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Discussion Starter #1
I have no idea how or where this is gonna go. I just kinda hope this girl doesn't have a PerC account because she would know who she is and who I am probably immediately. I guess I could create an entirely different account just to make this post, but whatever. If she finds it, she finds it. If you found it, well, fuck. Hey. Don't hate me for this.

I want help figuring out this INTJ friend of mine.
She's a great person, and I consider her my friend, but I want to know how (you think) she sees me as.
Of course, I have my own theories but I'm never too sure about them. I guess I either want confirmation or to be told the exact opposite. Either would leave me satisfied.

She texts me about every day, and I'd say two-three out of the seven days in a week, we actually meet up. She's always the one to initiate. I never know when she has free time, and I guess I'm just a pussy. She always asks if I wanna go eat lunch or dinner, but she hasn't asked if I just want to hang out yet. But, after every time we eat, we just hang around not doing much, so I guess it's okay.
Tonight was an especially odd experience with her. She invited me to eat Japanese (she knows I love it, and didn't start asking until she figured out I love it.) and when we finished eating, we just kinda sat there and talked. She asked me about my long-term plans, school, work, etc. She asked a bunch of questions. And the strangest part was that she was making physical contact with me. And she used to always just flinch and back away whenever I tried to even poke her. She made a lot of jokes about how she loves my facial expressions. She's been seeming more and more like a feeler recently. Or, at least, from what I see.
She did, however, lie to me the other day. She asked if I wanted to eat lunch with her, but then she bailed on me. Told me she couldn't because she didn't have enough money and that it was already too late for her to try and leave her school. Which, I thought was utter bullshit because she always has money, and it was like 5 minutes after she was to be let out for lunch. So I checked her location on Snapchat because I'm a stalker (No, I'm not, I just had my suspicions.) and she always has her location on. Turns out she went to get pizza. Which, we were supposed to do, but at a different restaurant than the one she went to. (Hey, yeah, if you found this post, I know everything. Don't lie to me next time. <3 Love you.)

There's a lot more, but I don't really feel like going into that much detail, and people probably don't want to read that much detail, so I won't get into it.
If you do want or need more detail, I'll give it to you, just ask, but I don't expect anyone to actually even care enough to have read this far, so....
Maybe I just wanted to rant. Who knows?
Just, if you care, tell me your thoughts. I have an excessive amount and need to focus or pinpoint a few that actually make sense.
Thank.



Lmao kill me
 

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If she is a real INTJ, maybe two are the possible answers (based totaly on what I do in her situation, so don't take it as absolute thruth):

1) She is interested in you, INTJ most of the time will text or ask to go out only if they are interested in her/him. They don't like to waste time in something that is not worth.
2) she's bored and just want to test your reactions.

For the "lie" thing, maybe in both cases she wanted some alone time or wanted to go with some friends, don't know. (or just want to play with you watching your reactions)
 

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If she's going through all that trouble to eat with you, then she likes you on some level. Is that the only time she's "lied"? If so, I don't get the big woop, especially since you mentioned that she's always the initiator and your writing kinda sounds like her attention is a burden to you.

There has to be more for you to write all of this.
 

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Heretic
ESI 9w8 5w4 2w1
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At least you are not an ENFP...

Could mean multiple things, we have even less data than you.
Besides, you typing her as INTJ is kinda slim.
Trying to pin all her behaviours on that tiny label is even more problematic.
There is nothing I can tell you here, she did what she did.
Her agenda could be anything, INTJs don't follow the INTJ script.
Even if you got her enneagram and instinctual type,
there would still be a ton of factors that could screw up any prediction.

Instead of asking yourself what she wants,
ask yourself what you want and how much you are willing to sacrifice for it.
In other words, what scenarios are you willing to accept and what will you pay for them.
Then chose the one that seems most likely to pan out with the least pain on your part.
Please don't tell me the specifics, dumping her, fucking her, being her slave...
I could really care less.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
If she is a real INTJ, maybe two are the possible answers (based totaly on what I do in her situation, so don't take it as absolute thruth):

1) She is interested in you, INTJ most of the time will text or ask to go out only if they are interested in her/him. They don't like to waste time in something that is not worth.
2) she's bored and just want to test your reactions.

For the "lie" thing, maybe in both cases she wanted some alone time or wanted to go with some friends, don't know. (or just want to play with you watching your reactions)
She's definitely INTJ. She types herself and tests that way. If she's anything else, it would be INFJ, but even most broad stereotypes don't apply to her for that.
1. I've heard this a lot, and I kinda don't want it to be true. :)
2. If that's the case, she tests my reactions to the same thing multiple times.
She probably wanted alone time with her other friends, lol.

