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Hey INFPs. If you're bored and want to listen to some lame, 16-year-old rant, welcome. I'm super lame and annoying though, so you might get really frustrated. If so, feel free to post an angry face. Just warning ya. :wink: Or if you're just too lazy to read all of this crap, just post some funny little joke or some quotes.

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of falling in love in the most romantic way possible with my soul mate. I'm only 16, but in these past two years, I feel like I'll never fall in love, and that a guy will never fall in love with me (especially this part, actually). I don't really talk to the guys in my grade. Except for my gay friend, but I think even he's getting tired of me.... I kind of bother him with my dreams of falling in love too much.. I don't know if it's just my school, but not that much people actually date. That is, until prom. But of course, that's mainly only for the upperclassmen. Sure, tons of people hook up, but dating doesn't happen that often in our school. Maybe because everyone's so focused on their grades...

The problem is, I don't think I'll fit well with anyone. I'm really eccentric. I'm a cross between an INFP and ISFP, so I don't even know who I'm really compatible with! I don't even know myself, to be frank. I don't know why I act the way I do, I don't know if I'm really acting like myself... I don't know what to be. I feel like the only reason why I started acting the way I did, which started in middle school, is because I wanted people to like me or even talk to me. And then, it shifted to perhaps being able to feel more if I act more bizarre.


It's hard especially right now because, for the past few years, I've been quite apathetic. I don't care about anything. Nothing moves me anymore. In my eyes, things just simply happen. So really, because of this, I don't even know the simplest things about myself. Like, if I'm a passive or aggressive kind of person, or if I'm very caring or not.


The only times I get really emotional is when I PMS. Those aren't good times.

Sorry, I just realized how weird of a question this is. If you could answer all these questions on love and teenage confusion, that would be awesome. So would you care to provide some life advice for this sad wittle girl?
 

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Uhhh... sorry you guys... Just one of my crazy, random tangents. Yea.... awkward...
 
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Some people get lucky in high school, some don't. No worries.
High school is meant to be endured, not lived. The living part comes after.
You will meet tons of guys in your life, but being a teenager is about finding yourself and dealing with raging emotions and insecurities. Most INFPs here will probably agree that their teen years were much the same.
Am i right, INFPs?
 

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Hey INFPs. If you're bored and want to listen to some lame, 16-year-old rant, welcome. I'm super lame and annoying though, so you might get really frustrated. If so, feel free to post an angry face. Just warning ya. :wink: Or if you're just too lazy to read all of this crap, just post some funny little joke or some quotes.

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of falling in love in the most romantic way possible with my soul mate. I'm only 16, but in these past two years, I feel like I'll never fall in love, and that a guy will never fall in love with me (especially this part, actually). I don't really talk to the guys in my grade. Except for my gay friend, but I think even he's getting tired of me.... I kind of bother him with my dreams of falling in love too much.. I don't know if it's just my school, but not that much people actually date. That is, until prom. But of course, that's mainly only for the upperclassmen. Sure, tons of people hook up, but dating doesn't happen that often in our school. Maybe because everyone's so focused on their grades...

The problem is, I don't think I'll fit well with anyone. I'm really eccentric. I'm a cross between an INFP and ISFP, so I don't even know who I'm really compatible with! I don't even know myself, to be frank. I don't know why I act the way I do, I don't know if I'm really acting like myself... I don't know what to be. I feel like the only reason why I started acting the way I did, which started in middle school, is because I wanted people to like me or even talk to me. And then, it shifted to perhaps being able to feel more if I act more bizarre.


It's hard especially right now because, for the past few years, I've been quite apathetic. I don't care about anything. Nothing moves me anymore. In my eyes, things just simply happen. So really, because of this, I don't even know the simplest things about myself. Like, if I'm a passive or aggressive kind of person, or if I'm very caring or not.


The only times I get really emotional is when I PMS. Those aren't good times.

Sorry, I just realized how weird of a question this is. If you could answer all these questions on love and teenage confusion, that would be awesome. So would you care to provide some life advice for this sad wittle girl?
well i may not exactly be the the best person for advice considering i am still 16 as well, however i shall try my best.

