As far as I know there’s no scientific evidence for such a thing as alpha males (not even in wolf packs). If anything our society might value men who have prestige and power positions, because of the way our shallow world is. It says nothing about personal experiences, chemistry or attraction.
 

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you judge people’s physical attractiveness based on their ability to provide you with healthy children.
Hmmm, then I was all wrong.
I thought I judge people by their physical attractiveness based on how good they feel about their image, how much they care about their body, and how well they manage to manifest willpower in that direction: "preserving and improving physical dimension".

I think you're overestimating me too.
I judge people physical attractiveness based on their ability to provoke me one or more erections, on a hourly basis.

Bigger is better.
That's what she usually say too.

Across cultures, long hair is seen as more desirable for women. Long hair is not only a sign of current health, but the longer it is, the more you are displaying several years of health. Short hair is seen as a sign or illness and infertility.
I don't know about cultures, I know only that I'm a simple man.
I see long hair -> I have something to hold when she is on all fours and I'm behind. Or when she is on her knees and I'm standing.
Short hair has its magic too because it gets in your way less often especially if you like to paint her face.


both men and women like right-handed people.
Then I'm screwed.
I'm ambidextrous.
Right for speed, left for accuracy.

What is left after cutting men and women off the list?

women actually find men with facial scars more attractive
Wait! There is still hope!
Don't rush, impulsenine.
There is hope that the scar you acquired when you were about to die at the age of 4 will attract who knows what hottie with ... everything bigger and better.

kissing is very important, and therefore a generally clean and appealing mouth is too.
I have no teeth problems, but I love garlic. I would eat tons every day!
So ... sorry honey. That's why you're actually honey, you sweeten me and you're an antidote to garlic, right?

Stop kissing me otherwise!
But blowjob should work well. :devilish:
how they walk
Basically that's how I judge their entire character and how I map their whole personality. In less than 3 seconds...

The taller you are, the healthier you are perceived to be.
Healthy healthy, but have you seen how many problems you encounter when the difference is big? You can hardly hit those holes...especially in the dark.
You have to use extra muscles that you did not even know you have, for a basic position.

Love and the manifestation of passion turn into a workout without wanting to.
I knew this was the champions' breakfast, but now it's the workout too?

Both men and women want someone who is relatively thin
Well, it's like everything bigger is better, now what do we do?
The most attractive woman I met most recently was an overweight woman. And I'm never attracted to overweight women.
She had thick thighs, big hips, belly, big ass and big breasts and an absolutely gorgeous face. She did sports, she was muscular, but at the same time it was obvious that ... that's her body shape and that she can't do much.
But she ran with such great involvement and passion and will that ... I was instantly impressed.

When talking, I think the goal should be to become closer to each other
Only when talking? Like screaming in her ear? I knew that's the recipe.

A great goal is to be as informal as possible. To become as informal as possible.
I agree with that!
HEY YO HISPANIC phat ass mooma, how's the kitten doin'? Kiss you down. let's do the horizontal hokey pokey straight away, mrs.

As for your personality, just let your personality be and see how it works.
If my personality sucks, I'm doomed to suck too forever.
Damn, life it's so cruel! It's just like ... you are planted here on a limited area and you are subjected as an instant slave to all authorities starting with the laws of physics.
You don't decide what personality you have, it's about nature and nurture and ... that's it. You just have to be yourself. Nothing can be improved, nothing can be changed.

How to do it? Just be honest, competent, reliable, empathetic, kind, generous, humble and discrete. Over time the majority of people will trust you if you display these qualities.
Like: "Police officer here. Do you need some help? You seem stuck in that washing machine, I'm specialised in unstucking people from washing machines. I have my duty and my missions but I can afford to help such a pretty young lady like you".

Be discrete, don't tell everyone about what you're doing or to others what others are doing
"What are you doing there?"
"Me? What? I guess you're not paying enough attention to the sky. There is no reason to check if a hand is on your knee or not and if it tries to get under your skirt. THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT TO DO THAT! YOU JUST HAVE TO ENJOY THE FUCKING NATURE, why are you OVERTHINKING SIMPLE GESTURES?"


Keep your word
I prefer to keep her (safe)word in my long-term memory, to be honest. I guess it's more productive.

However, things that are dangerous are also great and can lead to a lot of benefits.
Yes. Like "bukakke parties"? Lots of proteins over her face. It helps her with her skin and she'll look healthier so I'll fall in love with her harder cuz she's more attractive.

How to gain their trust? Be there for them, be a guardian angel. Don't be judgemental and listen, actively listen.
I'm born to talk. No trust available on the market for me, unfortunately. :(

Make them feel comfortable, to feel that you are somebody they can talk to when they have an issue.
Ohhhh, like making sure that I'm a good friend? :unsure:

I think intimacy and trust is built. In order to trust someone, you got to feel comfortable around that person, you got to like being around that person
No. Trust and intimacy exist and they just know each other. period.

try to be her friend rather than an authority figure.
What if she says that "I like bad boys. I was married with a pimp who've beat me regularly"?

trying to understand her, to understand her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things
Some are train wrecks. They have no idea 5% about how they feel, but let someone else try to find out how they feel.
Have you not yet understood the lesson of the great philosophers of feminine wisdom?
"Women are creatures designed to be loved, not understood."
Like, what the hell? What world do you live in?

be considerate about the way she feels at the moment of your discussion, don't try to push her too hard
Sometimes that's exactly what is the most appropriate thing to do. Push too hard.
You never experienced: "not too hard" and ignored it and 30 seconds later "harder, OMG I LOVE IT!"?
Like...what the hell?

You can ask around the block questions instead, for example, if she doesn't want to tell you where she has been in weekend, don't insist, instead ask "where you there with many friends or just your boyfriend?"
Lol what a weirdo. You could have just stalk her ass if you were interested in that, like normal people. Not asking.

Be a man, ultimate man - to become a person on your own feet.
Thanks! That's what I have to do!

Oh wait, it's so much more. No, it's too much.
Listen, no one said to you: "but when are you going to fuck me, or are you just able to talk"? If not, what kind of weird creatures did you deal with?

That is NOT the reason I would pay attention to a potential partner's fingers....
But for what reason? :unsure:
 

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I take back what I’ve said in my previous post. Some people didn’t evolve much past an animalistic state. And I deeply apologize to animals for that unfortunate link. This post and the answers here are the proof. Someone call Darwin, we’ve found the transitional fossil.
 

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I take back what I’ve said in my previous post. Some people didn’t evolve much past an animalistic state. And I deeply apologize to animals for that unfortunate link. This post and the answers here are the proof. Someone call Darwin, we’ve found the transitional fossil.
What a hypocrite, lmao. So we'll have to give you an award now for being "clean" or something?

People can have sexual preferences and kinks if they so goddamn pleases.
 

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What a hypocrite, lmao. So we'll have to give you an award now for being "clean" or something?

People can have sexual preferences and kinks if they so goddamn pleases.
I think you didn’t understand what I meant at all.
This is not about sexual preferences or kinks, which btw everyone has. It’s about mashing a bunch of theories that might have some scientific bases on their own, but together mean nothing at all, and making a statement as if it was the truth. It’s all a nonsensical mix of toxic definition of gender roles, ignorance masked behind a few sparse theories (no scientist wrote this article right?), incel bullsh!t at it’s best. I am not even bothering answering in this thread anymore.
 

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It’s all a nonsensical mix of toxic definition of gender roles
I wanna focus on this one line in particular. Gender roles seem to trigger a lot of people lately, when in fact it'd been present throughout the history of humanity, from cavemen dying while hunting mammoths to majority of soldiers dying in war are male, while of course the woman stay in the cave/homes taking care of the young ones.

Gender roles will forever exist, and this and the future generations can all just suck it.
 

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To determine how nicely they'll fit (between mine, when we hold hands and do other disgustingly romantic stuff <3)
🤣
 

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Perhaps the OP needs to look into the phenomenon of kpop and jpop that's swept the world for the last decade, where the guys are more androgynous.
 

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How to get good at dates? Just have common sense and you should be good for dating, most people who want to date also have common sense.

As long as you have common sense you should be fine. Beside that, you should work on increasing your physical attractiveness level. And maybe your social status level like your job and your relations, but mainly your physical attractiveness level.

Then you go for it and talk to them. If you are compatible, that's great, if you aren't compatible, also great. If you don't make a move and procrastinate you will lose.

There are many advices on how to become more physically attractive for both men & women:

Why do we find physically attractive people so appealing? Because physical attractiveness is a sign of overall health and fitness. Most indicators of health are externally visible. And when I say fitness, I mean genetic fitness, not going to gym fitness, although that does help and I’ll get to that later. Whether you’re aware of it or not, whether it’s your intention or not, you judge people’s physical attractiveness based on their ability to provide you with healthy children.

You may only be playing the field for fun, but when you decide to go home with someone, you’re still unconsciously judging them based on their ability to produce healthy offspring. You may not want to have children with them, you may just want to have some fun, but your standards for beauty are based on reproduction. And your standards for reproductive ability are based mostly on what you can see. So what do we find physically attractive?

Let’s start off by busting a popular myth perpetuated by just about everyone. The media does not dictate what is physically attractive. If that were the case, different cultures would have different standards of beauty, and while there are some small variations, what we find attractive is similar across cultures and across time. Media portrayals of physical attractiveness just reflect what we already think is physically attractive, they don’t tell us what to find attractive and what we find attractive has rarely changed, fashion has changed, but that’s about it.

