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A funny thing happened.

A little while ago I briefly mentioned on here about how I had had a little fling with someone when I was up in Scotland. Naturally it ended as I needed to leave the country, but we stayed in contact quite a lot. At one point I told her that we would probably lose contact some day, either from naturally drifting apart, or if one of us meets someone new, such that it just feels a bit odd to stay in contact with an old romance.

So anyway, a few days ago she messages me to say that she's started dating another guy, and that she's happy to stay friends but, since I had mentioned about how we might stop talking altogether, she wanted to "put it out there" that she was dating someone else.

It's funny because in that message she said that she was happy to stay friends. Therefore, naturally, since I'm not the one in the romance, I feel quite at liberty to drop her the odd message as normal.

But she has already ghosted me. Replies are now non-existent.

I'm not bothered at all by this. I just find it funny because she's the one who said she was perfectly happy to remain friends. I felt like I was the bad one for hinting that ghosting could be one of the end results. Anyway I wish her all the best :D
 

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Editing this post to delete it because I feel totally fine now and don't want to mire myself in such woe.

Still not looking forward to 4 weeks of lockdown here but I just need to remind myself that there will be good days and bad days, and it sure ain't forever.
 

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I have an insane crush on a coffee bar waitress. I have seen her several times, she has seen me and must recognize me at this point.

How to go about this, I have no idea. I always feel like working-people are utterly unattainable, but fffhhhhhg... Sitting here smiling like a moron. I just love her every movement, it's the silliest thing...
This happened to me once. Was extremely weird, even for me. I never said anything though. It would have all collapsed.
 

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I don't think there are many grown ups more afraid of spiders than me. Or appalled of spiders, I should say. I have overcome my fears with age; I am now able to face them or kill them myself... But in the process, I am shaken by the same unspeakable terror.
 

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I'm going through phases of being okay, and being not okay, about the fact that I'm now forced to endure yet more lockdown, alone.

At first I thought it would be easier here because the weather is nice and I have a balcony from which I can see some interesting new Vietnam sights, and see the occasional murmuring of life below.

But I think that sense of ease was more due to the fact that I had just arrived in this new country. I feel more settled now (settled directly into fucking lockdown), and it now occurs to me that I'm in exactly the same situation as I was in the UK during winter. I'm living alone, in an apartment, with balcony. It's arguably worse here because my apartment is far smaller, and my 'work from home' area is a little wall-integrated desk thing in my bedroom, so I'm always in my bedroom.

And I have zero friends in this country. Well no I have one old friend in another city, and I've chatted to him a couple of times. But still, the lack of friend feels very apparent. I know I still have all my contacts from the UK, my family etc, but they're on the other side of the world. So I dunno, I just feel quite isolated here.

So anyway. I had a pretty good run of not smoking, but I'm going to cave in now and buy some more, somehow (I don't know how to buy cigs in Vietnamese, but I shall just go ahead and fucking try). I need an excuse to stand outside my apartment building and loiter in a location that isn't the confines of these four walls. I need some variety. The coming 4 weeks will not be easy, and I dearly hope the lockdown is not extended after these 4 weeks are up. I need some life!

😐😐😐😐😐😐
 

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I feel something similar, though probably not as bad.

Although I don't smoke, I spend several hours a day on my balcony. Looking at the scenery (including the sky) and human activity. I also eat my meals on the balcony, do stuff on my phone, etc.

Before long it will be too cold here to hang out on the balcony. But in Vietnam, perhaps you can seek out a couple of interbalcony friendships? Kind if like a prison movie, where the prisoners talk through the bars, even if they can't see each other.

Good luck!
 

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My balcony is cleverly designed so that balcony neighbours are not a thing. In fact I don't have any balconies to the side anyway, it's only above or below.

My one quantum of solace (oh wow I get to use that movie title properly in a sentence) is that the lockdown is until 15th September, rather than the "until further notice" that I had to endure in the UK. But there's still a very real risk that it'll be extended again. But yeah, at least it's warm weather all year, and honestly the views I get are always stunning. See below for a casual "oh look another sunset" picture I took yesterday afternoon. Night time is amazing too, because the temperature change brings beautiful rainless storms with lightning crashing between the clouds above, much more intense than I've ever seen in Europe. But it's sad in a way. I'm sharing pictures of all this on Instagram and it's painting highly idealised image of what is in fact becoming rather awful.

My sleep pattern has now become 9-10pm sleep, then about 4am awake. When I wake up it's still dark, I want to sleep more, but I can't. This is clear evidence of psychological damage due to being confined in the same small space for so long. And I can feel my heartbeat in my chest, which is a clear sign of anxiety. At the very least, I know the signs, which in itself helps me to cope.

I don't even need commercial venues or businesses to reopen. I just want to be allowed to walk the streets. The moment that happens, hiking is back on the agenda. City hiking. I will walk for HOURS in all directions.

885496
 

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I'm in a weird state of limbo here.

I don't feel bad, but I feel kind of soulless and vacant. It's obviously due to this never-ending lockdown. I guess this is what solitary confinement does to people.

It's annoying because I've completely saturated all the things that I would normally think to do when on my own. I don't even have the motivation to play any computer games. Literally every activity available to me is boring now.

I'm not sure if I'm suffering from "first world problems" (because I still have various things I can do to occupy myself, and a laptop with internet is especially useful for providing information, games, movies etc) or if there's something deeper happening here, relating to the psychological effects of long term confinement. I don't want toys, trinkets or in-house activities, I want freedom to go outside and be in a normal human world.

The sad and funny thing is that I feel like I'm not even allowed to complain any more, because if I had stayed in the UK I would be living a relatively free and normal life now.

My current situation is the textbook definition of Sod's Law / Murphy's Law.
 

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I'm going through something similar. I was in a much friendlier environment before. I was quite careful about Covid, but I talked to people sometimes.

In the new place, the only people I see are store clerks and the like. Anything else is either closed because of Covid, or I avoid it because of my own Covid concerns.

So I feel super lonely, and like I'm going crazy. I guess this is what other people have been complaining about for the last year and a half. It just took longer (and a relocation) to catch up to me.

I make an effort to keep a good attitude and find interesting things to do, but it takes so much effort!
 

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I fear loneliness. So I block it out by doing too many things. Need to calm down.

Other people provide motives regardless of what those motives are. @islandlight. How does that sound?
 

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Good. I will have to ponder on it though.

For me, doing too much can be dangerous. It might cause me to stumble and fall, forget something important, or do something stupid. I think I've always been like this, although I didn't realize it until I was 30.
 

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I fear loneliness. So I block it out by doing too many things. Need to calm down.
I'm into euro strategy boardgames, and I go to these meetups to play boardgames about once or twice a month. Just having an event scheduled, even though it's 2-4 weeks in the future, is enough for me to feel a sense of belonging. The scheduled event acts like an anchor to stop myself from drifting too far into the ocean of introversion. Also, I don't feel lonely while being alone, because in the back of my mind I know that there's a group activity waiting in the future.
 

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Just having an event scheduled, even though it's 2-4 weeks in the future, is enough for me to feel a sense of belonging.
I see how that works and it does work. Having a future means being alive. I feel lonely though when I have something specific I want to say to someone but there is strong doubt anyone will be there to receive it. Then things look bleak because there IS no future. That this may be self-deception doesn't make it any better.
 

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I used my vacuum cleaner on/in my car (gravel, pine needles, etc.), and the vacuum became plugged. I took it apart as much as I could without a screwdriver, but I couldn't see where the plug was. I eventually figured it out though, and unplugged it all by myself! 😱

No Se, just logic.
 
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