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I used my vacuum cleaner on/in my car (gravel, pine needles, etc.), and the vacuum became plugged. I took it apart as much as I could without a screwdriver, but I couldn't see where the plug was. I eventually figured it out though, and unplugged it all by myself! 😱

No Se, just logic.
That's a coincidence! I did close to the same thing with my alimentary canal. Don't know where the plug was. It seemed to clear on its own. I hope I need not go thru that again ... or rather I hope things will go thru better next time.
 

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@NipNip I did tap on the outside with a hammer to encourage the breakup and fallout. I agree with what you said though. When bad things have happened, I've always said I'll be okay because I have a brain and 2 hands.

@BigApplePi Do you at least know whether it was above the stomach (e.g., esophagus) or below (intestines)?
 

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Went to see a doctor yesterday because of anxiety about my left arm. I have a torn bicep from 40 years ago and a torn something from 3 years ago an MRI showed. I got a severe golfing tendonitis two weeks ago and feared the tear would sever the muscle if I continued heavy landscaping work. So instead of Googling the damn thing I made the doctor appointment to get an answer from the horses mouth. I declined an XRAY because it was only tendonitis not a further tear.

I showed the doctor the MRI writeup* and from there things got murky. It turned out the tear was on the other side of my elbow where I least suspected. The doctor said, "I'm through" and wanted to leave. But I needed my confusion straightened out. I managed to ask him what the tear was about and what function that muscle performed. He kept saying, "I'm through." Today I don't even know what happened that caused it. The doctor was abrupt, concerned only about leaving. I spend the rest of the day being upset, angry at the doctor. I call it a clear conflict of an INTP (me) with an ISTJ (?) doctor. I wanted to discuss; he didn't. I assume this appointment cost something. Yet I got only 7 minutes.

Furthermore I asked him to write down the name of a muscle so I could look it up later. He grabbed my pen which I brought from home and never gave it back to me. This infuriated me more because it wrote so well.

I know the doctor may have had a surgery coming up or more serious cases than mine. Still this was not a bedside manner. To me this was personal and asshole was not too mild a name for him.

* "Almost complete full-thickness rupture of the common extensor tendon."
 

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I'm kinda pleased in a way because I'm not suffering any sort of sadness like I did during the last lockdown I was subjected to.

I guess the sadness was more of a seasonal darkness winter depression thing.

I'm definitely being badly affected by this isolation right now, but it's not manifesting as any kind of depression. More like a feeling of being emotionally inert, like I've had a lobotomy. A lot stuff just feels uninteresting now. Normally I can excite myself just by thinking about things.
 

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All I have left to eat is:

4kg rice
7 eggs
1kg sweet potatoes
1 pack of dry spaghetti
About a spoonful of peanut butter
10 small lemons
1L cooking oil
Various spices to make such bland items taste nice


Looking at it in a list like that, it seems like it's reasonable sustenance for a human. But is it? Certainly doesn't feel like it. Breakfast today was my last pot of instant noodles, which I took from my quarantine hotel 4 weeks ago because "Hey I paid for it so I'll take it". I never thought I'd really need it.

Things are getting a little desperate now. A friend of mine has said he will help me buy things for delivery (I can't do it myself because I can't open a bank account yet, thanks to everything being closed), but he's being a little slow. I think I might have been too prideful when I told him about my situation. Now I'm ashamed to urge him to help me more. I hate asking for help from people because I can almost always sort my own shit out, specially the basics like getting hold of fucking food.
 

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All I have left to eat is:

4kg rice
7 eggs
1kg sweet potatoes
1 pack of dry spaghetti
About a spoonful of peanut butter
10 small lemons
1L cooking oil
Various spices to make such bland items taste nice


Looking at it in a list like that, it seems like it's reasonable sustenance for a human. But is it? Certainly doesn't feel like it. Breakfast today was my last pot of instant noodles, which I took from my quarantine hotel 4 weeks ago because "Hey I paid for it so I'll take it". I never thought I'd really need it.

Things are getting a little desperate now. A friend of mine has said he will help me buy things for delivery (I can't do it myself because I can't open a bank account yet, thanks to everything being closed), but he's being a little slow. I think I might have been too prideful when I told him about my situation. Now I'm ashamed to urge him to help me more. I hate asking for help from people because I can almost always sort my own shit out, specially the basics like getting hold of fucking food.
With rice and eggs, you can make fried rice. Would recommend adding soy sauce and sugar if they are "various spices to make bland items taste nice". A squeeze of lemon over the fried rice would enhance the taste as well.
 

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With rice and eggs, you can make fried rice. Would recommend adding soy sauce and sugar if they are "various spices to make bland items taste nice". A squeeze of lemon over the fried rice would enhance the taste as well.
That's all I've been eating for a week already. That and a variation of sweet potatoes boiled and/or fried in some way.
 

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It's disgustingly cliched but I've just had one of those "you know who your real friends are" moments (the type of quote that usually appears on a lame motivational quote facebook post or whatever).

My friend in another city just sent a big wad of money to my landlord, which I can collect in hard cash, and then just pay him back when I finally get my salary and get my bank sorted.

And in another stroke of cosmic luck, my landlord has just told me we're allowed out to visit the supermarket again. Well holy fuckaroo, things are marginally okay again.

Honestly was having some moments of real despair over the past 2 or 3 days.

I will probably still despair a little because lockdown ain't over yet, but I CAN ACTUALLY GO OUTSIDE AGAIN (albeit only to the supermarket) AND I CAN BUY FOOD.

FFOOOOOOOODDDDDD.
 