Women find different men attractive based on where they are in their menstrual cycle. When they are ovulating, they are attracted to more masculine or “alpha” men, you know, the guys that are typically at the higher end of the 1-10 scale. When they are not ovulating, they are more willing to trade off physical attractiveness and genetic quality for men who are more willing or able to invest in offspring, often referred to as a “beta” male.

Basically as long as a guy is rich, he can be ugly. In a study that’s been replicated so many times even mythbusters did an episode on it, when asked to rate a guy on only physical attractiveness, if women can still see the guy’s income or job title as part of his bio, they will unconsciously take that into account and, on average, rate a rich guy as 23% more attractive than if they couldn’t see it.

Meaning if he was a 5 without the bio, he’s a now a 7.3. Women want someone who is better able to provide for potential offspring. But that’s the majority of the time, when they’re not ovulating. But they just go for looks when they are in their fertile phase, or looking for someone short term, or they’re in a long term relationship and they’re looking for someone to cheat with.

In the short term, women want someone who is just plain physically attractive and displays prominent masculine features. Or to put it another way, when women are fertile, they look for masculine genetic traits, when they are not, they look for providers. In order to display that they are providers, men will often make ostentatious displays of wealth, otherwise known as peacocking. Gold chains, fancy white shoes, sports cars, giant trucks, you know the rest. Our fashion is often dictated by what we know the opposite sex wants to see, this goes for both men and women. But men also use fashion to enhance their masculine genetic features.

Broad shoulders indicate a high level of testosterone during development, and women use that as a cue. So men have figured out that if they wear suits with nice big shoulder pads, they appear more masculine. Women will find them more attractive and other men will find them more intimidating. Testosterone also affects the jaw, creating a wider, more square jawline. Which is why some men choose to have a beard, because it accentuates the jaw line and makes it look more prominent.

The last masculine feature has to do with your hands. Well it turns out that there’s actually some truth to that. Although it’s not the entire hand, it’s just the ring finger. There is a correlation between ring finger size and testosterone level and women are able to pick up on that. When asked to rate physical attractiveness of hands, men with ring fingers longer than their pointer fingers were rated significantly higher.

As you’ll find with the rest of this, some of the cues we use to judge physical attractiveness are incredibly subtle, while others are pretty obvious.

So when we talk about what men look for in women, let’s get real obvious. Bigger is better. The idea that bigger breasts are better able to provide for offspring is a complete myth. There’s no correlation between breast size and milk production. So why is bigger better? Because it’s actually not the size that men look for, it’s symmetry. This goes for literally everything, symmetry is the prime indicator of genetic and developmental health.

If you are smaller and assymetrical, it’s easier to hide that assymmetry. But if you’re large and symmetrical, you are better displaying your genetic health. Symmetry is more important than size, but size better displays your symmetry. So men look for symmetry by looking for bigger everything, bigger. Bigger eyes, bigger hips. Which is why, and I hate to put it this way, but Disney knows what men look for, which is why they draw cartoon characters like Elsa. They all have impossibly large eyes, impossibly small waists, and other exaggerated features that men look for. And before you think cartoons are only sexualizing women, they do it to men too.

And just like with men’s fashion, women have found ways to accentuate the features they know men look for, with bras and even underwear that make things look bigger. Or by making their eyes look bigger with makeup, and a few other examples.

But while symmetry is king and size is queen, the ace is definitely age. And just like the ace, it can go either way, since men and women view age differently. When men are looking at women, signs of age are typically a negative. The older you are, the less attractive you are. But there’s an evolutionary reason as to why.

Age of the mother at birth is a major indicator of the future health of a child. The magic age for motherhood seems to be between 25 and 30. After that, the risks of all sorts of pre-natal complications, developmental issues, and even things like obesity increases by a lot. So when looking for potential mating partners, age is a factor. But not only because of the potential health of any future offspring, but the number of potential offspring.

Since women go through menopause, they have a limited window during which they can conceive. So age is a rather obvious indicator of how much reproductive time they have left. Another major factor, linked to age and offspring, is how many children they already have. Because women have a limited time to reproduce and the time it takes to conceive, birth, and raise a child to self-sufficiency is so long, women can only have so many children before modern medicine, that number was only about six.

And birth order matters. Each successive child has the same increases in risk that age of the mother at birth does. Each child has an increased risk of infant mortality, developmental issues, and later health issues. Not only that, but those previous children are also competitors to any of his potential children. So men take into account how many children a woman already has when deciding whether or not she is an ideal mate.

But age works in the reverse for men. Age of the father has no correlation to the health of their children and men don’t have a limited age range for fertility. So women desire signs of age in men, because it’s an indicator of health, fitness, and assumed ability to provide. And one of the most prominent displays of age for men is their hair. Gray hair correlates with age and is therefore seen as more attractive. However, too much gray hair indicates that you are not long for this Earth and may not be able to provide for much longer, so there’s a delicate balance. But what is definitely not a good hair signal is balding. Because think about it, aside from old people, who else goes bald? Cancer patients. Yes, sick people lose their hair. So going bald kind of looks sickly. This goes for men and women, but since many men naturally bald as they age, they worry about it a lot more and there’s lots of products out there that claim to help combat it.

But men also look at women’s hair as a sign of health. Across cultures, long hair is seen as more desirable for women. Long hair is not only a sign of current health, but the longer it is, the more you are displaying several years of health. Short hair is seen as a sign or illness and infertility. Short hair is a signal of both age and infertility. So naturally, there are hundreds of products out there to help make your hair look as full and healthy as possible. But if that isn’t enough for you, you can get extensions, a weave, or even a wig. But don’t worry, men have their own ways to fake their hair, with toupees or even cans of spray hair.

Another thing both men and women look for in a partner is skin quality. It is by far the best indicator of current health. Everyone wants clear, healthy skin, and there’s certainly no shortage of products to help with that. But if all else fails, you can just cover it up with makeup. I know, there are a lot of women out there that will say that you don’t wear makeup to impress men, you do it just for you. Yeah, and we all totally believe you when you say that. Look, the truth is, we all wear things not because it looks good to us, but because we think other people will think it looks good on us. I’m certainly not immune.

Another example is way you part your hair. The side you part your hair is almost always an indicator of your dominant hand, and both men and women like right-handed people. In movies, almost always the good guy parts his hair on the left and the bad guy parts his hair on the right. It’s just another one of those weird subtle quirks.

Blemishes, splotches, and acne are all signs of illness and are generally considered unattractive. Scars on the otherhand, chicks dig scars. As long as the scar isn’t considered disfiguring, women actually find men with facial scars more attractive, as it’s thought to be a sign of physical fitness, masculinity, and security. Like you fought a bear and won or something. As with other hyper-masculine features, this only increases your appeal for short-term relationships. Men on the other hand don’t care either way about women with facial scars.

But another facial feature both men and women care about is teeth. First of all, having all of your teeth is a major indicator of overall health, but cavities and other discoloration are signs of poor hygiene and health. Along with releasing oxytocin and reinforcing the social bond between you and your partner, one of the primary purposes of kissing is to trade germs and immunities with each other. So if your teeth are rotting out of your mouth, you don’t really wanna get all up in that.

I’ve steered clear of talking about what people want when it comes to personality, because that varies by individual preference much more than what we find physically attractive. But there’s an old age that opposites attract, and that’s been proven false time and time again.

People generally want someone similar to them, not just personality wise, but social class, education, and even physically when it comes to things like age and race.

The one place where the opposites attract saying does seem to be true is when it comes to immunity. People will seek out partners with opposing or complementary immune systems which you can determine by both smell and taste. So kissing is very important, and therefore a generally clean and appealing mouth is too.

Straight teeth on the other hand are not an indicator of health. But they do show symmetry, and as I said before, symmetry is king. Which is why we put people through the horror of braces, which honestly weren’t that bad.

You’ll even pick up on small things like someone gait, or how they walk, and use it as a measurement of symmetry. If they walk with a limp or they look unstable, they’re not symmetrical, so they’re less desirable.

Height is another body cue for health. The taller you are, the healthier you are perceived to be. While men don’t seem to care about the height of women, women do care about the height of men. Women generally want someone who is taller than them, and typically, that height difference is about 12 centimeters.

When asked, women will often say that they desire someone who is 180 centimeters or taller. But the average American and European man is around 177 centimteres.

The next whole body indicator of health is body fat. Both men and women want someone who is relatively thin, the desired body mass index for both men and women is 19 which is at the high end of what is considered “underweight”. For context, that would be 180 centimeters and 62 kilograms, or 170 centimeters and 55 kilograms. And while being too thin is an indicator of illness, being overweight is also a pretty good indicator of poor health and diet, and as we all probably know by now, being overweight and obese is linked to all sorts of health problems, so I really don’t want to beat a dead horse here.

You may have heard that there are some tribes in Africa or the Amazon where heavier women are seen as more desirable. And this is true, to a point. The fattest women in those tribes still have a lower body fat percentage than the average American female college student. Even in those tribes, the heavier women that are seen as attractive are still within the normal body mass index range. No culture, anywhere, sees obesity as attractive, and to say otherwise is to try and normalize a rather unhealthy condition and try to blame culture for not accepting it.