I'm hoping she just wants to see how I react to stuff. She does say that she loves how I react to things, so, hopefully, that's the case.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
If she's going through all that trouble to eat with you, then she likes you on some level. Is that the only time she's "lied"? If so, I don't get the big woop, especially since you mentioned that she's always the initiator and your writing kinda sounds like her attention is a burden to you.

There has to be more for you to write all of this.
Yeah, that's the only time she's bailed and lied like that. Most of the time, if she bails, she gives me an actual reason why with proof. Like she has to babysit her little brother and wait for her dad or someone to show up. She usually just changes the time.
I wouldn't say it's a burden, I enjoy her company a lot. It just came as a surprise to me when I figured out she actually did lie. Seemed..."out of character," y'know? Perhaps I looking too far into it. That's probably the case. I tend to do that a lot.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
At least you are not an ENFP...

Could mean multiple things, we have even less data than you.
Besides, you typing her as INTJ is kinda slim.
Trying to pin all her behaviours on that tiny label is even more problematic.
There is nothing I can tell you here, she did what she did.
Her agenda could be anything, INTJs don't follow the INTJ script.
Even if you got her enneagram and instinctual type,
there would still be a ton of factors that could screw up any prediction.

Instead of asking yourself what she wants,
ask yourself what you want and how much you are willing to sacrifice for it.
In other words, what scenarios are you willing to accept and what will you pay for them.
Then chose the one that seems most likely to pan out with the least pain on your part.
Please don't tell me the specifics, dumping her, fucking her, being her slave...
I could really care less.
Lol, I enjoyed this reply. It was helpful too.
 
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I wouldn't say it's a burden, I enjoy her company a lot. It just came as a surprise to me when I figured out she actually did lie. Seemed..."out of character," y'know? Perhaps I looking too far into it. That's probably the case. I tend to do that a lot.
she might have done it because you read a little too far into things. i can't comment about the trolling theory because [truth] the troll factor in entps is more of a turnoff for me than something i would start doing myself.

so that's possible. if you're giving her insecure/clingy vibes, i can picture someone like me just making something up in order to take back the space without getting dragged into the weeds of their angst.

btw, you're not the only entp guy i've seen become unexpectedly twitchy and insecure over not being able to 'read' an intj woman or second-guess what she's thinking about.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
she might have done it because you read a little too far into things. i can't comment about the trolling theory because [truth] the troll factor in entps is more of a turnoff for me than something i would start doing myself.

so that's possible. if you're giving her insecure/clingy vibes, i can picture someone like me just making something up in order to take back the space without getting dragged into the weeds of their angst.

btw, you're not the only entp guy i've seen become unexpectedly twitchy and insecure over not being able to 'read' an intj woman or second-guess what she's thinking about.
That's possible. Don't want it to be, but it is.
As for giving her insecure/clingy vibes, I really hope I don't put those vibes out, and I don't think I do, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's what she got out of me.
It's mostly annoying because I can read her pretty easily, but when it comes to the subject of me, it becomes real cloudy.
 
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She doesn't sound like an INTJ to me, but she does sound interested.

She sounds like a feeler and a liar to me. I would definitely call her out on her lying to you. As an INTJ myself, I quickly lose interest in anyone who lies/lied to me, especially about something so trivial. If they are not faithful in small matters, neither will they be in large matters...is how I think. Why would even consider trusting you with my heart/life, when I can't even trust you to (fill in the blank).

Lying INTJs are not INTJs, imo.

Nevertheless, the issue is not if she's an INTJ, but rather if you want to be bothered with her beyond a basic friendship (if that) regardless of her personality type.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
She doesn't sound like an INTJ to me, but she does sound interested.

She sounds like a feeler and a liar to me. I would definitely call her out on her lying to you. As an INTJ myself, I quickly lose interest in anyone who lies/lied to me, especially about something so trivial. If they are not faithful in small matters, neither will they be in large matters...is how I think. Why would even consider trusting you with my heart/life, when I can't even trust you to (fill in the blank).

Lying INTJs are not INTJs, imo.

Nevertheless, the issue is not if she's an INTJ, but rather if you want to be bothered with her beyond a basic friendship (if that) regardless of her personality type.
She types and tests as INTJ. I wouldn't be surprised if she was maybe an INFP though.
But what you said makes sense. I won't choose to call her out for it. Not yet anyway.
I don't see a reason to make a big deal out of it, especially if it's just the one time about going to eat lunch. Besides, she was the one who initially asked, so she had every right to call it off if she wanted to. But you're right about the small matters vs. large matters thing.
I do want to at least be a good friend for her. Anything more might put me out of my comfort zone right now.
 

