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Discussion Starter #1
Long time lurker here. I've always been amazed by the outpouring of sympathy and advice on this forum and well, I need some.

I have six and a half days left of my freshman year of college. I've had no serious issues with my roommate until earlier this week. We've generally have had no problems with each other. Our only difficulty has been that she's an extreme extrovert and I'm an extreme introvert.

Anyway, she's dating an RA on our floor. The thing is, they're always in our dorm while he doesn't have a roommate and they could easily spend time in his dorm.

The breaking point was a few days ago when I woke up from a nap to find them making out on her bed. It actually took them a few seconds to notice I was awake (and freaking out).

She has yet to apologize and we're not really having any conversations. Apparently she's since been complaining to the rest of the floor about what a crappy roommate I am. (Although my source does like to cause drama so I'm taking it with a grain of salt.) However, I have heard her complaining to her friends about my cellphone alarm as if it was breaking the Geneva Convention. I honestly had no idea. It's been the same ringtone all year and she's never said anything before.

I'm angry. I'm angry that she can walk all over me. I'm angry that the floor is apparently gossiping about me. I'm angry that I can't go to any RAs about my problem because they're all good friends with her boyfriend. I'm angry that none of my friends in the hall are telling me to stand up for myself when I tell them about this.

I need to confront her or I'm afraid I'll throw her iPhone out in an act of extreme passive-aggression. But I'm terrible at it and usually end up apologizing and telling the other person to forget about it. I don't think that will work in this case.
 

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When in doubt, call it out. Tell her that it bothers you what she's doing, and if she has something to say about you, or is annoyed about your phone to tell it to your face and not go gossiping. She's a big girl, this isn't highschool so she needs to grow the fuck up and talk to you about it like an adult.

Why are your friends not telling you to stand up to her? That's bullshit, you should never let anyone walk all over you like that. You're probably a total badass and you deserve to be treated with respect reguarldess of you being introverted. Also, you should probably call out anyone who's gossiping about you. Gossip is for little girls, and you don't need to put up with that stuff.

Goodluck, and I hope everything turns out okay.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks so much for your encouragement. It really means a lot.

People have been telling me to just ignore her since there's only a week left. I would agree with this if she was being less obnoxious.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Oh but pretending that everything's fine and I'm just overreacting is so much easier!

Thanks though I'll definitely work on it. However elusive the function may seem.
 

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I'd usually say ignore it since there is only a week left. The important thing is not to overreact so as not to come off as the unreasonable one. Give her your best death(if at all possible?) stare then calmly and calculatingly tell her that you know she's been talking shit and that it has to stop...now. However, if you want to send her off as a roommate by completely ripping into her- that's fine too. Just make sure to do it on you last day living with her so you get the last word and don't risk another confrontation.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks everybody!

I feel a lot calmer now. I'm going to demand an apology for the original issue. Hopefully I'll bring up the alarm rant and ask point blank if she has a problem with me. She's not a terrible person but I really need to learn to stand up for myself and what better practice than on someone I don't have to see ever again once the week's over.
 

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Look, most likely this is end of school stress manifesting itself as confrontation with you. Evidence? It's not like you haven't been using your cell phone alarm to get up for the same classes all semester long.I see this happen with my college students all the time, even if they don't *think* they're stressed out. Sometimes they react to the general campus mood; even the professors and instructors are stressed.

I don't think a confrontation is in order, actually. I think some down time is. Have you considered inviting her to some soothing ritual like a mani-pedi, or saying, "let's take the night off and watch chick flicks and eat Chinese food in the room"? You may find that during this down time some of these topics may come up but in a relaxed environment may be handled a bit differently than starting a confrontation during a time already charged with stress.

If it were any other time of year, I would say air it out soon rather than later, so don't think I would advise you to avoid conflict in general. I'm merely pointing out that this particular conflict is most likely a manifestation of something else, and you need to address the root cause and not the outward symptoms of it.
 

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Look, most likely this is end of school stress manifesting itself as confrontation with you. [...] is most likely a manifestation of something else, and you need to address the root cause and not the outward symptoms of it.
I too think a confrontation is not (necessarily) in order. It may be that your roommate may always have felt annoyed with your cell phone alarm, but apparently not up to the point of discussing it with you. Her complaining is more likely an alternative way for her to let out some steam, caused by stress of the end of the year.

Down time is indeed a good idea. It does create settings for having a conversation rather than having a confrontation, which is most like to end in a pyrrhic victory - which is such a waste of time. I don't know what your and your roommate's cup of tea is for relaxing, but you should go for that. I mean, you could charge in like a bull and throw out accusations - whether or not they're justified, she'll go in a defensive mode. Why do that if you can create a chill atmosphere and ask her friendly what is going on. I think a peaceful approach will also lead to a peaceful solution - should a solution actually be necessary.

If it doesn't work, you can always let it all escalate and explode :D But it won't make you any more happy, me thinks. :3
 
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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks for the feedback. I think that confrontation was definitely the wrong word to use.

I have a difficult enough time letting people know if I don't like something they love (I ended up watching an entire season of America's Next Top Model in one night for this character flaw).

My version of a confrontation is telling someone that it hurt me when they did or said something... and then quickly apologizing for bringing it up. Which is basically my problem with her behavior. I don't feel respected. The fact that she's complaining to people I see everyday is another annoyance. Having someone tell me that my roommate said some shit about me is terrible. A freshman hall is not a place of peaceful negotiations.

I definitely wasn't planning to burst into the dorm and yell "What d'you say about my ringtone ya crusty ass bitch?" at any point though. =]
 

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Thanks for the feedback. I think that confrontation was definitely the wrong word to use.

I have a difficult enough time letting people know if I don't like something they love (I ended up watching an entire season of America's Next Top Model in one night for this character flaw).

My version of a confrontation is telling someone that it hurt me when they did or said something... and then quickly apologizing for bringing it up. Which is basically my problem with her behavior. I don't feel respected. The fact that she's complaining to people I see everyday is another annoyance. Having someone tell me that my roommate said some shit about me is terrible. A freshman hall is not a place of peaceful negotiations.

I definitely wasn't planning to burst into the dorm and yell "What d'you say about my ringtone ya crusty ass bitch?" at any point though. =]
Nah, I never thought you would. I think that came through in your OP. But if this situation and the gossip and the other stuff is caused by stress, you're going to discuss and "resolve" this issue and something else will crop up. That's why I said down time is best. You can discuss the issue in a relaxed manner if you want, but it will also defuse all the other potential things that will inevitably irritate you both in the next week.
 
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