Waist to hip ratio. I brought this up before but there’s a reason why Disney draws their cartoon women with waists so small that if they were real women they wouldn’t actually be able to have children or even be able to stand up straight. Men look for women with wider hips than their waist, the actual size of either doesn’t matter too much, it’s the ratio between them. The size that is considered most attractive, while still being healthy, is 0.7, meaning a waist that is 70% the size of your hips. Again, this is cross cultural, so even in those “fat tribes” in Africa.

Back in the sixties they came up with that 36-24-36 measurement as the ideal woman, and Marilyn Monroe is often used as the ideal woman. People today still use her as the example of a “curvy” woman but, Marilyn Monroe only weighed 53 kilograms. And her measurements were actually even smaller than the “ideal” and she only had a .62 ratio. But women have long known that the waist to hip ratio is important and that’s why they invented the corset.

Men’s ideal waist to hip ratio is only 0.9, but that’s because women put less emphasis on the hips. Instead, they put more on their shoulders. The ideal shoulder to waist ratio, also called the golden ratio, is 1.6. And again, just like cartoons, the more comically large they are, the more attractive they seem. So the next time someone tells you that the media is responsible for our standards of beauty or that only men or only women are shallow, you can tell them they’re wrong, because we’re all a little shallow.

Looks aside. When talking, I think the goal should be to become closer to each other. A great goal is to be as informal as possible. To become as informal as possible.

As for your personality, just let your personality be and see how it works. Attract with your authentic personality rather than trying to mold your personality to please or be attractive to someone. As I said, as long as you have common sense you should be fine.

How do you become closer to each other? You need to develop a bond, to build rapport, to build a deeper connection, to build trust. How to do it? Just be honest, competent, reliable, empathetic, kind, generous, humble and discrete. Over time the majority of people will trust you if you display these qualities.

Be genuine, don't shy away from your flaws. Be original, don't be perfect. Don't be too diplomatic, too much flattering and praising is always doubtful. Trust is a coefficient of time, the higher the time spent with people, the more they trust you. Pass the test of life. Every now and then you will get an opportunity to prove you are trustworthy, stand by people.

Be discrete, don't tell everyone about what you're doing or to others what others are doing, don't leak one's secrets to the other, even if it's your loved ones. The trait of confidentiality is the most important step in trust-building. Never be desperate to build trust, don't force your trust on people. It will come on its own eventually. Give people importance, not over importance, just stand by them in tough times and emergencies without keeping expectations

Keep your word, there's a reason "keeping your word" is very important in Italian mafia movies, beside "the family" as in loyality but that's off-topic, it's because your word is a symbol of your integrity. You may be a bad person like a mafioso, but if other mafioso know that you keep your word, they can at least trust you in this regard, that you are someone who takes its word seriously and does what they say they'll do. Keeping your word is a gate of trust you can open for people that don't know you very well. If your word is very important to you, it will also be very important to them. Have strong values and guiding principles. Having no committed values, you bend when it suits you and this will undermine all your achievements.

But let's flip this the other way around, can you trust the other person? You understand that every single time you're interacting with something that's dangerous, you're taking a risk. However, things that are dangerous are also great and can lead to a lot of benefits. In the same way, just because men can screw you over, does that mean never be friends with men again never go into business with men and never deal with men? No, same kind of thing.

It's your fear of the risk of getting hurt, the risk of pain, that's holding you back. If you think all women are cruel or cheating or superficial, you're going to have a much harder time trusting them. Dare to be trusting of women. And see what happens. If you end up getting hurt, it happens, it's not the first time. But if you end up being wrong and not getting hurt and actually getting a good positive relationship out of this, good for you. The reward is more than worth it. Dare to be nice. Dare to be nice to them. Even if you still have a strong belief that women are whatever, act as if you don't have and see what happens.

Can you be absolutely sure you can trust a woman? probably never. But can you put the odds massively in your favor? yes. Can you get it to a point where you can be reasonably certain that a girl will be faithful? yes, you can under certain circumstnaces. And even if you can't be 100% sure, the risk is well worth it for the reward. So, please don't be the person that gets so jaded or so dark that you throw away some of the most beautiful things in the world just to prevent the potential pain that could come possibly in some scenario.

How to gain their trust? Be there for them, be a guardian angel. Don't be judgemental and listen, actively listen. If anything, offer reassurance in the form of an advice instead, rather than judgment. I don't want to say "treat her like sister you never had" since you're hitting on them romantically but you probably understand the protective feeling and genuine care that comes out of that statement.

What can you do to get close to each other? Make them feel comfortable, to feel that you are somebody they can talk to when they have an issue. Get to know each other even more well. Develop even more intimacy. Get closer with each other. This requires communication, and I mean real communication, to say when you have a problem or something bothers you, not to keep it in yourself.

I think intimacy is when you make someone really feel connected, that you're listening to them and you're really being listened to, when you start drifting from lighthearted stuff to serious talk about life and personal problems, when you listen to their story and they listen to yours. When you go from "how are you doing?" to questions about feelings "did you enjoy that?", "how it made you feel?", "and are you okay with that?". Intimacy is being able to be yourself around the other person without fear of being judged, being able to share your more secret thoughts, insecurities and desires without fear that they will spoil or be indifferent to them.

I think intimacy and trust is built. In order to trust someone, you got to feel comfortable around that person, you got to like being around that person. You also got to know that they have a good character and know how to keep a secret. You got to know that they are not a judgmental person, that will try to understand your situation and your perspective. And that you will have their support no matter what you say or do. And most importantly, after people open up to you, don't do something they will regret.

If you happen to experience a communication block, try to be her friend rather than an authority figure. Don't come across as someone who is trying to educate her or teach her a lesson, come across as someone who is trying to understand her, to understand her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things. Be her friend, someone who tries to help her, not someone authoritarian who tries to judge her.

And be considerate about the way she feels at the moment of your discussion, don't try to push her too hard, don't jump to questions suddenly as it came out of nowhere, and if you asked a question and you see that she doesn't want to answer drop it, don't push her, because she may not want to answer.

You can ask around the block questions instead, for example, if she doesn't want to tell you where she has been in weekend, don't insist, instead ask "where you there with many friends or just your boyfriend?", "do I know what place?", she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints.

And whatever you do, don't be like "I'm going to have a discussion with that person then" or do anything that you know she won't like, that would break any chance for her to trust you in the future.

It's exactly because she doesn't want you to have a discussion with that person that she won't tell you what is going on in the first place, it's your reaction she fears, if you do that, you will only confirm she was right about you, let her do her own things. Do not talk to anyone about this unless she specifically tells you to talk, let her deal with the situation how she sees fit.

Guide her, give her advice, give her your opinion, listen to her, help her, be a friend for her, but don't force her hand or make her regret that she told you all of this in the first place, because if you break her trust she will never do it again. Don't dominate the conversation, be there for her.

Intimacy is built on trust, you got to make an attempt to get closer with each other by talking about your concerns and worries. In a way, be a guardian angel. And approach people with softness, because they may back down if they are pushed too far. And don't be judgmental, whatever you do, be someone who tries to give advice or just listen to her, not someone who tries to make a moral out of this. Offer reassurance in the form of an advice, but only after you're listened and don't force it upon her. Be a friend, friends help one another.

It's great to have someone that you can talk about anything with, including your insecurities. Have deep talks about life and so on. For this, you need mutual trust, and well, you got to be the first person who do it.

But it's not like you can do it out of the blue
. It's not like you can come to a person and say "hey, let's talk about how we feel, what is bothering you?" that would be out of the blue and weird.

To get her to talk to you about this, you need to gain her trust. And you don't give trust to anyone, only to the people closest to you that you know that you can trust. People who we trust have to prove that we can trust them in the first place, we need to be sure they won't spoil the secret or break the trust. She needs to get to a place where she can trust you with her feelings. Probably, you need to show her that she is being understood at the core of who she is.

Show her kindness and desire to help her and she may begin to trust you. Make her understand that you will be there for her. Showing that you're being someone she can rely and count on. When she will trust you, she will open up by herself without you pushing her to open up and you can talk to her about her insecurities.

If you want trust, so she can talk to you about her insecurities, you got to be someone nurtruing who knows how to keep a secret. You can also share a secret to make her trust you more. Sharing a secret shows her that you trust her. If you trust her, this will make her more likely to trust you.

People look at the character of the other person when they decide whether to trust them or not. So far, what have you done to show that she can have confidence in you? Or the opposite, what have you done that broke her confidence? If you did the latter, you have a lot of catching up to do.

Greet her as if you were greeting an old friend you hadn't seen in a while. Smile deeply. A great smile is remembered. Talk slowly, being a fast talker has negative connotations, people respond better to someone who talks slowly and deliberately. Exude calmness and be measure in your speech. Don't talk or feel rushed.

Find commonality. Mentally, people are looking to check a box that they can make some sort of affiliation with you, however distant. Find any sort of commonality, shared interests and common connection. For example: I see you went to school in New England", "you also know Joe", "yes, Joe's a great guy. I went to school with him. How do you know him?", it goes a long ways in terms of building trust.

Listen as if she was the only person in the room and make her feel that way. Look her in the eyes. Show her that you're listening by focusing on what she's saying. Don't interrupt her or finish her sentences. When she finishs saying something, wait a second before responding. This indicates you've really listened and you're taking it in.

Validate them, this most often comes in the form of agreeing with them. When people sense disagreement they put up barriers, reinforce their reasoning, and create distance. This principal is called "Yes, and ..." it's how you build on a story and create spontaneity and consensus.

