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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hate asking for help, but I just get more confused the harder I try at the enneagram and I've been doing it for 9 hours today.
It started 2014 may, I saw a youtube clip of ADD characteristics. And it clicked 100%. I became elated etc.. Never went to a psychologist because too many options and don't know which ones are good. Also no need to have it on paper...

But a month ago I discovered MBTI, thought I was intp, tests showed this and I get exhausted after being social. (I know now its not that kind of Extroversion/introversion). And if I can be an introverted ENTP I may be that. I test around 50% on E/I and high on NTP.

2 weeks ago I find Enneagram... *insert bad words* Im not usually this frustrated but today I kinda dug in and tried really hard and I multiplied from 7w6 vs 5w6 into 7,6,5,4

The more I read VS threads the more confused I get because I just answer yes to both distinctions. Now I just have rage inside me so I can finally ask for help.

4 21 I must be unique/different to survive.
7 18 I must be fun and entertained to survive.
6 17 I must be secure and safe to survive.
5 15 I must be knowledgeable to survive.


Your variant stacking is sp/sx/so
Your level of health is below average, i.e. unhealthy
Type One: 12
Type Two: 11
Type Three: 24
Type Four: 33
Type Five: 46
Type Six: 38
Type Seven: 51
Type Eight: 28
Type Nine: 46

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
*dislike open questions like this* There is no universal meaning to me, we have to create our own meaning in life. My drive.. is finding my drive.
Really, if I found a goal Id be super happy, finding myself, love happiness, health, economic stability(without being a slave), experiences, adventure, knowledge, understanding the world and human civilization.
Right now it is just improving slowly over time. Having change in a net positive direction.
2. What were you like as a kid?
At 4, shy, clingy(ive been told i was kind of a tail, always wanting to follow people and do stuff with them) conservative with money, liked animals, understand animals, like plants, .. really this feels unending, i cant write an entire childhood here.. stuff happened, i didnt die.
Deleted a long paragraph about teens.. .. .. Its too much information... tl/dr i smiled a lot for most of it, easygoing, charming, a lot of aquaintances, lost my spark(sorry robin williams:/) in late teens into adulthood, focus on being more serious and knowledgeable so people dont look down at me. (one can only endure so many years of being looked down on for being happy go lucky) Isolate myself.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
single mother, visit dad when no school,.. dont know im losing energy, feeling like deleting it all.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
jesus these questions are open...*frustrated*.. asdadoadms values = too many alternatives. id like to avoid.. many things, im sorry guys this is very unprofessional. I should calm down and redo this but then i will never ever post anything ever. I have to take this rage/frustration to actually interact on a forum.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

6. a.) How do you see yourself?
b.) How do you want others to see you?
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people? not being genuine

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
In what context??
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
If im competetive 1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
if im in a good mental state
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
if some1 asks me or i notice something they/it can improve.
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
everywhere, fantasyland when walking/in shower, listening to music.
if im worried i think through all the scenarios, what did i do wrong etc. where are liabilites.
on the internet i jump everywhere, i have 30+ tabs up now. all about enneagram differences
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
i feel best when i can lose myself, when im in the now. either with people or in a good book/movie, reading on the internet, whenever i can escape.
Worst when i stop and think about what i dont want to think about
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger Hmm, not too often, i try to avoid anger and i have a hard time losing control, whenever i feel like thrashing something i cant seem to actually do it.
b.) shame it would have to be some kind of situation.
c.) anxiety hmm quite a lot. but it has many faces and strengths? i think. hm

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress i respond fairly well, but i become less and less in tune with other peoples feelings and become more straightforward. getting things done then we can deal with emotions. (at work for ex.)
b.) negative unexpected change dont know.. avoid? no idea
c.) conflict .. hmm avoid? confront? what confrontation??

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why? i let others take leadership, otherwise i take charge in frustration.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? i have too high expectations i think. I dont think of peoples emotion because i believe we have the same goal of succeding.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? only if theyre.. searching for PC word.. being idiots? otherwise i play a long. actually i think the more i care about something the more i want to make sure it succeeds. i guess i dont take mundane things seriously enough

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?faulty logic, being narrow minded, emotional, if theyre not genuine, if they dont have a thirst for knowledge, if they dont care for animals(they give them a pat and then ignore them). i am pretty bad at understanding vague signals. or i get too into the conversation that i lose focus on reading the other person.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I have trouble trusting other people with whats inside of me. (i think this is the first time i open up in 24 years, other than when i was like up to 7 years old when you go crying to mommy for something, i think i stopped crying then. or at least from 9 years old)
i learned at young that if i tell someone something they can just go and tell whoever. if i tell my mom something who knows if she tells the teacher in the naive belief that she is doing something good? altough i really want to open up people seem to be incapable of treating certain information with the same seriousness i do. and also are very serious about things i feel are harmless (they do something embarassing in public? id laugh it off)

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire? never had much of any contact with religion until late teens when i started reading on the internet that the entire world is full of religios ppl. after taht i started learning many more disconcerting facts showing that humanity is a chaotic beast that doesnt act in its own best interest.