To start of with i see ennegram type 4 in you, also known as the romantic type, so these problems and feelings seem rather natural. For me ive never been interested in relationships, i had been completely closed off and had an apathetic hatred towards everything, that life was a life that is hard for me to have to remember, so i must ask you to try your best to not become as apathetic and emotionless as i was, that would be a terrible waste of human life

that is, I was like this until a girl entered my life and gave me the strength to redefine myself ^^, and i will tell you this now- dont worry, just be who you are inside and one day someone will come wandering into your life and you will instantly feel that connection, that will be your treasured moment, until then dont stress, relationships in my opinion are irritating and frivolous unless it is one with a connection that can last a lifetime. Being a type 4 im not sure if this feeling would happen to you more but im sure you will notice the difference ^^

i hope this advice from a young INFJ who has made many mistakes and is still yet to make many more has helped ^^
 

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Hey HollyMolly! INFJ here, but thought id reply anyway. Firstly, you arent lame or annoying at all.. far from it. Isnt this what a forums purpose is anyway? I'm not really sure what to say without sounding a bit patronizing i.e 'youre 16, youre young! something will come along' But..well.. it will! At 16 (really trying to not use the phrase 'when I was your age' :p) I hadnt ever had a boyfriend or dated or anything. Hell I dont think id ever spoken to many boys! I do identify with your dream of love, I think its pretty common for girls to fantasize about that to an extreme extent.. I blame disney.But it is so true that it comes when you least expect it. I remember when I was 16/17 I agonized over the fact Id never found anyone and that id be alone forever etc etc.. then suddenly I just managed to shift the focus to other areas of life..work/friendships.. and whatdya know I met my (now-ex) bf and we dated for 3 years. And trust me, I didnt think it would happen. I know its hard to not think about it, but do try to focus on other areas because the more you idealize, the worst you will feel and the harder it will be to actually meet someone. Have faith in the fact that one day, maybe soon,maybe not so-soon but one day it will happen for you.. and until then you should work on being the best person you can be.
Remember that at 16 you are still very much finding yourself and experimenting with all the different aspects of your personality; and its all fine! you dont have to be a certain way or be who you really are just yet because you arent sure who that is, and thats fine too. I'm 22 and Im still experimenting with all this.. who knows if anyone ever really does grow up.
Anyway, not sure if this will make any sense at all, sorry! x
 
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Yeeeees. You are right Kindaconfused. :) First of all Hollymolly. Don't apologise for saying things, and talking about it.

(The other person can either accept and continue to talk with you, or they will just try and ignore you or move on. So be confident that either way, you will recognise this kind of characteristic from people in general. I get the impression that you let a lot of the other posts affect you...hm. Don't. Just be yourself. Be 16. Live it. Be you. Ok?)

I think dating in your teens are not particularly great, I don't think. I also obviously...had the most wonderful image of how I would fall for someone when I was that age. (Actually, I bloomed a bit later. It was when I was at uni for me.) Don't lose the romantic notion within yourself, cos I think that is quite important. BUT at the same time, recognise or start to recognise when someone flirts with you. Cos they may not be all that confident, with bravado... and sweep you off your feet. (Actually, that is not true. Some people can sweep you off your feet and they keep trying! Just not, in the same sweeping style as you expect probably. So that is why you will miss the signals. lol... oh, I know all about that one too, cos I was such an air-head like that. Hey, but you know that? That is also okay. Cos it allow us to become who we are.)

Things to look out for. When a guy continually chats to you every weekend, without fail... (Some commitment guys will do this.) When someone tries to be particularly evil to you. Tease you til you're annoyed with them. (This is like the suppressive side of some boys.) Only a very very handful of people will really declare their undying love for you. (That is, if you already made contact first... but this is quite rare, so it can't happen from randomness...it never does. Not in how you think that it will.) By the way, all boys are different. So... just try and see if you can recognise a style, and find within yourself the feelings associated with a particular style, and that you'd prefer. That would be so useful to you in later life when you try and settle into a stable and steady relationship. Just don't take things too serious for now. Go out and meet people. Have fun. Have a giggle. Don't think about whether this person is dateable or not etc. Don't even worry about the boy's feeling. Just be yourself. Cos they will also learn more about you too, and how girls are, by your normal behaviour. They are also learning too, and that is okay.