Think of the times you’ve met someone new and walked away with a good impression. Look back on the encounter and think of what made you feel that way. Chances are what you really felt was validated and listened to.

Become a good listener, ask more questions, suspend your ego, be authentic, admit you are not perfect, don't be pushy, adjust to almost any situation, don't be judgemental, copy body language, tell a secret.

Expect good things, people treat others consistent with their expectations, and, therefore, cause the person to behave in a way that confirms such expectations. If you think someone is an asshole, you'll act toward him or her in a way that will produce “asshole” behavior. On the other hand, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions.

Get her to trust you by having a trustworthy character, as people look at the character of the other person when they decide whether to trust them or not. Additionally, you can be the first to talk about your worries and doubts with her or share a secret. When she moderately trusts you, ask her questions about herself without being judgmetnal, agreeing with and actively listening to her without interrupting, and offering reassurance in the form of advice. Listen to her, help her, don't be an authority figure who tries to judge her. Don't try to educate her or teach her a lesson, try to understand her, her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things.

And offer advice but in the form of a guide, an opinion, without forcing her words, her hands or pushing her around. If she doesn't want to answer to a certain thing don't insist, accept it and ask latteral questions instead, she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints, and eventually may give you the answer to that thing she was originally hesitant about. And expect good things, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions. An example of advice is courage over fear. Like if someone has a fear, you can tell them that it's okay to be afraid, we're all afraid sometimes, but that's no incentive not to do it.

Then you can understand her situation
. It will make you closer to each other and then you can ask her for a date. Sitting around and never asking for a date isn't going to change the situation. If you never do, it will never happen.

But it's not just trust, your character also matters.

Character is probably the most important thing when it comes to compatibility, often, people don't get along together because of different characters. But is there a character that would ensure you the best chances of succes? I think so, well, it will not work universally since it eventually comes down to different people having different preferences and personalities, but we've all seem people with a "great personality" or "great character" as well as people with a "terrible personality" or "terrible character" and opinions towards that particular person seems to be fairly unanimous.

A good character matters. Character is to treat people right, to take into account how other people feel and not wish to make them feel bad. To have a good soul, want to help others and appreciate what others do for you. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul. Someone who can open their heart and can show depths of feeling. Someone loving who is like a gentleman.

Showing sensitivity is attractive, like learning an instrument, looking at art, listening to opera, music about the soul like rap. Girls with sensitivity like men who show that they look beyond looks and appreciate the person they are. Someone caring, with nice gestures that will impress, that they feel good with and show that they want the best for them, they want someone who would help and value them, someone who would do a lot for them.

Helping her would be appreciated, when she has an issue or problem offering to help can be quite romantic even if it doesn't look as such. Even small things like opening the door for her or pouring soda can be apprciated. Filling out the other person's needs is romantic, especially if you do it in an unexpected way. Obivously, there's some fear about this as coming across as weak or needy or unmasculine. It's not unmasculine to help, not only to help the girl you want to get to like you, but helping people in general. It shows common sense, it shows decency, it shows character, it shows good education.

As for avoiding being a wuss, to get girls to like you without being a wuss, you got to have some confident traits but not mean-spirited traits. Some sort of alpha traits: daring, courage to go and ask, to take initiative, imposing, courage to stand up for yourself when wronged, confidence, looking like you know what you're doing. You can be a good alpha male, an alpha male with common sense, without having a mean-spirited, bitter, cruel side.

You have to have some pride of your own as well, a backbone, to not end up a press to wipe on foot and end up getting used by women, you need to have some dignity as well. But not so much dignity that you become too rigid and won't help them with anything, won't listen or consult anyone or won't be willing to talk except about the subjects you like.

How to avoid the friendzone then? As although helping her would be appreciated, when she has an issue or problem offering to help can be quite romantic even if it doesn't look as such, it is also the kind of thing a friend will do, so there's no clear difference between these two. Well, even if there's no difference it's still romantic and as I said shows character and good education. We like people who help us, who find ways to fill our needs, helping her is part of getting the girl to like you. If he has lost her dog, finding her dog and returning it to her is quite romantic, it's about helping her, doing things for her. But to avoid the friendzone, you need to be their friend but also something attractive so that they would want to be next to you meaning together with you, to be something hot. Not only good, be hot and good. Therefore the alpha male with decency and common sense part.

Seek to be interested in people, go and talk to them, to make relationships, to communicate, to get interest from people if they know other people who could help you. To call that one, that one, that one, and so on. To get other perspectives about things you want to know about. To go for projects, to go for stuff. Simply put: just do it. In life, we regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did. Take opportunities in life.

If you don't make a move and procrastinate you will lose. Human relationships are pretty on the face, what you see is what you get. Make people feel seen. But also, you got to know to impose yourself, to be a bit alpha when necessary. Tell people to close the door and initiative to goodbye. Impose yourself when necessary. Not to be offensive, but not that non-offensive, you can do that in a non-mean way.

Women appreciate displaying kindness, showing sensitivity. Women like men with kindness, desire to help, depth of feeling and a gentle soul. Showing sensitivity is attractive. Don't have the wrong impression that all women want a strong masculine man like Kim Kardashian sort of women make it seem, because not all men are interested only in women with big body parts like Brads and Chads or other types of matcho men.

Compassion is what makes a good character, be considerate of other people and able to feel yourself how you make other people feel. Because people won't tell you all the time when you've bothered them or made them feel bad. There is a sense of fairness in society, a sense of justice, you need to be aware if you bother other people and if in all fairness you are the one who is the ahole in a certain situation, even if you don't think of yourself as one.

For good character, it's also important to be polite, it can soften people. You can simply be polite by formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission, "can I come to your place?", "can I do that?", "can I walk with you?", "can I do this?", "do you want me to do that?", or offering to do things for them without them actually asking, like taking the trash or doing the small things, that also counts as being polite and helping them.

Of course, don't exaggerate with this, there are situations when you don't have to ask for permission, when it comes to small things, but what I'm trying to say is that being polite by asking for permission can be attractive for it shows common sense and good education. It essentially says that you don't want to bother people, that you're being respectful, taking into account their desires before doing something, and people appreciate that.

Showing sensitivity and romantic care be equally attractive through the softness of your heart, it shows depth of feelings, which is something many women find attractive in a romantic partner. You can show sensitivity by listening to music with deep messages, by learning an instrument, by looking at and being fascinated by art, by listening to opera, by being tender and romantic with them, making them unexpected gifts that are very specific. Or even things like leaving them a note telling them how much they mean to you.

No, these things don't make you a wuss. Being with the wrong woman and thinking that if you show kindness comes across as weakness is a big mistake. There are women who not only don't see it as weakness, but are attracted by men who show kindness. Men who have compassion, don't want to see others getting hurt. That doesn't mean not to believe in the concept of fairness, that people who did bad things deserve it.

Compassion is what makes a good character, not only to want the best for others and actively encourage them in that direction, but to also appreciate what others do for you and to be grateful for their support. A good character is to treat people right, to not disrespect them, to take into account how other people feel. To have a good soul, want to help and appreciate what others do for you. Girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul, someone loving.

In my experience, most women don't like arrogance. They like someone who is nice to them, who behaves normally. In my experience, women like men who talk nicely to them, who are respectful of them. Who can be gentle and delicate with them. But for some reason, there seems to be a reputation of the opposite. After all, there are still men acting like aholes with them hoping it would work. Make it works for some women and not for others. Maybe it's from some men's frustrations that they were nice and didn't work.

And you can be nice and go for it, go after what you want. You can talk nicely to them, be respectful, gentle, delicate and go after what you want. You can tell a girl "I like you", "I have remaked you", "I find you cute", cute not beautiful because the latter sounds more superficial, the former has more depth. And ask her for a date while being respectful, gentle, delicate. Would you like to have someone talk nicely to you? yes. The same is true with women.

With women the connection has to be more emotional, they are still human, try to put yourself in their place. Be a man with high character, look at them for what they are.

Ok, you don't have to be extremely polite, job interview or talking to your rigid boss level. Be polite, but not more polite than you would be in 5 months of being with each other.

Of course, there's always the stereotype of "women like bad buys, though men and don't like nice guys". But I think that this is a gorss generalization that ignores the details of a relationship. First of all, not all women want an alpha male, just like not all men want only boobs and ass. Second, being nice is good, it's basically "don't be mean, be polite and respectful", but it's not enough, still a perk, but not the perk. If you meet a girl that is kind of boring and unattractive but very nice and loving, would you consider dating her? It certainly helps, she is very delicate and attentive and helpful but doesn't have much going on for her in terms of having a fun time together or having good looks. So you may have doubts because of the latter parts.

But if she is very nice and loving, she is very delicate and attentive and helpful yet also has much going on for her in terms of having a fun time together or having good looks, that's suddenly a great catch. You can take this in the opposite direction too, she is someone great at having a fun time together and has amazing looks, but a rotten character and is kind of snobbish, won't help with anything and always expects you to do the things for her. Suddenly, there's a problem because of this. Apply the same thing towards you, the man.

But, although I talked a lot about the importance of being nice and loving, helping her with small things and doing things for her, pretty much everyone is delicate and attentive with the people they like, everyone is a gentleman when they like that person, you're not special for doing it. So such, saying that your dating quality is "being nice" is like saying your running quality is "having legs". It's essentially saying "I'm an average guy", everyone is nice with the person they like, if that's your only redeeming quality you'll lose against better competition. But you also need to be not boring.