Optional Question (due to personal nature)

Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
i guess i should rewrite what i deleted.. when i was a happy go lucky guy with a spark ( sorry robin williams :(..
people didnt take me serious and looked down on me. i was also the one who initated contact iwth many people but never had any close friends. ( didnt know how to make close friends back then) made a test once at 19. i stopped conacting people and just sat quiet at a table in the back of class. after a week of barely any human contact i realized i was living an illusion. as much as people enjoyed my company i was not essential.
also realized the world isnt filled with people liking eachother working together for some kind of better world. (i always had trouble not liking other humans). i dont know life is complex, i know that i started down a path of even more self reliance and focused on becoming knowledgeable and serious. (i always knew i was smart i just didnt feel the need to flaunt it) well lo and behold people dont like you being unserious and smiling, and people dont like you when youre trying hard to be correct/intellectual/ serious. Trying to please people is an insane goal. dont do it.
well 5 years later i realize you cant live on your own. as Christopher McCandless (into the wild) wrote. happiness is only real if shared with others.
But i have lost my spark and charm. I will just focus on self improvement now.

Extra Questions

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
i like improving, and i am competitive, i usually learn something to 80% and drop it when i feel like the learning speed is slowing down
- To be without needs, well-intentioned
to not be reliant on others
- To replace direct experience with concepts
i think this is just a means of escape perhaps, most would want the real experience, but for some reason dont do it, so we imagine.
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation dont have too much morals.. i dont like injustice, but i am pretty tolerant to a point
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
i have done this, mostly because there is no reason to take a chance if you can get additional input
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
yap
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
if its of not much significance
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
i am not, to my own chagrine. i think it's difficult to be. if i want to be a good boy i have to admit that it would be much healthier to ask for help more often. and that it is a strength to be able to do so. (altough my instinct is that it is weakness)

Well this was a total trainwreck. I feel much more calm now. This is where iI usually delete everything but I think ill just say f*c* it and post it. then torment and regret about it afterwards. i expect reprimands and disdain for not making this in a pretty format and organized and structured and well thought out and detailed. but i have spent 10 hours on this today and it would take me another 10 and i need to eat now.
perhaps i can get some order in the chaos after im in a better state.

love you all, hugs, kisses, pet your hair, ruffle it, hit your arm playfully, laugh like a maniac. bye


What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
 

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ESTp-SLE, ESTP, 7w8?
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Woaaaah. Slow down, slow right down. Your answers are all over the place, it's hard to understand what you're trying to say. Just based on the way you tried to do everything, I'd say 6w7.

I would have said 6w5 until the middle part started and I saw more 7. You can't take everything in the descriptions too literally. You are really misunderstanding something to see 4 as similar to 7. The wants of the types are a little more different than that.

7s don't just want to be entertained, they want to escape whatever inner pain they may or may not be feelings. Most 7s don't even realise their inner stress. The variants make it much different too.

I suggest going back and reading what you put down yourself and seeing if you can understand it. It's all very vague what you wrote and anytime you were going to get somewhere, you backed out. That in itself says 6w7 to me.
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Yes, you're right. I knew I didn't make sense, I was having a brain meltdown from overanalysing and needed to put an end to it. I was going crazy inside my head by all the ambiguity. I dislike attention so I kinda forced myself.
I still want to mesh like 4 types together into one. I hear what you are saying and I read about 6w7. It may perhaps maybe fit.

What you write about 7 I recognize with that, which is why it's so hard for me to dismiss it. I think the problem for me is finding the core. Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience. I shall continue in silence.

Edit:
Okay I did a test with questions I really liked. eclecticenergies dot com/enneagram/

Type 5 - 12.7
Type 6 - 12
Type 7 - 10.7
Type 8 - 10.3
Type 9 - 10
Type 4 - 7.7

Wing 5w6 - 18.7
Wing 6w5 - 18.4
Wing 6w7 - 17.4
Wing 7w6 - 16.7
Wing 5w4 - 16.6
Wing 7w8 - 15.9
Wing 8w7 - 15.7
Wing 8w9 - 15.3
Wing 9w8 - 15.2

I think there is something to what you said. There is a lot of 6 in there. I don't know if my mental state is altered or if it i'm more true to myself. I think I may have downplayed my 7 tendencies in the answers. So I am not convinced which one it is yet but I feel like i can take a rest now.
I had decided I would pinpoint it this morning once and for all and i'm up at 13 hours now so I went a bit crazy when it just got more diffuse as time went on.

Edit 2:
Yep definitely 6. Thanks for pointing in the right direction.

Sixes are head types that view the world as inherently unpredictable. They feel they came into an everchanging world without blueprints that account for the vagaries of life and have to play catchup. They see the danger that lurks just around the corner and need to figure out how to either remove it or cope with it, as well as find some backup through allies or something else out there that's a strong enough foundation. They have a base state of unrest they may not be aware of but their anxiety is visible to others. Their worst fear is to come to the horrible realization that they put trust in the wrong people and find out the basis of everything they believe in is a lie. Simply put sixes fear being "uprooted" so they construct a strong enough mental framework and/or support system of people to navigate life with to prevent that from happening.

Can't argue this.
 
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