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Hey there! I'm seeking some advice about a male INFJ that I've recently befriended. Any advice from INFJs/those with similar experiences with INFJs will be greatly appreciated.

Firstly, to give some background knowledge, my hometown and the country I live in are two completely different places. My parents left their hometowns to pursue higher education, but they will bring me back to their hometown to visit my relatives every year. The only relative around my age this year is my cousin, and to elevate my boredom with the small town place, she bought me to her school sports meet, where I met this INFJ.

I'm immediately seen as a novelty by her classmates, for I am a foreigner and more fluent in english than I am in their language. He is from another class, but somehow, the news spread, and he decided to come over to see - well, the new foreigner girl, I suppose, and he struck me as very gentle and nice to begin with. I usually shy away from very extroverted or aggressive guys, and often prefer talking to calmer, gentler ones, so I do find him very attractive from the get go. He actually mildly reprimanded this other guy for beating me so badly in arm-wrestling, and I do think there is a small sense of obligation on my cousin's friends' end to take care of me, as I am not exactly familiar with that place. It's relatively different from what I'm used to; they are more conservative, and responsible.

Now, I screwed up in a lot of ways- primarily that I'm not exactly familiar with their behavioral norms, as I'm usually stuck with adults that baby me whenever I return to my hometown. I was quite direct, and simply told them to add me on their main chatting app. Technically, you aren't supposed to ask for someone's contact the first time you meet them, unless it's for official business, but I was very straightforward- I expressed that I liked talking to them, and I want to talk to them more. He was extremely considerate, messaging me that night and telling me that I could type in English to him, and he will even take a step further by translating my words, and then typing his reply, and translating his reply to English for me to understand. I was quite touched by his considerate behavior- when it comes to other friends, they will simply ask me to send them an audio message of me speaking in their language or tell me that they couldn't read english.

I do know I have limited time in my hometown, so I do want to have some fun, instead of being stuck in the house all day. I asked him to eat with me and my cousin and a few of her friends, and that's where it all went downhill. I would tease him by telling him "hey, just come and find me in the sports meet the next day, I'm the one speaking english". That day, he randomly popped up behind me and my cousin, give me a glance, and I was so taken aback that I couldn't properly speak for a few solid seconds. He ran off eventually, to cheer for his friends, and I decided to go and venture away to find him, since my cousin was preoccupied with her friends. I did stand beside him and watch his friend compete- but there was a thick, awkward silence between the both of us, and my brain decided it was a good time to happily malfunction and shut down.

TLDR; I wanted to die of embarrassment.

The first thing I noticed about him is how caring he can be towards others. When I wandered off, he will keep asking me if I know where my cousin is, or hesitantly reach out once to pull me gently by the sleeve when the crowd is dispersing. This all came crashing down when we went for dinner, and one of my cousin's friend, this other rambunctious girl, took up most of his time by making fun of him. She is loud, tomboyish, and very extroverted, and both of them kept talking while I quietly listened to all of them jesting around. They were eating some kind of delicacy- something I'm not accustomed to, and he simply told me that if I don't want to eat it, I really don't have to force myself to. ( Maybe he saw the look on my face when I realized a piece of duck liver was in front of me. )

It wasn't a great time; I was mostly silent due to my lack of understanding of their dialect, and I did mention one or two times that I didn't understand, and hoped that they would speak in our common language, but they will accidentally slip back into their dialect. My cousin had to leave to see another friend- and I was stuck with the INFJ and the rambunctious girl.

During the whole time, when both of them tried to speak in the common language again, we did go back to his house to chill out, as it was freezing. He did take good care of me- he would refill my drink, but both of them were talking most of the time. I couldn't blame them, as I was at a small loss of what to say, and I was already miserable. I tried picking things up by playing a game with them, and at some point, both of them were talking about their love lives. He did know a few things about me- he made me laugh by telling me to call him if I get bullied back in my country, and he would help me curse out my bullies in his dialect, so they wouldn't understand. I enjoyed my time with him, and when the girl had to drive me back, he decided to drive alongside us ( even though I told him to just stay in his own house. )

I showed them a few pictures of my classmates- and even cheekily said "this is the cutest girl in my class- I think I'm cuter than her, though!", and he would be kind enough to nod and say "yes, I think so too."

However, he confuses me. There will be things like when he told me that he has a race tomorrow, and I was confused as to why he was telling me, so I asked him if he wanted me to come along to cheer for him. He responded by saying that I should only come if I want to- or that it might be better if I didn't, since he couldn't take care of me. Needless to say, I wasn't sure if I should interpret it as "I don't want you to come since you'll be a bother", or anything else. I was blunt; I told him he didn't have to take care of me or any of that sort, but he stated that yes, what I think or felt was quite important. I wasn't sure if he was simply being kind and considerate, or if he had a bit of an interest in me.

Both of us used to talk quite frequently over text when I was in our hometown. I asked him to hang out with me during Christmas, and that's when I was confused- as he stated that it was awkward if a guy and a girl hung out alone. It was very normal for me to hang out alone with a guy in my country, so I didn't really understand why there must be so many implications attached to simply hanging out, but I simply told him that I wanted to hang out. He eventually agreed- and I agreed to send him presents when I fly back, because that was what he wanted in return. I didn't want to over-read into his actions- I am aware that he also talks to this other girl, and I simply felt like he was fairly social. He is a lot more informal with her, and often joked about her being crazy, but he is more quiet around me, so I felt like I was making him uncomfortable.