While showing sensitivity shows depth of feelings, and helping her even with small things like opening the door for her or pouring soda can be apprciated and quite romantic and shows character and good education. One can have character meaning take into account how other people feel and not wish to make them feel bad, while being daring, having courage to go and ask, to take initiative, without having a mean-spirited, bitter, cruel side, as one can be a confident yet kind person.

Being like a gentleman because it's a nice thing to do, and being very nice and loving certainly helps, being a delicate and attentive and helpful person, as kindness can be rewarded with kindness, even in dating, within the limits of not going to unreasonable extremes where you have to suffer for helping her, in the same way being polite by formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission, "can I come to your place?", "can I do that?", "can I walk with you?", "can I do this?", "do you want me to do that?", or offering to do things for them without them actually asking, like taking the trash or doing the small things, can be attractive for it shows common sense and good education.

Helping and being polite shows you're a person with good education, and quality women with good education also appreciate that. But, beside showing common sense and good education, a polite request can make people more likely to say yes to you. Being polite can soften people and make them agree with your request. There is a difference between polite and humble, the difference between formulating your words very nicely and begging.

And a polite request can make people more likely to say yes to you. When you ask kindly someone that you're a mildly aquantiance with, if you formulate the words with something such as "could you please" or "I would like to" you're more likely to get an yes from them. While you should have a basic decency and respect for close people, you shouldn't be polite with them, politeness is used for people that we don't know very well when we don't know them very well. When we deal with a person we don't know very well but is of greater age or the meeting is professional, we can be polite and formal. When we deal with a person that we don't know very well but is of similar age in a casual setting, we can be polite and informal.

Being polite is important, being polite will make people feel warmer around you. Like saying "please", "if possible", "would you like to", or "thank you". But don't overdo it because you'll sound way too formal like you're a waiter at a restaurant rather than someone trying to talk to them. You can simply be polite by helping them with small things like a gentleman, formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission.

In general, the further away you are with a person, the more formal you have to be, the closer you are with a persion, the more informal you can to be. I wouldn't overlap polite with formal and informal. Being polite is showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people. Being formal is behaving in a way suitable for or constituting an official or important occasion. While informal is the opposite, having a relaxed, friendly, or unofficial style, manner, or nature. One can be informal yet polite.

When you start talking to a girl, originally, you can be polite and informal, eventually, you will gradually become more open and honest with each other, it takes time to get to have confidence a person and develop a better bond. Originally, you can be polite and informal saying: "please", "if possible", "would you like to", "thank you", "excuse me if I bother you". It doesn't have to be a dry or unexpressive conversation, but a polite one with decency for start. Eventually, you will gradually become more open and honest with each other, it takes time to get to have confidence a person.

But what about women who like bad boys, shouldn't you also be a little mean?

Yes, you should be a little mean, with emphasis on 'a little'. And it's worth pointing out that this is a vague terminology, what some people would consider being a mean others may consider being with integrity or about your own person or simply decency. As in just being honest about your needs and beliefs, in the same way some people demanding their rights are 'a little mean' by some standards. Anyway, enough with the philosopyhical discussion, thing is, it works, and since most people don't consider it a little mean, it's probably not a little mean, just being human. As humans can have disagreements and competing desires and should stand up for them on occasion, to dare to be polarizing, or just being yourself and expressing your opinions.

You can be a nice guy with a hint of bad boy and also desperate about her. Desperate in the sense of in love and very caring and attentive towards her. In fact, people are rarely just one thing, even the nicest guy has a hint of bad boy when he posts an angry message with the Joker after he was pushed around, it's not much, but it shows that that aggressiveness is there, just burried. Most often, people are not just one thing.

Someone once told me that the woman will always try to test your limits, to find your limits. So that she can make you her dog, so that she can see how long she can keep it up until you say "stop". If you're a man or if you aren't. "Are we doing how I am saying?", until you say "stop, no, we are no doing how you are saying". A man has to have authority, to say his point of view, but without insults or beating and so on. And that so that a man can be in love with a woman, he has to stay more after her, at least one month, for the woman to be a bit hard to get, not to be so easy to get.

You can also be indirect not towards the other person, but towards other people around you in general, to be discrete in your romantic dealings, to make advances but not on the face where only the person that you make advances towards knows what is about. Like, trying to get physically closer to her, touching her etc, buying her a drink or something, giving her a place to sit next to you, asking her "can I come with you?" so you can have some time with her, etc. Being indirect towards other people while making advances towards the person you're attracted towards.

You don't need to be a bad boy, you just need not to be a wuss, chicken, dummy, beta, you get the slang. Someone who, if a woman would make advances towards him, would not know what to do, or would be afraid to also make the advances himself. As for "paying for a woman" such as the above example with buying her a drink, it's perfectly normal and legit, if you're feeling well with that woman, what does it matter whether you buy her a drink or a place at the table? it's a nice gesture. It's not like you're buying her a house or a car, it's not at all like that.

However, on the other side of the bar, instead of trying to laugh and smile and have a good time with the other person, to have a fun time together, some people are bitter or hostile or cruel because of their frustration and the other person can sense that, it slips. Personally, I like to look one step further and try to understand the person. The people who are bitter are so because they are unhappy, the people who brag a lot do so because deep down they feel unappreciated.

Optimism and confidence can also be important, because optimism and confidence can reach the other person. We speak beyond words with non-verbal messages. A smile is very important. And not only in dating, but for example, when a man meets with a another man, when we shake hands, we should neither break their hand nor be soft, giving the feeling that we are a person he cannot rely on. To try to be relaxed, I know it's easy in theory but it's harder in practice.

It is important not to be extremely friendly, it is not a long-term friend context in which another relationship is established, this is a strangers who have just met context, a too familiar attitude is not very appropriate. A more neutral attitude, a benevolent neutrality, we don't start making jokes or saying what we ate last night. Pay attention to the tendency to talk excessively, because sometimes due to emotions we start talking excessively.

Body language can also give away nervousness, when you won't sit on the chair and so on, always move around or can't seem to find your place. Of course, you can be an active person by yourself in general. Trust is gained, you don't just randomly walk up to someone and say "I am here to help you, to support you".

But that's getting a bit off-topic, why is it important to also have a hint of bad boy? If you’re spending a ton of time wondering how to get girls to simply like you, you’re probably focusing on the wrong thing. Because if a girl only likes you, she'll be polite to you, she'll be nice to you (maybe), she'll put you in the friend zone, and she will not sleep with you. And if she doesn’t sleep with you,(or even see you as a potential sexual prospect), you’ll never have a chance at anything even resembling a relationship with her. Here’s the bottom line: The actions you take to make a girl like you are completely opposite to the actions you need to take to make her deeply attracted to you.

Some nice guys are fakes. In fact, some nice guys are usually anything but nice. Your “nice guy” attitude is just a coping mechanism for reality being just too harsh. You’re nice because you can’t get away with not being nice.

When you’re nice you are nothing but a doormat to women. And women, especially hot ones, can spot a fake nice guy from miles away. By being nice you show her that you’ve gotten bad social reactions in the past from not being nice and that you’re not strong enough to deal with the social blowback. So the only option left for you is to act nicely so you don’t get picked on or abused.

You’re basically saying to women that you’re a beta male that’s too afraid to be polarizing. A guy that’s too afraid to say what he really thinks. Not to mention be who he really is.

And let’s be honest here. Do you really just want to be friends with the 10? Of course not. You want to be with her, admit it. And you’re not going to get any closer to that by being a nice guy and by wondering how to make a girl “like” you. Girls don’t see nice guys as sexual partners, they don’t sleep with guys that they just like.

Women don't like nice guys because that's what most men are to them. Those same girls can see straight through that “nice guy” facade and it sickens them. So they want something different, they crave a ballsy, unique, high value guy that can spark their emotions and make them feel things. That's the key word, feel things, for attraction is a feeling.

Okay, so what makes a man attractive to hot women? To get a girl attracted to you, you need to do things that might potentially make her hate you. I know it might sound contradictory, but here’s the thing. There are certain personality traits that make women feel intense attraction, and if you want to learn how to get your crush to love you, you better start to display some of these traits and behaviors.

Women madly love men who take risks, who are resilient, strong, and decisive. They love men who are leaders. These are the traits of alpha males.

And there are three specific traits that make a man attractive for women. An attractive man takes risks. Attractive alpha males play to win, and when you play to win you will have to take some risks. To get the girl to want you, maybe even chase you, you will have to risk losing her as well. There’s no middle ground.

Those same actions and behaviors that might lead to a girl hating you, can also spark an uncontrollable attraction towards you, and she’ll end up loving you, head over heels obsessed with you, and waking up next to you after a hot steamy night together.

The fact that you take risks tells her that you’ve gotten good social feedback out of those actions in the past, and even if you’ve gotten rejection it says that you are strong enough to handle it. And those are behaviors of a high-value man, those are the traits that show her that you’re the alpha male that she wants.

An attractive man is resilient and strong. Women are biologically attracted to strong and resilient men. Why? Because, biologically speaking, any woman needs to make sure that her offspring will get the best possible genes, even if you’re not going to have babies with her, it’s in their biology to be sexually attracted to these traits.

