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So I was just wandering/fooling around on tumblr land..and then I came across a phrase someone wrote that,''confidence as well as independence are the sexiest qualities a woman can have.''

What do you personally think of this/how do you interpret it?

Well for me.. I'll just start explaining my interpretation a little. :happy:

Confidence is a good thing if you're able to have a good relationship with yourself, assert yourself well as long as you don't use it as an 'excuse' or 'label' to get away with attempting to take down other people's confidence directly/indirectly. In other words, don't use it to walk over others.

Independence is a good thing if it's genuine independence, knowing that you can take care of certain things on your own but at the same time not being afraid to ask for help when necessary. Independence shouldn't be a 'mask' - real independence shines through when you're willing to grow from what others taught you but at the same time give back and take care of some things on your own.

Sorry if I'm babbling or don't make sense by the way.
 

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i take it as a confidence of comfortable and not actually bothered about what others say about them, and also independent as in not letting what other people say control your actions. Both very attractive if meant in that sense
 

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Hello, Im a 5'11'' Female ENTJ 8w7, ^^^^happens to me all the time.

Where are these men that like independent, and confident women? Shit, me and @n2freedom have been looking for them.
I know right? However, I want the one who likes independent/confident women but doesn't engage in power struggles or try to undermine my independence/confidence so that he can build his confidence on my back. In other words, I want the one who likes, enjoys, and doesn't try to change an independent/confident woman. ;)
 

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fire breathing dragon
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I know right? However, I want the one who likes independent/confident women but doesn't engage in power struggles or try to undermine my independence/confidence so that he can build his confidence on my back. In other words, I want the one who likes, enjoys, and doesn't try to change an independent/confident woman. ;)
I know. Why is it that one partner has to be dominant while the other is not. Do men not realize how sweet it would be if we simply combined our forces rather than fought over who gets to be top dog. Sheesh. Im looking for an equal partnership. Most people couldnt imagine that working out, but anything less and I would hate it. I feel like when people meet me, they automatically think "oh shes a challenge" like im going to stop behaving like I do or be "conquered". Then when they figure out that Im naturally like this they back off. This is why I envy INFJ women. they are badass enough to be cool, but not too badass to not be considered feminine.
 

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I know. Why is it that one partner has to be dominant while the other is not. Do men not realize how sweet it would be if we simply combined our forces rather than fought over who gets to be top dog. Sheesh. Im looking for an equal partnership. Most people couldnt imagine that working out, but anything less and I would hate it. I feel like when people meet me, they automatically think "oh shes a challenge" like im going to stop behaving like I do or be "conquered". Then when they figure out that Im naturally like this they back off. This is why I envy INFJ women. they are badass enough to be cool, but not too badass to not be considered feminine.
Right on especially the bolded part. I get tired of my male friends telling me stop trying to play bad. Or, stop trying to act so tough. Funny how they are amazed in the end that damn that is how she really is. And, after I'm tired of all the games and bullshit and move on..they turn into pseudo stalkers.
 

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fire breathing dragon
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Right on especially the bolded part. I get tired of my male friends telling me stop trying to play bad. Or, stop trying to act so tough. Funny how they are amazed in the end that damn that is how she really is. And, after I'm tired of all the games and bullshit and move on..they turn into pseudo stalkers.
Lol, tell me more.

Yea, I guess they think its all an act. Until they watch you refuse to back down from a challenge. Watch you stand your ground confidently in the face of adversity. Watch you overcome when the odds were stacked against you etc. I like being powerful. I like the feeling and wouldnt trade it for anything in the world, but it gets old having to deal with people telling you you're defective because you don't behave like 90% of other women. Yea, I get it, Im a enigma. If you don't like it then leave me the hell alone.
 

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Lol, tell me more.

Yea, I guess they think its all an act. Until they watch you refuse to back down from a challenge. Watch you stand your ground confidently in the face of adversity. Watch you overcome when the odds were stacked against you etc. I like being powerful. I like the feeling and wouldnt trade it for anything in the world, but it gets old having to deal with people telling you you're defective because you don't behave like 90% of other women. Yea, I get it, Im a enigma. If you don't like it then leave me the hell alone.
Most men I've been able to observe think of the dating world (or the female world for that matter) as some type of clutch on a lawn-mower, if a few pulls don't do it, keep trying, until they come to the conclusion that it's probably because the mower is broken, and others are probably going to get started with much less effort, so on they go, perhaps the analogy is a bit out there, but I believe it illustrates the phenomenon quite well.
 

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Lol, tell me more.

Yea, I guess they think its all an act. Until they watch you refuse to back down from a challenge. Watch you stand your ground confidently in the face of adversity. Watch you overcome when the odds were stacked against you etc. I like being powerful. I like the feeling and wouldnt trade it for anything in the world, but it gets old having to deal with people telling you you're defective because you don't behave like 90% of other women. Yea, I get it, Im a enigma. If you don't like it then leave me the hell alone.
Agreed...You make me feel normal...... ;)
 

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fire breathing dragon
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Most men I've been able to observe think of the dating world (or the female world for that matter) as some type of clutch on a lawn-mower, if a few pulls don't do it, keep trying, until they come to the conclusion that it's probably because the mower is broken, and others are probably going to get started with much less effort, so on they go, perhaps the analogy is a bit out there, but I believe it illustrates the phenomenon quite well.
So you're saying they'd rather not deal with someone like me because its easier to just move on to someone else? If so, you're probably correct, it is easier. I dont deny it. But I want to be with someone who sees anything less than me too easy and very boring.
 

