Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have something to confess. I told a member here about it (He knows who he is, lol!) and I've decided to clear the skeletons out of my closet... You guys have been a wonderful family to each other, and I have never met such insightful, beautiful people ever in my entire life, and that says a lot, considering I've met plenty of people in my past. :happy:

Anyway... At the age of 15, I was sexually molested by an 18 year old man. Sparing the details, my therapist have asked me if I should tell my parents what has happened to me. I have been in therapy for a bit while, and have been reading this amazing book that my therapist recommended for me, and already I am able to breathe for the first time in my life... I feel so much better. Today, I even explained to my mom everything I read in the book, and she understands that, just like me, she has to change and so does the rest of our family if we're ever going to be a happy, healthy functional family that we deserve to be.

Part of my recovery from my anxiety and depression is to let go of the past, and I've been doing that recently. I already in my mind and heart, that I forgave the man who molested me, because I realize that he must be in so much pain inside to want to hurt me like that, and it makes me feel sorry for him. Besides that, he is human, like me, bound to make mistakes, but just like me, he deserves to be forgiven. I just hope he never does it again to another young girl...

Anyway... Part of letting go, I guess, is to face it, and to show other people where I really been through behind this porcelain mask that I'e created for myself long ago. The mask is cracking and it's just ready to fall off, but a part of me is afraid to let this secret go to reach the ears of my parents; No doubt that it's every mother's and father's nightmare to learn that their daughter has been touched in ways that she could never understand at that time of her life... Touches that leaves scars deeper than the ones she created on her arms. :sad: I want to let go of the past, but at what cost? I don't want to hurt my parents... But to keep it from them means my molester wins. And I don't want that... I want to be free of the chains of the past. I want closure from it all...

What should I do?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,347 Posts
I want to let go of the past, but at what cost? I don't want to hurt my parents... But to keep it from them means my molester wins. And I don't want that... I want to be free of the chains of the past. I want closure from it all..
I think you already know the answer.

I know from your posts on here that you are a romantic at heart and that you will truly be a good mother in the future. However, how would you feel if you had a child that went through the same experience, but never came to you? Yes, it would be traumatic to hear, but you would do everything in your power to support them. While I am a closed person myself, the reality is that people are not meant to be alone with their thoughts in this world. If you speak to your parents, they will listen, and thank you for it.

Beyond that, I would look into group meetings with other people who have been victimized. While you are mature beyond belief, I think you may not only help others, but also gain some additional insight as well. This is all about empowerment and if you confine your thoughts to yourself then you drain your own strength.

Proud of you :D ! ! !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

I too went though such things as a child. Dealing with such things is always so very hard. The telling part can feel like the worse ever. I went through the whole thing of should I tell other or not. People say to tell and it will all get better. Other people say never tell to bury it and never look back. :confused::confused: Major confusion on what one should or should not do. I can tell you from experience to take as much time as you need to make that decision. When the time is right for you to tell you will know it. It may feel scary to tell buy you will know when it is the right time. Don't let anyone pressure you either way.

In the mean time, it looks like you are working toward true healing. Something I have to always remind myself is to love myself. Tell yourself what happened was not your fault. This kind of thing happens to a lot of young people. That is what I tell myself and it does help. And again
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
444 Posts
its ultimately your decision, but I urge you to tell your parents.

I know someone(s) who has gone through the same thing as has told very few people. and it hurts them. I can see it. but they don't want to tell their parents. Getting things off your chest just feels good, no matter how hard it is to say. Your parents will understand, they're family after all and from the sound of it they love you. Lad is right...I know I'd want my daughter to come to me if that happened to her. I would boil over with love for her for that. there's no way in hell I would ever get upset with her...its not your fault this happens (no matter how many extremely ignorant guys say "but look at how they dress, they're asking for it. ).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,603 Posts
I haven't been in this exact situation...but I've also been in counseling recently and have been trying to let go of the past so I can move forward. I've held a lot of resentment towards my mom because of things that happened when I was a child and had the internal struggle of - do I tell her and hurt her? Or just let it go....and continue to hold it in. Ultimately what I'm learning in counseling is that we so often are concerned with taking care of everybody but ourselves. We fill ourselves with pain so as to avoid inflicting pain on others. But really, we only hurt ourselves and stunt our emotional growth. And one point that really made me think was when my counselor told me that I was trying to control others feelings by holding these things in and not allowing them to be accountable for their own feelings. I assumed how my mom would feel, how she would take the news, how it would affect her instead of telling her and giving her the opportunity to process her feelings about the situation herself.

Anyway, I finally told her...and our relationship changed for the better after that day. Yes she got upset, yes she cried, yes I felt bad. But she thanked me. And we have gradually been growing closer than ever before because the big pink elephant in the room is finally gone. Of course your situation is different...and it's only a decision that you can make. But it is so freeing to let go of the past... I wish you all the best. *hug*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
I agree with Blue Butterfly..Don't pressure yourself and don't feel guilty or ashamed for what you had gone through. You don't deserve to be touched that way. I don't know how to add on to that advice, because I'm scared I might give the wrong one. But I am genuinely sorry for everything you had gone through.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you everyone for the amazing insights. :)

It's funny, just what happened to me... I was just an innocent young girl at the time when it happened. All I thought about at that time was friends, school, and what color I should dye my hair next week... I didn't think about what I should do to attract men. :S I didn't (and still don't) dress in a sexy manner, so I didn't understood why he still went after me like that...

But you guys are right... I should tell them. Maybe not today, tommorow, or even next month, but someday, they deserve to hear the truth, even if it hurts. It'll bring our relationship to become more stronger, and I'll finally feel happy and free on the inside.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
820 Posts
I want to let go of the past, but at what cost? I don't want to hurt my parents... But to keep it from them means my molester wins. And I don't want that... I want to be free of the chains of the past. I want closure from it all...

What should I do?
I haven't been molested but I've been in the same situation where I've had to overcome some things from my past. It wasn't easy but I finally made it. There were a lot of things I was ashamed and felt like I couldn't tell them to anyone. I've never told about the things for my parents. I don't even know if it's necessary to talk about it to my parents. I know at least my mom (probably my dad wouldn't give a shit) would be over-protective and upsetting her would only cause more damage to me because she would only suffocate me with her care. But I think that's really something which depends on your parents.

However I found great relief when I finally opened up to my friends and talked about the things that haunted me. It's important to talk about the things that you're shamed of. Just keep talking about it as long you feel you have to. Every time you tell about it to someone you break the chain of shame and finally you'll realize that you're free and you really don't need to talk about it anymore and it doesn't burden you no longer. By talking and receiving other people's response to your problem you'll realize that you don't have to protect other people from your terrible past. They can handle it and show you that it's not so terrible after all by accepting what has happened to you.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top