The other girl apparently really liked me, but I felt uncomfortable. When I hung out with her, she would ask me if I was chatting with him - since I was on a call for a minute or so, and she would whip out her cell every 1 minute to chat with a friend of hers; him included. He casually mentioned to her that I haven't responded to him since yesterday, and even told her where she should bring me- to which I directly told him that if he wanted me to go to those places, he should bring me himself.

I was admittedly pissed at him; he told the other girl that I asked him out for christmas, and I was basically hiding out in my blankets and steaming with embarrassment when she told me the implications of me asking him out. I thought he was casually sharing my conversation with everyone under the sun, and I was a little annoyed, so I wanted to calm down before I talked it out calmly with him. I guess she did open her big mouth about my displeasure, as he quickly messaged me and told me that she asked him about it, and he wasn't revealing my conversation with him to everyone under the sun.

An emergency struck and I had to fly back faster than I thought, so there was no way I could hang out with him for christmas. I simply asked him to meet up the night before I flew back, and told him directly that instead of hanging out with me for christmas, he could choose between giving me a letter or giving me a hug. A hug was basically considered sacrilege, but hey- I was more physically affectionate, so I did think he will dismiss the hug as something common that I do, instead of a romantic gesture. He stated that he would give me both, and when he met me that night- we both talked, and I was fairly... dumb.

He would pull me to walk on the inside of the street, or be quite conscious of where we were walking. He would walk in front of me when we descended the stairs to ensure that I don't slip and break my head or something along those lines. The other girl was romantically interested in him, so I pretty much asked him if he found her cute, to which he even laughed and said "she's not the least bit cute.", and simply told me that yes, I was quite cute. I was at a loss of what to do, since it was difficult for me to tell if he actually liked me - or if he was just typically this kind towards everyone.


Eventually, I told him that I wanted to ask him a question. I asked him to guess what it was, and he fell silent, before telling me that I was putting him in a difficult spot. I pushed him a little further, and he asked me if what I wanted to know was how he felt about me. My bravery shriveled up at the last moment, and I denied it. I told him that I'll text it to him- and we hugged, but I was pretty sure I was about to dig a hole and live my days out in it. I did confess to him through text- I told him that I like him, and he was stunned and flustered. He said he didn't know what to say, before telling me that he thought I was a talented and brilliant person- to which I quickly retracted my words and said that I like him in a platonic manner.

He eventually wished me a safe flight, and when I returned home, I tried chatting with him again, but our conversations dwindled due to his busy schedule and my erratic one. I understood that he wanted to focus on his studies, which is why I stepped back and only messaged him once or twice every few days. I told him very bluntly that I would prefer if both of us talk about more meaningful topics, instead of making small talk, and he actually changed and made more of an effort to respond to me. He is quite consistent in replying- though, I often wonder if he was just incompetent at talking over text, or if he felt obligated to respond to me.

Right now, I'm at a loss of what to tell him or do with him. I did want to confess- or planned to, but at the same time, I won't confess if I can't tell if he was interested in me or not. I am very interested in him- I'm fairly sure he might have an inkling of it at some point, but he told me that he wasn't interested in anyone at the moment, so I took it and backed off, knowing that it was a real possibility that he will reject me, should I tell him.

My question is- and I do appreciate it if you read this entire chunk of text all the way- what should I do about him? Should I tell him that I like him? Or is it a worthless endeavor? Most importantly, what does he even think of me? I can't tell at all.

For reference, I'm fairly sure that I'm an ENTP. My Fe is more developed due to my strict upbringing, and I'm constantly reprimanded by my mother and sister to be more aware and sensitive towards others, which is why I come across as IXFX type at times. I am usually very careful about how I come across, and try my best to make others comfortable around me. I have read up on all 16 types, do a bit of research, and studied up on the cognitive functions.

Once again, thank you for reading through this whole thing- and any advice will be greatly appreciated. Please and thank you.
 

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You are taking things MUCH too fast for an INFJ. It takes time to get to know us, so I'm pretty sure you don't know him, other than that he is kind, and cute. We also take our time getting to know our significant others. It seems like that culture is also slower at relationships, so you were doubly fast. Slow down. I don't know why you think texting 2-3 times a week is slow. That's faster than I text my own daughter.
 
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You are taking things MUCH too fast for an INFJ. It takes time to get to know us, so I'm pretty sure you don't know him, other than that he is kind, and cute. We also take our time getting to know our significant others. It seems like that culture is also slower at relationships, so you were doubly fast. Slow down. I don't know why you think texting 2-3 times a week is slow. That's faster than I text my own daughter.

Hahaha, firstly, thank you for responding. I didn't want to reveal too much of his personal information- but I do know quite a bit about him, other than "kind and cute". I'm conveying my impressions of him, but aside from that, I do know other things about him, like his thoughts, his dreams, ambitions, or his interests. There are also a lot of insecurities he have on his end that I noticed, though I don't want to press him until he feels uncomfortable.

Secondly, yes, I agree that I might be moving too fast. Texting 2-3 times a week is slow because the time between texts are like 9 hours regardless- and the conversation can be quite mundane. I wouldn't mind texting 2-3 times a week if there's something concrete in our conversation, but it puzzles me why he would keep responding even though there's literally nothing to respond to. That being said, please keep in mind that I'm quite used to talking to him on a daily basis. While you might text your daughter only 2-3 times a week, I don't think you can exactly stereotype all INFJs and state that texting 2-3 times a week is normal for them. I talk to my two INFJ friends every single day as well- I personally think it varies from person to person.

Regardless, thank you very much for your feedback. I will keep that in mind and slow down my pace to ensure that he is more comfortable.
 
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