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I find confidence and independence both VERY attractive in a woman.
Absolutely.

I would also include not hiding your intelligence regardless of what society thinks/wants.
Ditto.

Don't "Dumb Yourself Down" to Attract Somebody
Why should a woman act dumb to attract an insecure man?
Published on August 4, 2011 by Mark D. White, Ph.D. in Maybe It's Just Me, But...

Over at the "After I Quit My Day Job" blog, at which Kat Richter often discusses her dating life with wonderful candor and wit, a discussion took off today with regard to "dumbing oneself down" to avoid intimidating or scaring off a potential partner. In her latest post, Richter quoted from Anne Beckley Coleman's book Matchless: Searching for Love Online, in which Coleman describes having to prune her online dating profile to seem less smart, well-read, and travelled then she actually was, to attract more potential dates. The comments confirmed that this was a common problem for women who all too often find men intimidated by their brains or accomplishments.

It didn't take long for me to jump in, having written recently (here and here) on the importance of being yourself when trying to meet people. There is a slight twist to this, however, since I was thinking primarily of people (especially men) trying to seem different (usually "better" in some way) than they really are in an attempt to impress another person (often a woman), whereas dumbing oneself down involves the opposite strategy and often reverses the genders. (Not always, of course.)

Both behaviors share the same fatal flaw, though: you have to be true to who you are in order to find someone who likes you for who you are. If a shy guy, for instance, tries to pass himself off as suave and smooth, anybody he attracts is going to expect that guy all the time, and is likely to be disappointed and resentful when she (or he) discovers the truth. Ideally, such a man should try to find someone who likes him for who he is, not some person he's pretending to be. By the same token, a woman who chooses "to exchange a ten-cent vocabulary word for a five" (in Ms. Richter's words) backfires: she's going to get exactly the type of man (or woman) she doesn't want.

Let's oversimplify and say this is a problem of successful women and the men who are insecure with that. (Mind you, this is not true of all men—far from it, I assure you.) The question becomes obvious: why do women feel they have to pander to these insecure men rather than hold out for men who will appreciate them? Yes, if these women are true to themselves, displaying their intelligence, confidence, and strength (without crossing the line into pretentiousness or arrogance, which is unattractive in either gender), they will scare off any insecure men they meet.

So? Good riddance, I should think. And do you know which men won't be scared off? The men who can value a great woman, and who will pay give them the admiration and respect they deserve and desire.

It's the same old story: you will attract the type of person you try to attract, for better or worse. If a women acts dumb, she'll attract someone who likes dumb women. But if she's herself, she'll eventually find someone who likes her, not the person she feels she has to act like. If you're in this position, just remember that some men might not be able to handle a smart and successful woman like you, but that's their problem—don't let it become yours by selling yourself short.
 

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So you're saying they'd rather not deal with someone like me because its easier to just move on to someone else? If so, you're probably correct, it is easier. I dont deny it. But I want to be with someone who sees anything less than me too easy and very boring.
Hey you're preaching to the choir here, but that's just my intelligence report from ''the other side'', needless to say I also find the phenomenon totally appalling, but as they say, ''duude, it works!''.

I'd also like to add my input on the actual thread OP, both these qualities are wonderful, truly, but they have to be balanced in order for it to work, I don't find the independent, confident, cold 'don't even step or speak to me' attitude attractive at all, I find the independent, confident, easy-going and unassuming attitude so damn attractive,(not to be confused with a preference of extroverted women) so I guess balance is the key, but both these qualities are fine.
 

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Hey you're preaching to the choir here, but that's just my intelligence report from ''the other side'', needless to say I also find the phenomenon totally appalling, but as they say, ''duude, it works!''.

I'd also like to add my input on the actual thread OP, both these qualities are wonderful, truly, but they have to be balanced in order for it to work, I don't find the independent, confident, cold 'don't even step or speak to me' attitude attractive at all, I find the independent, confident, easy-going and unassuming attitude so damn attractive,(not to be confused with a preference of extroverted women) so I guess balance is the key, but both these qualities are fine.
Ah, I understand. I think the reason people steer clear of confident+independent in women is because the relationship doesn't seem as strong as it is with other women. I know men always say they "need to feel needed" but I don't know how to need someone. I naturally think to figure it out on my own. I think this is why NT women are so unappealing. The introverted ones like their alone time and the extroverted ones like to do their own thing a lot of the time. While you dont have to worry about us being clingly, the lack of cling is also a turn off. I guess it seems risky. Which is also why its easier to date a feeling woman. Confident and independent women don't really need relationships, so i think that is very off putting as well.
 
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