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My mate ordered some food to be delivered to my apartment and it just arrived and this is the most amazing thing ever, I've scoffed so much already.

Then he video called me and I saw my face in the little video call preview window thing and saw how much thinner I've got. Not sure if due to weight loss from sweating and natural loss of excess water, or due to lack of caloric intake over the past week or so.

Anyway I have food and money now and some tiny semblance of freedom so I shall now eat and drink a shitload for no reason other than YAY.

This isn't a confession but it continues on from the above post, and also YAY again
 

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All the apartments in my building were just called down to the lobby for covid testing. The stick-it-deep-in-the-nose kind.

It was the first time I've had to do a thing in a small crowd in what feels like forever.

I got a small anxiety attack. It was fine though, I kept it entirely to myself, and when someone said something to me I replied with a laugh and all became fine. It's funny how quickly I can snap out of anxious moments, and the thing that makes me snap out of it is usually the very thing that I was anxious about in the first place.

Either way, I definitely felt ultra anxious for no reason whatsoever, and it's definitely due to lockdown isolation. Hopefully it'll fix itself pretty quickly once I'm free again.
 

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Annoyinggggg I posted a two random thoughts in the confessions thread.

And why doesn't this forum have a delete button for posts??? Really annoying.
 

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My sleep cycle is getting worse.

Had feelings of insomnia last night, was awake until midnight.

That doesn't sound too bad, until the fact that I always automatically wake up at 5am comes into play.

I'm suffering from very bad sleep deprivation. For the past few days (or maybe longer) I've become unstoppably sleepy at some point later in the morning, around 1030am when I'm supposed to be working. After lunch, I get another unstoppably sleepy moment at about 2pm. For both of those sudden urges to sleep, I go and have a lie down and nap for 10 minutes, even though I'm supposed to be working. Normally I fight through such drowsy moments, but my sleep deprivation is so bad now that I'll take whatever shuteye I can get.

This lockdown fucking sucks. At least it isn't manifesting as too severe of a depression like I had last time, but I wonder if that's gonna creep up on me too. Often I'll wake up and just think, "Oh another fucking day of this", and I sure don't feel happy about it. It's manifesting as a subdued anger at the moment. I dunno. It all fucking sucks anyway.

Government announced the lockdown will be extended until the end of September.

This is my life until then. A small apartment, 30 sq. metres, barely two rooms. In fact it might as well be one room, because the bedroom and living areas are separated by a glass partition, not a wall. It's a nice, modern, compact-but-airy feeling for a place, which I would quite like in normal times. But now it's a horrible, single-room prison.

All I want is the freedom to go outside all day.
 

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Chess is proving quite a problematic occupation, bordering on addiction. My level has stayed stagnant for the past two years or so, but I keep. on. playing., visiting that site just to kill time. It's a major distraction. I am up to 6500 games now, mostly blitz (3 minute sprints), which are kind of like a 'tic nerveux' for whenever I am stuck with something else or momentarily don't know what to do.

I don't even enjoy playing.

The thing is that with normal/healthy interests I want to either better myself, or after some time simply quit. Chess is the rare exception, and for that reason problematic. I just keep dabbing without progress or any incentive to make progress.
 
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Chess is proving quite a problematic occupation, bordering on addiction. My level has stayed stagnant for the past two years or so, but I keep. on. playing., visiting that site just to kill time. It's a major distraction. I am up to 6500 games now, mostly blitz (3 minute sprints), which are kind of like a 'tic nerveux' for whenever I am stuck with something else or momentarily don't know what to do.

I don't even enjoy playing.

The thing is that with normal/healthy interests I want to either better myself, or after some time simply quit. Chess is the rare exception, and for that reason problematic. I just keep dabbing without progress or any incentive to make progress.
Damn, that's the one reason I don't play chess.

I never get better at it so I don't care any more.

My addictions are worse anyway. Social media apps, all of them (apart from Twitter for some reason). I just open them up to see if there's anything exciting to read yet.

There is almost never anything exciting.
 

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I think I might be reaching the end of the line for how much lockdown isolation I can take.

As previously mentioned, I'm not feeling depressed much, but my mood is irritable, unmotivated, difficult to focus, fidgety, sleepless, extremely bad restless leg syndrome, increasingly permanent anxiety. Surely all hallmark responses to being alone for too long in a tiny apartment.

I was on a 'healthy' 3-4 cigarettes per day (obviously not healthy AT ALL, but it was easily broken up into specific times when I would do it, to add a fleeting break to the rest of my routine), but now I'm having to add an additional cigarette at some point after lunch. I just get too restless. My entire life seems to be sitting in this little cubbyhole area in my room where my laptop is set for work. On my days off I still sit here, doing whatever else a laptop can offer a person who wants to pass time. What's annoying is that I do have things I want to do (e.g. passing the Microsoft certifications I've mentioned in other posts), but my focus is increasingly feeling like it's being shot to fucking bits.

10 more days and it's supposedly going to be over, I'll be able to go to other places and do at least a small subset of new things that I currently cannot do.

If this hardcore lockdown is extended again, I dunno WTF I'll do.
 

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Last Monday, and this Monday too, I got a message on Teams from someone in HR asking if I'm okay. The first time it happened I suspected it was just a work obligation that she was adhering to, but part of me hoped it was a genuine friendly message that she had done of her own accord, since we had chatted previously in a friendly way. But no, since I got pretty much the same message today, from a different person, I now know that the HR message of concern was merely a HR message of corporate-directed faux concern.

Well no, it's real concern, and shows there's help there if needed. But nobody can help me with anything now, apart from whoever it is in the Vietnam government who can officially end this lockdown.
 
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