I think if you start to understand how boys tick. Then you will start to understand when someone does like you, and check for your own reciprocal feelings too? I don't know whether I am lucky or not, cos I have male figures in my family that shows me different ways of showing concerns. So that is why I recognise when someone does care for me.
 

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Some people get lucky in high school, some don't. No worries.
High school is meant to be endured, not lived. The living part comes after.
You will meet tons of guys in your life, but being a teenager is about finding yourself and dealing with raging emotions and insecurities. Most INFPs here will probably agree that their teen years were much the same.
Am i right, INFPs?
My teens were a blur. I had nobody "special" to share it with, was pretty much a loner and kept to myself. Looking back, I realize I didn't miss much. Parties and random hookups? No thanks.
 

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I remember how after high school I was embarrassed by how much all that stupid crap meant to me and how important it all seemed.
I guess we all have to endure the stupid crap before we realize how stupid it is.
for me it is me lookiing back, and realising that my values and beliefs were in the wrong place ^^
 

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@hollymolly - I used to daydream about being that white knight that saved the day and won his true love, or I would see a stranger and think of how I might make her fall madly in love with me with my charms. Of course, this was all in my head. I assumed I would meet the love of my life and live with passion before I hit 20. That did not happen. I got bitter about it for a while. When I had some failed relationships, reality set in. That perfect love doesn't just happen with anyone, and it will be worth the wait. I was such a dreamer at your age, and there is nothing at all wrong with that. Angst and confusion, unfortunately, come with the territory.

As far as apathy is concerned, passion and emotion are good friends, but they don't go everywhere together. You don't have to feel emotion every moment to exercise your passions, and if you have no passions, I suggest you take your time and explore your world. So much is open to you at your age. You can be almost anything, and you have opportunities coming that will take you almost anywhere you want to go. That's not cheerleading, that's the truth if you are able to find passion and focus your energies on walking through those open doors. You have time, but don't waste it. What do you daydream about doing? Something must excite you. If you were truly apathetic, you wouldn't have the desire to even seek advice.

I can truly relate to a lot of what you are saying, at least, the younger me could relate. I was the strange one, and I decided to embrace it. I didn't care if people thought I was weird, some people loved it. I was awkward about meeting girls. Some people just assumed I was gay because I wasn't dating. I didn't care. I lived everything I did with passion, and nobody was going to stop me. I found the things I loved, and they kept me going. I found those things around the age of 16. The years leading up to that were very awkward!

Hopefully this offered something helpful. I'm happy to talk more.
 
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True story to all said here...not that I'm any more a giant fount of wisdom or anything, at age 22...but just wait until you get to college. Well, or whatever's next for you. It's all good.

Let me tell you, though, that if you can take to heart all this advice to grow into yourself--to learn what that is and to stay true to yourself (with occasional personas for practical purposes, inasmuch as you are comfortable with them)--you will save yourself a LOT of strife later on. The sooner you learn to truly and deeply trust yourself, the better off you will be...the more you focus on cultivating your passions and strengths, the sooner he will pop into your life. Especially if you are not simply trying to become what you think he wants you to be.

Focus on your loves, your passions, on what makes joy and truth ring in your heart. I don't really think there's such a thing as a strictly definable Self, but I do think there are ways to be authentic. I think a lot of it is kind of intuitive, but still tricky sometimes.

And I will mirror the sentiments that...yes, love seems impossible, and for an INFP it's tricky, because we are both selective and passive in finding our mates. But he will DEFINITELY come if you are patient. I have already had a few of those true, deep connections. (and I just found another last week!)

I respect eccentric people. Keep it real. :p Hope this was somewhat helpful..!
 

