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So my mom and I are both INFPs and yet we usually crash with each other. While I enjoy being silent and chill (reading, netflix, pinterest, etc.) she constantly demands my attention and gets mad if I do any of these activities in which she cannot participate (mostly because we don't like the same shows, books, etc.). While I despise arguments and actively evade conflictive topics, she is quick to bring them up and start an everlasting fight in which she will not stop yelling behind my bedroom's door for at least half an hour. I try to be open minded and respect everyone's beliefs and values while she will take it as personal offense if I refuse to go to church or if I don't think that being skinny is a priority. I won't say that she is the cause of all problems in our relationship because a relationship is built between two. I admit that I might not respond in a very nice way when she makes fat jokes or when she starts trying to organize and plan MY life. I'm kind of living in a constant defensive mode which might be fueling the conflict even more, as now she can't stand my attitude either. I'm also suffering from binge eating disorder and this family issues are really slowing my recovery. I'm already 18 and in college and yet I can't manage to get her off my back and that drives me crazy. Not to mention that if I don't manage to escape into my room while arguing chances are that I'll get slapped, kicked, thrown something at, etc. How could this situation be possibly solved? How is it possible that we are both INFPs?
 

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Has she actually been tested as INFP? Like, legitimate confirmed testing where the functions all match? Initiating conflict really doesn't seem like an INFP thing (or at least the ones I know avoid conflict at all costs, but I can't speak for all), and attempting to inflict physical injury upon someone really seems unusual. Unless she's unhealthy and relying on use of extremely weak Te (your description sounds more like Fe to me, but I'm not an expert), she really doesn't sound INFP to me based on your description (perhaps unhealthy xSFJ or xNFJ?? I wouldn't totally rule out INFP yet, but if she isn't that or one of those, then I really don't know).

I really wish I knew how to help. I'd say to flat out tell her how you feel and that you want to be left alone, but that can end very badly too (and I know I'd have a lot of difficulty doing so myself, but you're most likely braver than I am). If you have the freedom of using your own car and going places, I'd say to go somewhere you feel relaxed and spend a lot of time away from her. Instead of negatively reacting to jokes, just tell her how you feel about them; I used to show great resistance to my parents whenever I disagreed with something, but being polite about it and calmly expressing how I feel has really helped the bond (if you've already tried this, then I'm sorry I can't be of help). Since you are of legal adult age, I'd say that you shouldn't be afraid to assert your independence a little if she tries to organize your life for you (if you've done this and this hasn't helped, I really don't know what to say).

I'm still a bit younger and more dependent than you, but I really hope I can offer some help. Best of luck!
 

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So my mom and I are both INFPs and yet we usually crash with each other. While I enjoy being silent and chill (reading, netflix, pinterest, etc.) she constantly demands my attention and gets mad if I do any of these activities in which she cannot participate (mostly because we don't like the same shows, books, etc.). While I despise arguments and actively evade conflictive topics, she is quick to bring them up and start an everlasting fight in which she will not stop yelling behind my bedroom's door for at least half an hour. I try to be open minded and respect everyone's beliefs and values while she will take it as personal offense if I refuse to go to church or if I don't think that being skinny is a priority. I won't say that she is the cause of all problems in our relationship because a relationship is built between two. I admit that I might not respond in a very nice way when she makes fat jokes or when she starts trying to organize and plan MY life. I'm kind of living in a constant defensive mode which might be fueling the conflict even more, as now she can't stand my attitude either. I'm also suffering from binge eating disorder and this family issues are really slowing my recovery. I'm already 18 and in college and yet I can't manage to get her off my back and that drives me crazy. Not to mention that if I don't manage to escape into my room while arguing chances are that I'll get slapped, kicked, thrown something at, etc. How could this situation be possibly solved? How is it possible that we are both INFPs?
Your mom doesn't seem healthy herself. The physical stuff is abuse, and not okay at all. I don't know if you'd still qualify for child protective services, but that would be an option to research. Other things to consider (if you haven't yet) are to see if your college provides counseling services, or if you can afford therapy yourself.

On that ^ premise, I wouldn't take any MBTI test she takes at face value. People can test differently if they aren't mentally healthy. Also, you said that relationships are built by both people. Please don't blame yourself for her behaviors. Nothing a kid could do deserves physical abuse like that.

IF she's able to break out of that behavior somehow, write down your concerns and needs as her daughter. Wait until you both are calm and have some free time, and talk it out. Write down what she says, too.

If none of that helps, start assembling your best, most reliable friends and start to think about moving in together somewhere else. A temporary solution is to hang out with friends after school as much as possible. It's not a default setting we tend to have as young INFPs, but BS: Be Selfish :). Think of your own survival here.

Anyway, hope it gets better, don't think that this situation is okay at all. *hugs*
 

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My ISFP mother and I had a strained relationship when I was your age as well. It's much improved over the years, though. Is your mother currently seeking counseling for depression? If she's an Fi dom, I would imagine something like this is what it would take for them to become controlling and verbally/physically abusive.

What is the feasibility of moving out on your own or with other college roommates? Really the best thing for strained parental relationships with you're over 18 is just getting space. I moved out the minute I graduated high school and it worked wonders for my mother and I. She was able to get away from the stress of being a parent on top of her own mental health issues she was dealing with, and I was able to stretch and grow without worrying about us bumping elbows.
 

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Vow, your mother sounds a really uncharacteristic INFP. I would definitely suspect that she's some other type. If she really is an INFP, that's a level of unhealthiness I've never seen or heard before.

You said you're in college, is there some sort of student housing you could move into? You could benefit from taking some distance to your mother at least for a while while you sort your own things out especially if you're trying to recover from BED.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all for your advise! I'm happy to hear that my mom might not be an INFP because I sort of feared turning into her in the future; now my chances are much lower. I think that the moving out option might be the best as you stated. I'd have to get a better job or maybe a roomate but it's a low cost to recover my peace. I hope you're right and the relationship will eventually get better, I really do. Thanks again for your concern :)
 

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Your mother does not sound INFP at all...
In all honesty, she reminds me of my ISFJ mother. Make sure to base her type off of the functions, and only check descriptions later.
 
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