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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
*I must remind myself not to think too much*

But I cannot help thinking about it argh!

Actually, I've noticed that a number of my friends have pointed out that one of my guy best friends might like me as more than a friend. And I've pushed that aside for all these years either because I assumed they read too much into things or I never wanted to really face it.

However, the way he acted lately himself suddenly made me actually REALLY WONDER if he does harbor feelings for me. I once assumed that he would move on easily and not really get that attached to me because we've always been just friends (and my female best friend pointed out,' no he doesn't move on that easily -_- you should stop assuming things'), but I was surprised to be proven wrong.

Thus I spiral into my usual INFP analyzing.

I think to myself, okay what if I'm being delusional? What if I'm disrespecting him behind his back by questioning whether he does have feelings for me or not? He is my best friend, I shouldn't ask questions like that. Right? But then again I have pushed it aside for so long..why not face it now? Okay, why do I even care to know? Because he's my best friend. Ah, yes, Izzie, you might be disrespecting him. *Guilty*

I also think to myself, okay if one day he ever tells me he has feelings for me, what would I do?
What if I won't be able to give my heart to him, or it won't be the right time? What if he'll get really hurt? I don't want to hurt him. He is one of the few people in my life that if I ever hurt him, I would end up crushing myself 100x worse. (I cannot help it that I have a few select most important people in my life) What am I supposed to do? If out of fear of hurting him, I say yes, but what if it would just deceive him and myself? If I say no, what things get awkward between us? How do I let him know I will always care about him no matter what and I hate the thought of losing him?

Him and the world must understand that all my life I've had MORE THAN TWENTY (COUNTLESS) GREAT FRIENDSHIPS, but the few true friendships I've attained later in life are PRECIOUS TO ME. Plus, I am 100% sure (YES A HUNDRED PER CENT) that these few friends are my absolute truest friends, and they are completely sincere to me (I never question their friendships, not even a bit even though I question a lot of things in my life) I cannot bear to inflict any kind of hurt to him being one of them. I cannot even bear the thought of it.

On the other hand, what if I will get tempted? What if just because he makes me feel so safe and secure, that I would actually give it a chance? But then again, isn't that bad, giving in just because he makes me feel so safe? I don't want to take advantage of him. I admit that in the past I pretended to connect with some guys only for the sake of comfort (my bad!) but he is not one that I want to put that kind of thing through with. But then again, what if I'm missing out on something?

Oh, Izzie, shouldn't you follow your heart and intuition, especially if you don't feel the same?...But then again, self, what if he'll make me feel so safe and warm when I need it?... Argh *beats self up*

Sorry it's not often that I make too many grammatical mistakes.
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