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Confusing INFP?!!

2K views 8 replies 4 participants last post by  Llyralen 
#1 ·
This post is in lieu of a friend, who happens to be a male INFJ. Before I start writing, I would like to say that personally I love INFPs and I have no qualms about them, even though they do tend to get messy and confused at times.
My friend started dating this female INFP for about a month or so, after having known her for 3years. They were best friends before they started dating. The guy was serious about the whole thing and was always hopeful for a future with the said girl. However the INFP panicked in a setting where the guy's friends started teasing them together and broke it off saying that she had always been attracted to him and he was special in many ways, but she could never think of them as lovers and she wasn't ready for a relationship as it made her socially anxious.

The girl got into a relationship the very next day and made it extremely public, posting pics and captions of herself with the new guy. At the same time she kept texting my friend randomly, asking him personalized stuff and being friendly and all. He was confused AF and tried asking her about what was going on, but she kept evading him. She also seems to be on a short temper everytime she's with him.

Is this normal for infp girls?? Or guys, for that matter? From my experiences with infps, they are pretty lovable and steady, but somehow I can't fathom what's going on either. Plz help me understand, I don't want to get the wrong idea. I might add that this girl is pretty sensible and good natured and this is unlike her in every way. So if I'm missing something, plz let me know. I really wanna help this friend of mine.
 
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#2 ·
If she's an INFP, and you believe she believes that she wasn't ready for a relationship, then the thing to expect of an INFP is that they'll attempt to work in line with their conscience, if they've got one, but she didn't.

Some options are:
She's not INFP
She doesn't care about your friend enough for even common decency to not lie to his face
You've mis-characterized the situation
This situation isn't real
She suddenly had a sincere change of mind within one day

Her behavior confuses me as well. There might be some sort of miscommunication. I'd check that first.
 
#3 ·
Thank you for the insight. The situation is real🙈 I assure you and I thinks she cares about him enough to keep talking, but doesn't feel like actually explaining what's in her mind.

She may be an immature infp, in my opinion and you could be right about the other points too.

I was thinking, maybe she deliberately said she wasn't ready for the relationship just to be on good terms nevertheless and then did actually fall for the other guy. But what I didn't understand was that she kept (still keeps) texting him all the time... like sending him songs she composed or poems she wrote herself. I dunno if it's a defense mechanism or not. I'm confused too😶 and my friend's hurting already. It's difficult for him to move on, especially as it seems as if she's taunting him. I dunno if that's an INFP thing either (I know you mentioned she might be mistyped, but she has other attributes that characterize an INFP).🙄
 
#4 ·
Seems like she was trying to choose between two guys or the other guy just happened to appear when she was starting to doubt her feelings for your friend. She rejected your friend because that relationship was way too intense and serious for her liking, she might not be ready for such pressure and she didn't anticipate it, but the other guy offers something easier to deal with. Or she just didn't see the same future with your friend as he did, so she's trying out a new one.

Why she's trying to keep contact with your friend...they were friends for years. She might be doing this out of guilt, so she's trying to keep it casual in hopes the friendship will continue. Why she's being evasive...probably doesn't want to admit to herself or others that she handled the situation poorly.
 
#5 ·
Thank you. This explains a lot. Might even help my friend to get a little closure out of it, I hope. Just out of curiosity, is this behaviour common for infps? I have had two infp friends, but they aren't anything like this. They are actually pretty straightforward, though kind and mature.
 
#7 · (Edited)
Questions:

1. How old is she?
2. what are her religious and/or ideology views about physical intimacy?
3. Would your friend be her first real in-the-flesh boyfriend?

Here is my hunch:
She basically said and showed she couldn’t handle this yet— not properly anyway.
I think her social anxiety is higher than anybody thinks (hence the freak-out). The other guy might be a full lie or a partial lie or an Internet guy? but it is probably a lie that makes it easier for her to explore the idea of the possibility of actually becoming your friend’s girlfriend or get closer to him without actually having to be the girlfriend— yet, anyway. She might not be secure enough about being physically involved with anyone— or just scared of it— or maybe she has some personal or religious views on it that make her very reluctant. I mean, heck, there are a ton of girls who have been abused out there. One in three or one in four women have been abused, but it might be that she has no experience at all. She might just not feel ready for that at all— like not at all— but doesn’t want to give up the caring sweet relationship she has with him. And she probably wants to keep feeling the feelings she has fir him, but just has no clue and is frightened to pieces about a next step. You guys might be thinking nobody is asking her for any next step, but in her mind any of this represents something really too frightening for her to handle yet. This is a hunch. This is only a hunch.

For reals, I would suggest talking to one of her friends who is a girl. One who is thoughtful, who doesn’t have her own agenda in this story and who cares about this INFP. Tell her what is going on and that your friend is hurt. Let her talk to her friend . There might be nothing anyone can do but give this girl some patience since she is so scared. OR the INFP may get ready in her own way and be brave enough to let things happen with your friend after a while. She might be fighting her fears while this lie buys her some time. She obviously does care about your friend but is scared— which is pretty much what she said at the party. She might feel this lie keeps her safe for now and I really just think the fear factor is the highest factor in all of this.

One thing… many INFP girls feel that if someone likes you now they will still like you later or else that person isn’t “the one”. A lot of romantic fiction tells us this kind of trash, which is difficult for guy too being told that being persistent will always pay off. Anyway, good luck! Cheers to being a good friend.
 
#8 ·
Questions:

1. How old is she?
2. what are her religious and/or ideology views about physical intimacy?
3. Would your friend be her first real in-the-flesh boyfriend?

Here is my hunch:
She basically said and showed she couldn’t handle this yet— not properly anyway.
I think her social anxiety is higher than anybody thinks (hence the freak-out). The other guy might be a full lie or a partial lie or an Internet guy? but it is probably a lie that makes it easier for her to explore the idea of the possibility of actually becoming your friend’s girlfriend or get closer to him without actually having to be the girlfriend— yet, anyway. She might not be secure enough about being physically involved with anyone— or just scared of it— or maybe she has some personal or religious views on it that make her very reluctant. I mean, heck, there are a ton of girls who have been abused out there. One in three or one in four women have been abused, but it might be that she has no experience at all. She might just not feel ready for that at all— like not at all— but doesn’t want to give up the caring sweet relationship she has with him. And she probably wants to keep feeling the feelings she has fir him, but just has no clue and is frightened to pieces about a next step. You guys might be thinking nobody is asking her for any next step, but in her mind any of this represents something really too frightening for her to handle yet. This is a hunch. This is only a hunch.

For reals, I would suggest talking to one of her friends who is a girl. One who is thoughtful, who doesn’t have her own agenda in this story and who cares about this INFP. Tell her what is going on and that your friend is hurt. Let her talk to her friend . There might be nothing anyone can do but give this girl some patience since she is so scared. OR the INFP may get ready in her own way and be brave enough to let things happen with your friend after a while. She might be fighting her fears while this lie buys her some time. She obviously does care about your friend but is scared— which is pretty much what she said at the party. She might feel this lie keeps her safe for now and I really just think the fear factor is the highest factor in all of this.

One thing… many INFP girls feel that if someone likes you now they will still like you later or else that person isn’t “the one”. A lot of romantic fiction tells us this kind of trash, which is difficult for guy too being told that being persistent will always pay off. Anyway, good luck! Cheers to being a good friend.
Thank you so much for your insights!!💖 It's true that she's deathly scared and might not be ready to commit to my friend, but the other guy is real and they keep posting pics together a lot on social media. Which is very unlike her, too. But you may be right, I guess it's always better to give them time to reconciliate instead of forcing down on her. Thank you once again.
 
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