You know when a girl says: "You know when you like a guy, and then he's mean to you, but then like you're confused and then he's nice to you and then and then" and she's getting all wrapped up and all emotional about this thing. And that actually really hits the point which is that women don't dislike nice behavior and they don't even dislike nice guys, they dislike desperate low-value guys who know only one coping strategy which is to be nice. They don't like guys that have no choice but to be nice.

If a guy is nice all the time, the girl probably will dislike him, will think of him low value and actually interestingly enough won't trust him, because she will feel like he's nice because that's the only way he knows to get through the world, he's nice because he's afraid that if he's not nice he'll get negative social feedback.

And so she'll actually distrust your niceness she'll think you're trying to kiss her as she'll think that you have an agenda. On the other hand, if you're generally nice but you occasionally stand up and speak your mind, you occasionally say something a little mean or rude and you stand up for yourself, you show that you can get through life without being nice, now every single time you are nice it's not taken with a grain of salt anymore, it's actually seen as real, because you had times when you were not nice.

It's actually trusted because the person knows absolutely you can get through life without using that as a coping strategy. She knows you're capable of not being nice so your niceness is not just taken as some meaningless gesture, it's taken as it must actually be real.

The ironic thing is this: You can actually be nicer by occasionally being a jerk. If you occasionally are not nice, your niceness has more value. And overall you can give more niceness to a person, whereas if you're nice all the time, your niceness will not be trusted, will not be respected, will not even be liked. So do not be the nice guy to try and make her experience better, you're just gonna make her bored and distrusting. Be the guy who stands up for himself, the guy who genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her.

And that's the type of nice guy you want to be. A nice guy with a hint of bad boy. A nice guy who can be a little mean at times. A nice guy who can get away with not being nice. You don't want to be the total jerk that is toxic for her and makes her life worse, that's not good either and girls don't like that either. But they definitely don't like the pushover, they don't like the pathetic low value guy who can only be nice.

The issue is not the nice behavior, it's where they think the nice behavior is coming from that makes it a problem.

With the girls you're not attracted to, you can just tell it like it is. If they say something dumb you can just tell them it was dumb. If there was a controversial opinion you would express it, just express it and wouldn't worry if you'd be judged, you wouldn't worry if they agreed with it. And so those girls really liked you, those girls really got attracted to you. And this should show you the way forward when you actually meet a girl, which is be willing to speak your mind, be willing to be offensive, be yourself.

Don't try and be offensive just to be offensive, but don't try and be nice just to be nice either. If you are walking up to a girl cold and you are just like giving compliments: "hey you're so cute", "hey I really like you", "hey I'd like to take you on a date". Well, she doesn't know you yet, you don't know her, yet the only reason you could possibly like her that much "I wanna take her on a date" it's two things: one you think she's physically attractive, and two you want to sleep with her. That's called having an agenda, that's called wanting something from her rather than wanting to give something to her. You cannot like someone until you got to know that person.

You can be soft and loving, but look at her personality, if you don't like her for her personality, you might as well like any other woman, it's not special.

On the other hand, if you just act like yourself and you're willing to express opinions, you're willing to say things that are a little bit controversy, a little bit negative, you would even give her a hard time or tease her a little bit, well now she must be thinking "oh this guy's capable of high-value behaviors, oh this guy's a challenge, oh this guy's actually being real and honest with me".

Because she will assume maybe were trying to butter up and compliment her, you're being dishonest, but if you tell "what I don't know if we're gonna get along" why would that be dishonest? it doesn't even make sense, right? So speak from where you're really coming from, also give her a little bit of challenge, give her a little bit we call it push-pull. So, instead of a "you're really cute could I please talk with you", that's pathetic, that's way too nice. Instead, say: "hey, you're really cute I thought I'd meet you and find out if you're actually cool", that little bit of a challenge, that little bit of if you're actually cool, that little bit of I'm undecided about you, is going to make her sit up and take notice, it's going to make her treat you like a genuine guy who's not just buttering her up, and it's also going to make you seem like a high-value guy.

Because high-value guys have standards, high value guys don't just like a girl automatically for how her having done nothing, right since that's one concept that's called qualifying a girl, another concepts called push-pull, instead of being like "hey you're really cute", be like "you know what you're kind of attractive so I thought I'd come over and say hi".

The fact that you toned it down to kind of attractive, the fact that it's normal, should be "kind of? what do you mean?". And again it may stir her up and take notice, it also means you're not just kissing her as, it's actually gonna make her trust you more and it's actually gonna make the nice things you do down the road more meaningful to her.

The same is true with compliments, if you only compliment some of the time, and are willing to be honest about how a certain thing looks like, when you're complimenting it's actually valued more because you're being honest. Your compliment is not taken with a grain of salt because you were not complimenting so many times.

The guy who stands up for himself, the guy who is honest about what he likes and dislikes, even what he likes and dislikes about her dress, or how her hair is like right now, even willing to state a controversial political opinion and genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her. So nice behavior are not inherently bad, but if all you have is nice behaviors, you're boring, you look pathetic, and ironically: you're going to be perceived as less nice and less trusted than someone who is occasionally nice.

You will be perceived as having an agenda if you are too nice. So get away from that, be your honest self. Put it out there. If you honestly disagree with the girl, say it. If you honestly want to tease the girl, take that risk. Occasionally, yes you will offend the girl with your teasing, more often than not though: she'll respect you for it, she'll appreciate it and she'll get much more attracted to you as a ressult.

So a great way to show that independence of thought is teasing. Not to mention that it's very fun when done appropriately without hurting the feelings of the other person and can make you closer to each other. So you actually hit 3 points in one.

In simple terms, teasing is taking one small flaw or misdeed and exaggerating it. Teasing is also about a funny way of looking at the world. Teasing are fun and light-hearted and you're just kidding. But it doesn't have to be just teasing but laughter in general. You know when you are with a group of friends, probably with a soda and some snacks, and you're making fun of certain things in general and laugh, that kind of laughter.

It's about that attitude that I'm talking about but I don't know how to express it. When you think of something that seems funny in general and just say it, there is also a certain atmosphere for it. There's a sort of relaxed and chill and laughing attitude behind it.

Teasing implies a faked arrogance. Arrogance is a feeling of "I am superior, you are worthless" but fake. You have no job with me. You are not worth my level, what people with a superiority syndrome have.

When it comes to making jokes, don't only make fun of her, make fun of her and praise her. Give her genuine compliments. Also going back to honest opinion. When you give your honest opinion about something, when you show that you are willing to disagree, the compliments also come across as more sincere. Mainly be positive, but show that you can also be negative. Being mainly negative would make you a jerk, the type of person who makes fun and makes fun and makes fun and people get tired of constantly being made fun of.

What about the pick-up itself?

When a man makes advances, like saying "can I some and see you tonight?" and the girl responds "it's a big place, maybe we'll see each other some other time", you should still go and visit her. Given that, you know it's not her house and you're not breaking some private property, but you should still try to go and find her.

Because, girls may test men. She may test you to see if you insist and if you can make an "yes" out of it.

But there's a lot of factors involved in dating and in society in general.

For example, there's some certain pride between people, some certain social value justificaiton. Like, a woman saying "at least he married someone uglier than her", especially if she's one of his ex-es.

And people may have insecurities or shame or shyness or lack of courage that leads them to not take certain actions. For example, one of the lovers may consider himself useless, and break up because of this, if he would tell her about this before they wouldn't have breaken up, that he consider himself useless.

But, even after break-up, maybe he still cares about her, he still thinks about her. And I think that's love.

That is love, love is to care about a person, love is to still think about that person. Like listening to her song long after a break-up.

But if he disconsidered himself and had inferiority feelings, that's what may have caused the break-up in the first place, rather than a lack of love.

Going back to pick-up. It's not always a test, it's complicated, because sometimes we have to be decent and polite and not tell it like it really is not to make the other person feel bad. For example, someone says "do you want me to leave?", "not really", because she couldn't say "yes", you feel bad telling a person to go away.

And when it comes to cheating, sometimes people cheat for fun, but other times, it's not about cheating, it's about feelings. For example, someone should break up with a person if he has doubts and wants to be with another person. It's the right thing for all of them. You can't be someone's second option and you can't be with someone that you have doubts with and would rather be with someone else. Of course, not right away cheating, but you should break up and after a time get with the other person.

But anyway, all of these factors involved in dating and in society in general are personal, depeding on your personal perception.

It depends on the way you were raised so that you won't have a stressful relationship. It's about how you think, about how you understand, about how you have the perception. If you don't have the same perceptions as another person you won't get along. Or at least you'll have a harder time getting along.

Your perceptions are things that seem normal to you because that's the way you were raised.

For example, if they don't reply to your messages, chill. You can say "I'll go watch a movie, I won't respond anymore".

And have it taken with no worries, doubts, anxiety or anger that they no longer like me or no longer want to talk to me because of that. People have other things going on in their lives, and yes you might be a priority, but you are not the only priority, we all have other things to do in our lives and in our spare time.

You know, like when you text fast, they text fast, they no longer text, so you no longer text because they don't text, you take your time to text. One of them gets upset that the other doesn't respond, and so he doesn't respond in return, and then it all escapates. As opposed to, neither has any doubts when the other doesn't respond. He or/and she responds when she can or when she sees the message. But it also matters to have the other person "ensured". To be sure of the other person.

Because that's probably all where that texting anxiety comes from, doubt, people made uncertain by the other's lack of response. Or the perception that if you text back right away when they don't you will be seen as weak or needy, or the other way around, the perception that if you don't take your time between the texts you will be seen as desperate.