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She's definitely INTJ. She types herself and tests that way. If she's anything else, it would be INFJ, but even most broad stereotypes don't apply to her for that.
1. I've heard this a lot, and I kinda don't want it to be true. :)
2. If that's the case, she tests my reactions to the same thing multiple times.
She probably wanted alone time with her other friends, lol.

I'm hoping she just wants to see how I react to stuff. She does say that she loves how I react to things, so, hopefully, that's the case.
That was a sh*t test which you passed. She wanted to see if you were mushy/clingy/butthurt.
If she's asking your long term plans/goals/interests, after having spent time with you...
she's assessing you for a relationship.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to
take your nads out of the lock box and go for it, if you want a relationship.
(And bring your A-game, for God's sake, INTJ women will not consider a man who is not worthy of them.)

As always, if you fail, INTJ Central Command will disavow any knowledge of you.

Good luck, Jim.

This tape will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
 

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She's definitely INTJ. She types herself and tests that way. If she's anything else, it would be INFJ, but even most broad stereotypes don't apply to her for that.
1. I've heard this a lot, and I kinda don't want it to be true. :)
2. If that's the case, she tests my reactions to the same thing multiple times.
She probably wanted alone time with her other friends, lol.

I'm hoping she just wants to see how I react to stuff. She does say that she loves how I react to things, so, hopefully, that's the case.
Just ask her straight forward, do you like me? do you want more? and sit back and watch what she does. But if she is spending time with you I think she is at least curious about you.
 

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Ask for clarification and/or confront her about it. If lying persists and/or no [clear] answer(s) surface, discontinue your associate with her (&) find a more honest + direct INTJ humanoid.

That was a sh*t test which you passed. She wanted to see if you were mushy/clingy/butthurt.
Privacy is a sufficient [part] of a female-INTJ humanoid(s) lifestyle - not only will she be sufficiently utilizing Linux™, she will also have no navigational / locational setting(s) present to the public -and her read recipient successfully turned off.


(Hey, yeah, if you found this post, I know everything. Don't lie to me next time. <3 Love you.)
She would also [find such action(s) repulsive before consulting / confronting her [first] before seeking randomized outside help (!)

Lmao kill me
She will also sarcastically assist [and offer plausible ways]; to aid your desire to die.
 

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It's so hard for me to see this person as an INTJ - especially if there's potential she's an INFJ (which is on a completely different axis of feeling/thinking as they use Fe and Ti and INTJs use Te and Fi).

If I cared about someone and was building a new relationship with them, there's no way I'd lie or misrepresent myself like this at all.

Here are reasons I don't think she's an INTJ:
- pace is too fast
- the weird touching while asking you important questions (this is something I simply couldn't do. I need to focus on the questions.)
- she lied to you (possibly)

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, you keep saying you're sure she's an INTJ. I'll take your word for it. In that case, whatever you think she's lying about is probably not a lie at all. She might have been private about it, like maybe she didn't have the money because something else came up that involved [extremely important family member, unexpected expense, etc...] or ... I don't know. As others have said, maybe she needed time to herself.

1. Talk about the "lie". Let her know straight up that you were hurt that you didn't get to see her and that you'd be interested to know if she could explain a bit more about what came up.
1.a. If she really did lie or if she is not forthcoming, end the relationship.

2. Stop any sort of games. If you want to know something, don't stalk; Just ask. By her initiating a lot of q&a with you, it's her turn now, ask her about herself. The stuff you want to know, ask directly. (See Catwalk above)

3. Show her your appreciation for the Japanese food by taking her someplace you know she'll like next time.

4. Ask her about her future. Does it fit with the future you see for yourself? If so, ask her where she sees the relationship and where she wants it to go.

I'm interested in this situation, too. Could you keep us posted?
 
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Not INTJ, but it's possible that she just wanted to be alone. Sounds like a complicated relationship especially now that we have the technology to easily stalk people. If the avatar image is actually you, then perhaps consider swapping it with something else. Also, consider this scenario.. she borrows your computer trying to get to something that starts with the letter "p", say pinterest, or whatever young women visit these days.. then the autocomplete shows that you're in personality cafe. Now she knows where to go to for information about you.