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I remember how after high school I was embarrassed by how much all that stupid crap meant to me and how important it all seemed.
I guess we all have to endure the stupid crap before we realize how stupid it is.
It's not really stupid crap. LOL....
I used to *so* hate cliche comments from *so* many redundant randomness from people, even when I don't want to talk about certain topics? I think we can indeed be so brainwashed by so many things that people say to us that we forget what we personally like. That's quite important. Anyway, if we haven't gone through the bad experiences, then how do you know you found a good person to spend the rest of your life with ?

I find this thread extreeeeemely cute. :) It brings back some wonderful memories.
 

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16 is so young, although I am 22 and am afraid of turning 23. There is so much life yet left to be lived.

Armyr ...we are both selective and passive in finding our mates...
I honestly believe patience is a virtue, the wait will be worth it when that person finally one day comes along.
 

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You sound like a typical 16-year-old girl to me. No worries! :tongue:

Yes, love is awesome. It can be romantic and beautiful and fascinating and everything you've dreamed. BUT, love isn't something that comes when you're looking for it. It doesn't show up on a white horse, either. Not everyone has a Danny and Sandy experience.

Love comes when you least expect it (yes, I know that's a silly cliche, but it's very true). You will find it one day, but you have to stop focusing on finding it. When I was 16, I thought I'd never find someone who would love hideous, stupid me. Sure, there were the occassional guys that loved to talk to my boobs, but they just wanted in my pants. They had no idea who I was. It was depressing to be treated as if I were disgusting, but have the same guys make suggestive and lewd comments about my body. No one really cared to get to know me. I realize I'm very complicated, but that doesn't matter.

To make this story less long, think of Angela Chase on My So-Called Life. That's me. I was (am) even pale and had a dyed red bob. I was the same age as her when that show was on, so I mean we're even talking down to the plaid flannel shirts, band t-shirts, and jeans with Doc Martens (OK, so I still dress like that, sans the flannel shirt). But, the personality was very similar and so were her experiences, except she had more friends than I had (I only had 1...lol). If you haven't watched that show before, watch it. It's on Netflix streaming and Hulu Plus. I believe every teenage girl should watch that show so they can feel comforted and understood. Most of us have had a Jordan Catalano at some point...and a Brian Crackow. That show is way more real than any other teenage TV show or movie...ever. And the fact that you hang out with your gay buddy...well, there's even more you have in common with Angela Chase or, perhaps you are Rayeanne Graff. Geez, just watch the show before I tell you the entire story! lol

Just know that high school sucks for most people. I know this also sounds cliche, but those people that you may look at and think "man, they've got everything" don't. They hit their peak in high school. Those people I used to get teased and bullied by...well, they either had kids when they were kids and are divorced a few times over or they're 30 years old and still acting like they're kids with their constant drinking and partying. They're immature asshats...STILL. So, don't let high school get you down. We don't all find someone to date in high school. I did, surprisingly enough. But, I had to go to work to find him (literally...like at my job). I had a beautiful relationship with that boy for 4 years. But, I was extremely lucky and I wasn't looking for him at all. I NEEDED him and that's why he fell into my life when he did, but I wasn't expecting or looking. Stop looking and love will find you when you need it.
 

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I had a lot of similar feelings at 16. Dreams for that perfect relationship, but doubted that it would ever happen. The difference was that I couldn't admit that, probably not even on a forum at that point.

Some here have said that the right one will come along, and you just need to be patient, and maybe they're right. But as someone who still hasn't had a relationship at 28, I have a little bit different perspective.

While I agree you shouldn't be obsessed with relationships, and you should not let it dominate your life, it may not 'just happen.' The way you live your life, how you spend your time, how you interact with people, will all make a very big difference with regard to finding a mate, even if you aren't intentionally looking for one.

I know from my own experience that it doesn't necessarily matter if someone likes you or not. If you won't let the relationship happen, it isn't going to happen. It's possible to put up obstacles to relationships without even realizing it. It starts with your mindset. Negative thought patterns can doom relationships for some, and prevent them from even forming for others.
 