To fix this, you got to have a dose of common sense and understand when the other person is not interested in the conversation anymore and let her or him go. But apart from that, when the conversation has gone dry and it's clear they no longer have an interest in texting, you can text as soon as you can or see the message right away. You can respond back right away without being weak. It's not a sign of needyness or weakness to be active in the conversation, it's a sign that you like the other person and like to have a conversation with them, it's a sign that you like them.

It's the other way around, when it's clear in their short reponses of "ok", "aha" that they no longer are interested in having a discussion and it gets kind of dry, that could come across as weak or needy or desperate although I would argue not necessarily, but above all else, it makes you look like you lack common sense, because you're unable to interpret how that other person feels, or unwilling to let go dispite making the other person feel bad as they are clearly not enjoying the conversation anymore.

You know, in messages, when you're upset when she doesn't respond to you, and she's upset when you don't respond to her. It's not the person that's stressful, it's the situation, it's a constant stress like that. Like, "hey, a relationship, we're supposed to be texting each other everyday".

And it can be kind of limiting and kind of stressful in certain areas if certain things are not done, like communicating in the first place to avoid stuff like that, and only talk when both people feel comfortable talking. Like, even having a discussion about texting like that, and both partners being free to only text when they can reply or when they see the message, or when they feel like it, and with no incentive to take your time between text not to seem weak or needy and instead text as fast as you can when you can, with no worries and no strings attached. This is a matter of perception, that's why perception is important.

But at the same time, all this stress is a good message after all. Because if you don't care you have nothing to stress about. When you care, you have stress: to not say, to not do, to not be interpreted, to not intervene something else over that thing. And perception can be influenced very easy, the other person can induce to your mind that his perception is okay.

Or if you see him unsure about you, you start being unsure about him as well. Because you start thinking: why should he be unsure towards me? I mean, you always asks: where are you? what are you doing? what have you ate? with whom you were?

It's also the fact that as a man it's okay to hit on an unknown girl
. If a girl hits on an unknown man, she's a hoe. And there are also resentful people: if a boy is refused by a girl, she was clearly a hoe. Or she was ugly. If a girl is refused by a boy, he was clearly an idiot, or a jerk.

There's also society's expecations that come into play:

As a woman, you have to be: delicate, sensitive and feminine. You are seen different, you are not allowed to make mistakes. If you do what a man does you are looked at differently.

As a man, you have to: have decency in you, know when to intervene and when not, and have that splash of masculinity and imposing but without being mobbish or superior.

Like without being vulgar or acting like a quote unquote "peasant", ignorant, rude and generally unsophisticated. And I think that's a balance many men don't get, because, and without trying to drag it into politics, we have a lot of toxic masculinity out there. Sure, women are at fault for this too, because there are women who validate and appreciate those cad people, they wouldn't have engaged in those behaviors if it wouldn't have led to some form of social success, but the fact remains that they still do it and it's a form of toxic masculinity.

Where as the woman isn't allowed to do what a man does, she's look at different for doing what a man does, as a man, you have expectations around you, you're the man! you should do it, you're the man! It's like, men have to carry more but they are also allowed to do many things women aren't.

Everything is about the way society wants it. If society says it's wrong, everybody is going to say that it's wrong. Hundreds of years ago, women were not allowed to wear pants, everybody said it's wrong, and today, nobody has any issue with this anymore. But, today, the woman must be decent and not drink a drop of achool.

But people these days, I don't think they have good perceptions, generally speaking. They seem to be more gutsiest, not bold, being bold would be guts but with common sense, they no longer have patience, they see everything with other eyes, they are raised differently, they are more bragging.

So that they stand out above the crowd, so that they brag, with what they have and so on, money and clothes and all that, and a feeling of superiority. A person's perceptions depend on the way they are raised, so I guess there's that, there are major differences between people's perceptions based on the way they were raised.

Some people, to stand out become bullies. Because to raise yourself, you either raise yourself or knock others down. Or hide your inferiority complexes by laughing at others. Or boost your superioirty complexes by laughing at others. I don't think most bullies have inferiority complexes, although that can be true in some cases, but they have superioirty complexes and because they get validation from laughing at others they do it even more. And I mean genuine bulling not laughing or making fun of another person in the spirit of a joke, when the other person doesn't like it, it's clearly bullying.

What right do you have to judge another person regardless of social status? The best people I've seen in my life are the people that would handshake a janitor despite being in a superior position. While others are saying they are in a superior position and they won't handshake a janitor. It doesn't mean that you have to laugh at and disconsider others with a lower social status.

If you have money and are on a certain social category, good for you, well, there are also cases when you don't have money but your parents have the money. You did nothing for it, you are just lucky to having been born there. There is a big difference between you having money and your parents having money, you just had a little bit of luck. Comparing that with someone else who has worked for and built those money by himself.

When it comes to bullying, first they pick on you based on physique and then they pick on you based on money. Whoever is the most isolated, the easiest target, whoever doesn't fight back. Whoever doesn't oppose and does not resist, whoever isn't fighting it. The importance is to be the most isolated so you'll be an easy target who won't fight back.

If you are different from the norms and have other perceptions, you're done from. We can see this in the treatment towards the LGBT people.

When people are attacked, they are obligated to fight back so they don't look weak. Even if they are going to lose it, they at least need to do some retaliation to show they're not an easy target.

The fact that they don't want to look weak forces them to action. If someone hits you, it's an act of aggression. You either fight back and risk conflict or don't fight back and look weak. Or maybe retaliate once to even the score and then it's up to the other whether he wants to retaliate or not.

Gossip on the other hand, is bullying for women. Not the kind of gossip when you talk about another person, but when you talk likes about another person and talk behind her back.

If a bully sees that he gets fame out of bullying, he keeps bullying. The becomes more popular out of bullying.

Going back to the idea that the people who are different from the norm are often the most marginalized and ridiculed, society is effectively bullying LGBT people as a group, because they are weak and have no power, they are just a few and can't fight back. I don't get why the hate towards LGBT, they aren't hurting anyone.

If LGBT people are minding their own business and are not bothering you with anything, if the gay people are minding their own business, why do you want to take their happiness away? You don't even have to help, all you have to do is do nothing, you only need to leave them alone, why do you have to complicate things? There's a lot more tolerance towards lesbians than towards gay people, what is the difference? hypocrisy.

I know I turned this into a talk about society, but we live in a society so I guess it still counts as being on-topic, and people's perception and based on and formed in that society, so it's still relevant. Even the internet is more and more controlled, with more and more ads and stealing of data.

Anyway, going back more on-topic. In spite of all of this, I think love is not necessary for your fulfilment in life. It's a nice to have. You don't have to give up on other goals or other passions for love. You don't have to give up on the things you love for love, yeah, I know how weird this sounds but you get the point. You can puruse what you want or what you are passionate while also looking for love on the sideline. And just because you are in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean you have to cut yourself up from other people, people of the opposite gender included, you can be in a relationship and talk or be friends to people from the opposite gender, as long as it's just talk and not something else.

You can have fulfilment in life without love too. And just because you are with someone, it doesn't mean you have to give up on your passions or other things you love.

In fact, if you aren't happy without love, it's unlikely you'll be happy with love as well. If you don't love yourself because you life is great and you made it that way, it's hard to love others more than you love yourself in a relationship, or accept a love more than you think you deserve.

You don't just love yourself as a decision. You need to make your life great so you can love yourself for what you have in your life. Your accomplishments, your fun, your status, your activity. Whatever you have that gives you good reasons to love yourself.

Life is not easy by itself. You got to be smart about it if you want life to be easy.

We act instinctively as mammals. Most of the time we're on auto-pilot, so I guess it helps sometimes to take a step back and look at what we're doing, whether we're on the right path and reflect on your priorities and perceptions.

But acting instinctively is not always a bad thing, this is why we have things like humor. Just view the world in a funny way, and ideas will come.

I think the mega summary of all of this is that one should strive to become the ultimate man. A self-development goal to become the ultimate man.

This raises questions: how should the ultimate man be like? what are the qualities of a real man? Society added too, it's all the way society wants it, society says it's wrong, all people say it's wrong.

At a certain are, the job is your priority, so I guess all of that depends on context.

There's also the idea of shyness vs shameless. Being shy or being shameless. I talked above how some people won't take certain actions out of shyness and other people won't understand. And being shameless is generally agreed upon to be bad. But what you do when you're in the middle? when you don't know whether an action is good or bad. I say go for it and risk being a little shameless. If it wasn't shameless and you did great, great. If it was shameless and you got a little negative social feedback because of this, great, at least now you have the confirmation, which is 10 times better than nothing, because now you are not in the position of unknown anymore, now you know and can adjust. Where as if if you wouldn't have tried, you would have never known.

Much like with jokes. Generally, it's okay to cross some limit, if you are on the border and don't know whether a joke is appropate or not, go for it and see the result. You will have more experience and take the feedback. Like, if your mockery is clearly upsetting, stop. But if you don't know whether a mockery is going to be upsetting or not, try it, take the feedback, if it's positive, great, it was good, if it's negative, take the feedback and stop. But now you have the confirmation and won't do the same joke a second time.

Beside being a little shameless when you are in between an uncertain of yourself making you actually experience what is out there and take the feedback, the shyness can block you when you could have had a good result but won't do it out of fear.