The preempted apology in case she finds out is a nice touch. Although it can be a double edged sword, since she might think that you think that she's a stalker. But in this case, she would actually be a stalker, which can be a good thing, knowing that you're both stalkers. So, you'd share a common interest of stalking.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I'm interested in this situation, too. Could you keep us posted?
Thank you for all the helpful advice.
I can keep you guys posted, sure.
A good bit has happened since the night at the Japanese restaurant. I won't go into every detail, but she's seeming to want to hang out a lot more. Since Japanese happened, we've hung out three or four times. I kinda lost count. I bought her Starbucks. She likes Starbucks. (Typical white girl...) We went to this cookie bakery place and she offered to buy me a cookie cake, but I denied. Kinda wish I would have accepted. I love cookie cake.
She told me today that she stalked my Facebook profile. Which sucks because I stopped using Facebook after I realized that it's a dumb form of "social" interaction or media. But before I stopped using it, I was the cringiest mother fucker on the planet. She said she was just going through pictures, but she'll probably stalk my statuses tonight.
She asked if I wanted to eat dinner with her tonight. Told her I couldn't because I'm broke. So she asked if I wanted to just watch her eat dinner. Then she backtracked, said, "Wait, I actually have food at my house for once. Meh. I'll eat Panera." (We went to Panera...obviously.) But she thought about ditching me. But this time she didn't. So I'm happy about that.

Not INTJ, but it's possible that she just wanted to be alone. Sounds like a complicated relationship especially now that we have the technology to easily stalk people. If the avatar image is actually you, then perhaps consider swapping it with something else. Also, consider this scenario.. she borrows your computer trying to get to something that starts with the letter "p", say pinterest, or whatever young women visit these days.. then the autocomplete shows that you're in personality cafe. Now she knows where to go to for information about you.

The preempted apology in case she finds out is a nice touch. Although it can be a double edged sword, since she might think that you think that she's a stalker. But in this case, she would actually be a stalker, which can be a good thing, knowing that you're both stalkers. So, you'd share a common interest of stalking.

I'm deleting this account if she finds it. ( :
Hopefully, we don't bond over the fact that we're stalkers. I wouldn't consider myself a stalker, but if that's the case, whatever. If she's a stalker, then fuck me because she probably already found this and isn't telling me.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I haven't posted an update on this in a while, so I don't even know if I should or not, but I'm doing it anyway because I was asked to keep posting updates, and also because I kinda want to.

I didn't bring up the lie to her. I don't plan to either. I don't really care too much, and even if I did, it's been weeks since it happened. But, as far as I know, she hasn't lied to me since then.
My birthday was last Friday and she asked to hang out. So we did. She bought me lunch and we did a bunch of Black Friday shopping/looking around. The next day, my mom took me out to eat dinner for my birthday with one of my long-time best friends. Before we decided on a place to go, she texted me asking if I wanted to go out for some Olive Garden. I told her I could tell my mom to take us to Olive Garden and we could eat with her. She agreed to that. So she met my mother. Which I don't know if I find that to be a good or a bad thing. Either way, I don't really care.
We hung out a little after all that, without my mom or the other friend.
We talked, I was able to ask about a few of her future plans. I never got around to asking where I fit into her future plans, but she mentioned something about maybe I could go to the college she planned to go to if the other college was too expensive for her.
I kinda hope I have a future with her. How this future is, I'm not sure yet. Friends, enemies, married, exes. I don't know. I don't want it to be negative, but I'm not sure how positive I want it yet either. I'm starting to think she has similar thoughts. Maybe a little more organized than mine, but they're almost definitely there.
I could be overthinking things, and I most likely am, and I know I could probably just ask her, but I'm a pussy. I just want to know what I am to her. We hang out a lot, but we never really, I guess, talk. Like, we will, but I don't always feel as if we talk "deep" enough. Which sounds edgy and stupid but they never reach a certain amount of meaningfulness as I wish they did. Perhaps you could label that selfish too. I don't know. There are moments I have with her where I kinda just wanna pick her up and kiss her, but there are also moments where I just want to drop everything and leave for a while.
Of course, I never actually just want to leave her. I consider her a friend and with as much as we hang out, sometimes I wish we hung out more, sometimes I wish she'd stop being clingy...Or at least what seems to be clingy.

I guess I don't really have any more to say. Thoughts and suggestions are very much appreciated.
 

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I kinda hope I have a future with her. How this future is, I'm not sure yet. Friends, enemies, married, exes. I don't know. I don't want it to be negative, but I'm not sure how positive I want it yet either.
You should tell her this. Leave out the part that you don't know if you want to have a positive relationship with her, though -- I don't think the way you mean this is the way it's coming across to me, phrased like that.

Nobody knows where a relationship is going, even though it's easy to compartmentalize acquaintances into certain roles. People like to pretend they do, though -- I think you sound like a mature person who's being honest, and I think anybody should appreciate the candor, woman, man, INTJ or not, friends or romantic, or whatever.
 
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