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I think I know the reason why I'm so damn lazy.

Yes, being an INFP 9 makes it so I'm already predisposed to being lazy, but I believe having an ISFJ mother only exacerbates the problem. Why? Because she does everything for me. She will tell me to do stuff and then being typical me I'll procrastinate until I finally work up the will to do it. Only, when I'm about to go do it I discover that it's already been done. I suppose that's nice thing to discover that something I don't really want to do has been done, but it also makes me feel even more useless. What's worse is that because I know she will eventually do it I will not try as hard to work up the will power to do it myself. When I try to talk about it with her she gets offended that what she does actually hurts me in a way. So, she throws up her hands and says "Fine do it all yourself!" She'll stop for a while but then it goes back to the way it was before. This creates a vicious circle of sloth for me.

I know she does it because 1) She cares about me and likes doing things for me. and 2) She gets impatient and would rather just do it herself than wait for me to do it.

Could I get your perspective on this ISFJs?
 

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Haha, that reminds me so much of my ISTJ mother. There have been school projects on which she did more than me! I would ask her for a summary of a text since she is extremely good at making those, and she is finished before I have even gone through one page of math exercises. 'Workaholic' would be a nice way to describe it. She is unable to rest, always needs to do something around the house. Kinda makes you feel guilty that she is doing so much while I have so much trouble doing even half of that. I have no idea how she does it. :p

On your questions, my mother didn't do it out of care, but out of a sense of "This needs to be done", even if it's work that I should be doing! Then again, I can't look into the brain of an ISFJ, so I'll leave the better explainations to them.
 

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Hmm, I think there might be a misunderstanding between the two of you.

When you talked to her, did you tell her that when you found out that she already did whatever she asked you to do, you were about to do it? I kinda get the feeling that she doesn't know this, and when you said you were hurt, she might have thought that you didn't appreciate that she was doing your thing. If you didn't, then you might want to tell her (and say you appreciate it, cause I personally want to hear that someone appreciates what I do every once in a while). It might clear things up.

If you already did do that, then the only thing I can think of right now is to just do what she told you on time, but like you said, you procrastinate it and I'm aware that saying to 'just do it' is not gonna solve it. I have a tendency to procrastinate on thing I don't like as well, so I understand where you're coming from. What usually works for me is to do something else, unrelated to the thing I don't want to do, and while I'm working on other things I work up the motivation/drive to do the thing I don't want to do.

I hope this was at least of some help, and if you need more help then I'll gladly answer more of your questions. Good luck! :>
 

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INFP | 5w4 | 548 tritype | Asserive
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I've had similar problems with my ISFJ mother. I know what are u talking about.
As @Ninjaws mother, mine is always doing something around the house too. She don't take a break, and she's hard on everyone else about it too. She says she needs help, and get furious when she feels that her efforts aren't noticed/appreciated. When she ask me to do something, she wants me not only to do it, but to do it her way. Her system is very important, and she wants everyone to follow it. Though i'm getting better at following it, we always clash when i do things at my way/time. But without her, i would be a very disorganized INFP. :)
The best way avoiding conflict, is making your best to do things when she asks, if it is possible. And showing appreciation and respect towards what she does for everyone.
 

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How long are you waiting to tackle the chore? If you are talking about sometime in the day that is one thing, but if you are talking about waiting a few days that's another. Your mother is extremely patient with you if she is doing this for you. Depending on the chore, some things can wait ... others cannot. With my own children, if I have to ask a 3rd time, well ... 3x's a charm, I take privileges away. I don't do everything for my children; however about twice a month I do a more thorough job of their own chores so I know all of it is done well ... like for example: picking up dog poop. My son picks it up every couple days, but about twice a week I'll do it myself b/c finding it is like "Finding Waldo" ... not something that is entirely his fault, but I don't want my backyard to stink either.

I think the concern for most parents is that their kids lack self guidance and self motivation. This is what we are striving that you know, b/c you won't always be able to depend on us. I think you need to tell her that you wish to be more independent and take care of certain things yourself. If she gets offended, then she'll get over it. Someday you might completely surprise her by beating her to the punch. ;)
 
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