Shyness makes you not try out of fear of getting a "no" when you could get an "yes". But some are afraid that if they are unshy then they might become shameless. This is all about learning the balance between social norms, what is and isn't allowed to do or say in society, because if society says something is wrong, we all say it's wrong. And people are going to judge you for it, and we don't like being judged.

I noticed I didn't talk about communication. How to become better at communication? People like to talk about themselves. People like to talk about what they are doing, where they have been and so on.

I still don't know how to 'touch' people but talking about themselves or talking about something they are interested in is a good place to start.

It's not only about them, or about you towards them. It's also about you. Because you have to be someone worth listening to, someone valueable and interesting. How to bring value? How to be interesting? those are good questions. How do you become the person that another person wants to talk to when in a conversation?

You can start by being friendly and helpful. Just be friendly and helpful.

You don't have to be high all the time. You just want to be generally fun. Generally fun to be around, but not high all the time. You don't need to always laugh and smile and so on, and being around such people can be exhausting. You can be serious and simple at times.

That being said. Smile often. Have a good attitude.

Isn't this contradictory? sort of. There's a difference between being high all the time and generally fun. You don't need to laugh all the time and smile all the time, and being around such people can be exhausting becuase it makes it feel like they are trying too hard, always being like "high, wow, auch, wow, great, roar, ugga!" can feel unnatural and forced, you can be serious and simple at times, even blunt. But that being said, you can smile often and have a good attitude. Smiling often is not always having a high attitude, and smiling makes people around you feel better, it makes them feel more comfortable, where there's smile there's comfort. Not to mention that smiling is discrete, it's not a manifestation of how high you are going all over the place, you don't need a "roar" or a "ugga!" to smile. And there is a difference between smile often, and smile all the time. Always keeping a grim smile is weird, but generally having a normal face that smiles often is just natural. A smile is a soft energy, not ones that goes all over the place through the roof. Not to mention that smiling can make people feel more uplifted beside more comfortable. What if you don't feel like smiling? just don't smile, it's a suggestion not a must, as I said, you can be serious and simple at times.

So have a good attitude that would lift people up = smile often. The way to make people feel more comfortable around you and uplifted is to smile often. Smiling doesn't require a high attitude and it simply makes people around you feel better. Smiling will probably get you into that generally fun category, smiling often, does not mean not having moments of not smiling.

To put it simply: Smile often, laugh, and view the world in a funny way. You don't have to be high all the time, but you can be high by smiling often. It creates a great atmosphere around you and makes people want to smile too.

For example, when rasing a child, doing it properly I think it only comes down to a few things, and it may sound harsh at first but it has long-term benefits: The child, if it cries, you must leave him cry and not give him what we wants. Because he will know that he can always get away or get his way with crying and he will basically become the parent. But if you've done that, and are trying to deuse him to that now, before it's a downway hill there is an upway hill. Afterwards, if he is used to get what he wants until he gives up crying, he amplifies crying. Until he eventually realises that it doesn't work anymore and stops.

At the same time, you have to be understanding with your kid, you have to be first and foremost his friend, and then his parent and an authority figure.

And the child must be left to discover life alone. Left to explore, to fall, to get hit. He has to be protected more from behind from the shadow, to intervene only in grave cases, in extreme cases. When there's a life and death danger or something like that. In rest, let him discover and experiment alone. To not be overlyprotective with him.

Going back to shyness vs shameless. Shyness or lack of confidence can cause you to not try out of fear of getting a "no" when you could maybe get an "yes". It's also related to your opinion about the self, how much do you think you're worth. For we tend to assume other people judge us by the same standards we judge ourselves with.

But at the same time, some people aren't going to be as judgmental as you assume to be, and you might have a surprise. A pleasant one. It depends on what kind of people you find your life, what perceptions they have.

And even when we're not outright verbally judged, we feel judged and we don't like that. If other people, especially in the family, judge us like that, with criticism rather than acceptance and likeness, we feel that and internalize that. We either try to live up to their expectations to get that acceptance and likeness we crave, or completely rebel against it. But I think it's important in the healthy development of a child and any person in general to feel loved and accepted regardless, and not secrelty judged and criticzed, disliked, even if it's not outright stated, because we internalize the most what we get from the family leading to a healthy or unhealthy development.

But, parents can be like a force of nature, you can't change them as much as you can't change an average person on the street. As long as the expecations aren't doctor or asian or it's not imposing on the child what to do in spite of his wishes, I think a child could benefit from trying to live to his parent's expectations rather than revolt against it. As long as there is indeed a reward of acceptance and likeness and not "no matter what you do, I will never be proud of you".

Parents aside and society in general. We all hate being judged. So we take measures to avoid being judged. It's not even outright stating it, but that displeasat look when you know you're being judged, it hurts, it's pain. So we take measures to avoid being judged. We may accept being judged when we know that we are doing so with a cause: such as being judged but you know you are right, or a politician being judged by the opposition but knowing he will be supported by his group or standing out for what he believes. We may accept being judged when it's with a cause. But we don't accept being judged when, it's for no reason, just for the sake of being judged.

And so people take precautions to avoid being judged. Taking care of their looks, behaving appropate in society, and such. Because we know it's the judgement that makes the rules. We don't need a legal judge, we the society are our own judge and the sentence is that disapproving gaze that everyone knows but nobody liked.

You got to show your value. You got to show your worth. And I don't mean money or clothes or luxury items. You got to show your heart and your mind. That you are someone they can talk to and someone with a good soul. Someone they have what to talk about. But also someone with a future, someone who is a capable human being.

I talked before about decency, decency it can mean in 2 ways:
  • To have character in you, to not want to make other people feel bad, or if you see that you do it stop. As long as the other person isn't the aggressor. To not treat other people badly and so on.
  • But decency also means to follow society's expectations about what you are supposed to be, mostly not to have fingers pointed at you or be laughed at, because nobody likes being judged and we try to avoid it.
Like being a decent memeber of society and being a decent person yourself in general can be 2 completely different things.

I also talked previously about self-development.
Be a man, ultimate man - to become a person on your own feet.

You need a mindset that will give you the most in life. Perceptions, if your persceptions don't help you, time to change them.

We are all hyperactive of the opinions of others, some people just don't have the right criterias. Like when you give a public speech presentation, you have to look good, to make a good presentation, to impress, etc. Or when you post a picture on Facebook, same thing.

Any thoughts?
Yes, my thought is you need to learn to be more succinct. Nobody wants to read a novel in a personality forum.
 

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Yes, my thought is you need to learn to be more succinct. Nobody wants to read a novel in a personality forum.
This is actually how this site should operate, with people giving out too much information and others will analyst or comment or even just entertain themselves on the matter at hand, if you disagree you might be in the wrong site, what you're looking for is reddit.

:) "Cafe Legend" lmao.
 

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This is actually how this site should operate, with people giving out too much information and others will analyst or comment or even just entertain themselves on the matter at hand, if you disagree you might be in the wrong site, what you're looking for is reddit.

:) "Cafe Legend" lmao.
tan's right, considering how most of the OP's threads get no traction.
 

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This is actually how this site should operate, with people giving out too much information and others will analyst or comment or even just entertain themselves on the matter at hand, if you disagree you might be in the wrong site, what you're looking for is reddit.

:) "Cafe Legend" lmao.
Speak for yourself. Anything beyond 4-5 paragraphs is someone who would be better served with a blog (or writing a book). I would estimate I wrote around 500 essays between undergrad and grad school. I read enough essays as an English teacher. I come here to have fun. If I wanted to read a dissertation, I'd get an academic journal subscription.

Oh, and the "Cafe Legend" was a badge I earned here
back in 2016 for having written 10,000 (mostly concise and succinct) posts. VS got rid of the badges a while ago when they revamped the design of the forum. I challenge myself to convey as much meaning as I can with as few words as possible.
 

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Speak for yourself. Anything beyond 4-5 paragraphs is someone who would be better served with a blog (or writing a book). I would estimate I wrote around 500 essays between undergrad and grad school. I read enough essays as an English teacher. I come here to have fun. If I wanted to read a dissertation, I'd get an academic journal subscription.

Oh, and the "Cafe Legend" was a badge I earned here back in 2016 for having written 10,000 (mostly concise and succinct) posts. They got rid of the badges about a while ago when they revamped the design of the forum. I challenge myself to convey as much meaning as I can with as few words as possible.
Proud of you man see I was a pioneer member too but life happened, that's alright to be succinct and brief but give the man his credit he thought people here value effort in actually... you know... KNOWING A PERSON'S PERSONALITY so my guy tried to put everything in a post but sadly no one was interested. Anyways it's all good tho we all have different pov on the issue.
 

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Proud of you man see I was a pioneer member too but life happened, that's alright to be succinct and brief but give the man his credit he thought people here value effort in actually... you know... KNOWING A PERSON'S PERSONALITY so my guy tried to put everything in a post but sadly no one was interested. Anyways it's all good tho we all have different pov on the issue.
They might be the most brilliant essays ever constructed, but this isn't the place for that. If the OP would simply write a few paragraphs and then let people respond to that, then they could write a few more paragraphs in response to their response and start an actual DIALOGUE with others instead of trying to vomit several thousand words on the screen and expect everyone to read them all and remember enough to respond to them. Again, I didn't become a part of this forum to grade essays. If that's what the OP wants, then maybe they should try going to college. That's what professors get paid to do (or, if they're really lucky, they have a grad assistant to do it for them).
 
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