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@hollymolly - I used to daydream about being that white knight that saved the day and won his true love, or I would see a stranger and think of how I might make her fall madly in love with me with my charms. Of course, this was all in my head. I assumed I would meet the love of my life and live with passion before I hit 20. That did not happen. I got bitter about it for a while. When I had some failed relationships, reality set in. That perfect love doesn't just happen with anyone, and it will be worth the wait. I was such a dreamer at your age, and there is nothing at all wrong with that. Angst and confusion, unfortunately, come with the territory.

As far as apathy is concerned, passion and emotion are good friends, but they don't go everywhere together. You don't have to feel emotion every moment to exercise your passions, and if you have no passions, I suggest you take your time and explore your world. So much is open to you at your age. You can be almost anything, and you have opportunities coming that will take you almost anywhere you want to go. That's not cheerleading, that's the truth if you are able to find passion and focus your energies on walking through those open doors. You have time, but don't waste it. What do you daydream about doing? Something must excite you. If you were truly apathetic, you wouldn't have the desire to even seek advice.

I can truly relate to a lot of what you are saying, at least, the younger me could relate. I was the strange one, and I decided to embrace it. I didn't care if people thought I was weird, some people loved it. I was awkward about meeting girls. Some people just assumed I was gay because I wasn't dating. I didn't care. I lived everything I did with passion, and nobody was going to stop me. I found the things I loved, and they kept me going. I found those things around the age of 16. The years leading up to that were very awkward!

Hopefully this offered something helpful. I'm happy to talk more.
Where the hell were you? I was WAITING darn it ! :p
You obviously went to the wrong door, didn't you?

It's funny actually, cos I think if girls have the romantic notions, then...obviously guys must have the magnanimous white night on horse kinda notion too ? So.. whyyyyy not express it wholly and truly to a person that you feel deserves it ?

I think we're too old and cynical as we get older. It is nice to have such strong romantic sentiments sometimes. :) I don't really care what a lot of people say about romance is dead. Cos if romance is truly dead, and love is dead, then Gentle-men would not move the world for a Lady of their love.

I met a white knight once. I didn't recognise him cos I didn't think he'd come. He came. I only realised that he was my knight til later, after I kind of whacked his horse a bit and send him running... Then I found his castle. Knocked on the door, but the door was shut. He then courted another Lady in Waiting, in front of me, well that just flick my switch. That was when he turned from a White Knight to an Evil Dark Knight... bleh... :p

So dear Hollymolly, it is good for you to learn what you like, so that you can indeed recognise the White Knight when he comes. :)
Anyway, he now thinks I'm an Evil Witch. =)
 

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Where the hell were you? I was WAITING darn it ! :p
You obviously went to the wrong door, didn't you?

It's funny actually, cos I think if girls have the romantic notions, then...obviously guys must have the magnanimous white night on horse kinda notion too ? So.. whyyyyy not express it wholly and truly to a person that you feel deserves it ?

I think we're too old and cynical as we get older. It is nice to have such strong romantic sentiments sometimes. :) I don't really care what a lot of people say about romance is dead. Cos if romance is truly dead, and love is dead, then Gentle-men would not move the world for a Lady of their love.

I met a white knight once. I didn't recognise him cos I didn't think he'd come. He came. I only realised that he was my knight til later, after I kind of whacked his horse a bit and send him running... Then I found his castle. Knocked on the door, but the door was shut. He then courted another Lady in Waiting, in front of me, well that just flick my switch. That was when he turned from a White Knight to an Evil Dark Knight... bleh... :p

So dear Hollymolly, it is good for you to learn what you like, so that you can indeed recognise the White Knight when he comes. :)
Anyway, he now thinks I'm an Evil Witch. =)
I'm still here and I'm still the same person! Where were you? :wink:
 

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It's funny actually, cos I think if girls have the romantic notions, then...obviously guys must have the magnanimous white night on horse kinda notion too ?
And why it seems like I am the only girl with different romantic notion? :dry:
Ever heard about girls dreaming to be personal knight guardian of a prince? That's what I am talking about!
 
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